I hate my father psychology. I hate my father: how to deal with this feeling

"Why do I hate my father?"

The editor of a popular magazine, where I published my materials from time to time, received a letter. Here it is.

“I am 17 years old. I study at one of the schools in Yekaterinburg. My grandmother subscribes to your magazine. I read it when I visit her. It seems that in the second issue of 1998 I read an article about how to love children, “Unconditional love." This article convinced me once again that my parents are far from Makarenki. My mother has only one excuse: “What character is given to a person, that is how he will develop.” On this basis, she accuses me of selfishness. Yes, maybe that’s it Well, I don’t argue. In this family, everyone except my mother loves only themselves. But I’m not only “selfish,” I’m also a “nothing” and a “creature.” Many times she had “heart-to-heart conversations” with me (I always against), but this only led to her or me running away to drink valerian.

My mother is 45 years old, my father is the same. I love and respect my mother, although less every year. I hate my father.

Why do I hate my father? For all! He disgusts me because of his “method of education,” most likely. He can hit me, my sister (she is 19 years old), and my mother. Of course, my sister and I get it most often. He began to add swearing to the assault. Believe me, he does not hit lightly, but he is strong, very strong. One was building a dacha. When we moved to a new apartment, I did everything with my own hands. If the car breaks down, he repairs it himself.

But even the beatings I could perhaps forgive him. What’s worse is that he kicked his mother-in-law, my grandmother, out of the house. I love and respect her more than anyone. She alone is able to forgive me, but they cannot. They remember all my misdeeds, down to the smallest, and always reproach me. But my father himself did not ask for a petition from either my sister, me, or my mother for all the insults. When I tell my mother all this, she begins to feel sorry for my father: he is an ulcer, he is the breadwinner of the family, this and that.

It is because of this, in essence, that we have disagreements with our mother. All this has been going on for as long as I can remember. And finally, I got tired of it all. What have I done?

I study the same as before, well, I read quite a lot, others - my peers - do not read at all. But my interests have changed. I run away from home at the slightest opportunity. Now I am mainly interested in taverns, rags, guys. I drink, I smoke. Or rather, I drink (as much as they pour). I lead a cheerful, carefree life. I don't believe in anything. Nothing! I am mentally lonely, I suddenly realized this. Relatives are strangers, friends are, in essence, not friends, but so on. Everything is boring to the point of nausea. Often the mood is such that you don’t want to live. There is emptiness ahead. Scary. Or maybe this is life itself?

Sincerely, Lena T.

In my comment I noted the following.

Lena's feelings are heated to the limit of tolerance. Life is difficult for her. And her whole family probably lives with the same intensity of feelings. For Lena, this intensity is higher, since it is multiplied by her age of 17 years. “Heart-to-heart conversations” in this family end with the use of valerian. Children are “educated” by assault and swearing. Labels like “selfish” and “nonentity” are used. Lena isn't the only one who has bad relationships With father, but sister, mother, grandmother too - both with him and, perhaps, with each other. Lena's hand firmly wrote in the letter: “I hate my father.”

But here’s what else I saw in this desperate and even cruel confession. Lena loves her father. And suffers from a lack of reciprocity. Lena is trying to find the love she is missing on the side: “I am mainly interested in taverns, rags, guys.” And he doesn’t find it. If I had found it, I would not have written such a desperate letter. And he won’t find it... because until there is peace in the soul with his father, there will be no loving guy. This is the psychological law: until a person accepts his parents in peace and forgives them for their insults, he will not find peace within himself. And people are not attracted well to an embittered person.

Now Lena is self-immolating. The firewood for her fire is hatred of her father. I read this letter and don’t understand who she hates more – her father or herself?

In very ancient times, one ruler was interested in the essence of good and evil. He asked the sage which organs in a person represent the most beautiful thing in him. The sage silently left, and after a while he brought the heart and tongue of the beast to the ruler. Then the ruler asked to show him the most disgusting organs. And again the sage brought his heart and tongue. The Lord exclaimed in surprise: “You bring the same thing as the best and as the worst, why?!”

The sage replied: “If what a person feels and thinks comes from a pure heart and the tongue speaks only honestly, then the heart and tongue are the most valuable organs. The person to whom they belong feels healthy and happy. If the heart is closed and hides his feelings ", and the tongue speaks false and unjust things, then the heart and tongue become true punishment for the one to whom they belong. The discord and misfortunes that they tear out fill him from the inside, and happiness turns away from him."

