How to find yourself if you suddenly get lost. How to find yourself in life advice from a psychologist How to understand we will find

The question of finding oneself and one’s place in the world is always relevant for billions of people. Almost every person once thinks about how to find themselves in life, unlock their potential, realize themselves and receive pleasure and material rewards from it. This is not the easiest task. Many people prefer to avoid it, turning a blind eye to dissatisfaction and the destruction of individuality. But there are also daredevils who decide to change their unloved activities for “the same ones.”

Every day, children, teenagers and even adults and older people tell themselves and others “I want to find myself in life.” Self-confidence and success are also often not a guarantee that a person will not have problems finding himself. According to psychology, such conditions are typical for people with periodic repetition from the first grades to old age. This is one of those things that should be taught in schools.

From a philosophical point of view, it is understanding oneself and searching for a unique place. Psychologists believe that if such a problem takes a long time, this may indicate depression. Therefore, it is recommended to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist or leave everything and just enjoy what you have if the search turns into an obsession and no longer brings pleasure. Sometimes such moods are explained as fatigue and, accordingly, the need for rest. It happens that a person has long found himself, but due to fatigue and stress he doubts it and needs to reboot.

Those who are looking for themselves value not only the result, but also the process itself and the efforts made. There is no magic recipe and, on the one hand, this is good, because this is what makes the search interesting, memorable and fun. On the other hand, universal instructions would make a difficult task easier. Among the main ways to determine your place in life are introspection and analysis, advice from psychologists and exercises, consultations, master classes and trainings, as well as spiritual practices, meditation and motivation. Some people choose to combine several methods, thereby simplifying their lives.

The first step in order to make a meaningful choice and find yourself is to know yourself. It is difficult to describe and ignore the state when a person does not know who he really is. But no matter how difficult this search may be, it is worth it. Knowing your own essence is an edifying experience that can help you become a self-sufficient person. A few questions to start the process of getting to know yourself:

What surrounds a person now?
Does he have self-pity and demands for pity from others?
Does he have dreams?
And are there fears that prevent you from moving forward? We are talking specifically about those fears that a person sincerely wants to get rid of, and not those that provide a comfortable life.
Is he an optimist or a pessimist?
Personal qualities that contribute to moving forward?
Properties that interfere with achieving goals and success?
What kind of people are in a person’s close circle and are there those among them who hinder personal growth?
Reasons for not realizing your dreams? Were they real?
How did a person come to the current state?

It is very important to talk to yourself openly and honestly. It is recommended to write down the answers in a gadget or on a piece of paper.

The best way to understand and find yourself in life is to listen to the advice of psychology experts and personal growth coaches. They offer 15 life hacks that will help you find your “I”:

Be active, do something and remember the words of Einstein: “Life is like riding a bicycle. To maintain balance, you need to keep moving.” You can choose the place where you want to go.
Get enough sleep. It is sleep, and not hard work, that is the basis of health, good mood, beauty, and productivity.
"No". Thanks to Jim Carrey, the movie “Always Say Yes” turned out to be very good, but you shouldn’t take it literally and be afraid to say “no” if something doesn’t suit you. There will always be someone who wants to take advantage of a person’s kindness, even among his friends or relatives. Everyone has the right to refuse.
Positive thinking. Belief in the best and a spirit of achievement.
Destroying stereotypes. Habitual patterns often only hinder development.
The road forward, despite the obstacles. The runway is often black, but if you start, it will definitely get better.
Leave or change. This is about where you don’t like something: an unloved job with imaginary stability or a familiar relationship that has long been deprived of its former satisfaction and joy. To remain in such conditions means to voluntarily subscribe to stress, illness, neuroses and betrayal of your dreams.
Rest.
Study and knowledge. Every day it is important to learn something new: from books, courses, self-study or articles.
Creation. The key to relief from overstrain, as well as the development of thinking, including creative thinking.
Love yourself and make yourself happy. This is not only not prohibited, but also necessary. Without this, it is unlikely that you will be able to meet those who will experience the same feelings and desires for a person.
Sample. No one is immune from mistakes, and there is no need for this, because mistakes are valuable experience and a stage for the next advancement.
Goals and planning. There should be a detailed plan for at least the most important projects and moments.
Constant new acquaintances. Connections will never be superfluous and sociable people move forward.
Close the door to the past and past mistakes.

It is equally important to be open to others. Likewise, psychologists advise getting inspired from all sorts of individual sources.

Continuing the list of life hacks for those who are looking for themselves, it is worth paying attention to attitudes and priorities. They need to not only be placed, but also changed if they slow down growth. Other recommendations:

