Waiting for praise. Is it a sin to desire praise? Be a source of praise for yourself

Have you ever had a situation where you bought a new blouse because a friend said you looked slimmer in it, and then never wore it because you didn’t like yourself in it? Perhaps you have addiction to praise and you have forgotten how to understand your own desires in an effort to please others! Don’t worry, we all depend to one degree or another on the opinions of close (and sometimes not so close) people, the main thing is that it does not affect your life. Wanting to please everyone and everyone in order to receive praise, you betray yourself, forgetting who you really are. How can you preserve your own “I” and not devote your life to the race for the next praise?

Debriefing

Determine the reason why the opinions of others are so important to you? Perhaps you weren't praised enough as a child? Or maybe, on the contrary, you were praised for every good deed, and now you are sure that if they didn't approve of you, it means you're bad?

Develop self-confidence

Look at yourself in the mirror, you are beautiful! And to understand this, it is not necessary to wait for approval and confirmation from others. Moving on, how can a beautiful creature like you do anything wrong? And even if she did, it was planned that way, who doesn’t it happen to? Other people's praise is needed to compensate for the lack of self-respect. Once you solve this problem, you will see that you have become more free.

Learn to forgive

First of all, yourself! Everyone makes mistakes, remember this.

Change your focus

Surely there are things in your life that are more important to you than the opinions of others. Focus on them!

Expand your horizons

So that you don’t have time to think about how you look in the eyes of others, sign up for courses, dances, go hiking, meet new people, learn new things! Firstly, this way you will make new friends. Secondly, you will become much more confident in yourself, and this is something you are missing. Thirdly, this way you will find out what you really want to do. But you have long forgotten about your true desires...

Listen to yourself

In order not to act based on the idea of ​​“they will praise or not praise you,” learn to hear yourself. To do this, you just need to sometimes stop and think. Listen to your inner feelings, not the opinions of your friends.

Be alone

Are you afraid of this? That's right, because you don't know how to be alone with yourself. After all, there is no one to evaluate you, to give you an “A”, and your “ego” is lost alone, not knowing what to grab onto. But this is a good time to understand yourself, your desires, and learn to approve of your actions. You're used to evaluating yourself through someone else's eyes, it's time to get to know the real you. Who knows, maybe you'll be delighted?

Understand yourself, my love

And to do this, ask yourself questions: “What do you believe in?”, “What are your values?”, “How to act correctly in difficult situations?” Usually these issues are decided for you by your environment. How often have you succumbed to other people's desires or opinions that you did not consider correct, just because you were afraid that they would not understand you or would not approve of you? In an attempt to please everyone, you often went against your own principles, try to change the situation by first clearly defining your concepts. And then remember the words “you can’t please everyone” and finally start pleasing yourself!

Keep your balance

In pursuit of independence, do not go to extremes, suppressing any opinion of others. You should be open to other people's opinions, without being guided by them.

Enjoy it

How do you feel when you are praised? You are very pleased, you must agree, it’s a pleasure! You look for this feeling again and again, trying to do everything to evoke it. This trap leads to you starting to live a life that is not yours. Shift your focus a little, have fun in other areas. And for this, again, expand your horizons, find yourself a new hobby and don’t stop there.

Don't worry!

Ask questions correctly, without provoking the interlocutor to praise himself. Feel the difference: “How can I make it even better?” or “Did I do a good job?” Focus on the process, not the result. This way you won’t “feed” your inner “ praise-addict«.

Be a source of praise for yourself

Why not, play. Imagine that you are the most respected, most important person in your life (you are, you just don’t feel it yet). Praise yourself for every achievement, even how wonderfully you washed the dishes! Once you're full, you won't be so dependent on outside approval.

Make your wishes come true

When you live to please others, you forget about your own desires. Believe it or not, the ability to “desire” can atrophy. That’s why you can so often hear the phrase “I don’t want anything” from people who are addicted to praise. Start small, fulfill any, even the most insignificant desire. Would you like to drink some tea? Mark this and immediately pour yourself a mug of aromatic tea and enjoy it to the fullest! Gradually the ability to desire will awaken!

Our problem is that we are not accustomed to look inside ourselves. As children, we literally look into the mouths of our parents and peers for praise—and it is our only familiar way of learning about the world around us and our place in it. In the school system, we are accustomed to waiting for the approval and recognition of teachers and rarely learn to understand and accept ourselves, fearing accusations of arrogance when self-sacrifice is expected of you.

