What rituals are performed during matchmaking? Customs and rites of matchmaking: in ancient times and in the modern world

Matchmaking is, in essence, the official consent of the bride and groom, as well as their families, to enter into marriage. There is no universal scenario or rules for performing this ritual, since even in ancient times, matchmaking traditions differed greatly not only in different countries, but also in different regions of Rus'. In this article we will look at the main features, current echoes of past traditions and interesting ideas regarding matchmaking.

Matchmaking today

Modern matchmaking in most cases is simple and prosaic, especially in urban areas. Matchmakers, whose roles are most often played by the groom's closest relatives, rarely burden themselves with learning long poems and theatrical performances (except for the common phrase: “you have a product, we have a merchant”). However, certain etiquette is still observed. So, upon arrival at the bride’s house, the groom always gives the women flowers (if the future wife has grandmothers or sisters, they will also be pleased to receive a bouquet along with the bride and her mother). Matchmakers bring gifts with them, most often these are: sweets, fruit baskets, alcohol. In addition, the groom (or his mother) can give the bride some expensive gift, for example, jewelry or something significant for his family. Some special gifts can be presented to the bride's parents. It is better to discuss what to give to your future father-in-law and mother-in-law in advance with the bride - she probably knows their preferences. Alternatively, it could be: a talisman for the home, a photo album (with a promise to fill it soon with photographs of grandchildren), a beautiful carved candle (as a symbol of light and warmth), etc. After the welcoming speeches, everyone goes to the table, where they discuss in detail the subject of the meeting - the wedding of the newlyweds.

What words to say during matchmaking

While the bride's relatives can act impromptu, the groom's matchmakers will have to prepare some kind of opening speech. The essence of this speech usually boils down to the following: we know that a beautiful girl lives here, we have a smart/generous/wealthy groom for her, who, moreover, is endlessly in love with her, do you agree to put her in his reliable hands ? This traditional preamble can be formulated in either prose or verse. Here are some short poetic options:

We brought you a great guy!
The merchant is excellent for your product!
Dressed to the nines - looks decent,
There is a corner and personal transport.
There is money - not poor,
The character is easy - the disposition is not harmful.
How's it going with your fiancee?
Are you ready for marriage yet?

We came to your house for a reason.
One dream brought us -
Give your child to a happy marriage,
Hurry up and hug your grandchildren.
And if our thoughts are similar,
Let's put everything aside
To discuss the wedding together
And fortunately, the way is open to children.

You have one girl:
Modest, beautiful, young
We have a groom to match her:
He also has the intelligence to become.
We offer in one thread
Connect their two destinies.

Hello, nice family!
Meet a prominent man.
We will immediately say not the same -
He is a glorious groom, rank after rank!
And lead you to the altar
He wants your girl.

We were lucky to know -
Your product is expensive.
Good in everything, give or take.
Our merchant is golden.
Just look for something like this!
Handsome, smart, daring.
He'll make a great husband and son-in-law!
So give us a straight answer -
Are you ready to give away the goods?

We have come to your glorious home
With a first-class groom!
Give it some time -
We'll tell you everything about it.

Scenarios of modern matchmaking

We will not present matchmaking scenarios in verse (there are quite a few of them on the Internet). Let us note only the key stages of this ritual. It all starts with the opening speech of the matchmakers (mentioned above). Further, matchmakers may ask the bride to perform a number of comic tasks to ensure that she will be a thrifty wife. For example, answer the following questions:

What kind of water will you fill your husband's instant noodles with: hot or warm? (The correct answer is none, I will feed him delicious, homemade food);
- When you wash a pan, do you scrub more inside or outside? (The correct answer is that I wash equally well on all sides);
- At what temperature will you wash woolen items? (The correct answer is slightly warm so as not to shrink);
- List the ingredients from which you will cook borscht.
etc.

