Kabbalah as a method of achieving similarity to nature Kabbalah as a science arose at a time when there was a need to explore the reasons for the growth of egoism in man. Kabbalah claims that the property of everything that exists is the egoistic desire to receive pleasure. However

1.6. The law of similarity of properties I am and there is what I comprehend. To be able to perceive something, my sensory organs must be similar to what I perceive. Accordingly, our ability to perceive the spiritual world is determined by the degree of our similarity

8.5. The principle of similarity of properties Only in this way will we truly free ourselves from all the prohibitions of nature. When a person is disgusted by any receiving for himself and his soul is free from all the unnecessary and petty pleasures of the body and the desire for honor, he freely lives in the world of the Creator.

Are we most often attracted to people who are different from us?

The idea that opposites attract is a standard part of the modern cultural landscape. Films, novels and television sitcoms are filled with stories of passionate love between diametrically opposed characters. There's even an entire website dedicated to "opposites attract" films, such as You've Got Mail, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, and The Maid, starring Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes. The brilliant 2007 comedy Knocked Up, starring Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl, is perhaps Hollywood's latest contribution to the endless string of romance misalliances (for you die-hard movie buffs, the best "opposites attract" movie of all time, according to this site) - 1934 comedy “It Happened One Night”).

Many of us are convinced that people who are opposite in personality, beliefs, and appearance are more likely to like each other (the technical term for the attraction of opposites is “complementarity”).

Psychologist Lynne McCutcheon found that 77% of college students agree that opposites attract in romantic relationships. In his popular book Opposites Attract, Tim LaHaye informs readers that “two people of the same temperament almost never marry. Why? Because similar temperaments repel each other, not attract.” This belief is also widespread
in literature and on the ever-popular online dating sites.

On a website called Soulmate, Dr. Harville Hendricks, Ph.D., states, “In my experience, only opposites attract because that is the nature of reality” (Hendrix’s italics, not ours, by the way). “The big myth in our culture,” he says later, “is that compatibility is the basis for a relationship.
In fact, compatibility is the basis for boredom.” Visitors to another site, Matchmaker, may read that “the saying 'opposites attract' is indeed true in some cases. Perhaps the initial attraction to a person arises from their difference from us... some people find difference arousing.”

However, for most proverbs in folk psychology there is an opposite proverb. While you've almost certainly heard that "opposites attract," you've probably also heard that "a fisherman sees a fisherman from afar." Which statement is best supported by scientific evidence?

Unfortunately for Dr. Hendricks, research suggests that his myths are the exact opposite of what is real. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, opposites don't attract. And instead of complementarity (mutual complementarity), they are dominated by hemophilia (a fancy term for the tendency of similar people to be attracted to each other). In this regard, online dating sites that attempt to match prospective partners based on similarities in personality traits and attitudes are essentially on the right track (although there is little evidence of how successful these sites are in connecting people in pairs).

Similarity in personality traits is not just a good predictor of initial attractiveness. It is a good predictor of marital happiness.

Indeed, numerous studies demonstrate that people with similar personality traits are more likely to be attracted to each other than people with dissimilar personality traits (Lewak, Wakefield & Briggs). For example, choleric people (that is, energetic, goal-oriented, time-conscious, and aggressive) prefer partners with similar personalities, and the opposite is true for people with other personality types (Morell, Twillman & Sullaway). By the way, the same rule applies to friendship. We are more likely to associate with people with similar personality traits than with dissimilar ones.

Similarity of personality traits is not just a good predictor of initial attractiveness. It is also a good predictor of marital stability and happiness (Caspi & Herbener; Lazarus). Obviously, for satisfaction in marriage, the presence of such a quality as responsibility in both spouses is especially important (Nemechek & Olson). So if you're a completely messy and disorganized person, you'll probably be better off finding someone who isn't completely obsessed with order and neatness.

The message that “like attracts like” transcends personal boundaries and extends to our attitudes and values. The classic work of Donn Byrne and his colleagues demonstrates that the more similar a person's attitude to life is to our own (for example, the more similar our political views are), the more we like that person (Byrne; Byrne, London & Reeves) . Interestingly, this association is similar to what psychologists call a "linear" (or straight-line) function, in which proportionally greater similarity in relationships leads to proportionately more liking.

Thus, we are twice as likely to be attracted to people with whom we agree on 6 points out of 10 than to those with whom we agree on 3 points out of 10. However, at least some scientific evidence suggests that in prediction Attraction to another person is much more important than the dissimilarity in attitude towards life (Rosenbaum). That is: although people with similar attitudes to life may be slightly likely to be attracted to each other, people with different attitudes to life are unlikely to be attracted to each other.

It's not that opposites don't attract, they often just repel each other.

Biologists Peter Baston and Stephen Emlen asked 978 survey participants to rate the importance of 10 characteristics they look for in a long-term partner, such as wealth, ambition, devotion, parenting habits and physical attractiveness. They then asked these participants to rate whether they had the same 10 characteristics (character traits). The two sets of scores were significantly related and were even more related in women than in men, although the reason for this sex difference is not clear.

