What should I do? I want love. The bitter pill of love: what to do if you love so much that you want to run away? I want love = I want to feel

The desire to love and be loved is one of the most powerful. It unites all women, regardless of age and place of residence. Everyone wants to experience this feeling and live a life filled only with joyful events. But the way the world works is that many have to wait too long to meet their prince on a white horse. And sometimes this wait becomes simply unbearable, especially when most of your friends and acquaintances are already married. In order to get rid of worries and not do anything stupid when trying to meet a man as quickly as possible, you must first think about what to do if you want a relationship, what actions you need to take in order to make the right choice.

Reasons for female loneliness

Changes in women's priorities, the development of technology, the desire to make a career and achieve success have brought not only positive changes to our lives, but also negative ones, causing the appearance of a large number of beautiful but lonely girls. And this is facilitated not only by the expansion of prospects, but also by the fact that representatives of the fair sex have become more sensible about family life, and are not in a hurry to get married as early as possible, just so that they are not called “old maids”.

Many of them realize that financial well-being plays a huge role in building strong relationships, and few people manage to achieve it at 20 years old. And not wanting to take risks and doom themselves to eternal problems with money and scandals due to everyday unsettlement, which will inevitably kill all romance and love, they are building a career. At the same time, forgetting that you cannot sacrifice personal happiness, because you can miss it.

If you want a relationship, change

Therefore, as soon as you realize that you don’t want to be alone anymore, reduce your professional load. Don't spend all your time at work, at home and on the Internet. To meet a man, you will have to go out into the world and return to an active life in your free time. Even at work, you should carefully look around so as not to push away a potential gentleman with your coldness and desire to be first.

The same should be done for those who, after an unsuccessful relationship, withdraw into themselves, or because of the unsuccessful marriage of their parents, subconsciously feel fear of relationships. Instead of spending all your energy on achieving financial stability or leading the life of a recluse, you need to reconsider your preferences, understand yourself, your inner experiences and adjust your behavior.

Everyone wants love, but many do nothing for it, believing that they are simply unlucky. You can’t give up, no matter how hard it is. You have to fight for your dream, change, learn to love, appreciate and protect yourself, and not sit back and suffer from self-pity.

When loneliness becomes an integral companion and lasts too long, girls increasingly begin to doubt their attractiveness. And they don’t even think that they themselves are reducing their chances of meeting a worthy man. After all, one of the main reasons for unsettled personal life is not the lack of worthy applicants, but the lack of self-confidence.

Take a break

Those who have long wanted a relationship, but continue to suffer from loneliness, should think about the fact that it not only depresses and frightens, makes you suffer and yearn, but can also give a much-needed respite and the opportunity to engage in self-improvement. Therefore, instead of rushing to get rid of it as quickly as possible, think about how you can benefit from this state of affairs. Now you have time to fulfill your deepest dreams, engage in your favorite hobby and who knows, maybe thanks to it, open your own business.

Describe the reasons why there is no relationship

At the same time, if you want a relationship, try to describe all the reasons why you are still single, although you move in society and do not live in a deep forest. Then evaluate whether they really exist, and how they can then be eliminated. If there are not many reasons, deal with them. But too large a list of mistakes should be alarming, because this indicates low self-esteem. And the chances of finding love when you don’t love yourself are very low. Therefore, your first task is to increase your self-esteem.

What kind of man do you want a relationship with?

So what do you need to do if you want a relationship? Determine what type of men you like, who you would like to see as your fiance or even husband. Describe it. Indicate not only such qualities as strong, brave, beautiful, kind, generous, but also describe the amount of wealth, status, whether you are ready to date a rich, but married person, or whether it is more important that he be free. Don't limit yourself. Indicate those character traits and behavior that are repulsive and unacceptable, no matter how beautiful a representative of the opposite sex is.

A detailed description will help you finally understand what kind of man you want. Leave behind excessive modesty and embarrassment, after all, your fate depends on it. And you would hardly want, after getting married, to be tormented by the question after another quarrel whether you were mistaken.

By describing your ideal, you will know who you are looking for, rather than looking hopefully at everyone and hoping that they will make you happy. When a woman knows, at least in general terms, what kind of man she needs for a relationship, she pays attention precisely to the presence of those qualities that she likes or annoys.