The bride's relatives, in turn, can prepare a number of tasks or questions for the groom. For example:

The groom is asked to choose a city: Arkhangelsk, Yaroslavl or Khabarovsk (these are the cities depicted on banknotes of 500, 1000 and 5000 rubles). After this, you can joke about the groom’s future earnings - praise him or, on the contrary, advise him to try harder.
- Ask him to hammer a nail into a board, but give him a nail with a bent leg, explaining that in family life not everything is so simple and he will need to be able to cope with various difficulties.
- To check how safe it will be for the bride to travel with the groom in the car, you can ask a series of car questions about traffic rules or ask to decipher some rare signs.
- Answer a number of “male” questions. What tool is used to make a hole in a concrete wall (perforator)? How can you cut the wire with pliers or pliers (pliers)? And so on.

At some point, the hosts invite guests to the table. There, both families finally shake hands and begin to substantively discuss the wedding and the future life of the young people. In villages, this joint feast is called “binge” (not to be confused with binge drinking in the well-known sense).

An important stage of matchmaking is the formal appeal of the groom to the bride's parents with a request to give their daughter in marriage to him. When this should be done (at the very beginning or during the feast) is not so important. And here there is no room for jokes and antics - this symbolic moment requires the most serious attitude.

Matchmaking traditions that have survived to this day

The ancient Slavs had a great variety of traditions and superstitions associated with matchmaking, some of which have successfully survived to this day. Whether to use them or not is up to you, but if there are elderly people in the family who are often supporters of “this is the way it is,” it may be worth including something from the following in the “event” program.

Particular importance in wedding rituals, including matchmaking, was given to the loaf. This tradition dates back to pagan times. The shape and color of the loaf symbolized the sun, and the Sun God was especially revered by the Slavs. Matchmakers always brought a loaf of bread with them to matchmaking. The bride had to cut it at the table and distribute it to everyone present as a sign of consent to the marriage; first, the parents were treated to it. For a marriage to be successful, every last bite had to be eaten. At modern matchmaking, a loaf is also often present. If you do not have the opportunity to purchase a real loaf, you can simply buy round bread (a salt shaker is not necessary).

The second traditional thing was the towel. Different Slavic peoples used towels in different ways during matchmaking: as gifts from the bride to future relatives, they were tied on the matchmakers’ chests as a sign of consent, they were tied to the matchmaker’s hands, etc. Today you can simply present the loaf on a towel, and then put it in a safe place - it can be used later when blessing your parents and other rituals. An item with such a symbolic history will certainly become a family heirloom in the future.

Previously, during matchmaking, the bride never went out to meet the matchmakers. Until a certain point, she was in a locked room. This rule can be followed today - you must agree, there is some intrigue in this.

Even if the groom satisfied the bride’s parents in everything, they never gave their consent from the threshold. The rules of decency required them to bide their time and “raise the price” for their goods. Perhaps, similar behavior would be useful today, so that it doesn’t turn out like in that joke when the wife instructed her husband before the groom’s arrival:
- Vasya, just don’t immediately throw yourself on his neck with the words “You are our Savior!”

After the bride appeared in front of the guests, the stage of the so-called bridegroom began. The bride was asked to walk around, do some simple actions, and pour tea for everyone. This was necessary to identify the girl’s physical flaws. Today, of course, times are different and matchmakers have most likely seen the groom’s chosen one more than once. However, the bride should be active at the table and take care of the guests - this will earn the respect of future relatives.

Having given his consent to the marriage, the bride's father placed his daughter's hand in the hand of the future husband and spoke parting words. He asked the groom to protect and take care of the bride. This sentimental moment can easily be recreated today. Perhaps this will make the groom feel additional responsibility as he enters a new stage of his life.

1. You can ask one of your relatives to film the matchmaking with a camera or video camera. Often such things are thought about too late, and the family archive is deprived of valuable personnel.

2. Take the time and bake something for the holiday table with your own hands. Homemade baking helps create a warm family environment.

3. Prepare a couple of interesting toasts on the topic of matchmaking in advance. There are a lot of both humorous and quite serious, touching options on the Internet.

Several video examples of matchmaking from the Internet

In ancient times, most marriages took place by prior agreement of the parents. Matchmaking was an interesting and beautiful custom in which the groom was introduced to the bride, describing his virtues and best qualities. Nowadays, young people choose their own couple, but the tradition of wooing the betrothed’s parents remains. Study the bride's matchmaking ritual: a detailed script of fun games, competitions, rituals, this will help you have a fun holiday.

