Latest requests for help. How to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend I want to understand how I can hint to my parents that it’s not only difficult for them...

Lpyzh, 14 years old

I want to understand how I can hint to my parents that it’s not only difficult for them...

A couple of months ago I already asked a question here, to which I received an answer that I understood. Then they advised me to see a psychologist with my mother, everything was explained well, I was able to calm down for a while. The problem is that I didn’t describe everything that worries me, because my question would be simply huge, and the thoughts in my head are starting to get confused from all this. One more detail - my mother doesn’t really notice that it’s time for me to go to a psychologist, even after I said it almost directly. I think it will be clear why I can’t tell her directly: I’m afraid and don’t really want to communicate with a psychologist in person, just as I don’t want to tell my parents at all that it’s worth paying attention to my mental health.
Well, my next problem is that I constantly have my head in the clouds. I’ve already seen many questions with the same problem, I think it’s quite banal, but I can’t get out of this fantasy world in which everything is terribly perfect, in which I don’t hate myself. I’m simply no longer interested in what’s happening around me, I’m stuck in my fantasies and can’t get out of them. I can't go outside and enjoy beautiful nature because I don't see anything beautiful anymore. It’s already difficult to surprise me, I’m constantly bored and sad, I can’t see anything good in things. Even when everything seems to be going just fine, I don’t care. Almost nothing makes me happy anymore, in my fantasies I idealize everything around me, even myself, perhaps this is one of the reasons why everything is so gray for me now.
I also worry that I can’t show love and attention, I don’t like being touched, I don’t like hugging. Sometimes it seems to me that I cannot even love my parents, yes, I feel some kind of affection, but I cannot call it love. There is no such closeness as there was before, at least with my mother (I doubt that I had any closeness with my father at all). I just want to hide somewhere and never come out again. Although, I don’t go outside anyway, which can be seen by my bruises under my eyes and pale skin that hasn’t seen the sun for centuries. I can't talk to my parents - we don't understand each other. Absolutely. I find it almost impossible to show empathy and compassion, and it is very difficult for me to understand other people and start a conversation with them. Soon I will once again be transferred to a new school, I understand that it was my choice, but I also understand that I will not be able to make friends there.
In my last question, I mentioned my not very good relationship with my parents, and the fact that they are going to get a divorce. Relationships in our family have not improved at all since that time. Every day it only gets worse and more difficult. I have long dreamed of going somewhere far away and for a long time, but at the same time I feel selfish because I don’t have any brothers and sisters, I understand that it will be terrible to act in a way that is convenient only for me, because all hopes are placed on me. But I want someone to feel sorry for me at least once, and not put pressure on me to feel sorry for them. I want someone to think at least once that I, too, might feel bad and sad.
So, to make the main essence of my question clearer: I want to understand how I can hint to my parents that it’s not only difficult for them, that the fact that they don’t see me cry doesn’t always mean that I don’t do it. How can I hint to them that I cannot control my aggression, and I cannot just open up so easily and love all living things. I don’t want to talk to them about this topic, because for them I’m “crazy.” It offends me almost every day to hear people call me that. I don’t want to talk to them about it, because any cautious attempt to start talking about it ends only with “I don’t understand you and I don’t know how to answer.” Then silence. I would like to see a psychologist, but even if I miraculously manage to get to him, I won’t be able to talk to him because I simply don’t want to. It's much easier for me to write, I don't want to talk face to face. I don’t like serious conversations alone with anyone at all, so I almost always turn everything into a joke, speak with humor, irony or sarcasm, otherwise I might just burst into tears, and I don’t want anyone to see that. I want help already, I’m tired of enduring everything every day, I want to tell someone interested everything from beginning to end, but I don’t understand what options I have, given all of the above.