Now we invite you to consider 7 effective tips on what to do if you want a relationship. Each of these tips, and maybe all of them together, will help you improve your personal life by meeting a worthy man for a serious relationship.

In any business, attitude is important. If you want to get something, get ready to act. Do some self-evaluation. It should not be too low or too high. Young people do not like very shy girls, whose appearance evokes not admiration, but pity. By the way, they don’t like those who are too picky, and when communicating, they only talk about themselves and how beautiful she is.
If you want a relationship, reconsider your wardrobe. Add more cheerful shades to it if black, gray and brown colors predominate there. The stronger sex likes most of all plain clothes in pleasant shades, which do not reveal all the charms, but hide them.
Pay attention to those who are nearby. Be friendly and smile, instead of constantly thinking and worrying about something. It's attractive. This way you won’t miss the guy you like when he’s nearby.

If you want a serious relationship, make a list of places where you can meet the opposite sex. Choose from them the ones you like the most and where you can go. Their visit should not be associated solely with finding a soul mate. It’s best if you simply enjoy it, regardless of the presence or absence of interesting men there. When people are happy with what they are doing, they look happy, and a smile on their face encourages communication. It will be much easier for young people to decide to get to know you when you are relaxed and focused.
If you want to get married, do not go looking for your future life partner in bars and other entertainment venues. The best place to look here is for someone who just wants to have fun and nothing more. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules, but that’s why they are exceptions; they happen very rarely. Risk is a noble cause, but it’s better to play it safe, and if you want to visit several similar establishments, don’t limit yourself to just them. Let them add to the list of places where you could meet a potential gentleman.

Be prepared to take the initiative. When you really want something, you need to find the strength in yourself to do things that you were previously afraid to even think about. Leave all fears and prejudices and ask for the phone number of the young man you liked. This will save you from unnecessary worries. It is better to receive a polite refusal than to waste time waiting in vain. To make this easier, watch him. Meet your eyes, smile, ask about something neutral, maybe after that you won’t have to ask him anything. He himself will ask for a phone number or offer to meet.
But remember that long-term relationships and marriage are not only about romance and passion, but mainly about respect, attention and agreement to compromise. There are no ideal people among us, and when you really want a relationship, do not rush to fall into the arms of the first man who showed interest in you. Before you make a choice, listen to both your heart and your mind. They won't deceive you.

No matter how much you want a serious relationship with a man, do not let your feelings control you. While searching, be reasonable and patient. You may not be lucky right away, but you will make the right choice, and not throw in your lot with someone who is not suitable, just so as not to be left alone.

I want love, but there is no object. No one to love. It’s impossible to experience this feeling that they write about in books. So excited, so dizzy. And to immediately understand what it is real love .

I want love, but where to look for it, the one and only one, is unclear. There are a lot of people around, but my heart still yearns lonely in the hope of meeting true love.

I really want love: what’s stopping you?

Reading forums on the topic, we look for what is the reason for loneliness. Most often mentioned:

Excessive demands on a partner. You are too selective in your choices.

Narrow social circle, no one to fall in love with. There is no suitable candidate in your environment.

But even in cities with a population of over a million, people suffer from loneliness and cannot find a soul mate. We want love and intensity, and we put great effort into finding a potential partner. We visit exhibitions, clubs, friends’ parties, and various work events.

We go to various success trainings. Hoping to find out how love yourself and change your life for the better. But there is no result. Why?

What to do if you want love now and not later? Let's figure out how to bring long-awaited happiness closer.

If you want love...

In order to become happy and loved, it is not necessary to change your loved ones, it is enough to understand what the real reason for loneliness is.

One of the reasons for the inability to love is a ban on feelings. Very often it comes from childhood: “Don’t cry, be strong!”, “Why are you, like a woman, being a ninny!” The child wants love, but his feelings are ignored. They make fun of...

A ban on tears is a ban on feelings.

Traumatic words and events may be repressed from memory, but continue to influence us, preventing us from giving free rein to our feelings. Trust. Dissolve in your partner.

Sometimes it's the result of a bad experience. Not appreciated. Abandoned...