It is best to communicate with smart, positive and successful women and men of different ages. Losers and depressed people pull back. As a rule, people feel great around happy individuals who themselves are positive and positive in others. Accordingly, from conversations with those who always complain, the mood worsens and the energy disappears. But it is important to remember that depression is a serious mental disorder and if someone close to you is really sick, you need to help him and not leave him in trouble. In addition, it is important to radiate optimism yourself so that others are drawn to the person.
Overcoming fears. Successful individuals know that phobias interfere with moving forward, so they fight them by opening their own businesses or preparing presentations.
Organization of the world. Putting things in order opens the way to self-knowledge: cleaning the apartment, resolving a conflict situation with a colleague and completing all important tasks.
Blank sheet. This point is about developing your own system of moral values and observing it. All vices, habits and actions that constantly distract and harm, bind the real “I” must be removed.
Passion. Finding something in life that is worth effort, tears and sacrifice is perhaps the most significant find for a person. If something seems beautiful and inspires faith, you should strive for it, no matter what other people's opinions may be.
Mentor. Of course, the search for oneself must be accompanied by loneliness, because only a person himself can determine his needs. But masters and mentors help you avoid unnecessary obstacles. A person with a developed sense of self-awareness and in whom there is trust is suitable.
You don't need to please everyone. It is known that you cannot please everyone; there will always be someone who will treat you poorly, regardless of the string of merits and similar positive things. It is important to ignore such points of view, even if they belong to dear people. Independence from other people's opinions is a huge step towards knowing your true self and living a harmonious life.
Privacy. Every day you need to find time to walk and think alone, protecting yourself from noise, endless flow of information, dialogues, pressure and expectations. The best places for such a pastime are public gardens, forests and any places where you can be alone with nature and relax. The main thing is that solitude does not bring discomfort and fear. Anyone who is looking for himself must feel self-sufficient and independent.
Serve others. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Serving the community and others is one of the best ways to discover your purpose.
Stepping out of your comfort zone. If you leave your usual environment and observe yourself, you can learn about yourself something that was previously inaccessible.

Psychologists also note that there are no time limits for finding yourself: for some a week is enough, for others the process can take years. Therefore, you should be patient.

We must not forget that the morning is wiser than the evening. There is no need to rush into making decisions, especially if they are global. The main adviser of any seeker should be his inner voice.

Interesting and useful exercises

Determining the correctness of your path is sometimes very simple, just pay attention to waking up in the morning. Those whose path is correct get out of bed energetically and with creative ideas. And accordingly, those who hate the alarm clock and get up with difficulty and in a bad mood need changes. There are several exercises that will help you find out what you really need to do:

Exercise 1. Ideal environment. Almost always, the environment that produces winners consists of them. The faith of others in a person greatly simplifies and supports faith in oneself. But many are unlucky; their environment is not conducive to the discovery of genius. The exercise asks you to imagine that upon waking up in the morning, a person discovered that the world had changed in accordance with his needs. Now he is surrounded only by those people whom he wants to see next to him. What will they be like? And what qualities characterize them? What has a person learned about himself and what does he need to reach his full potential?
Exercise 2. Bring back children's interest. There is one thing that separates a genius (which anyone can be) from ordinary people - this is standing up for the right to do what you love. As a rule, this can be traced back to childhood. It is necessary to answer the question of what a person liked to do in his early years, before the imposition of serious and profitable activities by adults.
Exercise 3. Ideal day. All you need is a piece of paper, a pen and imagination. It is recommended to live your ideal day in every detail: the place of action, the people around you, food, clothes, activities. No restrictions. It is important to imagine having absolute freedom, billions of rubles, skills and the powers of your dreams.
Exercise 4. 20 favorite activities. This list may contain banal things like eating delicious food and something more significant and global. After compiling the list, you need to carefully study it. There are probably patterns there and a certain type of activity predominates: sports, helping others, or something related to monotonous work.
Exercise 5. Five lives. That's how many of them there really are, just imagine it. And every life is an opportunity to become what you want. How will these chances be used? The number of lives can be changed to 3 or 7. Then choose the life that you like the most. But this is not necessary; you can also choose from each one what a person loves and needs, and then implement it all in reality.

After completing the exercises , you need to make three lists and add all your fantasies to them. The first concerns things that are needed like air. The second includes what would be desirable, but not necessary. And the third is about things you can do without.

Human life is experiences, roles, relationships, stories, skills, earnings. Something from this list is imposed, chosen, is a compromise, or even an accident. Others are necessary or expensive. Those who want to find themselves in life, understand what is theirs and where their place is, must focus on themselves, find their favorite things and activities and act, move towards their destiny.

Factors that prevent a person from deciding what to do in life

"Who do I want to be? What do I want out of life? Why can't I understand what my main purpose is?" There are a lot of questions, and they are all related to the fact that a person is unable, for some reason, to fully understand himself and his feelings and desires. This may be due to a number of social and psychological factors in the individual's daily life, personality traits, habits and social circle.

Diffidence

Constant barriers that stand between a person and his goal in the form of doubts and uncertainty provoke suppression of the desire to realize his unrealized potential. “Will I be able to? What if I don’t succeed?” Sometimes the cultivation of insecurity occurs at the stage of growing up, where the individual first encounters failures, misunderstandings and lack of support from loved ones. Doubts about one’s own abilities significantly impede not only the implementation of plans, but also a person’s personal growth.

Features of the educational process

All our successes and failures, addictions, fears and dreams come from childhood. Most parents, not listening to the wishes of their children, instill skills and abilities that are completely unusual for them. For example, a child, when asked “What do you want to do in life?” answers that he wants to be an artist. His answer is perceived by his parents as something unrealistic, something that will not bring any material wealth or career growth. As a result, the child encounters complete misunderstanding on the part of adults, and his potential becomes unrealized.

However, there are also cases when parents try to organize their child’s leisure time as much as possible, forcing him to develop comprehensively. Of course, an adult who has knowledge about various fields of activity will be able to achieve a lot, but in most cases the person still does not know what to do because he forgets his original desires and aspirations.