Psychologist Gleb

Hello, Lpyzh!
Let me start, maybe a little off topic. You are great at writing, expressing your thoughts and feelings in text! If we start from this observation, it turns out that you are a creative, sensitive and reflective person. One way to ease your suffering is through understanding. Understanding what is happening to us or around us. So I wanted to talk a little about what is happening to You. Of course, this is just a version, and frankly, a banal one at that. What ties your story together is called adolescence. It should be noted that at times this is a very nasty thing, despite all the opportunities that open up to us. Anyone who has experienced this can say that sometimes there was such pain and “mess” of feelings, desires and doubts inside that you wanted to be somewhere on the edge of the world, away from everyone. But being with someone is one of the main tasks of adolescence. Moreover, mom and dad are completely unsuitable for this role; this is exactly the time when everything begins without them. Not in the sense that a relationship with them is not needed, but in the sense that someone new is needed - a peer. And this is where all our fears and anxieties wake up. Everyone has their own, tension can arise in different parts of the relationship. If you think about Your difficulties, then everything unfolds before they begin; it’s hard to even imagine that You are telling someone something. But at the same time, in your letter there is a great need to speak out and be heard. These two pages of text tell me personally about Your rich inner world, full of doubts, searches and, of course, discoveries, and I am sure that there is someone capable of treating it with care and respect. I don’t know when this meeting will happen, but I know that it will happen. Surprisingly, in order for it to happen, you just need to let it happen. Smile or joke, look and don’t turn away, let something happen. I won’t say that everything happens magically, a lot of bad things happen, but in general they are not fatal and gradually you will begin to understand that this (communication) “does not kill you” and is even quite captivating. Discovering others and discovering yourself is a wonderful pastime, you can spend your life on it.
Now to the essence of your question. Tell it like it is. There is no need to hint, or wait for someone to understand something. If you need it, the algorithm is quite simple: you say what you need, you get the answer: “yes” - good, “no” - you look for another solution to the problem. Sorry for being so blunt. Some things just need to be done. If we don’t do them, that’s also our choice. And one moment. The practice of providing psychological assistance to minors in government institutions varies. In some, self-conversion is possible from the age of 14.
Good luck!

Maybe you're a teenager with your first boyfriend, or maybe you're a little older, but you still find it difficult to share your relationship news with your loved ones. In any case, having to inform your parents that you have a boyfriend can be quite scary, but if you approach this issue correctly, it is likely that they will react normally to such news. If everything goes well, they might even be happy for you. This article will give you some tips to help you tell your parents that you have a boyfriend. Use these tips to avoid negative reactions from your loved ones.

Steps

Break the news to your parents carefully.

Record your speech. If you're feeling afraid, you're more likely to worry, so write down what you're going to say. This will give you the opportunity to think carefully about your words and how best to present the news of your new relationship. Thanks to this, you can calmly tell your parents that you have a boyfriend.

• Think about what your parents will say so that you know how to respond to their possible comments about the guy.

1. Practice your speech. There is a chance that you will get confused during the conversation. Therefore, it is better to rehearse your words. Ask a friend or close relative for help.

   Decide who to tell first. Perhaps you have a closer and more trusting relationship with one of your parents, or one of them is more loyal to you. It is very likely that by breaking the news to a parent with whom you find it easier to communicate, you will be able to make the conversation easier with someone with whom you find it much more difficult to talk.

   • For example, if you are a "daddy's girl" and you easily get along with him, you can talk to your dad first. On the other hand, if your dad is very strict, tell everything to your mom first, finding an ally in her.
   • This approach can be especially helpful if you are a teenage girl with her first boyfriend.
   • On the other hand, if you're sure your parents will take the news equally well (or poorly), just tell both parents at the same time.

2. Choose the right time. You should not share the news with your parents when they are busy or in a bad mood. You can ask your parents when it would be convenient for them to talk to you. Choose a suitable time when there is a calm atmosphere in the house, your parents are not busy with anything, and are in a good mood.

   • However, don't put off the conversation by constantly justifying to yourself that now is not the right time. In any case, you will have to inform your parents about this.

3. Analyze your feelings. Think about why you are in no hurry to tell your parents about your feelings. Do you think your parents will be furious that you are dating a younger man? Perhaps you think that your parents will not like this young man. Or maybe you don’t want to let anyone into your personal life. After analyzing your feelings, you can correctly structure a conversation with your parents.

   • For example, if your parents don't think you're ready for a relationship yet, you could say, “Mom and Dad, I need to talk to you about something. I know you think I’m not ready for a relationship yet, so I was hesitant to tell you that I have a boyfriend.”

4. Make a point. When you're ready to tell your parents the news, do it as soon as possible to get the word out. Don't beat around the bush. However, you can defuse the situation. For example, say, “I love you very much and I don’t want you to be upset with me. Besides, I don't want to hide anything from you. I want to tell you about the boy I started dating."