The groom notifies his parents of his desire to get married

Previously, the noisy matchmaking ceremony went like this: the matchmakers and the groom arrived at the gates of the bride’s house, the doors were opened for them and they were invited into the room where the girl’s parents and closest relatives (sister, brother, grandparents) were sitting. The matchmakers had the task of presenting the man in the best light. If he was rich, it was necessary to praise his merchantry and financial capabilities, and when the man was hard-working, he was “presented” with his golden hands. The ritual itself began with the words that the matchmakers said: “You have a product - we have a merchant.”

Afterwards the bride came out, dressed in her most beautiful dress, and the matchmakers asked the question: “Is the girl skillful?” The girl took a broom, pretended to sweep the floor, then gave the homemade item to her future husband. Everything was done in a half-joking manner. During the matchmaking, negotiations were also held about the dowry, and the wedding was discussed. Despite the attitude of the parents towards the betrothed, during the first matchmaking he, as a rule, was refused.

The modern rite of matchmaking involves the arrival of the betrothed to the bride's house with a bouquet of flowers for the future mother-in-law and expensive alcohol for the father-in-law. There he announces his desire to get married and asks for blessings to marry their daughter. As a rule, the visit is of an official nature, but nothing prevents you from making matchmaking a fun show where you can invite other relatives and friends.

Choosing a matchmaker or matchmaker

The matchmaker and matchmaker who will participate in the ceremony must be from the betrothed side, although this rule is often violated. If someone from the bride's relatives (for example, brother, uncle, sister) is well acquainted with the future son-in-law, they can represent the man themselves. It would be good if everyone wore similar costumes that corresponded to the concept of the script.

Details for the ceremony

The props depend on the matchmaking scenario. These can be musical instruments, various gifts to the mother and father of the bride, towels, balls of thread, feathers, trees, a hammer, pillows. Matchmakers, as a sign of the betrothed's generosity and financial wealth, may bring a barrel of overseas wine, which will be immediately opened for a feast.

Sending matchmakers

This is where the matchmaking ritual begins - “the first cup and the first stick to the matchmaker.” They bow before entering. Only after crossing the threshold, matchmakers should, with the help of hints and sayings, approach the main topic of conversation - the future engagement. Further, the matchmaking scenario includes songs, games, and praise of the betrothed. Then the hosts set the table, treat the guests to bread and salt, have dinner, and when a certain hour comes, they give their answer.

For a clear example of how the matchmaking ceremony is carried out, see the video:

Bargaining for the bride

Before a feast in Rus', a bargaining was always held. Usually the bride was not present at this stage of matchmaking in order to avoid delicate moments: discussion of the dowry, the groom’s financial status, distribution of wedding expenses. They could briefly touch on the question of the possible date of the event. Only after the bargaining was the bride called. As part of a modern celebration, bargaining can also be held, but in a humorous way.

Feast

A feast is not only the consumption of food, drinking vodka, wine, but also a time when fun games, competitions, and rituals are held according to the script. During it, the mother and father of the bride, as a rule, give consent to the union, after which the groom puts a gold ring on the girl’s finger and the engagement is considered completed. Then relatives kiss the newlyweds, and guests open champagne to celebrate the beginning of a new family.

Bride's Trials

The tests for the bride are of a comic nature. She needs to show her economic abilities. The groom's side asks the girl to let her taste the dish she has prepared, demonstrate her embroidery, and sweep the floor.

Cutting a loaf

According to the old Russian matchmaking scenario, the betrothed must bring a loaf of bread to the bride. By accepting this gift, she consents to the engagement. Then the future spouses take a knife and cut the product in half - if they manage to cut the loaf the first time without taking away the tool, this becomes a sign that their life together will be happy. Instead of a loaf, the modern version allows the use of a delicious cake. What a loaf looks like for a matchmaking ceremony, look at the photo below.

Groom's speech

The matchmaking script necessarily includes a speech from the groom. After friends or relatives have presented the man in the best light, it’s time for the betrothed to “cast” his vote. He must tell the bride’s parents about his love for their daughter, talk about how he will protect her, respect her, and appreciate her.