• Our culture teaches us to focus on our weaknesses

It is this that limits the discovery of our inner self. When we talk about self-improvement, it implies that we must eradicate shortcomings, and we constantly feel that we are doing everything wrong or moving in the wrong direction. When we ask for feedback, we expect praise. However, often our strengths are not noticed and even ignored.

• What gives us confession

Recognition from others can be an important factor, but not when it is your only “source of strength.” Self-recognition of your own achievements and strengths is much more powerful than any external approval. Research shows that our self-recognized accomplishments, no matter how important, affect brain function by releasing dopamine, making us feel more energized.

This is why waiting for recognition from others can be a futile exercise. When you succeed at something, you yourself know “I’m great!”, and therefore you can exaggerate and overestimate how important your achievements are to others. Don't wait for external assessment, but feel the power of self-awareness.

• How recognize own achievements And expand their possibilities

— Write down three small achievements every day

We can live the whole day and by the evening decide that we haven’t done anything significant - but that doesn’t happen. Even the smallest things, like meeting a new person, going for a run, or helping a stranger, should be considered accomplishments and celebrated. By writing down at least three small accomplishments every day, you'll soon notice that you're accomplishing more than you think you can.

- For each weakness, record a similar strength

We quickly pay attention to our own shortcomings, and the best strategy is to counter any weakness with its antipode, that is, with its strength. In other words, it is a positive response to something seemingly negative. For example, if you are frustrated by your excessive perfectionism, point out that you pride yourself on attention to detail. This will allow you to see things from a different angle, and you will realize that you should not view your weaknesses as terrible flaws.

- Don't play comparison games

We are all victims of comparing our lives to the successes of others, and this prevents us from seeing what we are doing for ourselves. Remember once and for all that each of us is on our own path and moves at our own pace. Most of the time, we only see a small part of someone's life, so it is useless to assume that someone will end up doing something "better" than us. Social media gives us a constant glimpse into a tiny window into someone else's life, but remember that feelings of envy are pointless and destroy our perception of our own accomplishments.

- Listen carefully, but stay distant

The modern world is cruel and competitive. We feel like we need to be the best and fight for it - but at what cost? The key is to filter the useful information from the useless. Decide for yourself what is constructive in your growth and development and what you simply do not need. Don't analyze other people's opinions of you, but instead focus on yourself. If you crave praise, approval, recognition and compliments from the outside, then know: they have practically no value for you, especially if you have never learned to praise and value yourself.

Praise addiction is not a special, separate “diagnosis” or independent manifestation. It is usually part of various larger psychological problems. This could be narcissism, various anxiety disorders, addictive disorder, etc. Rather, this phenomenon can be called a psychological pattern.

The need to please others is a normal part of the psyche. We must receive positive feedback from others. This gives us the understanding that we are accepted, liked and wanted to be around. It only becomes a problem when people can't get enough of these signs of acceptance. It's never enough for them. And not because of greed, but because of the devaluation of what they had just been given. Sometimes this process of constantly seeking approval turns into an addiction from which a person cannot break away. How else? His self-esteem hangs on the nail of external praise. If there is no carnation, then self-esteem is somewhere far below. At the same time, the quality and meaning of merits and actions do not matter at all; what is important is the emotional reaction of others to them.

Everything comes from childhood. The child did not have the opportunity or right to evaluate his actions independently. After all, how can you say good things about yourself? You can't! After all, only others, from the outside, can say whether you are a good person or not, whether you are doing the right thing or not. Well, if you were praised... don’t screw up! Don't disappoint! Otherwise, you're a loser and they won't love you. Well, since success and achievements can only be assessed by others who know them, these others, what they will appreciate and what they will reject. For this reason, even if you did everything well, you cannot be sure that you will be praised.

There is another option, when the child is praised for every step and he does not have the opportunity to somehow form his own guidelines for assessing himself and his behavior. He gets so used to constant praise that if it suddenly doesn’t exist, then this is, at a minimum, condemnation or a social catastrophe.

Here are the signs of this behavioral pattern:

1. As mentioned above, recognition is never enough. As soon as a person is praised, he immediately devalues ​​the praise. He tells himself that there is nothing to be proud of. Nothing special has been done for which you can respect yourself. Or consider that they were praised fairly.

2. On the other hand, if such a person is not praised for a long time, it begins to seem to him that no one loves him, does not respect him, and even hates him. Sometimes he finds reasons for this (they say I work poorly), and sometimes he may not find anything (I work well, but still no one loves).