   Tell your parents that you are ready to date a guy. Of course, you will need to provide reasons to support your claim. For example, maybe you're a high school student and all your classmates are already dating boys. Be reasonable and don't get angry if your parents don't agree with you.

   • It probably won't be the best argument for your parents if you say, "All my classmates are already dating guys!" However, you can bring to the attention of parents statistics from the Internet showing the average age of young people when they start dating. Also, mention a time when you showed maturity recently.

5. Be prepared to negotiate. If your parents still stand their ground, be prepared to compromise. It may be better to suggest to your parents that you will only meet your boyfriend at school or that you will not be alone with him, socializing only in the presence of other people. Your parents want to protect you, so be prepared to sacrifice your freedom.

   • Listen carefully to your parents and consider whether their concerns are justified. Listening to what your parents say can be difficult, but remember that they are older than you and have more experience. Parents are able to discern dangerous signs where we, children, sometimes do not notice. If they express concern about something, it's probably worth listening to them.

6. Tell us about your boyfriend. Tell your parents about the young man you like. Also talk about his family and what you like about him. Focus on his positive qualities to gain parental approval. In addition, you can show a photo of the boy you like.

   • Your parents will likely have many questions. Answer all questions honestly, giving complete information regarding your relationship. If you try to hide something or lie, it may cause unnecessary suspicion and irritation.
   • If your boyfriend has a good relationship with his family, mention this to your parents. This is a definite plus for many parents, as it allows them to understand that this young man knows how to appreciate other people and honors family ties.

7. Don't try to withhold information. It is very important that you be honest with your parents about your relationship. If they find out about your relationship from someone else, they will likely think that you are hiding the truth from them and keeping things from them that they need to know.

   • Be sure to tell your parents about your boyfriend, even if you don't plan on introducing him to them anytime soon. The sooner you tell your parents about this, the better. If you put off the conversation until later, you will only make things worse. Additionally, your parents may find out about your relationship from someone else.
   • If you are already an adult and do not live with your parents, there is no need to tell them that you have a boyfriend every time you meet someone new. Do this when you are sure of the seriousness of your relationship.

8. Please note that your parents may be upset. If you go against your parents' views, your words and actions may upset them. Be prepared for anger and tears, this may be your parents' first reaction.

   Be prepared for it to take time. Your parents will need time to understand and accept what happened. If your parents were upset and told you not to even think about a relationship, they may change their minds later when the emotions have subsided. In any case, you need to maintain a good relationship with your parents. Don't ruin your relationship with them just because they told you no.

If you need to report a gay identity

Choose the right time. You're in for a tough conversation, especially if you don't know what your parents think about it. You should feel comfortable enough to discuss this issue. Perhaps your parents will begin to convince you that your views are wrong. Listen to them - maybe they are right.

• If you show uncertainty, your parents will likely ask you, “Are you sure?” You would be wise to discuss this matter with them; It is important for them to understand how strong your feelings are. You may not be completely sure about this. Even though you like a guy now, there is a chance that later you will fall in love with a beautiful girl. Sexual orientation can change over time.

1. Talk to someone who is gay. Before talking to your parents about your sexuality, talk to someone who can understand your feelings. This will make it easier for you to talk to your parents. This person can give you some advice. The main thing is that you trust this person.

   Give parents the facts. If you want to convince your parents, give them the facts about homosexuality. You can find a lot of information about this on the Internet.

   Give them time. Many parents need time to get used to this fact. The thing is that parents want their child to be like everyone else. Not every adult is pleased to realize that their child has a non-traditional orientation. It takes time to come to terms with this fact.

   • Say, “I know this is big news for you, and I understand that you need time to accept this fact. But I know what I'm doing."

2. Be prepared for the most unpleasant consequences. If you believe your parents will react poorly to your news because of personal beliefs, you may want to think carefully before telling your parents. The consequences can be dire; your parents may show force or kick you out of the house. Not everyone approves of this behavior.

How to react if your parents are categorically against your relationship

1. Listen to their doubts and comments. Love, as we know, is blind and often closes our eyes even to the obvious. Your parents may simply be overly concerned about you having a boyfriend, or they may have more serious reasons to believe that this guy is not the right guy for you.

