The child invented an invisible friend. The child has an imaginary friend

An imaginary friend, a creature that lives only in a child’s fantasy dreams, often takes parents by surprise with its appearance. Unexpectedly, adults find out that their child is talking to an invisible friend when there is no one to play with on the playground or during a long car ride. Contrary to the previously prevailing opinion that talking with an imaginary friend first is a sign of a violation in the normal development of the child’s psyche, the results of research by modern Western psychologists help frightened parents find the answer to the question: “What to do if a child has an illusory friend?”

Should you worry if your family is now living in an imaginary friends house?
Usually, an invisible friend appears in children in preschool age, but with the onset of adolescence, the child may completely forget about his previous games with an unusual friend. Memories of an imaginary friend may remain in the child’s memory, but if the parents were incorrect about the peculiarities of the development of the child’s psyche at this stage of personality formation, then this may leave a bitter mark on the teenager’s soul.

Researchers confirm: imaginary friend is harmless
According to American researchers, talking and playing with an imaginary friend does not mean at all that the child has ceased to distinguish the line between fiction and reality.
On the contrary, playing with an imaginary friend helps the child rethink the most significant events of his life, learn to make logical guesses and plan solutions to complex problems.
At the same time, the baby is passionate about the life of his invisible friend, just as adults worry about their favorite heroine of a book or movie, thinking about what we would do in her place.
Tension, fear in the parents’ voice, an aggressive reaction to the baby’s words that Murzik, an imaginary friend who came from nowhere, wants to drink milk, can only lead to unnecessary stress and panic for the child.

Children's stories about imaginary friends
Although a child from a large family may have an unusual friend, such invisible friends often appear very quickly in a child who grows up in a family without brothers and sisters. Communication with an imaginary friend helps the child play out new role-playing situations that he encounters in everyday life. To support the above, we offer several examples of how children talk about imaginary friends.

Six-year-old Kristina from Perm has an imaginary husband named Stas, who works in a dental clinic. Five-year-old Yaroslava has an imaginary friend Alisa, and a favorite furry pet, a black poodle.
Three-year-old Arina from Kislovodsk has an adult friend, Gana, who lives in a magical land where everyone speaks Ghanian. Gana sometimes becomes a girl and is friends with her other friends Shara, Bina and Mally. Sometimes friends quarrel among themselves. Arina often speaks Ghanaian herself and asks her parents to take her to visit Ghana. Four-year-old Sofia has a whole family of imaginary friends living in her head: an invisible friend and his family: parents and little brother. An imaginary friend actively influences the girl’s life; he goes with her everywhere and sees everything that she sees. Sometimes Sofia will come up with something, but she claims that her invisible friend came up with it. The girl had an invisible friend after her parents read her a fairy tale about the Moomins, where one of the heroes had invisible mice. This gave impetus to the little girl’s wild imagination, who is passionate about inventing her own adventures of her beloved imaginary friend.
Six-year-old Masha from St. Petersburg has a friend Marina, who often comes to visit her, jump on the bed and eat porridge together. The often imaginary Marina is, according to the child, the initiator of children's pranks and fun games.
Six-year-old Stas has an imaginary closet in which you can find everything: from a bicycle to new models of racing cars.
Little Ira and her brothers have many imaginary friends living on the planet Mash-Port, where everyone speaks an unknown language. There are many different peoples living on this planet. Guys often talk about traveling through alien mountains, rivers, seas and lakes. Among Ira’s earthly imaginary friends are hares, cats, bears and dinosaurs.
At the age of four, Alyosha had imaginary kittens in his house, which multiplied very quickly, at first there were two of them, then five, seven. The parents took their son’s invention calmly and played along with him, taking the invisible pets in their arms and stroking them.

Imaginary friends can be good or evil. For example, from the age of two, Alena had kind, invisible little mice who helped her put away her toys, and evil, naughty crocodiles pushed the girl to disobey and prevented her from writing beautifully in cursive.

Imaginary friends can also take on a completely material form. Proof of this can be stories similar to those that occur in the family of four-year-old Eva from St. Petersburg. The girl has children - beautiful glass balls, which she always carries with her and talks to them. And two old deflated balloons can also pass for imaginary friends. Eva calls such comrades “fatty people.” Communication with imaginary children helps the baby play the role of her mother, so she often scolds and educates her naughty round friends made of glass and rubber.