From Lena’s letter it is clear that she knows how to feel deeply, knows how to be sincere. Every written word opens Lena's heart, and does not hide secret motives. Her tongue is honest and her heart is open. This is why I think that Lena is able to overcome difficulties, including the difficulties of self-knowledge and self-determination in life. That is why I tell her: many people, including me, have solved the same problem - how to establish a calm, good relationship with their parents. At one time it turned out to be very difficult for me to forgive my parents. I also suffered for a long time and suffered...

If the heart is filled to the brim with anger and indignation, even justified, then what is the benefit of this to the same Lena? Life is bad, painful. Neither taverns nor rags help.

She wrote that she leads a "fun, carefree" life. In fact, she is not having fun, but applying painkillers to her mental wounds.

There is another way - to fill the heart with other feelings. With love. Sympathy. Self-respect. And then self-destructive behavior will simply become impossible, and there will be no need for it. To do this, you need to free your heart from anger and hatred. How?

Lena can understand that she is now an adult, that she is independent and can create her life according to her own plan. Like an adult, not like a rebellious teenager. Life is a box from which you only take out what you put in it. Even a 17-year-old person can understand this. “The mind does not wait for a beard,” says the proverb. Of course, it is difficult to get rid of feelings, but you can avoid cultivating them. You also have to think, and not just suffer. If Lena nurtures her suffering, then I can suspect that it benefits her. Perhaps, in her own eyes, suffering gives her the right to taverns. It doesn’t take long to fall into addiction.

To understand means to forgive. Lena, try to understand your parents. And remember that you need this, not them.

Which family - conflictual or harmonious - does your dad come from?

How was life for him as a child? Maybe it was from there, from his family, that he picked up the habit of solving problems using “forceful” methods? Lena's father reacts to difficulties violently and emotionally. Many doctors believe that this is good for his health. If he had held back, he might have had not only an ulcer, but also a heart attack. Behind her grievances, Lena does not notice that her father is suffering a lot. He may also suffer from his difficult character. No wonder, as Lena writes, his mother feels sorry for him.

Lena, you can become a biographer of your parents. Ask, before it is too late, what they have experienced and are currently experiencing. I am sure that you will find something for which you can love, respect and forgive them.

Why am I asking a girl who is confused in her relationship with her parents to change her anger to mercy? Yes, because I firmly know (both as a person who has already lived in the world and as a specialist) that when we hate someone, we hate ourselves.

Negative feelings reduce our vitality. They seem to knock out of our hands the building material from which we can build ourselves as a self-confident, satisfied person with life.

In the psychotherapeutic group with which I work, there are people for 40 years or more who, like chains, carry claims against their parents. Although with difficulty, they get rid of this burden, exchanging anger for mercy.

This is how I answered Lena 2 years ago. Then I encountered a number of similar stories in psychotherapeutic practice. And I made the following notes.

Fathers and daughters

Love is like suffering

Olya was sent to me by her father. She has been crying every day for the second month now and calling Igor in another city every day. The girl suffers from love for Igor. My father, my colleague, a doctor, asks me to treat Olya, perhaps she is depressed.

Olya suffers from unrequited love. She selflessly loves Igor, she says that she cannot live without him.

The history of their relationship is briefly as follows. After college, where Igor and Olya studied together, Igor went abroad, where he found a job in his specialty. Olya went after him. Her influential father helped her find a place in graduate school, although not in her specialty. Olya was ready to do anything just to be close to Igor.

There, abroad, chaos began in their relationship. Once upon a time, back at the institute, Igor confessed his love to Olya, and now, when Olya left her hometown, her home and followed him, Igor acted distant.

He was always busy with work and said that he carried out experiments in his laboratory until 11 pm. On Sundays he has tennis. He didn’t have enough time to meet with Olya.

One day, on the occasion of his birthday, Igor invited guests, pointed out to Olya three girls among them and said that he had slept with each of them.

Having reached this point in her story, Olya began to cry loudly. The insult that Igor inflicted on her feminine pride is one of those injections that are difficult to forget and rarely forgiven. But Olya continues to love.

Olya's acquaintances took part in her fate. Some sympathized, others condemned. They said that she allowed Igor to wipe his feet on her, that she had no pride.

My diagnosis: codependency.

I again remembered a book about codependency with a very characteristic title, “Women Who Love Too Much.”