I want love= I want to feel

Whatever the reason, it can be find out and fix, if you learn more about the human psyche. How it is structured and works. At the training on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, this information is given online, accessible and simple.

“One of the most important results of the training in Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan for me is changes in my personal life. I'll start with what came before it. By the age of 29, my relationships weren’t working out at all. I even said to myself that I was a failure in my personal life. This happened for many reasons..."

Yulia Ayubova, head of sales department, Rostov-on-Don December 3, 2015
Read completely...

You can attend free training.

Psychologists believe that one of the main reasons why a person does not get what he wants is a lack of communication. Even children understand that if you want something, you need to say about it. Partners do not always know that there are needs in a relationship, and they are different for women. In order to build a strong and lasting connection, these needs must be taken into account.

Man's needs: sexual satisfaction; companion in leisure; attractive woman; home comfort and warmth; a woman who is proud of her man. A woman's needs: tenderness; communication; honesty of a man; financial aid; a man's attention to family and children.

Of course, this does not mean that you have to grit your teeth and satisfy your needs. But you must be willing to give your partner one thing so that he will give you something else in return. If one of the important needs of a man or woman is not met, it is almost impossible to achieve mutual understanding.

If there is no mutual understanding between you, your partner will never be able to give what you need, because he simply will not understand what you want.

What should you do to get what you want from your partner?

Start communicating with your loved one, talk about your feelings and desires, make it clear that you are not trying to tell him, but just want him to listen to you.

Find out what your chosen one is thinking about, what he wants, be attentive to what the man tells you, this is important to him.

Tell your man exactly what you want from him. They don't notice hints and take everything literally.

Admire a man, he needs it. Become a friend to your loved one, not a competitor. Pay attention to the strengths of your chosen one, because everyone has shortcomings, even you.

Thank your man for even the smallest things, this will help him become more sensual. Create a romantic atmosphere, invite him over or write a note of recognition, and he will feel your love for him.

If your partner feels your love, he will want to give you his own. Therefore, you will receive everything: love, tenderness, warmth and affection.

The most important thing is communication. Speak and you will be answered, use conversation to understand each other. Learn to have confidential conversations, this will help you achieve mutual understanding, which, in turn, will help you show quality love for your loved one.

What goes around comes around is a well-known truth that clearly reflects what exactly needs to be done to get what you want. Sow the seeds of love and you will receive the fruits of mutual sincere feelings.

Your value does not depend at all on the presence or absence of a mate. This is difficult to believe, since modern culture extols those who have found their other half. The meaning of life is personal happiness - we hear about this from every iron. Lonely people are looked at, ridiculed, despised and even feared.

The more we avoid loneliness, the weaker our ability to experience it and the more it frightens us.
Michael Finkel, American journalist, writer, author of the book “I Eat Silence with Spoons”

It's actually a clever use of a basic instinct. Two people of equal value enter into a relationship. Their importance is confirmed long before the beginning of a romantic relationship.

Remember: even if you don't have a partner, you are a wonderful and worthy person. There will always be those who will judge you for being lonely. You shouldn’t pay attention to them: nerves are more valuable.

Find hobbies

The secret of many successful people is passion to the point of complete immersion in the work. It gives energy and strength to move forward.

Which will captivate you and give you satisfaction. This is not a way to kill time while you are alone. These are new ideas that fill life and decorate it.

Life has meaning if it has passion.

Don't confuse passion with obsession. The latter is exhausting, drains energy and easily turns into a bad habit.

Apperciate things which you have

A lonely person often feels like he is deprived of something and is unhappy because of it. There is a rational explanation for this. The fact is that the brain remembers negative experiences better. This is important for survival and evolution. Therefore, it is generally difficult for us to appreciate what we have. It is doubly difficult for a lonely person to appreciate his achievements.

Take time to pause and be happy with what you have. And these are not necessarily material goods: apartments, cars and oil rigs. There are people who would give half their lives for the opportunity to read this text with their own eyes or see the sun at least once.

You can have little and use it to achieve more.

Periodic reappraisal has a beneficial effect on the brain: it increases the production of serotonin and dopamine. It is also useful for creating and reinforcing the habit of positive thinking.