Environment

Stewardship, a kind of herd instinct, sometimes blinds a person to his true capabilities and abilities. For example, several people from close circles enter the same college/institute/university and pull the person along with them. With certain personal qualities, he will not be able to resist. The result of studying without any special desire, and so “for the company”, is the choice of the wrong profession, the wrong job. As a result, an acute lack of positive emotions develops, work becomes routine, and a person, living a boring, gray life, begins to ask the question: “What should I do in life in order to regain satisfaction from my own activities?” But he does not find an answer, because his “I” has already deeply hidden the capabilities and talents of a person, so as not to resist his choice.

Stereotypes

Each person has his own opinion about what happiness should be. But some agree on one thing: a happy person is one who has achieved everything in life, who lives without denying himself anything. People’s stereotypes have so developed that without material wealth, no one can consider themselves successful and accomplished. In this regard, a person, in his desire to understand what to do in life, more often strives to get rich, to become someone whose material possibilities are practically limitless, rather than to develop spiritually. No, this is not bad at all, but it is worth considering that money cannot bring full release of potential, since each of us is individual. For example, a person who is more inclined to creativity (drawing, singing, playing musical instruments, and so on) is often not endowed with a certain commercial spirit, which nullifies all his attempts to achieve material well-being.

"What do I want to do with my life?" The problem with this issue is that not everyone is able to sort out their own desires and dreams. Most people lack specificity in defining purpose. Most often this is due to urgent needs, the satisfaction of which comes first. Here, an adult can be compared with a teenager, guided by the desires and preferences of parents, relatives and friends. What is the best thing to do in life - the answer lies in the subconscious of each individual; for this you need to ask yourself motivational questions:

What values are prerogative in your life (no more than three)?
Achieving what goals is important to you at the moment (no more than three)?
What do you like to do?
What would you like to do if you found out that you have six months to live?
What is your most cherished dream that was not realized due to fear of failure?
Where would you spend a large amount of money won from the lottery/lotto/poker?
What dream would you pursue if you were 100% sure of success?

Development of intuition

By developing intuitive abilities, in the future you will be able to listen to your own subconscious, which gives us hints and the right answers. Then, understanding what to do in life will not be a problem for you - you can easily determine your calling and begin direct activities.

Books

Reading is something that people do in their lives in almost every social class. Books are a great way to understand yourself. Read as much as possible, but not everything. Be selective in your choice of literature, take into account your preferences. There is no need to force yourself to master complex works - this way you will develop a dislike for reading books.

Systematization

Making lists will help you decide what to do in life. For example: shopping list, planning the day. Systematize desires, attitudes towards people and things, work and hobbies. A list of your positive and negative qualities, as well as skills and abilities, will allow you to figure out what occupation is best for you to do, in what field to work.

Responsibility

Know how to take responsibility for your actions without blaming loved ones, the government and society as a whole for your failures. Responsibility allows you to realize that life and the choices you make depend only on you, which means that only you can know how to act correctly in a particular matter. What should you do in life? First of all, learn to organize yourself and your activities.

Right choice

In any situation, rely on your own subconscious. Do you want to understand whether the right choice was made? Close your eyes and mentally imagine that the person who is now next to you is not there. Did you feel good or bad? This will be the correct answer. Visualize the consequences of your choice - this will help you avoid irreparable mistakes.

Pause

Pausing before making a life-changing decision allows you to think things through more carefully. You should not act based only on emotions and momentary impulses - this is fraught with a negative outcome, regrets and uncertainty about future achievements. Do you want to change your job? Weigh the pros and cons, consider the outcome of your actions.

Exercises to Reveal Hidden Potential

Thanks to classes, you can easily determine your true purpose. Various psychological techniques are often difficult to use, so it is easier to use visualization of plans, desires and future actions. This does not require additional skills or knowledge - everything is very simple, you just need a blank sheet of paper, a pen or pencil and a little patience.

Extract and analysis of hobbies, favorite activities

Relax and think about what activities you know that you enjoy the most. Write down at least 20 known hobbies or professions. For example: floriculture, playing the piano, writing articles, dancing, sports, cooking, etc. Analyze the finished list, write next to each item the time you devote (are ready to devote) to this or that type of activity during each day, as well as your preferences in the form of advantages.

Take a close look at your list. Near one (several) points you can see the largest number of advantages and time - this is your unrealized destiny.

Visualization of material well-being

Imagine that your life has changed dramatically, and now, in order to provide for yourself or your family, you no longer need to sit all day in an office, stand at a machine in a factory, run around with a courier bag - in general, you don’t need to work. A bank account has been opened in your name with a round sum, which is enough for a long, comfortable existence, and your children study at a prestigious academy. Introduced? Now think about what you would do if you had a lot of free time and material wealth. Record all possible options on paper and analyze. Your further actions are the beginning of working on yourself in this particular type of activity.

My studies at the institute ended and adulthood began. First job, new sensations, new responsibility. And suddenly you realize: I don’t want to do this all my life. When I entered college, I did not understand, did not realize that this was not suitable for me. Maybe my decision was made under pressure from my parents or peers, or maybe I made a mistake in my choice, but that’s not what’s important now. How to understand what I really want? What am I good at? Does every person have his own calling? And how to find it?

We are talking about this with Irina Nikolaevna Moshkova, founder and head of the psychological consultation “Family Good”.

Does every person have a calling?