I'm interested in the roots of codependency, where Olya got it from. It is necessary to understand the nature of the relationships in the parental family.

I know Olya's family. There are no alcoholics there. My father is very caring, he works hard all his life and has achieved a lot. I myself saw how he left the department with patients only at 21 o’clock and said that he always stayed so late. I had no doubt that the father adored his daughter.

I was surprised to hear from Olya that not only did she not have warm feelings for her father, but it was difficult for her, even impossible, as she put it, to be in the same room with him. Six months ago they broke up when Olya was leaving abroad. She had to force herself to hug her father goodbye at the airport.

I ask Olya a few questions regarding her early childhood:

– Tell me, Olya, do you remember being little, sitting on your father’s lap?

- No, I do not remember.

– Do you remember his hands, his touch?

“We have a photograph where my father is holding my hand, but I don’t remember such feelings at all.” He may have touched me, but my body doesn’t remember anything.

– How did you perceive your father as a child?

“He always seemed strict and inaccessible to me. It's like a monument on a pedestal.

- How is Igor now?

– In terms of inaccessibility and coldness, it seems. Let's remember this Olino "looks like".

From the story of married 42-year-old Alevtina:

– As a child, I was always angry with my father because he offended my mother. I couldn't express my anger in any way. Now my husband is hurting me. My feelings for my husband are exactly the same as what I felt for my father. The only difference is that back then I couldn’t be openly angry at my father, but I pour out everything I feel on my husband. And it comes to assault.

Mother of two children Irina, 29 years old, lives in a marriage with a “difficult” husband who drinks, goes out and doesn’t come home for three days at a time. Irina talks about her experience of communicating with her father as a child:

“My parents separated when I was two years old. My father tried to visit me, but my mother prevented this. Mom was very offended by his adultery. When I went to school, my father sometimes met me on the street and gave me gifts. And then my mother said that he had nothing to do, so he followed me. And he pays me off with gifts because he feels guilty.

In almost all three destinies with the experience of difficult relationships between women and men, one general pattern can be traced: the father as a warm, caring, loving person with whom his daughter - a little woman - could have a “love affair”, was absent. Because of being busy at work (workaholism?), because of conflictual relationships with your spouse (maybe even fought - domestic violence) or because of adultery and alcohol abuse - it doesn’t even matter what. It is important that he was emotionally unavailable to his daughter, he was at an emotional distance. Whether he was at home or not (divorce) is not so important.

Many fathers do not know the needs of their children. The main need of children is love. Perhaps Olya had already forgotten how, as a girl, she tried to caress her father and give him pleasure, but he ordered in an imperious, peremptory tone: “Now it’s time to sleep.” Or, looking absentmindedly at his daughter’s drawing, he remarked quickly: “It’s a good drawing, but now go for a walk.” Or even more sharply: “I told you, don’t bother me!”

The most painful feelings in childhood come from situations when we feel rejected by those we love. Those who have experienced this feeling even in adulthood are more afraid than fire of being rejected and abandoned. In some cases, as with Olya, emotional hunger that has not been satisfied since childhood pushes the girl to actions that seem strange at first glance. To excessive and painful attachment to your chosen one. The desire to belong to someone is so strong that the girl literally sticks to the guy and endures from him what she should not tolerate (high tolerance for offensive behavior).

In this sense, the testimony of Anastasia Ivanovna Tsvetaeva is noteworthy. I read in her book "Memoirs":

Our father was more like a grandfather: humorous, affectionate, and close-minded.

And elsewhere:

His touching absent-mindedness in everyday life created legends about him. This did not surprise us; dad always thinks about his Museum. Somehow, without any explanation from adults, we understood this.

The image of a father: kind, touching, immersed in his affairs - during the childhood years of Marina and Anastasia, their father was absorbed in the creation of the now world-famous Museum of Fine Arts named after A.S. Pushkin. And for children he was an emotionally unavailable person.

Here Anastasia Ivanovna talks about her first ardent love and, following it, a hasty, subsequently unhappy marriage. First meeting at the skating rink:

There was something dazzling, undeniable, never seen, needed in this man who flew up and sped off. Everything stopped. The only thing that mattered was his return.

Who is he, this amazing man, mocking to the core and - I feel it! - lyrical to the depths of the heart, beyond comprehension and description, tearing out of them like an eel from your hands?!

Is it possible for a person (just a person, and not that ideal hero who cannot be “understood and described”) to withstand such intensity of feelings, such a play of imagination, such a high level of expectations?! Young Asya Tsvetaeva, as you know, soon went through the drama of divorce.