And don’t be shy to thank the people you care about: they make you happy and love you, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Give more to receive more

Today it is somehow unfashionable to open yourself and help others. We are all focused on ourselves and on the houses that, like snails, we carry on ourselves. But the more you give to others, the more you receive in return.

Many people are stopped by the thought “I can’t do anything that will globally change people’s lives, so there’s no point in doing anything at all.” Meanwhile, even tiny attempts matter. Volunteering can help you feel connected to other people and bring goodness into your life, especially when it seems dull and boring.

Basically, do good, no matter how small.

Love yourself

If you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you? Relationships are not magic. The dull Dr. Jekyll will not turn into the bright and sexy Mr. Hyde. If you're not enjoying your life, dating someone else isn't going to help. And by the way, it won’t save you from loneliness.

Smart is the one who knows people. He who knows himself is enlightened. Victory over people gives power, victory over oneself gives power.
Lao Tzu, ancient Chinese philosopher of the 6th–5th centuries BC. e.

Relationships are not the meaning of life, but just one of its facets. If you have an interesting life, the other person will want to be a part of it. Therefore, invest in yourself, in your development. , and others will follow.

Love in our minds is the highest value, warmth, tenderness, concentration of all the best... BUT, have YOU ever wanted to run away, hide from someone's obsessive love? Is it always worth accepting love? How to PROTECT yourself from love and whether you need to do it - this is discussed in our article.

Today, psychological practices and techniques that teach acceptance of love are very popular. Many people have realized that they do not know how to accept love and are often completely closed to it. They felt that it was easier for them to give gifts than to receive them; it was easier to help someone than to ask for help themselves. Thus, mass flash mobs of street hugs have become a popular antidote to rejection of love around the world. Most people find it really difficult to open up and trust the hugs of a stranger.

Why is it so difficult to accept love?

After all, love in our minds is the highest value, warmth, tenderness, that is, the concentration of all the best that one living being can convey to another. But if everything were so clear, would people really defend themselves from love like fools?...

Usually, the reasons for “closedness” are sought in childhood dislike, stories of unhappy love, and distrust of the world. Of the above, it is mistrust can be attributed to the main reason for the reluctance to accept love.

Is it only negativity that makes a person close down?

Where does distrust of love come from? Is it always is it a consequence of the experience of betrayal, deception and unjustified hopes?

When a person begins to work through so-called childhood traumas, he first of all remembers the painful moments that prevent him from being happy in adulthood, and tries to heal them. However, “positive” moments are outside the zone of his attention., in which someone close to him seemed to show the best feelings for him, but at the same time caused no less damage to his psyche and fate.

Surely, each of you has an acquaintance or relative who repeatedly tells you about his love, tries in every possible way to take care of you, and in response for some reason you want to shut down. And his actions cause either irritation or a feeling of guilt for “unpaid debts” to his often unsolicited care... Do you know the feeling when you want to run away from such care, and never “put on this very hat, without which you will definitely die”?

Most often, it is parents who fall in love this way, and it is in relationships with them that one can easily find the keys to the “barn lock” of accepting love.

Unfortunately, parents, friends and partners often believe that love automatically carries with it the right to influence our lives. And along with the warmest feelings, they sincerely put in their sometimes very destructive programs, which we “swallow” whole, being very open to close people. So, imperceptibly, we begin to live according to other people’s programs, to live a life that is not our own. For example, we enter a university in a specialty that our mother considers promising, and then we end up with years spent on a job we hate and long attempts, God forbid, to change something. Or we marry “a good boy” whom dad approved, and again the end result is wasted years of life and not the happiest children.

There are also those who resist. And, as it seems from the outside, he completely selfishly fights with the most loving people in order to survive as an individual, to defend his right to his destiny, to preserve his self. One could consider that they were luckier if, along with the programs that did not suit them, they did not reject love itself.

Loving another person is a huge responsibility. Between those whose love is mutual, a mutual channel of communication arises, a channel of access to each other’s soul and even destinies. A channel arises even when the feelings and attitudes on both sides are different: for example, the love of a student for his teacher or the romantic love of a young man for a girl who is not ready to reciprocate, but at the same time has a friendly open heart. Even gratitude for love is enough for a channel of mutual exchange to arise.