Giving gifts, what to give for matchmaking

Matchmaking gifts can be different: flowers, fruit baskets, chocolate cake, jewelry for the girl and her mother (the future mother-in-law can give the bride beads or a chain), alcohol, souvenirs. The main gift is an engagement ring.

Honey drinking

To prove his love for the bride, the following ritual is carried out according to the script: the betrothed must drink a glass of honey.

Marriage arrangement

Previously, this part of the script included a discussion of financial issues - the amount of dowry, expenses for the celebration, and the groom’s financial security in general. The modern ritual allows you to skip this stage.

Competitions for the ritual

Fun competitions will be a great addition to the noisy scenario of the matchmaking ritual. Here are some examples of competitions for the ritual.

Question answer

This game will show how well the future husband knows the bride. They prepare several questions for him that need to be answered correctly (the future wife’s favorite dish, color, date of birth, angel’s day).

For parents

To make matchmaking fun not only for the newlyweds, but also for the parents, a competitive scenario is used.

The fathers of the lovers leave the room, and the host asks the mothers questions: how long their braid was during the wedding, how many guests were present, where they met.

Then they call men who must answer the same questions.

The pair that matches all or most of their answers wins.

Wedding song

The scenario of this competition is as follows: guests sing excerpts of wedding songs. The winner is the participant who sings more songs than the rest.

Signs

The holiday was held after sunset so that evil spirits could not enter the house. It was believed that the marriage would be happy if all the sharp objects were connected after the groom left. After the guests left the house, the bride had to cry a lot in order to lead a tearless life after the wedding.

Matchmaking is an ancient tradition and a real theatrical performance. The ritual can be an interesting stage of preparation for the wedding, an opportunity for two families to get closer together.

Will you be celebrating your matchmaking? What ideas did you like? Tell us in the comments.

People always strive to create a family. After all, being with those who love and appreciate you “as you are” is very pleasant and comfortable. But does everyone think that the birth of a family is, in fact, not only a holiday, but a whole ritual. Huge, multi-stage and very important. During its implementation, a new kind of energy base is laid. The more fun you have, the more strength your family will gain. And first comes matchmaking, the customs of which are very diverse and interesting. Let's take them apart piece by piece. We must start with the fact that our ancestors greatly respected matchmaking. The customs of its implementation varied depending on the territory in which people lived and their beliefs.

Everyone brought something of their own, special, original into them. Nowadays everything can be used. The point is not to exactly copy, for example, the Russian custom of matchmaking. The point is to organize an interesting event that will emotionally involve and unite the participants. This is how the goal is achieved: to fill the nascent family with energy. In some villages they prepared a table and received special guests - matchmakers. In others, they arranged tests for the groom. In the third, they limited themselves to the blessing of their parents. Rituals in a broad sense gave young people a guarantee that the older generation would support them and help them in case of need. In principle, now the internal meaning of the ritual has not changed. It is known that it is difficult for young people to get on their own feet. If not material, then moral “support” they will definitely need. The use of traditional rituals also has another side: chaste. Read more about her.

Matchmaking: customs filled with sacred meaning

If you want to organize the entire wedding ceremony beautifully and interestingly, then it is recommended to be guided by the worldview of the founders of the customs. According to them, matchmaking was a chaste and respectful ritual.

This is a demonstration of the groom’s willingness to submit to the head of the bride’s clan. Although the girl went to his family, the connections remained. The young man needed to “prove” to the bride’s parents that he was a respectable and serious person. In addition, Russian matchmaking customs included elements of healthy humor. For example, in some southern villages the groom was supposed to come to the bride's father with a whip. He offered to beat himself up, but give up his daughter. It must be said that most marriages were concluded based on mercantile considerations. The parents tried to find a better place for their daughter. An unsuitable groom was rejected. This was done in a respectful manner. It was customary to thank the matchmakers for the honor and explain the refusal, for example, by the girl’s youth.

What did a young man do when he wanted to get married?