As a child, Christina had a children's toy phone, which helped her call a fairy tale and communicate with her favorite character from books. As a teenager, the girl’s wild imagination helped her survive attacks of social phobia, when in difficult situations she imagined a faithful friend walking next to her on the street and invisibly present with Christina everywhere.

An imaginary friend can be a cartoon character, for example, Elsa or Anna from Frozen, or Spiderman from the movie of the same name. Or a child may talk about an imaginary donkey that lives in the hallway, or about a predatory eagle that landed on his head while playing on the playground in kindergarten. In any case, children talking to invisible friends is not considered an aberration by medicine.

The animated film "Inside Out" is filled with emotional moments. There is a secret life in the head of young Riley, where the main characters are the emotions Fear, Anger, Joy or Sadness. They act out their act and fight for the title of the most important. There is also a fictional friend named Bingo Bongo. As soon as the girl moves to another city, she is completely immersed in her memories and loses an invisible connection with her friend. At the end of the story, the vision disappears. It seems that the creators of the film could not come up with a more heartbreaking death. However, until recently, the loss of an imaginary friend was not perceived by psychologists as mourning. On the contrary, many experts considered imaginary companions to be unhealthy.

Are visions a sign of loneliness?

For many decades, adults were suspicious and wary of the imaginary companions of young children. Such visions were attributed to isolated children, deprived of real friends. Modern pop culture, largely shaped by famous Hollywood films, even believes that a fictional character can cause real harm to a child, for example, by forcing him to do something daring or scary. A leading psychologist at the Knowledge Laboratory at the University of Alabama, Ansley Gilpin, spoke about a case where a father suspected his own daughter of schizophrenia. In fact, the child had an imaginary friend. Now, after the passage of time, this girl is alive and well, and no one else lives in her head.

The position of modern psychologists

Scientists are now confident that between the ages of 3 and 5, it is completely normal for children to have an imaginary friend. These babies do not need medical care or psychological rehabilitation. Children believe that adult life is too boring, and visions help them develop creativity. Some psychologists call this phenomenon Carlson syndrome. The last few decades have been devoted to an in-depth study of the problem. Several interesting episodes were documented, on the basis of which an optimistic conclusion was drawn. Such friendship can be considered one of the brightest and most delightful. Now, having an imaginary companion is not considered something abnormal or unusual, and living in a fantasy world itself helps kids develop valuable skills that will be useful in reality.

Parents have nothing to worry about

After conducting a number of tests, scientists assure that parents have nothing to worry about if they find out about their son or daughter’s imaginary friend. According to experts, this phenomenon is unusually common. Approximately 65 percent of children under age 7 have imaginary friends. If you yourself did not have such an experience as a child or have little memory of it, we hasten to assure you: children know very well that their friends are not real. Most researchers believe that imaginary characters are not an indicator of loneliness or deficits in social skills. Through fiction, children unleash their imagination.

What are the earliest stages of development of a fictional friendship?

In fact, the ability to create an imaginary friend may begin in very early infancy, at a time when children begin to learn to recognize the characteristics of those around them. If the mother usually raises her eyebrows and puffs out her cheeks to amuse the baby, this immediately finds a lively response in the response grimace. Yale University psychologist Dorothy Singer, who began studying the phenomenon of imaginary friends at the end of the twentieth century, talks about this: “Copying the facial expressions of adults is indeed a harbinger of some kind of pretend play, which shows that the child is inquisitive. He is ready to imitate the sounds and actions of those around him.” Subsequently, this skill is transformed into a more streamlined character that takes up residence in the child’s imagination.

It provides cognitive and emotional benefits

Another interesting finding based on earlier research is that imaginary friends may provide some cognitive and emotional benefits for babies. “In many ways, all babies are similar. But when we test children who form friendships with imaginary companions, we find clear benefits from these friendships. These children are more sociable, less shy, and they also have a level of social perception that is high beyond their years. They are better able to perceive another person's point of view in real life,” says Marjorie Taylor, a psychologist at the University of Oregon. Note that scientists have only identified a correlation; the reason for the improvement in cognitive skills remains a mystery. No one knows exactly when the listed skills are formed. Perhaps they were formed before the creation of an imaginary friendship or could become a consequence of it.