   • Politely and calmly ask your parents what they don't like about your boyfriend and why they don't approve of your choice. They may not like his personality traits, and this fear may indeed be justified. Even if you think their fears are unfounded, listen to your parents. This will help you provide convincing evidence that your relationship is happening.

2. Understand their role. Good parents will protect their child at all costs, so it's natural that at first they will actively resist the fact that you have already grown up. Show a little patience and everything will fall into place. Also, show compassion to your parents.

   • Along with compassion, you should show respect when talking to your parents. No matter how the conversation goes, you should always speak to your parents respectfully. Even if you do not agree with their arguments, state this absolutely calmly. A respectful attitude on your part will allow you to avoid unnecessary emotions, and perhaps your parents will change their anger to mercy.

Question to a psychologist

Good afternoon. We live with our daughter in a large apartment. My husband works shifts. I don’t work now, I quit 3 months ago. I decided to devote myself to raising my child and improving my health. My husband's parents live in the suburbs and visit often. They do not work, although both are almost 10 years away from retirement age. Of course, I am not against the fact that they come to visit their granddaughter, but it irritates me that they do not warn about their arrival. They call when they arrive in town and ask if we are home. Thank God that I constantly keep the house clean and tidy and I almost always have lunch ready. And I have no idea how long they arrived. They can easily live for a month, half a year, or they can leave after 2 weeks. When they arrive, my daughter doesn’t listen to me at all. It bothers me that they are in the same apartment. The mother-in-law says that the father-in-law missed his granddaughter so much that he had to come. But this father-in-law’s love for his granddaughter ends after 5 minutes of communication with her. The father-in-law takes his favorite position in front of the TV, and devotes the whole day only to him). Well, how can you not be annoyed? Well, on the weekend they can have enough fun with their granddaughter and chat. But then all week from Monday to Friday, she goes to kindergarten, then from 5 to 7 I take her to gymnastics, and my daughter and I come home at 7.30 pm. We have dinner, wash, sleep. Why would they be here at this time if they came to visit their granddaughter? I usually go to the pool during the day and go to painting classes 2 times a week. I’m embarrassed by the fact that I constantly have to report where I went and why; I can’t even watch TV at home, because it’s always busy. It’s somehow inconvenient for me to ask them when they will finally leave. And my husband is not around. It would be fine if they came when my husband was at home. So, on the contrary, they come when he is not there. What to do? Help please. I’m thinking about not losing my temper and telling them everything.

To establish contact with a person and improve mutual understanding with him, there is the “I - messages” format.
Try talking to your parents in this format.
You will be able to constructively express your feelings and convey what you want to your interlocutor.
Read about how to do this here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/message

With uv. Kiselevskaya Svetlana, psychologist, master's degree (Dnepropetrovsk).

Good answer 2 Bad answer 0

Hello Eleanor!

Since these are the parents of the spouse, he must talk to them. When your husband returns, talk to him and explain your feelings, experiences, complaints, and let him, in turn, convey the information to his parents, as gently and correctly as possible.

Labutina Larisa Sergeevna, psychologist Astana

Good answer 2 Bad answer 0

Eleanor, good afternoon! In your case, gradual steps are needed. Since it so happened that you did not initially define your boundaries, now you need to gradually work on it. Sharp movements and statements can ruin your relationship not only with your husband’s parents, but also with your husband. And in this case, it is better, of course, to act through the puruga. All the best!

Zhubanysheva Asel Serikkalievna, psychologist Astana

Good answer 2 Bad answer 0

Hello Eleanor! As long as you sit and feel shy, your situation will not change, learn to speak and ask about questions that interest you, only in this case will you have clarity. It is better to clarify the situation at its roots than to quietly accumulate hatred and irritation, which in the future can worsen your relationship with your relatives. Think about it. Good luck to you!

Gabbasova Anargul Abishevna, psychologist Astana

Good answer 2 Bad answer 1

Hello Eleanor, a good question you raise. Each person has his own personal boundary, and so does each individual family. You live separately from your parents and can plan what to do in your free time yourself and with your daughter. You should remove the word “inconvenient” from this situation and talk calmly and frankly with your husband’s parents about their frequent visits. Firstly, they should still be interested in how much time you have to receive them at your place, and not be informed that they have already arrived. Secondly, their arrival is still the appearance of additional people on your territory and this visit should be regulated in time. The fact that they can stay with you for up to six months, without any consent on your part, is already a violation of your personal boundaries and this is completely wrong. Even the status of parents does not give them the right to suddenly invade your territory, thereby putting you in a difficult and uncomfortable position in your own home. You should not try to fuss and look for some suitable word to tell them about your inconveniences, but you should openly, without hostility, say that next time they should call in advance, otherwise it may not coincide with your plans for that time, which they are going to come to you.

