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The works of D. Baumrind were of fundamental importance for identifying types of family education. The criteria for such identification are the nature of the emotional attitude towards the child and the type of parental control. The classification of parenting styles included four styles: authoritative, authoritarian, liberal, indifferent.

Authoritative style characterized by warm emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control with recognition and encouragement of the development of his autonomy. Authoritative parents implement a democratic style of communication and are ready to change the system of requirements and rules, taking into account the growing competence of their children. Authoritarian style characterized by rejection or a low level of emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control. The communication style of authoritarian parents is command-directive, like a dictate; the system of demands, prohibitions and rules is rigid and unchanging. Features liberal style education are warm emotional acceptance and a low level of control in the form of permissiveness and forgiveness. With this style of parenting, there are practically no requirements and rules, and the level of leadership is insufficient.

Indifferent style is determined by the low involvement of parents in the upbringing process, emotional coldness and distance towards the child, a low level of control in the form of ignoring the interests and needs of the child, and lack of protection.

A longitudinal study conducted by Baumrind was aimed at studying the influence of the type of family upbringing on the development of a child’s personality.

The role of these parenting styles - authoritative, authoritarian, liberal and indifferent - in the formation of children's personal characteristics has become the subject of special study. The parameters for assessing a child’s personal qualities, depending, in the author’s opinion, on the style of parental education, were named: the child’s hostility/goodwill attitude towards the world; resistance, social negativism / cooperation; dominance in communication / compliance, willingness to compromise; dominance/submission and dependence; goal-directedness/impulsivity, field behavior; focus on achievement, high level of aspirations/refusal of achievements, low level of aspirations; independence, * autonomy / dependence (emotional, behavioral, value). The parenting style was identified in approximately 80% of cases.

Authoritarian parents adhere to the traditional canon in their upbringing: authority, power of parents, unconditional obedience of children. As a rule, there is a low level of verbal communication, widespread use of punishment (by both father and mother), rigidity and severity of prohibitions and demands. In authoritarian families, the formation of dependence, inability to lead, lack of initiative, passivity, field behavior, low degree of social and communicative competence, low level of social responsibility with a moral orientation towards external authority and power were observed. Boys often demonstrated aggressiveness and a low level of volitional and voluntary regulation.

Authoritative parents have extensive life experience and are responsible for raising a child. Show readiness to understand and take into account the opinions of children. Communication with children is built on the basis of democratic principles, autonomy and independence of children is encouraged. Physical punishment and verbal aggression are practically not used, and the main method of influencing the child is logical argumentation and justification. Obedience is not declared and is not a real value of education. There are high levels of expectations, requirements and standards while children are encouraged to become independent. The result of authoritative parenting is the formation in the child of high self-esteem and self-acceptance, focus, will, self-control, self-regulation, and readiness to comply with social rules and standards. A risk factor with authoritative parenting may be too high achievement motivation, exceeding the child’s real capabilities. In unfavorable cases, this leads to an increased risk of neuroticism. Moreover, boys turn out to be more vulnerable than girls, since the level of requirements and expectations towards them is higher. Children of authoritative parents are characterized by a high degree of responsibility, competence, friendliness, good adaptability, and self-confidence.

Liberal parents deliberately put themselves on the same level as their children. The child is given complete freedom: he must come to everything on his own, based on his own experience. There are no rules, prohibitions, or regulation of behavior. There is no real help and support from parents. The level of expectations regarding the child’s achievements in the family is not declared. Infantility, high anxiety, lack of independence, fear of real activity and achievements are formed. There is either avoidance of responsibility or impulsiveness.

An indifferent style of parenting that demonstrates ignorance and neglect of the child has a particularly adverse effect on the development of children, provoking a wide range of disorders from delinquent behavior, impulsivity and aggression to dependence, self-doubt, anxiety and fears.

The study showed that the style of parental behavior in itself does not unambiguously predetermine the formation of certain personal characteristics. An important role is played by the experiences of the child himself, the characteristics of his temperament, and the correspondence of the type of family upbringing to the individual qualities of the child. The older he is, the more the influence of the type of family upbringing is determined by his own activity and personal position.

According to data obtained from a North American sample (USA), the distribution of parents according to the family parenting styles identified by Baumrind is as follows: 40-50% of parents implement an authoritarian or close to authoritarian parenting style; 30-40% - democratic and about 20% - permissive or permissive style. An integrative characteristic of the educational system is the type of family education. The classification criteria for types of family upbringing and typology are presented in the works of L.E. Lichko, E.G. Eidemillerai V. Justickis, Isaeva, A.Ya: Vargi, A.I. Zakharova and others.

A harmonious type of family education is different:

*mutual emotional acceptance, empathy, emotional support;

*high level of satisfaction of the needs of all family members, including children;

* recognition of the child’s right to choose an independent path of development, encouraging the child’s autonomy;

* relations of mutual respect, equality in decision-making in problem situations;

*recognition of the intrinsic value of the child’s personality and rejection of manipulative parenting strategies;

* justified by the age and individual personality characteristics of the child, a reasonable and adequate system of requirements imposed on him;

*systematic control with the gradual transfer of control functions to the child, the transition to his self-control;

*reasonable and adequate system of sanctions and rewards;

* stability, consistency of upbringing while preserving the right of each parent to their own concept of upbringing and systematic changes in its system in accordance with the age of the child.

Age dynamics in the development of parent-child relationships. Peculiarities of perception of maternal and paternal parental positions The results obtained were analyzed according to the main parameters characterizing the characteristics of the parental position: positive interest, directiveness, hostility, autonomy and inconsistency. A fairly high (12-15 years old) and satisfactory (in the group of 16-17 year old adolescents) level of emotional acceptance and interest on the part of fathers was found.