Don't decide for others

Problems begin when the “lover” suddenly decides that he knows what is best for the object of his love. From the outside, it seems to him that he knows better, and he believes that the power of his sincere love will help improve both the life and the personality of his “beloved.” The results of such help can be very sad and even irreparable for the object of feelings. A person begins to act in accordance with the programs of the “loving one,” often completely unconsciously. For example, he commits subconsciously “suggested” actions: he does not go to the right meeting, refuses a partner who is truly suitable for him, goes to work “in the wrong place or with the wrong person,” does not live in his own city or country, etc.

It is the programs received together with love that are most deeply written into the subconscious and become a guide to action for life, because they do not meet with protection - there is no healthy checking distrust at the moment of their receipt. This is how dissertations are written “on the table” in order to meet the expectations of parents. Or they go to the registry office with someone who tried very hard and finally “finished it off,” and then they don’t understand why it “didn’t work out.”

The mutual energy channel allows you to influence a person even when he has no idea what fate the “loving one” has in mind for him. For example, parents first pray for a happy marriage for their daughter or son, and then, when the “begged” daughter-in-law or son-in-law does not meet their own expectations, they begin to ask God for, in their opinion, a more suitable partner for their child or simply try to divorce a couple. And this situation is not anecdotal, but occurs all the time. And a son or daughter may be completely unaware of why his relationship with his lover or beloved, who did not please the parents “who want happiness,” is collapsing.

Is protection from love possible and is it necessary?

Unfortunately, sooner or later, protection or even armor from love can arise automatically, after “digesting” a certain number of other people’s programs. And such protection usually closes the ability of the person himself to experience many feelings. And, of course, it is very painful for those who sincerely love him. Exhausted by other people's expectations and instructions, a person develops a “crust” and in it finds a small island of freedom, which costs both himself and his loved ones very, very dear.

The right question is: how to protect yourself from other people’s programs and unnecessary injuries and not become an “iron woodcutter”? How to maintain the right to your choice and your path and not lose touch with your heart and soul?

How to avoid becoming an “iron lumberjack”

or what to do if you become a “victim of terrorist love”?

True love always comes not according to the will of a person, his desires or intentions, it comes as a blessing, as a gift. Love is sacred, always.

If someone loves you, it is very important to acknowledge and accept the fact that the person has feelings and treat their love with respect. In general, this is all that is required of you.

You can compare the requirement of respect for love with the need to respect religious feelings, the faith of another person, even if it differs from yours. However, respect for the faith of another person does not mean that you are obliged to immediately be baptized into it.

Respect for the feelings of another, be it an ardent lover or a worried parent, is something that we can always give, something that will allow us to be purer and stronger ourselves and not spoil our “karma” with love.

It is very important to understand that, no matter what a person’s feelings towards you, you really are not obliged to love (moreover, it is impossible to love under obligation) or to do or give anything in return, other than respect and reverence for love itself.

True love always gives generously to the one who experiences it, even if it does not find reciprocity. A loving person is never deprived even if some other emotions and unbalanced feelings prevent him from understanding this.

People tend to confuse with love many other feelings characteristic of the personality and ego: a sense of ownership, desire for possession, passion, attraction, control, etc... Even if the love is sincere, a person can mix his own completely mundane passions and desires into it without knowing it. noticing. It is these “impurities” that create a headache for the object of love.

For this entire range of feelings and emotions, a person himself is responsible, he himself receives all the positive and negative aspects of their life. Any ideas of the “lover” about how to live correctly for the one he loves do not relate to love itself. A person comes up with them himself, just as he illegitimately gives himself the right to influence and determine the fate of the one he loves.

For our part, each of us needs to take responsibility for our feelings towards others: to understand that those we love and their lives are not our property. On the contrary, those people for whom we have sincere feelings are so sacred in themselves that they are worth admiring, if possible “without touching with your hands”, without getting into the soul and fate (unless they themselves asked for it), and pray about their happiness, success and health, but never about specific things that seem right to us. And always thank God for giving us the opportunity to love, for giving us the opportunity to meet those through whom our life and heart are filled with light and joy.

Love is the greatest gift and power; it can be resurrected, or it can kill. Only a caring attitude towards both the one you love and the feeling itself can be the key to the fact that your love will not cripple, but will become the wings of a loved one on his own sacred Path.