Sometimes this carries over into adulthood.

Although it is extremely rare, even mentally healthy adults can have imaginary friends. This process continues from childhood. As a person grows up, either his old friends walk side by side with him, or his imagination creates new, more mature characters. Surely, you will be interested to know that the Queen of detective stories, Agatha Christie, had imaginary friends throughout her adult life. The writer mentioned this in her autobiography, which she wrote at the age of 70. There she admitted to readers that she liked fictional friends much more than the heroes of her own works. According to Dr. Taylor, there is no need to worry about imaginary companions, no matter what age they come to a person. You should not try to find out the reason why they appeared. In fact, the fictional world has no boundaries or restrictions.

How do imaginary friends appear?

Surely the works of children's authors were written based on someone's real experience. If we turn to them, we will see that imaginary friends come at the most opportune moment. The Kid had Carlson, and the famous comic book hero Kelvin was friends with the stuffed tiger Hobbs. But the most popular image of children is completely invisible. The Invisible Man exists nearby, talks to children and comes to their aid on occasion, but, as you understand, does not have any streamlined shape. In other cases, children imagine imaginary anthropomorphic friends, such as superheroes or ghosts, or animals with human-like abilities. It is also easy to imagine a completely ordinary stranger in the role of an imaginary companion.

Ideal friend

For many children, a fictional character is an ideal friend, endowed with the character of a positive hero. Children talk to their friend, willingly listen to him, and also share their secrets. In this regard, Dr. Taylor cannot claim that imaginary friends are ideal interlocutors. It is possible that during such dialogues, conflict situations or misunderstandings may arise (as is the case with real friends). However, such communication with a fictional character also benefits the child. Many psychologists argue that the ability to exist in conflict situations, even fictitious ones, teaches a child tolerance.

Who are the real toys with character?

Unlike a non-existent character with his own unique personality traits, toys with a character are just toys. They cannot stand on the same level as their imaginary companions, since their image has already been created, and not born from the child’s consciousness. Most often, this situation is typical for children's role-playing games, where the baby acts as a teacher.

Congratulations, your baby has made a good friend. One bad thing is that no one except the child himself hears or sees him. It exists only in a child's imagination.

How should moms and dads behave in such a situation? Let’s say right away that you definitely shouldn’t sound the alarm and panic, since in most cases, imaginary friends in childhood are an absolutely natural phenomenon that will soon go away on their own. Today we will tell you where fictional friends come from and what to do about it.

Often the emergence of imaginary friends takes adults by surprise. In our society, invisible friends are considered a clear cause for concern and almost a symptom of mental illness. This is because we look at the children's world from an adult point of view.

However, an imaginary friend in preschool childhood and in adulthood are completely different things.

Inventive friends, which usually appear in three- to four-year-old children, do not indicate mental abnormalities, but, on the contrary, normal psychological development.

It is from three to five years that children’s imagination rapidly develops, thanks to which they begin to play role-playing games and actively fantasize. And often an imaginary friend becomes a partner in such entertainment.

Imaginary friends: who are they?

We have already said that small children exist in their own wonderful world, in which Carlson lives on the roof, the Cheshire cat disappears into thin air, and an ordinary mitten can turn into a shaggy puppy.

An imaginary friend appears in children starting from the age of three, and can take a variety of forms: a soft toy or doll, a fearless superhero, a boy Petya or a girl Katya.

The invisible companion does not have to be a person - in almost half of the children he “looks” like a funny animal. The “appearance”, abilities and habits of imaginary friends depend only on the child’s imagination.

Don’t rush to see a psychologist if such a friend appears in your child’s life.

Firstly, there is nothing terrible in a child's living fantasy. And secondly, an imaginary friend can serve as wonderful diagnostic material. The peculiarities of communication with an invisible friend reflect both childhood problems and family troubles.

Reasons for the appearance of imaginary friends

The most important thing that experts warn about is that you should not forbid children to spend time with imaginary friends, otherwise they will begin to meet with them secretly.

It would be more correct to find out the reason for this phenomenon (in addition to wild imagination) and help the baby if there is any problem. What leads to the emergence of imaginary comrades?