3. Despite the need for praise, such people are very afraid of praise. If someone spoke positively about them, they immediately want to hush up this moment or even hide somewhere and run away. For them, praise is like “you were counted.” Have you been noticed? Now they are closely watching you and as soon as something doesn’t work out for you, they will immediately stop loving you and turn away. However, many people really like that if someone finds the work they have done, they will say: “Wow, how nice!” Who did it so well? What kind of genius was this? In general, you were recognized, but not caught.

4. Such a person very often has a proven admirer of his talents. Who can reliably and faithfully admire. In his presence there is no anxiety that he will leave or fall out of love. He will not only praise and not condemn, but with him you can also scold the disgusting soulless world. It doesn't have to be someone real. There may be some celebrity whose life confirms the correctness of the action of a praise addict. For example, if superstar A talks about protecting animals, then she approves of feeding cats in front of the house. In addition, a group of virtual friends on a forum or groups on social networks can serve as support.

This is not so easy to deal with, and some specific recommendations are possible when considering the larger problem within which the dependence on praise arose. This is not just a “bad habit”, but a principle according to which a psychological map of the world is formed. Of course, you need to think about your merits and begin to develop your own system for assessing yourself and your achievements. In general, start redrawing children's cards in a new way.

When you are praised, think carefully about whether you deserve praise; if you don’t deserve it, then it means you were ridiculed.
Philip Chesterfield

Only an extremely cowardly and extremely empty person can find pleasure in praise, which, as he well knows, he does not deserve.
Adam Smith

Praise, like wine, liberates our strength, if not intoxicates us.
Pierre Buast

The praise of a few knowledgeable people is more important than the ridicule of many ignorant people.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

There is something more unpleasant than harsh criticism: clumsy praise.
Gustav Flaubert

Praise makes a good person better and a bad person worse.
Thomas Fuller

Condemnation of fools is praise.
Ancient aphorism

A eulogy is praise for a person who either has wealth and power or had the tact to die.
Ambrose Bierce

Where there is no freedom of criticism, no praise can be pleasant.
Pierre Augustin Beaumarchais

A person intoxicated with praise must both say and do stupid things.
Pierre Buast

The best praise is the one that comes from a person to whom you have done nothing good.
Abul Faraj ben el Haroun (Gregory Bar Ebrey)

Praise is a touchstone for fools.
Pierre Buast

Constant stinginess in praise is the eternal sign of a mediocre mind.
Luc de Clapier Vauvenargues

The measure of true satisfaction is the praise of the glorious and knowledgeable.
Gracian Baltazar

Jean de La Bruyère

The highest praise for an artist is when you forget about praise in front of his work.
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Sometimes we even enjoy praise that we ourselves don’t believe.
Luc de Vauvenargues

The one who praises you for what you don’t have wants to get from you what you have.
Eugene Manuel

The curse invigorates, the blessing relaxes.
William Blake

There are no people more stingy with praise than those who do not deserve it.
Pierre Buast

Don't be quick to blame if you're late with praise.
Anthony Regulsky

Praise shows the way, blame sweeps the stairs.
Slawomir Wroblewski

By praising others, against your will you praise yourself, and this is always noticeable.
Frantisek Kryshka

Despise the whole world - and accept the praise of the first person you meet!
Emil Michel Cioran

Let someone else praise you, and not your mouth; let someone else praise you, and not your tongue.
Old Testament. Proverbs of Solomon

Without difficulty, you can make a friend whoever you want, you just have to say something good about him when he is not present in the conversation about which there are many who want to tell him about it. The beginning of friendship is promoted by praise, the beginning of enmity is promoted by censure.
Basil I the Macedonian

The best praise is the one that comes from a person to whom you have done nothing good.
Abul Faraj

Praise is an additional source of blasphemy.
Kenko-Hoshi

Praise is good for a smart person, but bad for a stupid person.
Francesco Petrarca

You do harm if you praise, but even more harm if you blame something you know little about.
Leonardo da Vinci

Whoever is alive waits in vain for the praise of the arrogant crowd.
Pierre de Ronsard

All means - provided they are dishonest - that can protect us from disasters and troubles are not only permissible, but also deserve all praise.
Michel de Montaigne

It is the act that is worthy of praise, not the person himself.
Michel de Montaigne

We cannot think of a better praise for a person than to say that he is gifted by nature.
Michel de Montaigne

Praise is only good when the one who praises is good.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Self-praise humiliates a person.
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Praising what has been lost creates precious memories.
William Shakespeare

Praise is the reflected rays of virtue.
Francis Bacon

The less merit, the louder the praise.
Francis Bacon

Praise, like gold and diamond, has value only when it is rare.
Benjamin Johnson

Don't seek praise, but try your best to act laudably.
Jan Amos Comenius

The measure of true satisfaction is the praise of the glorious and knowledgeable in business.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