There is no direct indication in spiritual literature that each person has a specific professional activity to which he is most predisposed. But it is said that Every person is called by God to a personal form of being. This is the main purpose of man.

Solving this problem throughout my life a person must spiritually develop and improve, increasing his God-given abilities. Promoting the discovery of creativity in a person, The Lord gives each of us the grace of the Holy Spirit so that our faith does not remain fruitless so that she finds her expression in conscious service to God, other people and God's created world.

Man should not live idly on earth. Man is the highest creation of God, which is called upon not just to eat, drink, sleep and meet some of his needs. The Lord sees in man His friend, helper and co-worker, capable of increasing the beauty and diversity of God’s created world, and seeing the deepest, essential connections of various aspects of Existence. By seeing the essence of things with God’s help, by studying the spiritual laws of existence of the human race, we can intelligently build our lives on earth without violating the harmony of the world created by God.

It follows that every person faces difficult tasks: firstly, the task of realizing one’s human calling, secondly, investing moral efforts in the development of one’s own personality, without which it is impossible to develop one’s talents and abilities, and thirdly, searching for oneself and one’s place of service to God, one’s neighbor and God’s created world, in which the acquired creative potential of the individual can be successfully implemented.

Every person has one form or another measure of giftedness. There are people whose talents and abilities are at the level of genius. They say about such people: “He is a composer from God,” “an artist from God,” “a teacher from God,” “a doctor from God.” We say this, meaning that a person not only felt that he carried within himself a certain gift of God, but he also managed to correctly realize this gift. Developing as a person, this person was able to use his gifts and abilities in such a way that in his mind the understanding of his giftedness was combined with the feeling of how he should use this gift. As a result, his Christian personality acquired such greatness that those around him began to “see his good works and glorify the Heavenly Father” (Mt 5:16).

Increase what God has given you

It happens on the contrary, a person has great difficulty realizing the strengths of his “I” and does not immediately discern which path to follow, what to learn, where to apply himself. This happens, unfortunately, much more often. But these phenomena also need to be interpreted correctly.

In my opinion, this does not mean that a person is deprived of God, that he does not have the data through which he could, over time, turn into a developed personality who could glorify his Creator. The Lord says in the parable of talents that even if a person is given only one talent, he still needs to try to reveal it, use it for its intended purpose, and realize it to the extent determined from above. The Lord is abundantly merciful: even if He limits a person in something, He will certainly compensate for this with an excess of his abilities in another.

It very often happens, for example, that a person’s lack of vision is compensated by good hearing, or, conversely, a person does not hear everything, but instead distinguishes some nuances of color shades that other people do not perceive, or senses smells surprisingly subtly.

Some time ago, in the assembly hall of the Tsaritsyn CCSO, where we work as psychologists, there were pictures painted by disabled people with various mental illnesses. Many of them have diagnoses: schizophrenia, epilepsy, hysteria. When artists begin to work with these people, when they encourage sick people to creative self-disclosure, artistic canvases of amazing beauty and expressiveness are born.

In psychology and psychotherapy there is now such a direction in the treatment of mental illness: “creative self-expression therapy.” It turns out that it is extremely important for a person to engage in some kind of creative work so that he can express himself, his inner world, and express what is going on inside him.

The ability to self-knowledge is more important than talents

It seems to me that in order for a person to find himself in life, it is important not just to have some extraordinary abilities and talents, it is important that a person has been educated and developed such qualities that give him the opportunity to properly manage what is open to him inside yourself. In psychology this is called the ability to self-awareness and self-knowledge.

It is important to emphasize that the ability to understand who I am, what I am, what I am capable of, is formed in the process of life. And here, for children who are just developing, the experience of parental life is very instructive and important. Parents who are passionate about their work, their profession, and their personal example significantly help the child find himself in life. In families where parents themselves are engaged in creativity, where there is a certain creative liberation in the home environment, when children have access to books, good illustrations, when there is an opportunity to take a canvas, paints, brushes and start drawing together with their father or mother - the child receives additional opportunities in searching for your favorite thing.

If children see how, for example, their father, an artist, enthusiastically works on creating paintings, they themselves begin to draw and mix paints. If, for example, the father is a writer, who, sitting at the computer, always works on the texts of books, then the child, peering into the life of his parents, most often also tries his hand at writing poetry and stories. Children learn the ability to think objectively and develop meaningfully, as a rule, in the field in which their parents work.

We notice this in the activities of our family Sunday school “Life-Giving Source” in Tsaritsyn, which I have led for many years. If the parents themselves, say, want to take up painting, they can bring their child to classes. Or, on the contrary, the children want to do wood painting, and dad and mom can come with them to these creative activities. Parents who engage in some kind of creativity with their child bring great benefits to their child, because he then grows up with a sense of the experience of creative activity.

A person gets to know himself by engaging in creative activities, performing specific tasks assigned to himself, belonging to a particular subject area. This experience forms a person’s self-awareness, a sense of the volume of creative resources inherent in his personality.

Finding yourself in the light of Christ's faith

But most of all, a person’s self-awareness depends on his spiritual development, on how involved a person is in the life of the Church. When a person communicates with the grace of the Holy Spirit, he begins to recognize himself in a completely new way. Everything unnecessary and superficial falls away, like some kind of husk, what remains is the main thing, the essence.