A somewhat different picture is observed in the adolescent-mother dyad. In almost all age groups, we observed a decrease in the level of positive interest and acceptance on the part of the mother compared to normative values. Teenagers' experience of a lack of warmth and attention was especially pronounced in the group of 14-15 year olds. These indicators cannot but cause concern, since it is the maternal role that is traditionally associated with ensuring that the child experiences unconditional love and acceptance, a sense of security and trust in the world [Fromm, 1990; Adler, 1990; Lampert, 1997]. Our data are in good agreement with the previously identified tendency in a number of studies to increase the level of negative feelings towards parents in early or middle adolescence, most clearly manifested in the relationship between daughter and mother.

Age dynamics in general are determined by a decrease in the directiveness of the father's educational style, his participation in the control and management of the teenager's behavior. In a significant number of cases, the father is more of a distant figure than a real participant in the educational process in the family.

The level of mother's directiveness remains practically unchanged in all age groups and thus comes into conflict with the normative age-related dynamics of its change, which suggests a consistent decline with age.

A significant excess in the level of directiveness of the mother compared to the father in the perception of adolescents indicates the leading role and leadership of the mother in the educational process, her main managing and regulating function in the modern Russian family.

Adolescents perceive their parents’ attitude toward them as hostile or ambivalent, suspicious, with attitudes toward blame and blame. In combination with indicators of positive interest of parents, the data obtained can be interpreted as an acute experience by adolescents of a lack of warmth and love on the part of the mother and ambivalence, misunderstanding and detachment on the part of the father.

Such an image of parental attitudes can be determined by at least three circumstances. Firstly, the objectively established emotionally negative relationship between parents and adolescents; secondly, the increased sensitivity of adolescents to the emotional attitude of their parents, due to an anxious type of attachment; and thirdly, a deficit in personality-oriented affective-positive communication between adolescents and parents.

The results of the study reveal that the father's autonomy is excessively high compared to normative values. In combination with insufficient directiveness, high autonomy indicates the father’s detachment from the process of raising children. Fatherly love, which combines the presentation of social models of desired behavior and exactingness, willingness to provide the necessary help and support, and the offer of forms of cooperation that embody models of responsibility, determination and justice, is, according to a number of researchers, a decisive condition for the formation of a socially mature personality [Adler , 1990; Fromm, 1990; Maccoby, 1980; Siegal, 1987]. The father's educational position, characterized by excessive autonomy, on the contrary, is a risk factor in solving the most important tasks of adolescence - the formation of gender-role identity, independence and responsibility of the individual. Our data allows us to speak about a tendency for the father’s autonomy to increase in his relationship with his child in late adolescence.

Our data suggest that, from the adolescents' perspective, parents demonstrate high levels of inconsistency in their behavior and educational influences. This is especially clear in relation to the mother.

Quite often, people with children turn to psychologists for help. Moms and dads ask experts why their beloved children might have developed undesirable qualities and bad behavior. Education plays the most important role in the formation of personality. Their future life depends on his style and the type chosen by his parents. What methods and forms of education are used? This question is worth understanding, because the answer to it will be useful for all parents to know.

What is parenting and what styles exist?

The word “education” appeared in people’s speech a very long time ago. Evidence of this is provided by Slavic texts dating back to 1056. It was in them that the concept in question was first discovered. In those days, the word “education” was given meanings such as “to nurture”, “to feed”, and a little later it began to be used in the meaning of “to instruct”.

Subsequently, this concept was given many different interpretations by various specialists. If we analyze them, we can say that education is:

• the formation of a personality who will be useful to society and who will be able to live in it, will not avoid other people, will not withdraw into himself;
• interaction between educators and students;
• learning process.

Parents, raising their children, often do not think about organizing this process. They act as their intuition and life experience suggest. Simply put, moms and dads raise their sons and daughters the way they do best. Thus, each family adheres to a certain parenting style. By this term, experts understand the characteristic patterns of relationships between parents and their children.

There are many classifications of parenting styles. One of them was proposed by Diana Baumrind. This American psychologist identified the following parenting styles in the family:

• authoritarian;
• authoritative;
• liberal.

Later this classification was expanded. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin identified another style. It was called indifferent. Some sources use terms such as “hypoprotection” and “indifferent style” to refer to this model. Parenting styles and the characteristics of each of them are discussed in detail below.

Authoritarian style of family education

Some parents keep their children strict and use harsh methods and forms of education. They give their children instructions and expect them to be followed. Such families have strict rules and requirements. Children must do everything and not argue. In case of misconduct, incorrect behavior, or whims, parents punish their children, do not take their opinions into account, and do not ask for any explanations. This style of family education is called authoritarian.

In this model, children's independence is very limited. Parents who adhere to this parenting style think that their child will grow up obedient, dutiful, responsible and serious. However, the final result is completely unexpected for moms and dads:

1. Children who are active and strong in character begin to express themselves, as a rule, in adolescence. They rebel, show aggression, quarrel with their parents, dream of freedom and independence, and that is why they often run away from their parents’ home.
2. Children who are insecure obey their parents, are afraid of them, and are afraid of punishment. In the future, such people turn out to be dependent, timid, withdrawn and gloomy.
3. Some children, growing up, follow the example of their parents - they create families similar to those in which they themselves grew up, keeping both wives and children in strictness.

Authoritative style in family education

Experts in some sources designate this model with the terms “democratic style of education”, “cooperation”, since it is the most favorable for the formation of a harmonious personality. This parenting style is based on warm relationships and a fairly high level of control. Parents are always open to communication and strive to discuss and solve all problems that arise with their children. Moms and dads encourage their sons and daughters to be independent, but in some cases they can point out what needs to be done. Children listen to their elders and know the word “should”.