The chosen one of my client Olya, either due to his upbringing and mental development, or times are really different, cruel, - he only rejects Olya’s “excessive” love, resorting to insults unworthy of a man.

You may say, what about the long, happy in its own way, albeit cloudless marriage of Asya’s sister, Marina Tsvetaeva, with Sergei Efron, since they had one father?

Well, firstly, at other times Sergei Efron had a very difficult time, as evidenced by his letters.

I would like to draw the reader’s attention to Marina Ivanovna’s romantic hobbies. There were a lot of them. And in everyone everything is the same: intensity of feelings, idealization of all the qualities of the “hero”, a high level of requirements, then a decline, similar to disappointment in the “hero”, who did not live up to expectations.

The words of Cordelia from “King Lear” by W. Shakespeare come to mind: “I will pass on the love of my father to my husband.”

It's no secret that negative emotions have a detrimental effect on health. If a person hates someone very much, then he may develop psychosomatic diseases and have difficulties in his personal life and self-realization. Girls and women who experience negative emotions towards their dad suffer especially hard. The thought “I hate my father” blocks the ability to love and trust men in principle. If hatred is caused by violence on the part of the father, then the woman can subsequently attract the same aggressive people to herself, so to speak, unconsciously playing out the “role of the victim.” Girls who have not known their father's love often have low self-esteem.

Things are a little better with the boys. They are less sensitive and vulnerable. But even here, hatred of the father can greatly cripple one’s fate. With constant attacks from the father on the mother, the boy can reject his masculine essence, become feminine, or adopt the model of his behavior in relation to his wife and children.

What is hatred and why does it arise?

Hatred towards a father is never groundless. Usually its cause is hidden in some traumatic event. Most often, hatred is caused by the aggressive behavior of the father, drunkenness, leaving for another family, or bad attitude towards the mother. A feeling of contempt similar to hatred can arise if the father is endowed with a weak character, does not work, complains about life, and cannot provide for the family.

But what is hatred? In essence, hatred is the same love, only painted with negative colors. It is impossible to hate a person who is indifferent.

In the situation with the father, the mechanism for the emergence of hatred is quite simple. A child needs the love and care of a parent; this is a natural instinct necessary for survival. Not receiving an answer, or even worse, faced with violence, the child becomes disappointed, angry, and feels despair from the inability to receive pleasure and joy from closeness with a loved one. Love freezes and becomes covered with a crust of bitter resentment and hatred. That is why children who hate their fathers often rush from trying to earn attention and love to cold contempt and alienation. Whatever one may say, the bond between parents and children is the strongest.

How to stop hating your father?

Dealing with feelings of hatred towards your father is difficult. This may take years, even decades. But it's better late than never, isn't it? So what to do:

Stop being angry at your father from a child's perspective.
Understand why he became like this.
Throw out all the nagativity and forgive.
Build communication with your father from the position of an adult.

If the grievances are very strong and literally interfere with life, it is better to go through this path with a psychologist. Serious childhood traumas, such as rape by a father or murder of a mother, are almost impossible to resolve on your own.

How to overcome children's grievances towards their father?

“I hate my father because he did not provide for our family.” “I hate him for betraying and running away from us.” “I hate that drunkard.” “I remember how he beat my mother, and I could not do anything, I could not protect her. I hate it."

All these statements are typical of a child who needs a father. If you are 18 years of age or older, you are already an adult. You have grown up and are no longer dependent on your father. A new stage of life has begun, where you will soon become a parent yourself. You need to prepare for this in every possible way: master a profession, get a job, choose a good partner to start a family.

Why continue to hate your father? The past cannot be changed. Good or bad, it is part of you. All traumatic events played a role in the development of your personality. These character traits need to be identified and learned to be used for good.

Practical task. Stay alone and quiet and replay the most traumatic events from your childhood. Imagine that they are happening not to you, but to your child. Try to calm and comfort this baby. Explain to him, to the best of your ability, why this is all happening to him.

Author's advice. Unfortunately, good fathers are rare. Thousands of children grow up in single-parent families, in orphanages, are exposed to violence, and every day they see their father drinking and beating their mother. This experience is traumatic, to be sure, but it provides an opportunity to learn valuable lessons. A lesson in what you should never do.

How can we understand his actions?