Entire rituals were invented and sacredly observed everywhere. The first thing the young man had to do was obtain the consent of his relatives for the marriage. Only after this the matchmaking itself took place. Customs ordered him to come to the head of the clan and tell about his chosen one. Usually it was reported who she was, where she lived, and what her relatives were. Most often, the young man was interested in the appearance and attractiveness of the young woman. And the relatives conducted a whole “investigation”, finding out whether the girl was worthy of such an honor. When a consensus was found, matchmakers were chosen. It was a very responsible role. And even now nothing has changed. The fellow rarely went to offer himself as a groom (although this happened). More often this was done by his relatives. One has a godfather or mother, the other has an older brother, and so on.

The young man was also present at the ceremony, but tried not to enter into conversations so as not to spoil the matchmaking.

Customs from the groom's side

The man's trusted representatives were required to demonstrate by appearance and reinforce with words his reliability and dignity. This was done (and is still customary today) very simply. It is necessary to dress beautifully, even richly, if you are going to matchmaking. Customs on the part of the groom include gifts to the bride's relatives. Nowadays people limit themselves to bouquets and sweets. In principle, this is much better than presenting expensive, unnecessary things. So, when you go to “get” the bride, be sure to buy two bouquets. One is for the mother, the second is for the girl. They don't have to be the same. It is customary to give white flowers to young women. And her parent is a different color. For example, burgundy will show respect. A bouquet made up of different flowers will show that you appreciate the versatility of her personality. Just don't mix it up or overdo it. The girl should remain the center of attention. You’re not going to an anniversary, but to a bride’s matchmaking ceremony. Customs dictate that you should not engage in conversation when walking towards her house. This is considered a bad omen.

What matchmakers should not do

Many people are currently not interested in folk traditions and take the process of creating a new family lightly. Nevertheless, it has been noted that the behavior of the groom’s representatives affects the future of the family. It is advisable to observe a minimum set of prohibitions when the bride is being matched. Customs suggest that it is necessary to give up alcohol. A matchmaker, dashingly raising glasses of vodka one after another, could bring grief to future children. It was believed that they might become addicted to alcohol. If the matchmaker sat down as soon as she entered the room, then the children did not get up on their feet for a long time and began to walk late. The entire ceremony (before the conspiracy) had to be performed on one's feet.

What to say, how to behave to matchmakers

There are no special rules here. Many people are interested in matchmaking according to Russian customs. They are even trying to write a script. In fact, the whole ceremony goes quickly and unpretentiously. The matchmakers (groom) come and present bouquets to the bride and her mother. The girl is then removed from the premises. And the conversation begins. The matchmakers speak first. They say that there is a good fellow, handsome, dexterous and skillful (and so on according to the list). And you have a turtle dove waiting for its dove. So why can’t we work things out, unite two young souls? What follows is the response from the girl’s relatives. This is approximately how matchmaking works according to Russian customs. No script required. Only if you yourself want to turn the meeting into a fireworks display of pleasure. Then you can come up with competitions and quizzes. After the main words are said, everyone sits down to drink tea.

How to behave for bride's relatives

The girl’s parents, if they liked the groom, were obliged to close the door with a hook. This was done so that a random visitor would not jinx the whole thing. That is, translated into modern language, we can say that a certain secret surrounded the matchmaking on the part of the bride. Customs suggested that her relatives “shut off” from the rest of the world for this short time. This is what you should do. Do not invite other guests. The conspiracy must be carried out in an intimate setting, only among trusted persons. If someone accidentally runs into the light, boldly and mercilessly send them away. The new family has no need for foreign energy. It was also recommended to touch the table leg to protect against the evil eye. This is done so that “happiness does not run away.”

How to respond to an offer

It is advisable for the bride's parents to adapt to the style of the matchmakers. This will make the holiday more fun, and communication will be more comfortable. If you start praising your fiancé, then don’t lag behind and praise the girl to the skies. Keep in mind that you may be asked tricky questions about a girl if you come across someone who has truly studied matchmaking. The customs (scenario) in some areas involve praising your own “product” and blaspheming “strangers”. For example, they will ask whether the bride has a sideways view or is weak with her little legs? There are matchmakers who get personal, trying to confuse parents. You should laugh it off and give an answer quickly. And it can be straight or half. If you like the groom, then the girl is called and the father joins their hands. Sometimes parents need time for “family council.” That's what they say directly. This is where the “official part” ends.