Thanks to an authoritative parenting style, children become socially adapted. They are not afraid to communicate with other people and know how to find a common language. An authoritative parenting style allows you to raise independent and self-confident individuals with high self-esteem and the ability to exercise self-control.

The authoritative style is the ideal parenting model. However, exclusive adherence to it is still undesirable. For a child at an early age, authoritarianism coming from parents is necessary and useful. For example, mothers and fathers should point out to the child incorrect behavior and demand that he comply with any social norms and rules.

Liberal model of relations

Liberal upbringing is observed in those families where parents are very lenient. They communicate with their children, allow them absolutely everything, do not set any prohibitions, and strive to demonstrate unconditional love for their sons and daughters.

Children raised in families with a liberal model of relationships have the following features:

• are often aggressive and impulsive;
• strive not to deny themselves anything;
• love to show off;
• do not like physical and mental work;
• demonstrate self-confidence bordering on rudeness;
• conflict with other people who do not indulge them.

Very often, the inability of parents to control their child leads to the fact that he ends up in antisocial groups. Sometimes a liberal parenting style leads to good results. Some children, who know freedom and independence from childhood, grow up to be active, determined and creative people (what kind of person a particular child will become depends on the characteristics of his character inherent in nature).

Indifferent style of raising a child in the family

This model highlights such parties as indifferent parents and embittered children. Moms and dads do not pay attention to their sons and daughters, treat them coldly, do not show care, affection and love, and are busy only with their own problems. Children are not limited by anything. They know no prohibitions. Such concepts as “goodness” and “compassion” are not instilled in them, so children do not show sympathy either for animals or for other people.

Some parents not only show their indifference, but also their hostility. Children in such families feel unwanted. They are observed with destructive impulses.

Classification of types of family education according to Eidemiller and Yustiskis

The type of family upbringing plays an important role in the development of personality. This is a characteristic of parents’ value orientations and attitudes and emotional attitude towards the child. E. G. Eidemiller and V. V. Justiskis created a classification of relationships in which they identified several main types that characterize the upbringing of boys and girls:

1. Pandering hyperprotection. All the family's attention is directed to the child. Parents strive to satisfy all his needs and whims as much as possible, fulfill his desires and make his dreams come true.
2. Dominant hyperprotection. The child is the center of attention. His parents constantly monitor him. The child’s independence is limited, because mom and dad periodically impose some prohibitions and restrictions on him.
3. Cruel treatment. There are a huge number of demands in the family. The child must follow them unquestioningly. Disobedience, whims, refusals and bad behavior are followed by severe punishments.
4. Neglect. With this type of family education, the child is left to his own devices. Mom and dad do not care about him, are not interested in him, do not control his actions.
5. Increased moral responsibility. Parents do not pay much attention to the child. However, they place high moral demands on him.
6. Emotional rejection. can be carried out according to the “Cinderella” type. Parents are hostile and unkind towards the child. They do not give affection, love and warmth. At the same time, they are very picky about their child, demanding that he maintain order and obey family traditions.

Classification of types of education according to Garbuzov

V.I. Garbuzov noted the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of the child’s character traits. At the same time, the specialist identified 3 types of raising children in a family:

1. Type A. Parents are not interested in the individual characteristics of the child. They do not take them into account and do not strive to develop them. The upbringing of this type is characterized by strict control, imposing on the child the only correct behavior.
2. Type B. This type of upbringing is characterized by an anxious and suspicious concept of parents about the state of the child’s health and social status, and the expectation of success in school and future work.
3. Type B. Parents and all relatives pay attention to the child. He is the idol of the family. All his needs and desires are satisfied sometimes to the detriment of family members and other people.

Clémence's study

Swiss researchers under the leadership of A. Clémence identified the following styles of raising children in the family:

1. Directive. In this family style, all decisions are made by the parents. The child’s task is to accept them and fulfill all requirements.
2. Participative. A child can independently decide something about himself. However, there are several general rules in the family. The child is obliged to fulfill them. Otherwise, parents use punishment.
3. Delegating. The child makes his own decisions. Parents do not impose their points of view on him. They don't pay him much attention until his behavior causes serious problems.

Disharmonious and harmonious education

All considered family upbringing styles and types can be combined into 2 groups: disharmonious and harmonious upbringing. Each group has some characteristics, which are indicated in the table below.

Why do some families experience disharmonious upbringing?

Parents use inharmonious types and styles of parenting in the family. This happens for various reasons. These are life circumstances, character traits, unconscious problems of modern parents, and unmet needs. Among the main reasons for disharmonious upbringing are the following:

• projection onto the child of one’s own undesirable qualities;
• underdevelopment of parental feelings;
• educational uncertainty of parents;
• presence of fear of losing a child.

With the first reason, parents see in the child those qualities that they themselves have, but do not recognize them. For example, a child has a tendency towards laziness. Parents punish their child and treat him cruelly because of the presence of this personal quality. The struggle allows them to believe that they themselves do not have this deficiency.

The second reason mentioned above is observed in those people who did not experience parental warmth in childhood. They do not want to deal with their child, they try to spend less time with him and not communicate, so they use inharmonious styles of family child rearing. This reason is also observed in many young people who were not psychologically prepared for the appearance of a child in their lives.

Educational insecurity occurs, as a rule, in weak individuals. Parents with such a deficiency do not make special demands on the child; they satisfy all his desires, since they cannot refuse him. The little family member finds a vulnerable spot in mom and dad and takes advantage of it, ensuring that he has maximum rights and minimum responsibilities.

If there is a phobia of loss, parents feel their child's defenselessness. It seems to them that he is fragile, weak, painful. They protect him. Because of this, such inharmonious styles of raising adolescents as pandering and dominant hyperprotection arise.