Loneliness. The likelihood of having an imaginary friend increases dramatically if your child is an only child. In this case, experts talk about compensating for the lack of communication, especially if the child does not have friends his age.
Imitation. If you listen carefully to how your little one communicates with an invisible friend, you will recognize your own words or phrases from the kindergarten teacher. The fact is that all children strive to imitate adults, they want to appear older and influence someone. There is no reason for alarm if the baby behaves calmly and does not show aggression.
Striving for primacy. If a child has an older brother, sister or bossy friends who like to command, he can invent a friend to take the initiative in games and always win them. That is, the child needs an imaginary character to feel like a winner.
Fears.
Sometimes preschoolers seek and find support from their imaginary friends, since going through frightening moments together is not as scary as it is alone. The likelihood of such a friend increases if the child is embarrassed to talk about his fears or the parents brush him off, considering children's worries to be frivolous. Fear of punishment.

Adults should think about it if a child, breaking toys or making a mess, begins to claim that it is not he who is guilty, but the invisible boy Petya. It is quite possible that you scold or punish your child too often with or without reason.

How to communicate with children's imaginary friends?

Don't tell your child that having imaginary friends is a sign of madness, otherwise he will believe that something is wrong with him. Although nothing wrong, much less terrible, happens to him. Also, do not ignore the emergence of a new Carlson, otherwise the baby may withdraw into himself.
Do not suppress children's imagination, but, on the contrary, ask whether the girl Katya will object if you move the chair that is preventing you from entering the room. Don't resist if your baby asks you to put a plate on your imaginary friend's plate or make his bed. Get involved in the game and exercise your imagination.
At the same time, do not initiate interaction with the child’s invisible friend. Don’t ask your child if his friend Petya will go to the store with you. Wait until the baby himself remembers him and invites you to join the game.
Children should not be allowed to shift responsibility for their misdeeds to imaginary friends. Preschoolers still need to be held accountable for misbehavior, and your job is to remind them of the consequences. Does the kid blame the arriving Carlson for the scattered toys? Ask him to clean up the room with him.
If the reason for this phenomenon is loneliness, try to spend more time with your child. So that your imaginary friend does not replace your real friends and parents, have fun together: put on superhero costumes, play puppet theater, read adventure books aloud and role-play.
Illusory comrades will come to your aid if you want to find out how your child really feels. If an invisible friend is afraid of the dark, it is probably the child who is experiencing this fear. However, most often kids come up with such friends to have fun.

Thus, the emergence of imaginary friends in children under six years of age can be considered a completely normal phenomenon.

But sometimes an imaginary friend appears in older children. In this case, a burst of imagination works as a defense mechanism.

Any traumatic event can be a kind of trigger that contributes to the appearance of an invisible friend: moving to a new place of residence, the death of a pet or loved one, parental divorce.

You may need the help of a specialist, but his advice will be clear - pay more attention to the child or enroll him in an art studio.

The presence of imaginary friends in a baby is a sign of normal development. They often help children cope with upsetting changes and help them develop social skills. Therefore, treat them as a natural stage in your child’s growing up.

Your child has made a friend. The only problem is that no one except the baby himself can see him. "Wait!" - a child shouts while walking. - “Katya can’t keep up with us!” The parents look at each other, because they didn’t take any Katya with them to the park... At lunch, the kid is indignant: “Why didn’t they give Lenochka soup?” When asked who Lenochka is, he describes it in colorful terms - this is a fluffy little fox who often comes to visit, and now she’s dropped in for a cup of delicious soup.

How to treat your child’s friends whom you don’t even see?

Often the appearance of an imaginary friend takes parents by surprise. We consider invisible friends to be a deviation from the norm, a cause for concern. This is because we, adults, are accustomed to assessing the world from our own, logical and serious, bell tower. But it is important to understand that an imaginary friend for an adult and for a child are “two big differences.” An invisible friend, which usually appears in a child at the age of about three years, does not indicate a mental disorder, but, on the contrary, that mental development is proceeding normally. After all, just at the age of two and a half to three years, the baby’s imagination begins to appear. During this period, for the active development of the skill of fantasy and abstract thinking, he simply needs role-playing games. And the baby often starts playing them with an imaginary friend.

An invisible friend is not as rare as many people think. Several years ago in England, researcher Karen Majors defended her doctoral dissertation based on a study of imaginary friends. Her work showed that out of 1,800 English children, 46% have imaginary friends, while American research suggests that by the age of seven, 65% of children will have experience communicating with an illusory friend.