Don't get overly excited. Avoid superlatives so as not to distort the picture and not be branded a fool. To praise and lavish admiration is a sign of limited understanding and taste. Praise arouses curiosity, kindles desire, and if the merits turn out to be lower than your assessment - and this usually happens - the deceived expectation will take revenge for the deception with contempt - both for what was praised and for the one who praised.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

Approval of the reasonable. A cold “yes” from an outstanding husband is more flattering than the praise of the crowd.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

Prefer activities that are praised. Much in life depends on human judgment. Praise is for abilities what Favonium is for flowers - food and life.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales

Not from the crowd... you need to look for support; Her roar of praise is a fragile reward.
Pierre Corneille

Some reproaches sound like praise, but some praise is worse than slander.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

No matter what praises are lavished on us, we do not find anything new in them for ourselves.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

As soon as a fool praises us, he no longer seems so stupid to us.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

People are rarely intelligent enough to prefer useful blame to dangerous praise.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We scold ourselves only to be praised.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We often seek out poisoned praise, which indirectly reveals in those whom we praise faults that we do not dare point out directly.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Truly extraordinary virtues are possessed by those who have managed to earn the praise of their envious people.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Avoiding praise is asking for it to be repeated.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

To wholeheartedly praise good deeds is to take part in them to some extent.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

You can't live on incense. Praise alone is not enough for a person; give him something more substantial; The best way to reward someone is to put something in your hand.
Moliere

We praise much more often what is praised by others than what is praiseworthy in itself.
Jean de La Bruyère

Only people with base souls can lavish praise on those about whom they spoke disdainfully before their rise.
Jean de La Bruyère

Praiseworthy epithets do not constitute praise. Praise requires facts, and skillfully presented ones at that.
Jean de La Bruyère

Praise makes good people better and bad people worse.
Thomas Fuller

To write satires you do not need to despise those against whom they are written; but when stupid and exaggerated praise is used, it seems difficult to do without the contempt of those to whom they are attributed...
Bernard Le Beauvier de Fontenelle

If the dead had the opportunity to read the laudatory inscriptions on their tombstones, they would die a second time - from shame.
Joseph Addison

An intelligent person is happy only when he receives his own praise; a fool is content with the applause of those around him.
Joseph Addison

The thirst for attention, recognition and any manifestation of approval is always associated with a neurotic state and neurotic perception. The article will focus on a relatively healthy person with some neurotic disorders. About those cases where the conventional boundary between health and pathology, from the point of view of a specialist, is not crossed.

A person who craves attention is at the same time very dependent on this attention, it seems to the person that he really needs it, and at the same time such a person is very afraid of losing this attention, and when he loses it, he experiences a storm of not the most pleasant emotions, such as anger, irritation, and aggression. , and anxiety, and jealousy - the list goes on for a long time. The breakdown of lack of recognition and approval from the outside is so acutely experienced.

I cannot call such a state happy. Is this condition completely normal? Is it healthy? It’s more difficult here, because it’s not a threat to life as such, but I can’t call a full life from such a state, although the vast majority of people live this way. This is definitely not a pathology.

This does not require treatment, and it only needs help if you are tired of it, want to learn to live differently, but don’t know how. If you are happy with everything or most of the way you live, if you don’t have the determination to find out “how it can be done differently,” then everything is in order, it is quite possible that this article is not for you.

Of course, to one degree or another, at least in part, such states are familiar to almost every person, at least I have never met anyone who was not familiar with this in my own life.

That is why a neurotic view of life up to a certain point is completely natural for every person. But this state is always alarming and it is polar: states of euphoria, joy and lightness are replaced by dips into anxiety, melancholy, sadness or depression. The degree of depth of ups and downs is certainly individual - everyone has their own.

Wanting attention is not normal, or rather, perhaps it is normal, in the sense that the majority live this way, but this does not lead to joy and happiness. It is difficult for an adult to feel the need for attention. It is normal for a breastfed baby to need attention and care.

Perhaps this is normal for up to three years, maximum five. Further, if a child does not know how to be holistic and interesting to himself, he is doomed to look for interest in himself on the side. And he is literally doomed to be addicted to emotional swings, and is automatically doomed to suffering.

Such a person lives in a world of unquenchable thirst for attention, care and approval. He behaves accordingly: always counting on the benefit that he needs from people. All this happens unconsciously, automatically - this turned out to be an acquired behavior model. Most likely, if you ask directly, this person will tell you that this is not about him, that in this regard everything is fine with him.