We should not take Baston and Emlen's results too seriously, since they are based solely on self-report. What people say they want in a partner is not always what they actually want, and individuals are sometimes biased in their descriptions of themselves. Additionally, what people say they value in a potential partner may not always predict their initial attraction to others (after all, many of us have fallen in love with people we knew weren't right for us). However, Baston and Emlen's results fit perfectly with a large body of other research showing that when we look for a soul mate, we look for someone who matches our personality and values ​​in life.

How did the myth of opposites attract come about?

No one knows for sure, but we will provide three versions for your consideration. First, we must recognize that this myth would make a great story for a Hollywood movie. Stories about Joe and Candace getting married are almost always more interesting than stories about two similar people getting married. In most cases, these stories are also more exciting. Since we see more “opposites attract” stories in movies, books, and television programs than “similarities attract” stories, the first stories may seem trivial to us. Secondly, we all yearn for someone who can make us “whole,” who can compensate for our weaknesses. Bob Dylan, in one of his songs (“The Wedding Song,” released in 1973), wrote about the desire to find the “missing piece” that completes us and is like the missing piece of a puzzle. However, at crucial times, we may be drawn to people who are most like us. Third and finally, there may be some truth to the myth of “opposites attracting” because a few interesting differences between partners can spice up a relationship (Baron & Byrne).

Being with someone who sees everything exactly the same way as we do and agrees with us on every issue can be nice but boring. However, no scientist has yet tested the hypothesis that “similar people with some differences are attracted to each other.”

It doesn't take much intelligence to fall in love. But in order for you to develop and maintain relationships, you need to really try. What to do if, after experiencing the dizzying episodes of the candy-bouquet period, you realized that you are complete opposites of each other?

Do opposites really attract?

According to the laws of chemistry, ions with opposite charges attract and form a strong bond. It is believed that in life, people with different characters look for each other in order to form a couple in which they can live like on a volcano. However, no one remembers the laws of physics, according to which electrons of opposite charge are attracted and then fly apart in different directions.

This is more true when it comes to the average romantic relationship. People who thought communication was fun at the very beginning, after a while, notice how their inconsistencies prevent them from living peacefully. They fight over every little thing, even small things like making a restaurant reservation for dinner begin to become a major problem.

How to learn to accept differences?

The main differences in character traits - organization and spontaneity - become a stumbling block in everyday life and leisure activities. This gives rise to a lot of contradictions. These two (Timofey and Lilia) love each other, but their habits prevent them from being together. It is difficult for a woman to understand why a man cannot appreciate the convenience of planning. The chosen one laments why it is so difficult for his beloved to simply go with the flow?

The main mistake people make is when they try to view another person's behavior through the prism of their own standards and upbringing. So if you want to learn to accept differences, you need to try to put yourself in your partner's shoes, and not the other way around.

People are products of their upbringing

Spontaneity in behavior and the desire for total chaos in everyday life can easily be explained by a super-democratic upbringing. If our hero was never asked to put away the dishes, wash personal belongings and do general cleaning on weekends as a child, he will never do this in adulthood. He was the youngest of three children in the family, and also the only boy, so his mother always treated him condescendingly.

When Timofey became a student, it was foolish to expect that he would change his everyday habits. But this did not stop him from getting a programmer education and getting a job as an engineer in one of the large companies. This man goes where his heart leads, he is not used to following rules or making plans. Our hero is happy with the life and work he likes, and he sees nothing wrong with the standards he has.

Strict upbringing creates a desire to plan

Lilia, on the contrary, grew up in a strict family, and her older brother was always a role model. Adults regularly put pressure on her, they set high expectations for her and reproached her if there were no “A”s in her diary. As a child, she was forced to live according to a clear schedule, hence the habit of planning.

This girl was always an excellent student, she entered a prestigious university, and as a result quickly rose to the position of senior manager in the same company in which her chosen one worked. Our heroine is also quite happy with life, she works hard and has a good income. Lilia is sure that all this would have been impossible to achieve without the habit of planning.

What works for you doesn't work for your partner

You may not realize that you are doing this, but every time you will evaluate your chosen one by your internal standards, embedded in you by the parenting style of your parents. Therefore, if your lover has never been punctual, this will annoy you. Your expectations create additional stress and place a heavy burden on your partner's shoulders. He is forced to adapt to you, but this makes him unhappy. He has to do this, because otherwise he will lose you.

How to strengthen relationships?

Consider that each person is a unique individual, so your partner may feel different emotions and react to situations differently. And if something works better for him, don't judge him for it. Stop interfering every time you see him doing things his way again. It’s better to ask why his method is so good and exchange experiences. This way you will have a better understanding of each other. Explain why it is important for you to plan ahead. Listen to the benefits of spontaneous living. Try to understand and respect these differences.