Imaginary friends can be completely invisible - then the child doesn’t even talk about them, but they appear in the drawings and their existence is recognized when asked “head-on” like “who is that sitting next to you on the sofa in your drawing?” There are also silent imaginary friends - everyone knows that he exists, but the friend himself does not show himself in any way, if the child speaks about him, it is in the third person. And sometimes an invisible friend becomes a full participant in the life of the family - he participates in discussions, has his own opinion and character (of course, thanks to the child who takes on the role of a friend). By the way, as British psychologists have found, children who play out dialogues with their imaginary friends thus develop the part of the brain that is responsible for solving complex problems, puzzles and planning actions.

Invented friends can exist only in the child’s head, or they can have a very specific material shell. For example, a child’s favorite soft toy or plant can “speak”: “The flower says that he missed me while I was in kindergarten, so I need to water it.” Sometimes children also animate books or interior items.

Previously, it was generally accepted that imaginary friends were made by children who lacked communication, and that they almost always appeared in children who were alone in the family. Modern psychological research disproves this theory: those children who have brothers and sisters invent invisible friends for themselves with no less enthusiasm. And the breadth of your social circle has absolutely no effect on the likelihood of one day finding your daughter in the company of the illusory lamb Venya. Children who are prone to developing a rich imagination find imaginary friends regardless of external circumstances.

Sometimes parents worry whether a child who has invented a friend for himself will begin to confuse fantasies with reality. Researchers at the University of Oregon conducted a large-scale study to find out how invisible friends influence children's real lives and determined that although children have very real feelings towards their imaginary friends, they often enjoy playing with them more than with other children. in the real world, these emotions do not blur the line with reality. The feelings that children experience towards their “special” friends are very similar to those that we adults experience when we read a good book or watch an interesting movie. We can empathize with the characters, worry whether they will find a way out of a difficult situation, but at the same time we understand perfectly well that this is just a movie, and the reality is that it’s time to go to bed because we have to get up early for work tomorrow.

How should parents deal with imaginary friends? Should I ignore them or, on the contrary, accept and treat him the same as other family members? Perhaps the best solution is to let the child decide how much you can interact with his friend; this, after all, is his fantasy. Gently ask if Venya the lamb would mind if you move the chair he’s sitting on, otherwise he’s in the way of going to the kitchen. Ask when your baby's new friend plans to go to bed - at the same time as him or earlier? Don’t resist if your child asks to put a real dinner on the table for an imaginary friend or to cover his crib. It’s better to let them eat from the same plate (after all, this is a special, very close friend!) or pretend that you are putting food, thus playing along with the child. Let this be a chance for you to exercise your imagination.

Do not forbid your child to be friends with an invisible friend and, especially, do not say that having imaginary friends is nonsense and the lot of crazy people. Because in this case, your baby may really begin to consider himself “not of this world,” although in fact nothing wrong is happening to him. Also, you should not ignore the appearance of imaginary friends - this will either lead to the child closing himself off, ceasing to inform you about the presence of a friend, or, on the contrary, starting to play with a new friend demonstratively, so that you can no longer help but pay attention. And it is you who will have to explain why a certain Vasya, whom no one sees, spilled juice all over the store.

However, sometimes children deliberately begin to use imaginary friends, blaming them for all their misdeeds. “It wasn’t me who broke the vase, it’s Vanka, he’s running around here like crazy!” or “I did all my homework, but Petya came and threw my notebook out the window!” Perhaps in this way the baby is trying to protect himself from your righteous anger, which you do not always express properly. Don’t lose your temper and don’t shout that Petya doesn’t exist and that you yourself are a fool. It’s better to calmly say that, even though Petya really acted in a completely unfriendly manner, you have to go to school tomorrow, son, so you still need to do your homework, and let Petya come next time after you’ve done your homework. Since the child, as we have already found out, distinguishes reality from fantasy well, he will quickly understand that no matter how his imaginary friend behaves, he will have to answer, and will stop testing you in this way.

Your child's dialogues with an imaginary friend can give you food for thought about your relationship and your child's experiences. It can be difficult for parents to take the position of an outside observer, but if you try to abstract yourself from the situation, you can often notice that there are certain patterns or regularities in the appearance of imaginary friends and their behavior. For example, a friend can “come to visit” when mom starts a quarrel with dad. However, it is not at all necessary for a child to invent friends for “self-defense”; often illusory friends appear in a child’s life for one sole purpose - to entertain and amuse him.