What then?

The information described refers only to the first stage. It turns out that the matter does not end there. After all, the point of the ritual is to bring relatives closer together. This is what matchmaking is based on. Traditions and customs require a second meeting in the same composition. The bride's side is already inviting her. A feast with all sorts of delicacies is prepared, and the date of the visit is determined. Parents of young people and close family members gather together. The bride is also present at this meeting. Various nuances of arranging the life of the new “unit of society” are discussed there. For example, where should they live, who will provide what, and so on. The party itself is held with the goal of bringing together future grandparents, who will now have many common joys and problems. Here you can already drink a glass to “open your soul.” It is not forbidden to show off your talents. In general, future relatives behave more naturally than during matchmaking.

A few more signs

Urban people usually don’t delve into all sorts of jokes that everyone in the village knows. However, it must be remembered that the bride who decided to refuse the agreement (after matchmaking) has her gates smeared with tar. And today you can receive such an unpleasant “gift”. They will come and stain the front door with an unpleasant-smelling substance. Not
be surprised. The groom's refusal of the girl was considered a terrible insult. No one matched this one for a long time. Families became terrible enemies. Nowadays, of course, everything is simpler. Young people should keep in mind that a change of decision will have to be explained not only to their loved one, but also to his family. After the conspiracy, many people will be involved in your personal issues and their relationships will begin to develop. You should understand this and not “jump in the face” when you accidentally quarrel. Matchmaking did not take place on Fridays (and Wednesdays). These were traditionally fast days. Going for a bride at this time was considered a bad omen.

Engagement

In Rus', young people were considered the bride and groom after an agreement when the girl’s relatives agreed to the marriage. Nowadays it is customary to hold a special holiday to confirm this. They called it in a foreign language - engagement. It differs from conspiracy only by an additional feast. There is nothing bad about it. The closest ones are invited to the holiday. They communicate and find common ground. In addition, the couple's parents get an additional opportunity to discuss the future wedding and other important issues in a more relaxed, informal atmosphere. While young people are having fun, they can have a heart-to-heart talk, set priorities, and introduce each other to fundamental issues and views. It must be said that the more often the older generation communicates, the better the life of the newly-made family will be. There is no need to “settle” inevitable disagreements for the “old people.” They will cope themselves when they begin to feel close to each other.

If parents live far away

It happens that young people decide to get married, and their relatives are thousands of kilometers away from each other. Nowadays this is not much of a problem. You can arrange remote matchmaking. For example, using Skype. With his help, there is no need to break traditions. The matchmakers will talk and discuss everything. And they will meet at the wedding.

The customs and rites of matchmaking have ancient roots. Matchmaking is an action that precedes the sacrament of marriage, when relatives from the groom’s side come to the bride’s house to obtain consent to the wedding ceremony. Nowadays, this custom has changed somewhat, mainly it carries the function of introducing relatives, or at this event issues regarding the organization of a wedding celebration are resolved. Basically, it has lost its former colorfulness, although its meaning remains the same.

A little history

The ritual of matchmaking is several hundred years old. For a long time, it was carried out so that relatives of the parties entering into marriage could agree on all kinds of property issues. Very often, before the matchmaking, a bride's viewing was held. If a young man liked his future wife, then matchmaking was usually carried out on the next visit. Although, a lot of time could have passed between these two events. After all, after a man expressed a desire to marry a specific girl, his relatives, including his parents, tried to find out who their future daughter-in-law was. Is everything okay in her family? What is the welfare of her parents? If all the information was positive, then the godfather, uncle or older brother of the groom called matchmakers and sent them to the bride’s house to conduct matchmaking.

Usually, the role of matchmaker was taken by a godfather, a brother or cousin, or the groom's older brother. The guy's own or godmother could act as a matchmaker. But customs allowed taking outside women as matchmakers, for example, the most respected married woman in the village, who was a good wife, could set an example and knew about this ritual. It was believed that she could easily and cheerfully negotiate with the relatives on the bride’s side. Over the years, the concept of matchmaker has changed its meaning. They began to call her a wise and experienced woman who had young unmarried girls from good families on her radar.