It’s probably hard for you to imagine that once upon a time your father was a sweet child, making little beads in the sandbox and not foreshadowing any trouble. But that's exactly how it was. No one will ever say: “I’ll grow up and be an alcoholic, I’ll beat and hurt my children.” No, everything happens differently. A person becomes “bad” under the influence of certain circumstances, difficulties, blows of fate. To stop hating your father, you need to understand why he became like this.

Practical task. Track your father's life journey. Interview grandparents, neighbors, and mother about events that happened in his life. Write the information down on a piece of paper so you don't forget. When the picture comes together, imagine yourself in his place.

Throw out the negativity and forgive

Hatred combines many different feelings. This is resentment, disappointment, contempt, anger, self-pity. In order for them to stop ruining life, it is important to give hatred an outlet. How to do it:

Sometimes several sessions may be required. Repeat them day after day, many times, until you feel that you are no longer able to be angry. When you notice a significant relief from negativity, check your condition with a small test. Introduce your father and say, “I forgive you.” If the phrase comes easily, then you can stop beating the pillow. It's time to move on.

Build a painless relationship with your father

After you have realized that your father is an unhappy person and have forgiven him for his actions, you need to learn to communicate with him again. This should be communication between two adults built on mutual respect. Practical tips:

Start with a clean slate. Don't stoop to accusations or insults.
If you have the strength and desire, try to help your father take the right path.
Find common topics of conversation, or better yet, a common activity.
Start devoting more time to self-development.

Perhaps over time you will be able to become friends with your father. We all make mistakes, and if a person is aware of them, then you need to give him a chance. If, in your opinion, the situation is hopeless, and communication with the parent only causes pain, then you should move away for a while. When living together, it would be right to think about moving. However, do not forget that the situation may change over time.

Author's advice. Children who hate their father often have complaints against their mother: “she didn’t protect me,” “she didn’t drive me away,” “she suffered bullying.” It is very important to work through the trauma caused by both parents. Understand, forgive, and try not to repeat their mistakes.

Hate in adolescence

Relationships between parents and teenagers are rarely ideal. From about 12-13 years old, children begin to mature. They want to learn and “conquer” this world, to test their strength.

Many parents don’t understand this and begin to punish and impose restrictions even worse than before: “no partying”, “if you’re late for a minute, you’ll have to sit at home for a week”, “just try to bring a bad mark, I’ll flog you”, “if you didn’t clean your room, that means you’ll be left without a computer.” and a tablet." Fathers are especially unrestrained in terms of educational measures. They do not understand that it is too late to punish a child at this age. At a minimum, he will hate his parents, and at maximum, he will completely run away from home.

In such a situation, you need to work with both the parents and the child. The father must learn to be a friend, mentor, example, and the mother must learn to be an assistant and friend. The teenager, in turn, needs to try to be more restrained, treat his parents with respect, listen and trust.

Probably, in some ideal world, every child lives in a complete family with a loving father and mother. But in reality the situation is different. That is life. You need to accept your imperfect relationship with your father as a given and, if possible, try to change it.

Lada, Vyshny Volochyok

Greetings to all readers of our site! Another letter with an urgent problem: Hello, I am very worried right now and I would like to get some good advice from you. In my family, I really hate my father. He is disgusting, stupid, constantly quarrels, makes scandals, and is generally not happy with anything. A very difficult person! And this attitude, with hatred, is not only mine, but many people who know him. If it were up to me, I would have killed him long ago, but this is a sin and I don’t want to ruin my life because of such a bastard. I don’t know what to do anymore, when I see him I already want to hit him... Please help me before I lose my temper.

Firstly, you need to understand and accept that you cannot change another person. In general, undertaking to change and remake other people, especially if they don’t want it, is the most thankless and useless thing, and it never ends in anything good.

Secondly, – ! Different in their level of development, level of intelligence as well. And they are different in degree - some are kind, bright Souls, others are evil, negative, dark and vile. People are different and you have no influence on this. You can only accept this fact and learn to interact correctly with both one and the other so that you feel comfortable.

And now the direct answer to the question.

I hate my Father! How to deal with hatred?

Often, such an attitude, especially towards close relatives, is a consequence of karmic knots and debts from past lives. If such negative connections from the past persist, you need to find their causes and remove them. Perhaps you have killed each other more than once in the past, and you were brought together again into one family so that you could finally close your sins to each other, saying goodbye to hatred and resentment.