If a person does not believe superficially and goes to church deeply, if he has a good spiritual mentor, then a revolution takes place inside the person, that inner light flares up inside him, about which the Church sings: “In Your light we will see light.” Faith is born, a person is introduced to the Sacraments, and the light of Christ gives a person the opportunity to understand himself more deeply. The practice of confession and repentance makes it possible to observe oneself, to study oneself in its various manifestations.

The work of the Holy Spirit in man brings great fruit. And among other things, it directly influences a person to reconsider the foundations on which his previous life was built.

In this case, it often happens that people move to another profession and begin to become interested in something they were never interested in before. There are amazing examples when a person, who was not prepared in any way in advance, suddenly begins to paint wonderful icon paintings. We have observed more than once how women who were interested in church embroidery found themselves in this art, although they had never done this at home before. Or another example: a person had never sung, began to go to church, began to pray, somehow began to mature spiritually, his soul began to sing, and at the same time he had a desire to learn this business.

The emergence of new subject interests in a believer is a completely natural phenomenon. A person gains spiritual insight, and at the same time a new understanding of himself is born in him, and a need is formed to express the spiritual wealth of his inner world, which he now finds in his soul. If a person is given a little help at this moment, taught how to navigate a new subject area and given the opportunity to master the necessary technical fundamentals of the matter of interest, he will be able to create highly professional work.

This revolution itself is natural: a person is cleansed of sin, spiritually transformed, and at the same time he realizes himself differently and finds his new field. Of course, it does not always happen that a person discards his previous profession and completely forgets about it. Most often, after becoming a church member at a new stage of life, a person looks for opportunities to combine his previous education, to articulate it with a new Christian worldview.

This happened in my own life. When I first started going to church (this was in the nineties), the priests were very suspicious of psychology as a science, because it had just emerged from the materialist tradition. Plus, in the 90s, sorcerers, psychics, magicians, and sorcerers of all kinds began their practical activities. Many priests then feared that studying psychology would lead people to become interested in the occult, and this was very, very dangerous for the soul!

I knew that many of my colleagues, as soon as they began to join the church, decisively left psychology and began to do something completely different. I understood very well that my previous worldview had collapsed. But at the same time, I was very sad to lose my scientific knowledge, which I acquired at Moscow State University for many years. After some thought, I came to the conclusion that I need to start studying Christian anthropology and, based on it, create a new psychological practice.

I want to admit that it was very difficult for me then! There was a feeling that I was sitting on the ruins, the previous experience did not work, and a new approach did not exist at all... Of course, then I did not have any sense of self-confidence, there was only anxiety and uncertainty. The search for myself was then in full swing!

An experienced confessor helped me to establish myself as an Orthodox family psychologist. I know from experience that at such a moment the help of a spiritual mentor is very important! A priest, confessor who knows the concerns, interests, and reflections of his spiritual child can encourage a person to creative inner work. Here you cannot command, you cannot forbid a person: “throw this, start this.”

A person must undergo the process of searching for himself in the light of Christ's faith. This process of formation of a Christian personality is led by the Lord God Himself with the assistance of a spiritual mentor. Through the prayers of the spiritual father, a person’s heart opens, and the Lord gives him new knowledge, understanding of himself, his place in the Church and the world.

Part 2. What to build a new worldview on?

What to take from your previous life? What to build a new worldview on? This process does not happen in one day; it takes time to complete important internal work. You need to think, observe yourself and people, select, analyze, generalize the previous experience of your life, etc. Intensive work of consciousness and self-awareness over time allows a person searching for himself to make the necessary spiritual breakthrough.

Currently, I head the Autonomous Non-Profit Organization “Psychological Service Family Good”. This is an Orthodox psychological consultation, whose activities are aimed at helping people who find themselves in difficult life and family circumstances. The process of the birth of this organization took place in my soul very mysteriously. This required about ten years of gathering strength and crystallizing thoughts. I remember several important points that determined the success of the search.

Setting a goal

First, goal setting. The question “how to find yourself” becomes relevant for those people who want not just to “have” or “appear” to be important people. These questions are asked by people who want to truly “be”, who want to solve the problem of devoting themselves and their energies to a meaningful, meaningful form of being in this world. This desire naturally introduces a person to the Christian tradition. The thirst for an authentic, real, meaningful life is tantamount to the search for Truth, which is inextricably linked with the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Understanding that Christ Himself is the Truth radically changes people's worldviews and provides a new starting point for searching for oneself.

Along with the beginning of Christian life and churching, a person naturally develops the desire to move into depth and live with full dedication, to treat everything responsibly and seriously. Along with a change in worldview, the Lord sends a person the right thoughts, the right judgments, and indicates the right directions to search for himself. In order for this process to begin, one must place spiritual values above material ones, and trust in the Lord God as the Creator, Creator and Giver of all Good. Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh writes in his works: if we ourselves stretch out our hand to Christ, then He takes it and leads us to a new life. Therefore, first of all, we must turn to him for help as a Teacher, as a Friend, as a Mentor: “Lord, help! Take me to where you intend to take me. Thy will be done!

At that moment when I was looking for my place in life, a phrase from the Gospel was a guideline for me: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and everything else will be added to you.” I often repeated these words within myself, and they really helped me not to stray from the right path.