What is harmonious family upbringing?

With harmonious upbringing, parents accept the child for who he is. They do not try to correct his minor shortcomings, they do not impose any models of behavior on him. The family has a small number of rules and prohibitions, which absolutely everyone observes. The child’s needs are met within reasonable limits (without the needs of other family members being ignored or infringed upon).

With harmonious upbringing, the child independently chooses his own path of development. Mom and dad don’t force him to go to any creative clubs if he doesn’t want it himself. The child's independence is encouraged. If necessary, parents only give the necessary advice.

For harmonious upbringing, parents need to:

• always find time to communicate with your child;
• take an interest in his successes and failures, help him cope with some problems;
• do not put pressure on the child, do not impose your own points of view on him;
• treat the child as an equal member of the family;
• instill in the child such important qualities as kindness, empathy, respect for other people.

In conclusion, it is worth noting that it is very important to choose the right types and styles of parenting in the family. This determines what the child will become, what his future life will be like, whether he will communicate with the people around him, and whether he will become withdrawn and unsociable. At the same time, parents must remember that the key to effective upbringing is love for the little family member, interest in him, and a friendly, conflict-free atmosphere in the home.

In psychology, close attention is paid to the problem of marital and parent-child relationships. Issues of family education are considered by teachers, sociologists, psychologists, psychotherapists (A.Ya. Varga, T.V. Arkhireeva, A.I. Zakharov, A.V. Petrovsky, E.G. Eidemiller, etc.). At the same time, various areas of child-parent relations are touched upon: features of raising a child and the attitude of parents towards him, characteristic features of the child’s personality as a result of family influences, personality features of parents, the nature of marital relationships, etc. One of the most common problems faced by psychologists is the problem of disruption of intrafamily relationships - an unfavorable style of upbringing and treatment of a child, which has serious consequences for the mental development of the child, the formation of his character and personality.

Preschool age is characterized by a child’s close emotional attachment to his parents (especially his mother), not in the form of dependence on them, but in the form of a need for love, respect, recognition, which are basic:

• 1. The need for love, goodwill and warmth of feelings, also called the need for emotional contact. The child should feel the parents' interest in all his words and actions. For their part, children show great interest in the lives of their parents.
• 2. The need for respect. A child feels bad if he is treated dismissively and frivolously, if he is humiliated, criticized and constantly lectured. From constant criticism, he will tend to feel inferior.
• 3. The need for self-affirmation as an individual who develops and realizes her individual abilities

At this age, the child cannot yet navigate well the intricacies of interpersonal communication, is not able to understand the causes of conflicts between parents, and does not have the means to express his own feelings and experiences. Therefore, firstly, very often quarrels between parents are perceived by the child as an alarming event, a situation of danger (due to emotional contact with the mother), and secondly, he is inclined to feel guilty for the conflict that has arisen, the misfortune that has occurred, since he cannot understand the true reasons what is happening and explains everything by saying that he is bad, does not live up to his parents’ hopes and is not worthy of their love. Thus, frequent conflicts and loud quarrels between parents cause children a constant feeling of anxiety, self-doubt, emotional stress and can become a source of their mental illness.

The mental health or ill health of a child is also inextricably linked with the style of parenting and depends on the nature of the relationship between parents and children. Each family objectively develops a certain, far from always conscious, system of upbringing, which includes an understanding of the goals of upbringing and the formulation of its tasks, a more or less targeted application of methods and techniques of upbringing, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child.

Three criteria for assessing parental positions can be distinguished: adequacy, dynamism and predictability.

Adequacy characterizes the parents’ orientation in the individual psychological characteristics of the child, his age traits, as well as the degree of awareness of these characteristics.

Dynamism is determined by the degree of mobility of parental positions, the variability of forms and methods of communication and interaction with the child (the perception of the child as an individual, the degree of flexibility of communication with the child in various situations, the variability of forms and methods of influence on the child depending on age).

Predictiveness reflects the ability of parents to foresee the prospects for the child's development and to restructure their interaction with the child.

In the study by E.O. Smirnova and E.T. Sokolova identified the main styles of parent-child relationships based on an analysis of the interaction between mother and child when jointly solving problems: cooperation, pseudo-cooperation, isolation, competition.

Cooperation presupposes a type of relationship in which the child’s needs are taken into account and he is given the right to “autonomy.” Help is provided in difficult situations that require the participation of an adult. Options for solving a particular problem situation that has arisen in the family are discussed together with the child, and his opinion is taken into account.

Pseudo-cooperation can be carried out in different ways, such as adult dominance, child dominance. Pseudo-collaboration is characterized by formal interaction accompanied by overt flattery. Pseudo-joint decisions are achieved through the hasty consent of one of the partners, who is afraid of the possible aggression of the other.

In isolation, there is a complete absence of cooperation and unification of efforts, each other’s initiatives are rejected and ignored, the participants in the interaction do not hear or feel each other.

The competitive style is characterized by competition while defending one's own initiative and suppressing the partner's initiative.

E.T. Sokolova emphasizes that only with cooperation, when both the adult’s and the child’s proposals are accepted when developing a joint decision, is there no ignoring of the partner. Therefore, this type of interaction encourages the child to be creative, forms a readiness for mutual acceptance, and gives a feeling of psychological safety.

One of the main issues when considering parent-child relationships in the family is the concept of “role”. The role of a child in the system of family relations can be different. Its content is determined mainly by the need of the parents that the child satisfies, namely: the child can be compensation for unsatisfactory marital relations. In this case, the child acts as a means through which one of the parents can strengthen their position in the family. If this need for compensation and strengthening of the position is satisfied, then the child takes the place of the idol.