So, you can’t change a person, you need to change yourself. Especially if the person, as you say, is not very smart. Not very smart - this means a low level of development. To demand that he change and become different is not only useless, but also stupid.

There are two ways to solve this problem:

1. Remove hatred from yourself , for this, read and work through the article -. Also, I recommend that you look at your father as a big and unreasonable child. What is obvious to you, he cannot yet understand, his soul has not yet matured. Why demand the impossible from him? Perhaps this will help remove some of the negativity and excessive demands from him.

And here too. Whatever he is, he is your father. Perhaps you would like to have a different, more worthy father, but this is exactly the father you have. And you can't change it in any way. This means only one thing - they deserve it! Therefore, learn to be grateful to fate for what you have! Parents should never be scolded, because by birth we owe them, so it is important to be able to find in ourselves at least a drop of gratitude to them, no matter what they are. And learn to forgive their imperfections, because they are not gods.

Advice– look for what you can thank him for! If you really want it, you can always find gratitude!

2. It is advisable to find and remove the root causes of hatred , specifically according to your situation. These are karmic knots with your father, which you yourself most likely will not remove. Here we need the help of a good person who can see the root causes and knows how to remove karmic knots.

Read more about this in the article -

If you decide to work thoroughly -! I can send you the contacts of a good Spiritual Healer. When karmic knots are untied, joint punishments are removed from people - the situation is often revealed miraculously. Even the father himself may change greatly in relation to you, or you will begin to look at him completely differently, without hatred.

3. I also recommend working through touchiness and other negative emotions. that arise. It is very important to learn not to hold evil within yourself, because the negative energy of resentment and hatred destroys you first of all!

Read and work through the article -

I wish you success!

Best regards, Vasily Vasilenko

I live with my father and mother. It so happened that throughout my life I saw swearing, anger and misunderstanding from my father. More precisely, we are like neighbors, during the whole day we can exchange a few words and that’s it. He was never there when he was needed. He and his mother argue with or without reason, and, as for me, he is always wrong. His relatives do nothing but condemn me and my mother. Everything we don't do is bad. My father always lived for his own pleasure and did not care about his family. He does whatever he wants, he doesn’t work, he spends everything he manages to earn only on himself. And over the last year I began to catch myself thinking that I simply hate him. There is no question of kindred feelings and love, but he annoys me terribly. When I see him, I have a desire to cry from hopelessness. I can't help it. I'm asking for advice! How should I deal with such a situation? How to get rid of hatred and? I really want to leave and live separately, but I’m not 18 and I can’t do that yet.

I hate my father

Hello Alice!
I understand your condition and dissatisfaction with the situation, conflicts, aggression. Other teenagers are experiencing a similar problem. However, imagine for a moment that the discomfort you are experiencing is not directly related to your parents. I mean that the nature of the occurrence of aggression towards the father is not based on interpersonal relationships. Aggression towards the father is a sign of the separation stage. Unfortunately, I don’t know your exact age, I can only say that you are at exactly this stage in the process of growing up. And the process is proceeding correctly. The feeling of hopelessness can be caused by the presence of a paradox. The paradox in the situation you describe is that, against the background of aggression towards the father, problems with separation may be associated with the figure of the mother. This is evidenced by the fact that in the described conflict between parents you take her side. The child should not take part in the relationship between the parents at all. And if this happens (parents have nowhere to be alone), then the child should not choose sides. The parents' responsibility is to monitor this and, if necessary, have a conversation with the child - to explain to him that the relationship between parents and the relationship between parents and the child are not related things. To better understand what I'm talking about, ask yourself the question: am I sure that I know exactly at what moment or under what circumstances a child needs a father? - How should an adult man behave with an adult woman? - What does the definition of “taking care of the family” mean for an adult man? If there are doubts in at least one of your answers, then we can assume that the characteristics that you give to your father do not come from within, but are imposed. In psychology, this phenomenon is called “introject”. Now you have a great opportunity to free yourself from it. The older a person is, the more difficult it becomes to do this. Alice, you are asking a very correct question! And, most importantly, timely. Now is a time in your life when you need to separate from your parents. I'm not talking about moving. Try to maintain neutrality of opinion and not get involved in the relationship between the parents. Then harmonious development awaits you. Taking someone's side in conflicts, unequal importance of parents in life, can lead to a “distortion” in development. “Parents are not chosen” - this statement can help to accept parents as they are. It is important to understand that now you are not able to see the whole picture of the future. And you don’t know for sure what inherited qualities of your parents are necessary for a successful life. It is better to try to avoid judging what is good and what is bad in advance. And take everything you can with you on the road! Pay more attention to yourself and your personal needs. If you suddenly want to study the topic “parents and children” in more detail, you can read the literature. This issue is included in the section of developmental psychology. Or sign up for a consultation. I'll be glad to help!
Sincerely,
Roman Lyubushin!