The Gospel tells us that the most important thing for a person is to stand before the Face of God and enter into prayerful communication with Him, and if this is done, then He Himself will actively contribute to the improvement of human life in the world around us. In other words, if a “vertical” is built in human life, then “horizontal” relationships with the outside world are formed as if by themselves, easily and naturally. The Lord God Himself then “leads” a person by the hand to goals and objectives that affirm his spiritual dignity.

Life Analysis

Secondly, in order to find yourself, you need the ability to analyze your own life, the path you have taken in life.

Again I will take my personal experience as a basis. At Moscow State University we were taught many academic disciplines, but among them were subjects related to such sections as child, developmental and educational psychology. It was this knowledge that helped me in creating a Christian approach to psychological counseling.

In 1995, Fr. Georgy Breev blessed me to become the director of the Life-Giving Spring Sunday School in Tsaritsyn. At this time, only school-aged children attended Sunday School. Having become a school director, I clearly understood that by limiting the school population to only children, we are setting the educational task for ourselves incorrectly, since The semantic cell, the unit of propagation of the Orthodox faith should be the family. As soon as I said these words out loud, I immediately realized that Sunday School should include not only schoolchildren, but also preschoolers, and most importantly, teenagers, young people, parents, even grandparents.

The Life-Giving Spring school has become an educational institution that teaches people to live like Christians in the circle of their own family, because a family, according to the teachings of the Church, is a small, home church. If a person creates an atmosphere of mutual support, trust and love within his family, then at the same time he creates that spiritually healthy environment necessary for the formation of a Christian personality. In such an atmosphere, children grow up who, upon leaving the threshold of their parents’ home, are able to live independently and responsibly.

When I said the word “family” (and this was 1997), a light flashed in my soul! I think it was the Lord who gave me a secret sign that we had chosen the right course. When you are visited by a certain thought sent from above, from God, it overshadows you from the inside, and you understand that suddenly a new field is opening up before you, a new path in life, not yet trodden by anyone.

When the family school was born, at the same time the idea of creating a family consultation was born. At that moment I found a place to apply my professional knowledge. Although initially I was about. Georgy Breev, my confessor, gave me his blessing to simply teach at Sunday School and then become its director. But as soon as the word “family” was uttered, a clear understanding arose of where I needed to be, what to do and what direction to develop.

The correct formulation of a task allows a person to feel his purpose, his mission, his dedication to a specific topic. At the same time, an understanding of one’s professional work is formed as a certain purpose, calling.

What is a calling?

What is a calling? This is not just work for money, from start to finish. This is the activity by growing into which a person is formed as a Christian person. This is the activity during which a person’s spiritual growth occurs, service to God and the people around him is carried out.

It is known from the Gospel that the Lord Jesus Christ chose the Apostles, who were first to receive and assimilate the preaching of the Divine Teacher and Mentor, and then become bearers and disseminators of great ideas. Thus, the Apostles of Christ became those people who first themselves went through the path of formation of a Christian personality, and then became preachers and creators of the Christian Church, in which many people all over the earth now find the salvation of their souls.

He called a person’s incorruptible, honest and creative service to the Church, homeland and every God’s work on earth, inspired by faith in Christ, “objective behavior”. Ilyin’s work “The Creative Idea of Our Future” says the following:

“A Russian teacher must, first of all, think through and feel to the end his great national task. He is not a specialist in eliminating illiteracy (not a “specialist” in educational programs), but an educator of Russian children. He must know and understand that it’s not just about developing observation, reason and memory, but about awakening and strengthening spirituality in children.”

In turn, “objectivity,” according to his definition, is a natural result of the Christian feat of creative transformation of oneself in God and the creative transformation of the world (“world acceptance”). The future of Russia, according to Ilyin, requires the education of people who are strong in spirit, “substantially” thinking and capable of “substantially” activities, capable of living with an understanding of Christian responsibility for their standing before God.

All of the above allows us to designate as a fundamental approach to organizing the teaching and educational process in Sunday school a “subject-based” approach, which is based on explaining to students the idea of the Christian feat of sacrificial love, as well as the possibility and necessity of its implementation in the course of everyday life in the family circle.

Reflecting on the fate of Russia after the October Revolution, I.A. Ilyin, in his book “The Creative Idea of Our Future,” wrote that Russia needs to create its own system of state and public life, its own culture and education system. Russia, the philosopher wrote, is a country of the Christian way of life. This way of life is the basic formation of Russian social life, forming the originality of the people’s self-awareness.

Put your idea into practice

Third important point: finding the main point of application of your creative forces, important, so that a person begins to practically implement his ideal plan. It is necessary that further concrete steps be outlined for the implementation of a creative idea in life. This stage becomes a test of the viability of our plans.

For us, this stage was associated with the creation of a family school, then the creation of a consultation, then transferring the consultation to the walls of a state institution - the State Institution of the Tsaritsyn Comprehensive Center for Social Services (KTSSO). The sequential passage of these stages led us to study new problems that we initially did not think to consider. For example, mental health problems and support from the family of a mentally ill person, conducting educational seminars discussing the problems of parental vocation. Issues of marriage and parenthood constituted a whole layer of new topics that we had to seriously think about. Along with this, a new psychological practice was born, consisting of a combination of advisory, psychotherapeutic work and educational activities.

All our activities are now divided into areas, and each area gives rise to some kind of social project. We understand that it is not enough to simply announce that we will do this and that. You need to bring your development to the stage of a clearly defined program of action aimed at helping specific people of a certain age, social status, etc. It is necessary to achieve practical benefits, practical results of activities.