A child can be a sign of a family's social status, symbolizing its social well-being. In this case, the child plays the role of an object for social presentation; a child can be an element that binds a family, preventing it from collapsing. In this case, a large psychological burden falls on the child, causing emotional stress. He begins to believe that it is his behavior that is the reason for his parents’ divorce, if such an event actually happens.

The child’s position in the family can also be characterized by the role that he is “prescribed to play” by his parents in intrafamily relationships. The formation of a child’s character largely depends on the character, place and functional content of the role. In this regard, the following roles can be distinguished.

“Idol” (“mother’s treasure”, “father’s treasure”). Distinctive features: egocentrism, infantilism, dependence, superiority complex. In the future, such a child may exhibit aggressive behavior as a result of the fact that he does not understand why the world does not accept him as his own family does.

"Scapegoat". The child is used by family members to release negative emotions. Such a child initially develops an inferiority complex, combined with a feeling of hatred for the world, and the personality of a tyrant and aggressor develops.

"Delegate". Through this child, the family contacts the outside world, presenting itself to society as a successful social group. Parents often expect such a child to fulfill their unfulfilled hopes. This role contributes to the formation of the character traits of a classic psychasthenic (excessive responsibility, constant anxiety about possible mistakes, etc.).

A. Baldwin identified two styles of parenting - democratic and controlling. Parenting style refers not only to a certain parenting strategy, but also to the inclusion of children in the discussion of family problems, the success of the child when parents are always ready to help, and the desire to reduce subjectivity in the child’s vision.

Controlling involves significant restrictions on the child’s behavior in the absence of disagreements between parents and children regarding disciplinary measures, and a clear understanding by the child of the meaning of the restrictions. Parents' demands can be quite stringent; they are presented to the child constantly, consistently and are recognized by the child as fair and reasonable.

Democratic, based on the child’s needs for positive emotions and a claim for recognition; with goodwill and love for the child, parents use methods of suggestion and persuasion. This style of influence is the most effective for education.

A.V. Petrovsky identifies 5 tactics of upbringing in the family and 5 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, confrontation, peaceful coexistence, cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults) and the initiative and self-esteem of other family members. Parents can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable personality traits are broken along with it: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one’s capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematic deprivation of his right to vote in resolving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the upbringing of his personality.

Family care is a system of relationships in which parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. At the center of educational influences is the problem of meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be the most unadapted to life in a group. This category of children has the greatest number of breakdowns during adolescence, beginning to rebel against excessive parental care. If dictatorship implies violence, order, strict authoritarianism, then guardianship implies care, protection from difficulties. However, the result is largely the same: children lack independence, initiative, they are one way or another removed from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

Confrontation. Relations in this family are hostile, irritation accumulates, mutual grievances grow, constant confrontation forces the parties to notice and exaggerate each other’s weaknesses. There is gloating over failures and troubles that befall another family member.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “peaceful coexistence.” It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of family relationships presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family where the leading type of relationship is cooperation acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development.

Classification of family education styles by T.V. Arkhireeva’s personality consists of acceptance and love, inconsistency, inconsistency, and over-demandingness.

Acceptance and love. Parents in such families love their child, when communicating with him, as a rule, they use democratic methods of influence (explanation, conversation, request), control him to the extent, and show strictness in certain situations. The system of requirements is built taking into account the interests of the child. Close, trusting relationships are established between such parents and children. There is a high level of cooperation in relationships, that is, equality and partnership between family members. This style of family education has a positive effect on the development of the child’s self-image and his attitude towards his parents.

Inconsistency. Family members use incompatible educational approaches and sometimes make conflicting demands on the child. One parent uses, for example, democratic methods of influence, while the other uses authoritarian ones. By focusing on someone else's system of demands, the child causes aggression towards himself on the part of the other parent.

Inconsistency. Parents are involved in raising a child from time to time, making a sharp change in style and methods of education, which represents a transition from very strict to liberal and then vice versa, as well as a transition from true attention to the child to emotional rejection. Parents' attitude towards their child often changes and is determined either by the child's behavior or their mood. As a result of this behavior of the parents, according to A.I. Zakharov, the child may develop hysterical neurosis.

The image of “I” is unstable, fickle, situational, since parents, as a rule, evaluate not the child’s actions, but the child himself. The self-image is subject to the situation in which the child is at the moment.

Over-demanding. Parents set high levels of achievement for their child in various areas of life and have high hopes for their child’s future, his abilities and talents. Parents love not so much the child himself as his compliance with the ideal image of the child that they imagine. The child often cannot meet high demands and feels incapable of anything. Such children often talk about their shortcomings and believe that they will not be able to achieve anything in life; they assume in advance that they will not be able to cope with the upcoming difficulties. This leads to low self-esteem.

Of particular interest are the study and classification of “wrong” parenting styles that lead to various neuroses. Inadequate types of family relationships are characterized by a number of distinctive features:

• 1. Low level of cohesion between parents and the presence of disagreements in the family on issues of raising a child, a high degree of inconsistency and inconsistency in relationships with children.
• 2. Pronounced guardianship and restriction in various spheres of children’s life - at school, at home, in relationships with peers.
• 3. Increased stimulation of children's capabilities, accompanied by an inflated level of demands on the child, frequent use of condemnation, reprimands and threats.

Improper upbringing can be considered as a factor that increases potential characterological disorders of the child. Noting the influence of educational influences on the characterological characteristics of the child, three types of improper upbringing are distinguished.

Type A parenting (rejection, emotional rejection) is rejection of the child’s individual characteristics, combined with strict control, with the imperative imposition of the only correct type of behavior on him. Type A parenting can be combined with a lack of control and complete connivance.