The appearance of imaginary friends in children aged three to six years is considered completely normal. But sometimes older children have imaginary friends. In this case, illusory relationships work as a defense mechanism, helping the child’s psyche to come to its senses and recover from some kind of stress. A variety of events in a child’s life can “activate” an invisible friend - a mother who had previously devoted herself entirely to him goes back to work, parents’ divorce, moving to a new place, the appearance of a brother or sister, the death of a loved one or a beloved pet.

If an invisible friend appears in a child much older than six or seven years old, and no obvious traumatic events or serious changes have occurred in life, this may be a signal that you should contact a child psychologist. Remember that modern medicine does not consider imaginary friends a sign of any mental pathology; there are only a few cases recorded in the world where the appearance of imaginary images in the lives of children after six or seven years was indirect evidence of developing schizophrenia. Therefore, most likely, after observing the child, the psychologist will “prescribe” you to pay more attention to him and engage him in activities that will help him express his imagination and creativity, for example, take him to a drama club or art school.

As a rule, imaginary friends that appear in children under six years of age disappear on their own by the time they go to school. Therefore, when you hear that the fictional girl Masha has joined your family dinner, do not be alarmed - play along with your child, perhaps this new friend will help you establish an even closer and warmer relationship with your baby.

Photo - photobank Lori

Adults are surprisingly boring. They believe what they see or, in extreme cases, what they read in smart books without pictures. And when you tell them about what really is, they don’t believe it, they swear, or with anxiously affectionate faces they suggest going to visit “the good uncle, a child psychiatrist.”

The child lives in a completely different magical world: in a world where Carlson is as real as the “housekeeper” Miss Bok, where a mitten can become a devoted puppy, and the Cheshire cat can disappear, leaving only a smile.

Imaginary friends usually appear in children at the age of 3-5 years. This is an absolutely normal phenomenon due to the development of imagination and creativity.

Imaginary friends can be different: a toy that a child endows with human qualities, a ghostly friend, whom the child demands to put on an additional device during meals and tuck in a blanket at night... A friend can be adult and strong, in the manner of Superman, or defenseless and in need of care and care, like a puppy from the cartoon "Mitten", or simply a child of the same age, a completely banal "Seryozhka" or "Natasha". An imaginary friend is not necessarily a person; in almost half of the cases he is an animal.

There is no point in running to a specialist when faced with this “problem” - your child is simply endowed with a very vivid imagination. And that's not a bad thing at all. An imaginary friend is an excellent diagnostic material for parents. By watching him, you can learn a lot of things that you didn’t even suspect about your baby, because these games reflect both the problems of the child himself and the family as a whole.

Problem: pressure and overprotection

Often the child experiences strong pressure from his parents. Moreover, this is not always expressed in prohibitions and punishments; often excessive guardianship can drive a child into a corner worse than any violence, leaving no room for the child’s own “I”. And then the baby escapes into the world of imaginary friends, which can develop according to two scenarios.

Scenario one: in the innermost secret world, a child can do everything that his parents cannot: get a dog, walk on the roofs, eat jam with spoons, etc. Scenario two: the child takes on the role of a parent and behaves in a similar way - he limits and suppresses his phantom friends, who in this case will be ridiculous and helpless. By the way, this is a great way for parents to look at themselves from the outside and draw conclusions: perhaps the child needs understanding much more than ironed creases on his pants or a sparkling white handkerchief.

Problem: guilt

Neurotic guilt occurs not only in adults, but also in children. And in order to ease the tension, children plunge headlong into an imaginary world with imaginary friends. The scenarios are very similar to those under “pressure”. The only difference is that here the modality of punishment appears, both in the form of the punishment itself (the child can punish his imaginary friend or tell how he was punished), and in the form of a happy salvation from it (they should have been punished, but something happened). it worked out fantastic).

Problem: lack of impressions

If a child’s stories about his friend include many ornate stories about adventures, fantasy worlds, travel, etc. - this may be a symptom of a lack of real impressions.