Boldness. Learn to “plow without looking back”

There is another important point in finding yourself. It often happens that impatient people who cannot wait for a positive result take a long time to find themselves. They want to immediately skim off the “foam” and “cream”. Results do not appear immediately. For example, training, education, enlightenment - these types of activities do not allow you to quickly see the fruits of your labor. Here you must first work hard, you must first invest your soul, spend a lot of effort and time, and not be afraid to do it. And the result can only be seen with a long delay.

The Holy Fathers have such a concept - “boldness”. in his works he wrote:

“Orthodoxy gives a person the opportunity to become a saint, but not all people become saints.”

The question arises: why does this happen only in rare, exceptional cases? Father John answered in his sermons:

“Because people have no boldness.”

When we read spiritual literature and become acquainted with the lives of holy people, we see how difficult it is to achieve this. We say: “Yes, I will never be able to do this, life is not enough for me. Is it even worth doing this? In order for there to be a result, a person must learn to “plow without looking back.”

You need to believe that your idea is correct, and devote some period of your life to the fact that you will simply do everything to implement it, without looking back. And then a moment comes when the amount of work brought in itself already bears fruit, gives some sprouts, some important creative continuations. Then you are no longer looking for a job, the job is looking for you.

photosight.ru. Photo: Vladimir Cherkasov

A person wants to find himself in this world, realize his personal potential and find happiness. Not everyone manages to realize themselves, and many remain slaves to circumstances. Each of us has many potential opportunities, but are we able to use them? How to realize yourself in life?

“One of the things my parents taught me is to never listen to other people's expectations. You have to live your life and live up to your own expectations, and that's the only thing I really care about." Tiger Woods

Why can't I realize myself in life?
I am already 16-50 years old, but I still don’t know what I want.
Who am I, what do I want, where am I going and what am I living for?
I have a normal job, but it's not mine.
Everything in life is more or less good, but I am unhappy.
Why don't your hobbies bring you the income you need, and why does your regular job suck?
I'm thrown from one extreme to another.
I didn’t realize myself in anything and didn’t succeed.
My desires do not at all coincide with my capabilities.
Nothing interests me and everything quickly gets boring.
How to realize your dream?

Often in life it is difficult to find harmony with yourself and find your way. It is in the nature of each of us to want to realize ourselves, but this is difficult to do in reality. American psychologist Abraham Harold compiled “Maslow’s pyramid of needs,” where he indicated the basic needs and desires of a person.

Self-realization is the highest human need. If you are interested in this question, then you are an extraordinary person. How to realize yourself in life? Several factors interfere with this.

In most cases, the problem of self-realization lies in the following situations:

A person himself does not know what he wants from life.
An unrealistic dream that is unlikely to be realized.
Inability to develop and overcome difficulties.

How to find your place in life? How to realize yourself in life?

1. What to do if you don’t know what you want from life?

The path to self-realization is not easy. When you don't know what you want, you need to start looking for the answer. Stop doing what you don't like. Eliminate from your life as much as possible everything that interferes and that you don’t like. Compartments of everything unnecessary. And then give yourself time to rest and gain strength.

When you have more energy and time, you will have the strength to do something new. Then there will be an opportunity and desire to search for something new. There will be a chance to try something interesting that you have wanted for a long time.

Immerse yourself in life and observe your feelings. What is of interest, what is your soul, what do you want to do? Go beyond your usual boundaries more often. It is possible that your talents lie outside the plane of today's sphere of activity and lifestyle.

2. What to do if the dream is unlikely to be realized and is difficult to achieve?

We are often driven by naive dreams from childhood, which were imposed on us by fairy tales or stupid films about the success of others. Become an astronaut, a superstar, a billionaire or a legendary athlete?

It's time to take off your rose-colored glasses. Start small and you'll see. Don't chase unrealistic dreams, but look for real ones. The dream and goal must be achievable. Set a goal, make a plan and start taking action. Step by step.

3. What to do if nothing works out?

There is no need to collect problems, but to solve them. If you're not happy with your job, look for another one. If you don’t have friends, communicate more, and don’t wait for them to appear. If your personal life isn’t working out, start making acquaintances more often and look for those with whom you really get along. If you don't like your figure, start playing sports. You need to stop being lazy and just start doing. Persistently, regularly and persistently. 100% of attempts not made will not be successful.

Life presents you with many potential opportunities and chances. The question is what you do and how you behave. Wake up!

One of the most serious and painful problems for those who have embarked on the path of serious rather than fake personal growth is finding themselves. Despite the apparent simplicity of the problem, it is not as easy to solve as it seems. After all, if everything were so simple and every person could be himself, then you and I would live in a completely different world. Therefore, the proposed strategy is only suitable for really strong individuals.

Step 1. Understand the falsity of the coordinate system

Every person can be compared to a ship. Like a ship, a person sails on the waves of life, but it’s not always clear WHO captain, WHERE exactly and at what coordinates this ship is sailing. All this leads to the fact that a person perceives reality inadequately, makes stupid and gross mistakes, ruins those affairs and projects in which he could achieve good results, and does not do what he wants. In short, he toils through life, periodically stepping on various kinds of rake and falling into asses.