Type B (hypersocializing) upbringing is expressed in the parents’ anxious and suspicious concept of the child’s health, his social status among friends, and especially at school, and the expectation of academic success and future professional activity.

Type C parenting (egocentric) - cultivating the attention of all family members on the child (family idol), sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.

Of particular interest are works in which upbringing and parent-child relationships are in one way or another connected with the analysis of family structure. Let us turn to the research of E. Harutyunyants, in her opinion, in a traditional family respect for the authority of elders is brought up; pedagogical influence is carried out from top to bottom. The main requirement is submission. The result of a child’s socialization in such a family is the ability to easily fit into a “vertically organized” social structure. Children from these families easily learn traditional norms, but have difficulty creating their own families. They are not proactive, not flexible in communication, and act based on their idea of ​​what should be done.

The question of the influence of the style of parent-child relationships among gifted children has been more studied. There are various bases for classifying the relationship between parents and children. With regard to the relationship styles characteristic of families raising gifted children, two areas of research have been identified. In one case, the style of presenting demands to children is considered: imperative and instructive (R. Hess, V. Shipman). Scientists are unanimous that styles based on strict control, forceful pressure and other forms of direct authoritarian intervention do not provide opportunities for the development of a gifted personality.

For the imperative style, unambiguous commands are typical, such as: “Do as I say,” “Sit still,” etc. Parents expect the child to unquestioningly follow their instructions. Their relationship is based on the authority of the adult, and not on the cooperation and respect of the child.

The imperative style develops passive compliance in the child along with dependence and conformity. It produces the desired behavior for a time, but causes passive resistance. The child listens to commands, but carries them out reluctantly and slowly. Children do not enter into open conflict, but they delay the execution of the action and try to find any excuses.

The instructive style contains more information and the requirements are justified. Parents talk with the child “as equals” and prove that their demands are natural and reasonable. They see the child as an equal partner. In contrast to the imperative, the instructive style fosters initiative and firmness. This is the style characteristic of most parents whose children have been recognized as mentally gifted. It encourages children to independently search and make decisions, gives them the opportunity to choose and be creative.

Thus, in the course of analyzing literary sources on this issue, we can identify the following ten “wrong” styles of family education: hypoprotection, dominant hyperprotection, pandering hyperprotection, pandering hypoprotection, education in the cult of illness, emotional rejection, cruel attitude, increased moral responsibility, contradictory education and upbringing outside the family.

Hypoprotection is characterized by a lack of guardianship and control, true interest and attention to the affairs of the child, and in its extreme form - neglect.

There is also hidden hypoprotection, when control over the life and behavior of a child is formal. Hidden hypoprotection is often combined with hidden emotional rejection.

Conniving hypoprotection is characterized by a combination of a lack of parental supervision with an uncritical attitude towards violations in the child’s behavior.

Overprotection negatively affects the development of independence, initiative, sense of duty and responsibility of the child.

Dominant hyperprotection manifests itself in excessive guardianship, petty control, a system of continuous prohibitions and the inability for the child to ever make his own decisions. Excessive control reveals the desire of parents to protect children, monitor their attempts to do something in their own way, limit activity and independence, prescribe a course of action, scold them for the slightest mistakes, and resort to sanctions. This intensity of educational activities is perceived by the child as psychological pressure. An increased level of care is often associated with the parents' unfulfilled need for affection and love.

Indulging hyperprotection is an upbringing of the “child is the idol of the family” type. Characteristic features are excessive patronage, the desire to free the child from the slightest difficulties, to satisfy all his needs. This leads to an increase in egocentric tendencies in personality development, makes it difficult to assimilate moral norms, and prevents the development of purposefulness and arbitrariness.

With such a parental attitude, the child develops the following internal position: “I am needed and loved, and you exist for my sake.” The child controls his behavior based on the following ideas:

• 1. I am the center of the family, parents exist for my sake.
• 2. My wishes and aspirations are the most important, I must fulfill them at all costs.
• 3. People around me, even if they don’t say it, admire me.
• 4. People who don't see my superiority are just stupid, I don't want to deal with them.
• 5. If other people think and act differently than I do, they are wrong.

As a result of upbringing according to the type of indulgent hyperprotection, the child, on the one hand, has an unreasonably high level of aspirations, and on the other, insufficiently effective volitional regulation of his own behavior. Often these children face real problems in relationships with other people, since they expect from them the same adoration as from their parents.

The set of traits of competent parents corresponds to the presence of four dimensions in the parental relationship - control, demands for social maturity, communication and emotional support. At the same time, adequate control involves a combination of emotional acceptance with a high volume of requirements, their clarity, consistency and consistency in their presentation to the child.

Maccoby has included the following components in parental controls:

• 1. Restrictiveness - setting boundaries for children's activity.
• 2. Demandingness - expecting a high level of responsibility in children.
• 3. Strictness - forcing children to do something.
• 4. Obsessiveness - influence on children's plans and relationships.
• 5. Arbitrary manifestation of power.

A moderate type of control combines both the firmness of parents, which does not develop into excessive adherence to principles and persistence, and a certain situational compliance in relation to the desires and demands of children.

Excessive control is manifested in the parent's desire to monitor every step of the child. It often extends to the emotional and motor activity of children, to spontaneity in expressing feelings, preparing lessons and “free” time, which in this case is significantly reduced.

Often control is in the nature of total, directly or indirectly implied prohibitions, when it is prohibited to do something or even express one’s desires without permission. Especially many prohibitions are imposed if children “do not suit” adults with their temperament or character. An abundance of control is characteristic of dominant hyperprotection, in which intense attention and care are combined with an abundance of restrictions and prohibitions.