Before going to the bride's house, the matchmakers performed their own rituals. For example, before going to matchmaking, the matchmaker approached the stove, put her hands on it and turned to God to bless her. And the matchmaker crossed the threshold of the bride’s house only with his right foot, it was believed that this brings good luck. In the old days, matchmaking was taken very seriously. After all, the bride's parents did not always welcome the matchmakers with pleasure. If their daughter was beautiful and smart, and also famous for being a good housewife, then many people would knock on their door, and they, wanting happiness, wanted to choose a good match for their daughter.

How it was?

The ancient Russian ceremony of matchmaking usually took place on Saturday evening, as soon as the sun set. Matchmakers came to the house of the girl’s parents, asked permission to enter, and announced the young man’s desire to marry their beautiful daughter. At the same time, no one asked the future bride’s consent; everything was traditionally decided by the father and mother. But usually the matchmakers were refused the first time. It was considered bad form to marry a girl to the first person who wooed her or the one who came for the first time. In order for the bride's parents to give a positive answer, they had to be persistent.

Usually matchmaking took place in two stages. The first time it was considered informal, so to speak, the matchmakers were testing the waters. They found out what the relatives wanted in exchange for the girl. If the groom and his family were able to satisfy their demands, and the bride’s parents did not strongly object, then a second, official matchmaking was scheduled. The second time, not only matchmakers usually came, but also the young man’s parents, and sometimes he himself. If after this the bride’s side was not against it, then we moved on to discussing the details. They set a date, divided the costs of the wedding, agreed on the dowry and the venue. Moreover, the groom had to pay a ransom for the bride; this was mandatory. It was not forbidden to bargain. When all business issues were resolved, the matchmakers and parents of both parties sealed the future union with joint prayer.

The girl's dowry was collected from a young age. It usually included fabrics, pastels, textiles, dishes, jewelry, gold and money. In the husband's family it was considered the wife's property. If she died, then her dowry was inherited by her children, usually girls; if there were no children, then according to the rules, it had to be returned to the girl’s family.

How is matchmaking going these days?

The modern ceremony is much simpler. The future husband and wife, as a rule, know and love each other, and most often live together, and matchmaking is only formal. On the appointed day in the appointed place (not necessarily the bride’s home), the groom, possibly with his family, sometimes with matchmakers, meets with the parents of his future wife, presents the women with flowers and, according to tradition, asks the father or brother of the bride for permission to marry his beloved.

Nowadays, matchmaking is timed to coincide with some family event. Often, future relatives are introduced to each other, and if everyone is happy, they agree on the date of the celebration. If the father or brother of the bride agrees, then, according to tradition, he gives his daughter’s hand to her future husband, and seals the agreement with a handshake and a toast “To the young!”

Modern couples very often want this moment to be remembered. Therefore, turning to the traditions of their ancestors, they ask their matchmakers to write a script according to which the real ceremony will be carried out. Very often, matchmaking turns into a real holiday, with congratulations in verse, jokes and ditties.

Modern matchmaking fundamentally different from ancient traditions, although many people want to conduct matchmaking according to all the rules. If you want matchmaking today to be like an ancient ceremony, use our tips.

Modern matchmaking ritual requires preparation for the ceremony. Much depends on what country you are in. Now we will talk about the modern custom of matchmaking in the Russian style.

You should choose the expected day for matchmaking; nowadays everyone still believes in numbers and dates, so ancient beliefs remain relevant. They don’t go to court on Wednesday and Friday, and they don’t go to court on the 13th of any month. The best days for matchmaking are considered magical dates: the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th of each month.

Modern matchmaking ritual does not include the preparation of special ritual items. Previously, a towel, embroidered in a special way, special dishes were needed, the time and even the nature of the speeches and behavior of future relatives were strictly observed. During the matchmaking, the girl sat silently by the stove and raked out the ashes, with her back to the matchmakers.

Of course, today there is hardly a stove, much less ash; it would be much more appropriate if the girl was in her room.