The way to yourself, the path of growth is, first of all, overcoming one’s own lies and illusions regarding reality, people, one’s own goals and desires. There is only one way to do this - by starting to honestly consider your entire life from beginning to end. And the first sign that you are doing it the right way will be the unpleasant feelings that accompany you.

A lie is sweet and pleasant, the truth is bitter and sometimes offensive. But honesty with oneself gives the strongest bonus - an adequate perception of reality, a clear understanding of what is happening and the restoration of blocked abilities (as well as “buried” talents).

Step 2. Reset masks

Each of us wears a huge number of masks. They can be called roles, individuals, subpersonalities, aspects... whatever you like. Each mask has its own purpose, its own “engine” and almost always this is not at all what our true self needs.

So that you can clearly see what it is, imagine that you are standing in the center of a huge room and you need to get out of it. You seem to even know where the door is and are trying to move towards it. But the people around you interfere with you in every possible way: they encircle you, push you aside, distract you with conversations, deceive you by pointing you in the wrong direction, even push you and trip you up. Just to keep you from going where you want.

This is exactly how our life goes with our masks. We enter into an internal dialogue with them, swear, do not notice how we put them on and live under the guise not our own life, but the life of the mask. Therefore, to understand yourself, you need to take off your masks. All!

One of the best ways to do this is to go through the Gnostic Intensive process, during which you gradually clarify and discard all your masks, opening the way to your true Self, which has all the information about your destiny (mission in life).

Step 3. Fire of true desires

There are two types of motivations – OT motivation And motivation K. The first is aimed at avoiding something. And the second, accordingly, is to come to something. For example, a person gets a job to avoid hunger (although in our time you can not work and still eat well), or suddenly “a roast rooster pecks” and immediately the strength and resources appear to correct the situation. The peculiarity of such motivation is its weakness and short duration.

Motivation K- another thing. Here a person is driven not by avoidance (of problems), but by the desire to achieve a new state of reality in which he will feel much better. Such motivation is a natural consequence of a person’s awareness and realization of his true values and desires.

The funny thing is that one motivation is often confused with another. A typical mistake is clearly visible in bourgeois dreams - I want to be well-fed, I want a beautiful partner, I want financial freedom, I want to travel a lot, I want to buy expensive things, I want to have... I want, I want, I want. In fact, despite all these desires, the average person won’t even get his ass off the couch to do anything.

Why? Because in fact, he simply does not want his gray, miserable and boring life with its unloved job and uninteresting people around him and with every fiber he dreams of escaping from it into a beautiful fairy tale of material well-being. But fairy tales are invented to fool suckers (Pinocchio). In reality, everything has its price. A price that not everyone wants to pay.

This is, by the way, iron criterion for separating true desires from false ones– a person is not ready to fight for the latter. At least until the first bloody sweat...

Step 4. Your dream is leading you by the nose

Do you know what is good about having a dream? And the fact that you can do nothing, be absolutely inactive, being in a joyful state of considering your own abstract and non-specific dream. After all, if a dream is blurry and unclear, then it is impossible to achieve it, but you can admire it as much as you like and warm your soul with it.

Unlike a dream, a goal is always specific. It is clear what the result will be and it is clear why it is needed. And most importantly, the goal always has a plan, that is, an extremely clear sequence of actions necessary to obtain the expected result. When there is a plan, then ALWAYS It's clear, WHAT EXACTLY have to do. And if suddenly it’s not clear, it means you don’t have a plan, but there are illusions and uncertainty.

Making a plan is a process. The process is persistent, intense, serious, creative, sometimes difficult and painful (I will reveal the reasons for this below), but very interesting and exciting. It's like a game where you roll a dice and move a piece around the map, finding yourself in various situations from which you need to find a non-trivial way out. And in order not to play in boring solitude, strong individuals attract the participation of professionals who are proficient in modeling and problem solving methods.

Step 5. Move effortlessly

There is a common stereotype that the process of moving towards a goal is hard and hellish work, that you have to work wildly and make incredible efforts in order to achieve a result.

Yes, you need to make an effort. But only if physical strength is required to achieve the goal. And it is required if you are an athlete or do martial arts. Or build a house. Or use any mechanisms to achieve the effect you want.

In all other cases, no effort is required! What is required is intention, a clear plan of action and the absence of resistance (self-sabotage). After all, mental (mental) or emotional effort is required ONLY THEN when opposing (blocking, interfering) efforts are lurking in your unconscious. And it is the opposition of these efforts that generates internal tension that you are forced to overcome while moving towards your goal. And which you quite rightly identify with “hellish work.” Indeed, it is hellish work to fight with yourself..

Think for yourself which is easier to walk in: light moccasins or tarpaulin boots with lead soles and kilograms of dirt and slag stuck on. Just take off your boots and run wherever you want.

Are you a strong person?

In conclusion, I will ask you to tell the truth. Tell yourself the truth, looking straight into your eyes. Do you really want to find yourself in life? Do you want to grow and develop as a person? Do you want to have a Great and Exciting Goal? Do you want to make yourself and the world a better place? Do you want to constantly realize yourself while doing your business in life? Do you want to be in a state of flow? You are willing to fight for what you love and believe in. Do you want to finally live your own life?

If you answered honestly, then act and everything will work out for you. I believe in you! (but if you lied to yourself at least once, even just a little, then blame yourself for getting a kick in the face from reality).

And if you have difficulties and difficulties, contact me, we will deal with them together.