Excessive control often takes on the form of authoritarianism. It can be indicated as follows: “Do it because I said”, “Don’t do it...”. According to A.I. Zakharov, dominance in relations with children leads to unconditional recognition by adults of the truth of any of their points of view, categorical judgments, an orderly, commanding tone, the imposition of opinions and ready-made solutions, the desire for strict discipline and limitation of independence, the use of coercion, physical punishments. The features of authoritarian parenting are manifested in distrust of children, their capabilities, as well as in authority in relationships with children. The credo of such parents is “I will not rest until I make him do everything I want.”

Strict parents prescribe many prohibitions for their children, keep them under close supervision, and establish certain standards of behavior that children must follow. Strict parents may have contradictions in the system of requirements and prohibitions.

Shoben found that children with problem behavior have parents who enforce strict discipline and require obedience from children. Watson studied children who had loving but strict parents and compared them with another group of children whose parents were loving and allowed them a lot. He showed that giving a child more freedom is positively correlated with children's initiative and independence, their friendliness towards people, better socialization and cooperation, and a high level of spontaneity, originality and creativity. Radke's research has shown that preschoolers from families with a restrictive, authoritarian parenting style are less lively, more passive and inconspicuous, and less popular among their peers. In addition, an aggressive, coercive parenting style is associated with low social competence and peer rejection. Verbal and physical punishment provoke aggressive behavior in children, which can cause rejection by peers. Children of authoritarian parents tend to adopt an authoritarian communication style and reproduce it in their own families. In the future, such children are prone to establishing a large social distance with people, forming role rather than interpersonal relationships.

Education in the cult of illness is specific to a family where the child has suffered or is suffering from somatic chronic diseases or physical defects for a long time. The child’s illness acts as the semantic center of the family’s life, its worries and troubles. This style of education contributes to the development of egocentrism and an inflated level of aspirations.

Emotional rejection has a particularly difficult impact on a child’s personality development. The picture gets worse when other children in the family are accepted by their parents (the so-called Cinderella situation). Hidden emotional rejection is when parents refuse to admit to themselves the actual emotional rejection of their child. Often, hidden emotional rejection through the mechanism of overcompensation is combined with emphasized care and exaggerated attention of parents to the child, which, however, are formal in nature.

Abuse is usually combined with emotional rejection. Cruel attitudes can manifest themselves in open form (severe punishment for minor offenses or disobedience), or in hidden form, such as mental indifference, callousness and evil in relation to the child. All this in most cases results in the child’s aggressiveness and personality disorder.

Increased moral responsibility as a parenting style is characterized by an increase in the level of parental expectations regarding the future, success, abilities and talents of the child. This may involve assigning overwhelming and age-inappropriate responsibilities to a child as one of the adult family members (for example, caring for younger children) or expecting the child to fulfill their unfulfilled desires and aspirations. The predominance of the rational aspect in upbringing is excessive moralizing and demandingness, formality in the approach to the child, which largely leads to asexual upbringing and emotional flattening of the child, his inability to fit into an emotionally charged, ambivalent situation.

Contradictory upbringing is a combination of different styles in one family, often incompatible and inadequate, which manifests itself in open conflicts, competition and confrontation among family members. The result of such upbringing can be high anxiety, uncertainty, low unstable self-esteem of the child. The inconsistency of upbringing contributes to the development of internal conflict in the child. No less difficult for a child are manifestations of inconsistency in relationships with the child, associated with parents’ misunderstanding of their own parental position and unreasonable changes in prohibitive and permissive approaches to education. Often, inconsistency in raising a child is due to the fact that parents love a certain model of an ideal child, and a real one only when he meets expectations.

Parenting outside the family is an extreme parenting style. This refers to upbringing in a children's institution, which combines the features of the parenting styles described above.

The following six types have the most important practical significance when organizing work with parents: pandering hyperprotection, emotional rejection, dominant hyperprotection, increased moral responsibility, neglect, abuse.

Interesting, according to N.A. Rozhdestvenskaya presents the view of the American psychoanalyst J. Bowlby on the characteristic features of pathogenic parental behavior. He believes that the most painful situations for a child are the following: when parents do not satisfy the child’s needs for love and completely reject him; when a child is a means of resolving conflicts between spouses in the family; when parents use the threat of “stop loving” the child or leaving the family as a disciplinary measure; when parents openly or indirectly tell their child that he is the cause of their troubles; when there is no person around the child who can understand the child’s experiences.

In addition to the type of parental attitude and parenting style, the formation of a child’s personality in the family is largely determined by parental directives. They can be the source of many of the child's emotional problems, both in the present and in the future. The directive as indirect parental learning (programming) was first described by American transactional analysts Robert and Mary Goulding.

A directive is understood as a hidden, indirect order, not explicitly formulated in words or indicated by the actions of a parent, for failure to comply with which the child will not be punished explicitly, but will be punished indirectly (by feeling guilty before the parents). At the same time, the child cannot realize the true reasons for his guilt; they are hidden. Only by following directives does the child feel “good.”

The harmonious development of a child’s personality is associated not only with the presence and active activity of parents, but also with the consistency of their educational actions. In addition, when there are disagreements in educational methods, children's anxiety, fears and even neurotic symptoms appear, which are signs of the child’s emotional distress.

Raising a child is not such a simple task as it might seem at first glance. There are different types and how to understand them? What methods of family education should I choose? Let's look for answers together.

Family education and family pedagogy, depending on how parents perceive and control the child on an emotional level, distinguish the following styles of influence:

• authoritative,
• authoritarian,
• liberal,
• indifferent.

Authoritative and authoritative styles

With authoritative upbringing, the mother and father treat the children emotionally warmly, but control over them is quite high. Parents recognize and encourage the child’s independence in every possible way. This style is characterized by a willingness to revise the requirements and rules for him as the baby grows up.