The groom must definitely prepare two bouquets of flowers, the symbolism of which is better to know more precisely. So, a young girl is not given lush, rich flowers; it is better to give delicate orange blossom, white or pink roses. The mother of the bride should be given flowers that express honor, respect, and admiration for beauty. The bouquet for the bride should be decorated a little more luxuriously than the bouquet for the mother, however, the difference should not be too contrasting so as not to offend the ladies. Modern matchmaking traditions in general, they no longer include material conditions and restrictions, because future wedding expenses more than pay for preliminary meetings of relatives. But previously, matchmaking, and even more so engagement, took place with the same chic and scope as the wedding itself, and sometimes cost the relatives of the newlyweds much more.

Matchmaking in our time - what to say and what to do?

The modern ritual of matchmaking does not replace the roles of the groom, matchmakers and relatives of the newlyweds. The groom comes to make a match, therefore, the matchmakers on his part are given the first word. If only a young man is going to get married, his task is to prepare a good speech that will be able to convince the bride’s parents that they will get a worthy son-in-law.

Matchmaking is asking the bride for her hand in marriage. The conspiracy - the next event in the cycle of wedding rituals - implies obtaining the consent of the bride's parents. Therefore, if the bride and groom want to observe all the rituals, the groom’s task is not to convince the parents, but to show the goods with his face, that is, to praise himself, his beloved.

That's why matchmaking is good these days that the ceremony as a whole is simplified and looks fun and stress-free. It used to be that a groom might be refused, or even thrown out the door, and then the whole village would be disgraced. Today the groom goes to get married, already confident that he will be accepted, which means he can have fun on this holiday. That’s why the groom’s speech can look both touching and humorous.

Groom's words for modern matchmaking:

“Dear hosts, welcome your guest! I’m coming to you on an important, urgent matter: they say your daughter is growing up, beautiful, the likes of which the world has never seen. Now, I hasten to inform you that I am a suitable groom for her, good in everything, a success for everyone. Please listen to me, I’ll tell you why you can’t find a better groom than me.”

The parents invite the guy into the house, he hands over flowers and continues to praise himself. How to do this in modern matchmaking - no one will ever say in advance. Much depends on the characters of people, on the existing relationships in the family. That’s why professional matchmakers used to get down to business, who, being quite good psychologists, immediately figured out how best to conduct a conversation, what to embellish, what to ridicule, and what to ignore.

Therefore, if the groom comes to the bride’s house with matchmakers, they are the ones who begin the speech.

Here's what a stylized matchmaking dialogue between matchmakers might look like in our time:

Matchmakers from the groom's side:

Parents on the bride's side:

“Well, come on in and stay a little. Just tell me everything more seriously about the groom. Who is this, where did he come from, why did he come to us right away? Maybe we don’t have a young girl, a young girl.”

“Our groom is rich, the envy of the other guys. Enough for the house, he doesn’t miss out on his own. The horse is black, stately, and the groom himself is attractive. Here he is, combed, ironed, dressed in a beautiful shirt.”

Parents:

“Is his palace big? Or so, a hut and a plate of noodles?

“Eats for four, works for seven. He works hard, lives alone, without his mother. Registered in the palace, two cars on the porch. Painted chambers, yes, very rich"

Parents:

"Well! Come in, look at our young lady. Is your face cute? Is it blush or white? Braid to the waist, will not lose hair. Will she like him, young and single?”

“How could you not like it, yes, beauty! Yes, if you look for such suitors, you won’t find them even if you look through them 100 times. Young, healthy, and dressed to the nines. He's full of strength, doesn't drink, and will live a hundred years. And their offspring will be healthy. Agree quickly, perfect groom!”

In this spirit, the dialogue can be continued at your own discretion. You can also bargain, slightly belittling the dignity of the groom; all this is done in modern matchmaking traditions according to a pre-agreed scheme. The more funny trades there are, the more fun this day will be.

It is important to remember that after the groom has been shown to the bride, the matchmakers on the bride’s side must tell the groom’s parents or the groom himself, depending on who was present at the ceremony, that everything was good and tasty, the treat was to their liking, and the groom came to court.

But now it’s worth checking how the groom is living, whether everything is as good as the matchmakers said. Modern matchmaking customs often don't include this step, but it can also be a lot of fun. We will talk about how matchmaking takes place in the groom’s house, the so-called bridesmaid, in our next article.