Yes, perhaps this will be received with hostility at first and will not be understood correctly, but you should still say it, since your freedom and your personal border as the mistress of the house are at stake. Try to discuss this issue with your husband first, and I think that by enlisting his support, it will be easier for you to start this conversation with his parents. Best wishes.

Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, psychologist of Astana

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Snegireva Inna Vladimirovna

Psychologist Astana Was on the site: Today

Answers on the site: Conducts trainings: Publications.

Many women who have recently learned about their “interesting” situation find it difficult to convey this news even to their closest people. How to tell your parents about pregnancy, because their reaction to such a statement may not always be unequivocally enthusiastic. In most cases, pregnancy is a joyful moment in the life of expectant mothers and fathers, and for other relatives it also becomes a pleasant surprise. And how future grandparents wait for their grandchildren! But not everyone and not always everything goes well. Therefore, the reaction of the older generation to such a statement from a daughter or son can be the most unpredictable. There are different ways to announce that you are expecting a new addition to your family in the near future; the main thing is to know the character traits of your parents and anticipate their reaction, and you also need to take into account the life circumstances that preceded conception.

Traditional methods

It’s easiest when the pregnancy is long-awaited and planned, and you are sure that the news about it will incredibly please all your family and friends. In this case, you shouldn’t be embarrassed or worried, but you need to say it directly, without any hints.

You choose the place and time yourself. You can do this at home in a narrow family circle. Or you can call all your family and friends for a dinner party, and then, during the conversation, solemnly announce to everyone that a toddler will soon appear in your family. And, of course, offer to celebrate such a significant event together.

Traditional methods are always effective. If you don't like being ordinary in your actions, it's time to show your imagination! It is the effectively presented news that will certainly make an incredible impression on future grandparents.

Treat your parents to meaningful sweets

Original ways

Themed dinner party

Prepare a delicious lunch for your family and friends. Invite your guests in advance so that everyone can attend. You can hint at the imminent birth of a baby with the help of baked goods in the form of a baby envelope, or you can use them through the dishes themselves and the way they are served - various vegetable and fruit purees, children's cutlery, bright and colorful table settings for children. Pay attention to how the guests reacted and whether they understood the hint.

Small souvenirs will leave no one indifferent - boxes with baby accessories, keychains with rattles, etc. And when one of the guests offers you a drink, politely refuse, arguing that alcohol is contraindicated for expectant mothers.

Give your dinner party favors that suggest pregnancy.

Photos

If you have already been to an ultrasound scan and have pictures on hand, you can frame them beautifully and place them in a frame, and write next to them: “We will have a new addition soon.” Give this collage when you unexpectedly visit your parents for a cup of tea, or at a festive dinner when it comes to its logical conclusion.

You can announce your news at another family event, the main thing is that everyone is present. Invite your family to take a family photo. And when you take pictures, instead of saying, as is customary, “Cheese!”, say “I’m pregnant!” (you can choose another phrase). The most interesting thing is that in the photo you will be able to capture the emotions of your loved ones, and this is priceless.

Make interesting collages about pregnancy

T-shirts with slogans

You can order customized T-shirts online. Order them for yourself and your spouse. You can, for example, make a drawing of a toddler on them with the caption “Soon I will be a mother” or “This is what a future dad looks like.” Come to a meeting with your family in these T-shirts - such a hint is unlikely to go unnoticed.

Visit your parents wearing a T-shirt with a design that hints at your pregnancy

At a family holiday

If the stars align so that your mom or dad will have a birthday soon, you can hint at pregnancy with congratulations. For example, give a beautiful card that says “Congratulations to the future grandfather,” “Expect your gift in nine months,” etc.

Give mom (dad) a matching birthday card

Letter by mail

Make a copy of the ultrasound image and put it in a nice envelope. It is advisable to first wrap the photograph in a piece of soft cloth reminiscent of a baby's diaper. Or you can write a message from your unborn child.