The authoritarian style is expressed by a low level of emotional perception of children and a high level of control. Communication between such parents and their child is more reminiscent of a dictatorship, when all requests are made in the form of orders, and demands, prohibitions and rules do not change under any pretext.

Liberal and indifferent styles

In a family where children are warmly accepted emotionally, and control over them is at a low level (even to the point of forgiveness and permissiveness), a liberal parenting style reigns. There are practically no requirements or rules, and the level of management leaves much to be desired.

With an indifferent style, parents take very little part in upbringing, the child is perceived emotionally coldly, his needs and interests are simply ignored. There is practically no control on the part of the father and mother.

Of course, each of the described influence styles affects the child in a certain way. But the dominant role in the formation of personality is played by the types of family upbringing. Let's look at them in more detail.

Harmonious type

Types of family education of a child are divided into harmonious and disharmonious. The first one implies:

• mutual emotional support;
• maximum satisfaction of the needs of all family members, both adults and children;
• recognition of the fact that a child is an individual, and he can choose his own path of development;
• encouraging children's independence.

In addition, in difficult situations, mutual respect is shown and equal rights of parents and children in decision-making apply. The system of requirements for a child here is always justified by his age and individuality. Parental control is systematic; gradually the small family member gets used to self-control. Rewards and punishments are always deserved and reasonable. Parents have consistency and consistency in matters of upbringing, but at the same time, everyone retains the right to their own view of the situation. The mother or father can make changes in the education system according to the age of the children.

Disharmonious types of family education

They are very diverse, but there are common characteristics that correspond to varying degrees to each family in this category. First of all, disharmonious types of family upbringing are characterized by a low emotional level of acceptance of the child and even the possibility of emotional rejection. Of course, there is no reciprocity in such a relationship. Parents are practically divided and do not have a common opinion in matters of education. In relationships with children, they are often inconsistent and contradictory.

Disharmonious types of family upbringing are characterized by the fact that parents limit the child in various areas of life, often unjustifiably. Regarding the requirements, there can be two polar positions: either they are too high or practically absent. In the latter case, permissiveness reigns. Parental control is not where it is needed and is not enough. Punishments are undeserved and too frequent or, conversely, they are absent.

Disharmonious types of family education of a child are distinguished by the fact that in everyday communication with a daughter or son there is increased conflict. Children's needs are either under- or over-met. The most common types are:

Hypoprotection and hyperprotection

These are two polar options when care, attention, control, interest in the child and his needs are either not enough (hypoprotection) or too much (hyperprotection).

Controversial type

It assumes that parents have different views on education, which they put into practice. The impact on the child periodically changes depending on his age, but at the same time, educational strategies are mutually exclusive and incompatible.

Increased moral responsibility

High demands are placed on children, often inappropriate for their age and personality.

Hypersocializing parenting

In this case, the successes, achievements of the child, the attitude of peers towards him, the principle of duty, responsibility, and responsibilities come first. All this is done without taking into account the individual qualities and age of the children.

Cruel treatment

With this type of education, punishments are more severe than offenses, and there are no rewards.

Cult of disease

The child is treated as weak, sick, helpless, creating a special atmosphere around him. This leads to the development of selfishness and a sense of exclusivity.

In addition to styles and types, there are methods of family education. They will be discussed below.

Methods of influencing children

Types of family upbringing and family relationships presuppose the presence of the following methods of influence: love, trust, personal example, demonstration, discussion, empathy, assignment, control, personal elevation, humor, praise or encouragement, punishment, traditions, sympathy.

Parents raise their children not only with words and conviction, but, first of all, with personal example. Therefore, it is important to properly organize the personal and social behavior of the mother and father. Mom and dad will not have a positive influence on the child if they themselves do not strive to become better. Family education methods work only when parents engage in self-education.

Impact on young children

Family education of preschool children must be organized so that the requirements for the child are agreed upon between the parents. This will help children behave correctly and teach them to manage their emotions and actions. It is necessary to talk about the requirements to the child in the form of a wish, request or advice, since a commanding tone will cause a negative reaction.

In any team, traditions are a reflection of the nature of communication and the level of education. The same goes for family. Emerging customs and traditions have a beneficial effect on children. In addition, it brings parents and child together. In preparation for the holidays, children become familiar with the everyday side of life. They help clean and decorate the house, take part in cooking and setting the table, and prepare gifts and cards for relatives.

Main components of a family

Family education of preschoolers is not much different from education of children of other ages. A family in which harmony reigns is protection and support for the child, thanks to this there is confidence and a feeling of need in this world, which gives rise to spiritual comfort. The emotional compatibility of all members creates the desired tone in communication, for example, this is manifested when a joke from a mother or father can prevent an impending conflict and defuse tension. This is where the development of a child’s sense of humor begins, which will allow him to be self-critical, be able to laugh at himself and his behavior, gain perseverance in life situations, and not be touchy and tearful.

Best Relationship Model

Family education and family pedagogy are aimed at creating conditions under which a child develops a model of relationships. According to it, he will build his entire life, start a family, raise children and grandchildren. What should this model be? Family education takes place in an atmosphere of goodwill, warmth, happiness and love, and the characteristics of children are necessarily taken into account. Parents strive to develop the child's abilities and best qualities, accepting him as he is. The requirements for children are based on mutual respect. Parenting is based on the positive qualities of the child, and not on the negative ones. Otherwise, the baby will acquire a bunch of complexes.

Finally

Thus, when thinking about the correctness of raising a child, first look at yourself from the outside. After all, children copy their parents. Strive to become better, and the child will begin to change too. Harmony to your family!