I hate it!!!
And I’m crying because I’m not used to experiencing so much hatred, I had less of this feeling for the freaks who mocked me () because they abused my body, and Stas (Darinka’s dad) hits me where it hurts...
Today I went to look at the money on the card, and there... 4690 rubles!!! My legs were already giving way... I didn’t have enough air, how could that be?!!! In past months it was 17,000-20,000... I knew that now it would be less, but not like that!!! Must be 8-10 thousand...
I call him...
him: hi, complain.. Me: I’m not complaining, did you receive a salary? or spine? him: call the accounting department and find out!!
me: how much should it be? him: how much did it come me: 4000, him: that’s how it should be, and as you wanted, me: fuck you...
Well, I can't talk to him...
and then the SMS correspondence began
He
You thought you would receive 17,000 all your life NO. Get used to it next month. There will be even less and in modern times even less.
I
I didn’t think anything, I don’t touch my daughter’s money
you want to say they are all lying on the book and you haven’t taken a ruble. I WILL NOT BELIEVE
I rent 3000 every month for food.(Of course, this is not so, but there is no need for him to know this, or he thinks I buy my daughter a crib, a stroller, clothes, powders, diapers for 3000, I don’t work)
I could throw these 3000 on the book myself and even more, if possible, since you don’t have enough, and in time your daughter will compensate me for your GREED AND STILLS... (he offered to give me 3000 monthly!!! and even the minimum wage is more!!! and it will be to compensate... it’s he who threatens that he will file for alimony when he gets old... but he apparently doesn’t understand that a brick can fall from the sky on your head)
For the first time I see a person who is happy that he is infringing on his daughter.
While I'm alive, you won't even come within a meter of her.
But did I need it WAS and NOW? IT'S YOU NEEDING IT AND ALIMONY TOO..(when he yelled at me that either have an abortion or send him to an orphanage, I told him, I’ll give birth, but don’t even come near me later, to which he replied that he would sue the child from me, and he didn’t mind enrolling my daughter in myself)
You had to put on the shit that I gave you!(it was right in his hands, and he...)
Should have had an abortion
First cut off your own ****, and then send me to an abortion
AND THEIR CHILDREN They don’t pay child support, but pay it or provide for them according to their needs
They give it to their children, and do not wait until six months when they are asked.(he came to his senses when he received a letter from the court, and before that I called him, reminded him that he had a daughter, but...)
Didn't I pre-l Rev. book and give coordinates because of the STUPIDITY OF THEIR MOTHERS - OUR CHILDREN SUFFER :-(
(suggested after the trial.)
And then the heavy artillery came... he has two things, so that God forbid they talk badly about him and all sorts of sorcery... slander...
I wrote here on the Internet about you and our situation. Everyone is so shocked.(I told you this)
And everyone on the Internet said to you in shock that you are a saint only without brains.(he doesn’t have an Internet connection, and in general he’s not computer friendly, and mutual friends have turned their backs on him)
I read a conspiracy here by accident, since I’m a saint, I’ll go to church tomorrow, read it, and let’s see how many more children you have.(I have never done this and will not do this!!! but it will blow his mind!!!)
No answer yet, unavailable, probably at work. He is a railway driver, so it happens to him.

And today I had to pick up orders for children’s clothes, pay, well, off I went... I had 1000 left (I bought the main food). I went without my daughter, came, and she was really happy, took her in my arms, walked around the apartment, calmed down, we went into my grandfather’s room, and she was digging into me with her little hands, saying that I won’t stay with him, I’m with you...
I bathed her... then we sat with her, she was on her knees facing me, I could barely breathe... my heart was heavy... I wanted to dress her, but she grabbed me and pressed herself to my heart, stomach... ahhh.. . daughter... even now I’m crying... just at that moment thoughts came into my head for some reason: how could I have an abortion if she clings to me SOOO... I don’t know where these thoughts came from, I’ve NEVER I never thought about this in my life...

By the way, the correspondence was copied verbatim, with all errors
P/S/ I don’t condemn those who had an abortion, everyone has their own life.