Send a telegram on behalf of your future grandson (granddaughter)

Video: parents' reaction to the news of their daughter's pregnancy

Unfortunately, pregnancy is not always and not for everyone good news. It also happens that she does not fit into the plans of the expectant mother or the family as a whole. What to do in this case?

There are no specific methods or templates here. But psychologists give a number of recommendations that are worth taking into account. With their help, you can present your news calmly and without causing a storm of emotions on the part of your opponent.

Pregnancy is not a life drama of universal proportions, but the most important event in the life of every woman. Even if conception did not happen as planned, do not rush to act out of your hand and abandon the child, because life goes by quickly, and the dearest and closest person will always be with you.

Notifying your parents about this event is not so scary; it is important that they feel your sincerity. Don't be afraid to trust them. Their advice and support is incredibly important to you now.

• First of all, you need to be sure that you really want to have a baby, only then will the parents believe it;
• Choose an appropriate time to talk. Such news is not reported hastily;
• There is no need to hide anything from your dad and mom - be frank;
• It is necessary to prepare for the conversation in advance, think through all possible details and circumstances;
• There is no need to be afraid of anything, tune in to positive emotions;
• Parents are the closest people, so you can and should consult with them;
• Under such circumstances, you must make decisions like an adult; your parents should see in them the position of an independent person who is aware of his actions;
• Under no circumstances should you show negative emotions - burst into tears, scream, throw hysterics, and even more so reproach your loved ones for something. This will only make the situation worse. The conversation should be calm, the speech should be confident;
• You can call a reputable lawyer to help you. Let your chosen one, either his mom or dad, or your other relative (grandmother, aunt, sister) play his role, who can smooth out the rough edges and at the right time direct the conversation in the right direction.

Adolescence

It is very difficult to tell your parents about your pregnancy to the expectant mother, who herself has not yet become an adult. We are talking about teenage girls. But here, not everything is as scary as it seems at first glance.

Naturally, the most important role will be played by the relationship between you and your parents. You should not be of the opinion that your “ancestors” will immediately begin to scold you and will not understand your position. You can’t hide your pregnancy, and especially not from them.

Remember the immutable truth: your parents love you very much. This is what you should start from initially.

If you get along better with dad than with mom, let him know, and vice versa. Mom and dad are the closest and dearest people to you, so they will always be with you, under any circumstances, and will certainly help you in the fight against life’s difficulties.

Serious conversation with parents

Calm, just calm! There is no need to give in to emotions, be as restrained as possible, because with all your appearance you must show that you are an independent adult who is responsible for your actions and is ready to accept any reaction from your loved ones. After you announce the pregnancy, give them some time to recover from the shock. All parents want to become grandparents. Yours just need to get used to the idea that they will have grandchildren so soon.

Ask your sister or brother for help

If your relationship with your brother or sister is very warm and trusting, you should tell them this news. You can ask them for moral support when talking with your parents.

Hints

If you don't have the courage to have a serious conversation with your parents, try to subtly hint to them that you are having some difficulties. Spend a lot of time in your room, all your behavior should indicate what you are worried about. And when they notice such strange behavior, then it will be the right time to tell them that you will soon have a baby.

A note

When it is difficult to decide to talk, you can notify your relatives about your pregnancy in writing. The main idea that should be reflected in the note is your feelings and further plan of action. When the parents read the note, some time will pass before a dialogue takes place between you, but it will be calmer.

Invite your boyfriend to talk

If your young man fully supports your position to continue the pregnancy and is ready to help in the future, a completely rational step would be to invite him to a conversation with your parents. With him you will feel much more confident, because you will feel his support. It is in your interaction that the success of overcoming all the difficulties associated with pregnancy in adolescence lies.

Video: how to inform your parents about pregnancy if the expectant mother is a teenager

Regardless of whether you are married or single, regardless of your age - mature or teenage, all parents are always filled with joy when their children tell them that there will soon be a new addition to their family. But not all parents have this reaction immediately - some take time. So give them this time. Don’t worry, in your position it is strictly contraindicated for you to do this. Everything will work out for you and everything will work out, no matter how you inform your family about your new status. The main thing is to love the little man living there, inside, and your loved ones will love him the same way they love you...