Even for an adult, it’s hard to live in a routine: home-work-home, cook soup, pour soup into the child, fall into a precipitate, setting the alarm clock for six in the morning, because tomorrow we go back to work... After a month or two of such a life, we climb to the wall, we start taking antidepressants, complaining to friends, looking for a psychoanalyst. But an adult has more opportunities to diversify his life: you can ask your grandmother to sit with your child in the evening and go to a party or a club, you can take a break at work to chat with a friend, or get on the Internet and get some virtual impressions. A child cannot do all this, he is completely dependent on us, but his life is no less routine: alarm clock, kindergarten, the same toys, dinner, “Good night kids” with the same Luntik, who has become boring for a year, and then on the potty and in bed. It’s also good if at night mom reads about the wonderful adventures and interesting life of the Moomintrolls, Baby and Carlson, the girls Pippi Longstocking... And the next day kindergarten again... And the only place where it’s not so boring is the fantasy world, where With true friends you can experience something new, different from the dullness of everyday life.

Remember how long ago was the last time you and your child went somewhere other than a shabby yard with three birch trees and half a broken swing? But a child needs new impressions like air! And once on Sunday is clearly not enough for him.

Some way out is kindergartens that work according to new special programs, which include many “events” that are significant for children. But there are some “buts” here too. For example, these kindergartens are more than paid (can be a challenge for non-working mothers), and require the presence of parents at many events, which can be a challenge for working mothers. And not all children can withstand the stress of a large number of impressions (too good, as we know, is also not good).

Problem: lack of communication

Most often, an imaginary friend appears when a child feels lonely. For example, a second child appears in the family and all the parents’ attention is focused on, or when the parents are somewhat scattered and preoccupied with their thoughts more than with their children (the ideal representative of this type of parent is the mother from the cartoon “Mitten” - kind, good, but always buried in her own book and your thoughts). And there are also simply shy children who find it difficult to get along with their peers.

Problem: crowding out

As a rule, the child plays out his secret desires with his imaginary friends. This is the most transparent and easy to “read” option. If your child’s friend comes to protect him (most often this is some kind of analogue of Batman, Spider-Man, or, at worst, Peter Pan, who will take him away from here immediately), it means that the child is feeling bad, he needs protection, to reduce pressure. If the defender “promises” to punish the offenders, this is repressed aggression and you need to think carefully about whether it’s time to turn to a psychologist?

There are also simpler and more easily solved problems. For example, it is quite easy to replace an imaginary dog with a real, live puppy (if the child has fur, in the end, you can choose a “hairless” breed or a poodle).

“And there’s no point in blaming some Carlson!”

The worst option is if the child hides his imaginary friends from you. This speaks of mistrust and fear. Although there are options when you simply didn’t notice an imaginary friend: well, who would have thought that dear Pashka from kindergarten, who appears in all your child’s stories, is in reality a plastic crocodile with a torn off paw?

How to deal with your child's imaginary friend? The most important thing is not to prohibit anything. To some extent, you can even play along with the child: put an extra device at dinner for his friend, listen to all the stories and be interested in the well-being and affairs of the next “Carlson”. However, it is important to draw a line between fantasy and reality - the child himself must be responsible for his actions, and not blame everything on imaginary friends: it’s good that “Masha” came to visit you, but you still have to do your homework, the chandelier, of course, broke.” Carlson,” but you will still be standing in the corner.

Imaginary friends disappear on their own by the age of 7-9. If this does not happen, then it makes sense to consult a psychologist. But do not allow charlatans who are trying to diagnose and prescribe a thousand and one psychotropic drugs to your child.

You must understand that if you turn to a psychologist with a child’s problems, then first of all you have to work on it yourself, since the source of children’s problems most often originates in parental mistakes.

Comment on the article "Imaginary Friends, or Carlson Syndrome"

08/15/2019 22:58:18, Lonely hikka

But I didn’t find anything about my daughter. Since she was 2.6 years old, she has always associated herself with cute little animals: a fox, a bunny, a dog. Definitely small, or talking to imaginary animals. And sometimes a wolf comes along, which dad or I have to drive away. What does that mean? Now she is already 3 years old.

28.10.2008 13:54:12, Marina

my daughter plays with imaginary brothers and friends - now I realized that in reality we don’t communicate with anyone her age and we rarely go to the garden - that’s why she suffers. made conclusions

09.10.2008 13:50:52, Evgenia

Total 6 messages .

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