People who feel the need and thirst for attention, approval and praise are usually very decent, polite, pleasant in compliments, can skillfully sense your own importance and will skillfully, very subtly warm it up, filling their own worth, sometimes very graceful and courteous, know how to speak beautifully, know how to give pleasure to the interlocutor both in word and in your actions, gestures, subtle touches, demonstrating your participation by all possible means. And everything would be fine, but there’s a little catch here somewhere.

But the catch here is that all this happens unselfishly, with a specific goal, or rather a need.

Such a person needs your approval, to fuel his own importance. And he builds his own behavior accordingly - solely out of this need. While playing his role, such a person literally needs oxygen and also needs “applause” from you.

What exactly constitutes “applause” can vary greatly for each individual person. For one, it’s enough to hear thank you, another will want brighter epithets, the third will shudder to wait for a grateful hug from you, the fourth will have enough of your sweet approving smile, the fifth will hope for your kind words about yourself among your friends.

How exactly is not important, the essence itself is important: you must repay such a person with your attention and approval, you must praise him or at least not ignore him.

Such a person feels the need for attention expressed in any way, it is important that this attention expresses a quantum of trust to the person, so that he is recognized and approved, if not just like that, then at least for something. Such a person needs positive comments, praise for what he does, his appearance, or at least some kind of praise related to him and his activities directly.

For the sake of such praise, a person is ready to work, try, comply, develop some kind of activity, play roles, be needed and useful.

It is useless to be angry with such people, and if you are not an expert, then trying to help is also useless.

Help for such a person can begin to occur only at the moment when an awareness of how he lives and what he creates arises in him, and along with such awareness, perhaps, a natural desire arises to not live like that anymore. At this moment a person is open to the new and unfamiliar.

Before this, trying to help especially out of good intentions is useless, and even more so out of pity. Until then, all you can do, if it is available to you, is to have compassion without suffering. Or in other words: help without interfering, silently. This could also be called acceptance, if it is accessible and comfortable for you. If it’s not comfortable, go where you feel comfortable, look for your comfort, find it and don’t lose it.

If you can stay close, but only without being affected by the neuroses of a loved one, stay. For a person in a neurotic state, this will be very useful - the presence next to someone who is not affected by neurosis. If you find yourself hurt from time to time, then the only solution for you is to start with yourself and deal with your neurosis. The best gift for a neurotic is the absence of someone nearby who, in one way or another, also suffers from neurosis.

To be unaffected by someone else's neurosis, you need to cure your own neurosis. A person who has patched up his own neurosis can no longer be deeply hurt by such things.
By curing a neurosis, you do not become invulnerable; rather, you become disinterested in experiencing the emotions that accompanied your neurosis.

No matter how long you communicate and no matter how close you are, rest assured that a neurotic person will definitely give you a decent bill one day. You can be around for 20 years, so it may turn out that you could have been around for many years and never touched on a single really sensitive topic (how this happened is another good question), but as soon as you stumble and touch on something important, having deprived a person of something for which he has an acute thirst, accidentally depriving him of your attention or habitual approval - be prepared to receive a large bill in return.

When a neurotic person is responded to well, when his choices and decisions are not criticized, condemned, or questioned, the person feels comfortable and safe.

As soon as such a person encounters the slightest criticism or ideas and opinions that do not feed his sense of his own correctness, importance, necessity and specialness, and perhaps even slightly undermine the value of the currency with which the neurotic pays for attention, approval and care - such a person instantly finds himself in an experience of alienation, loss, uselessness, anger, and resentment. This may manifest itself in different ways depending on the model chosen in each specific case.

Someone will behave aggressively, may start screaming, sputtering, proving something, trying to drag the blanket of such warm external attention onto themselves. Trying to re-educate you, remake you, insist on your own, trying to get an apology, forgiveness, promise, etc. from you.

Someone will cunningly try to offend, hurt and provoke the “offender” - thus trying to defeat the “enemy” and prove to himself his own betterness, importance, rightness - to prove that the enemy was wrong, which means “I’m right” and “everything is fine with me.” in order".

This type of behavior is associated with a constant struggle for attention and recognition both in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of others. Such a person is doomed to endless tension and life in permanent stress, no matter how cozy and pleasant life may sometimes seem to him. This struggle, it must be said, is always virtual - the battle always takes place exclusively “in the head” of this person.

In everyday life, no one attacks such a person, no one calls for anything or forces anything - the person himself chooses from time to time to take a position of defense or attack, defending his psychological territory, in fear of losing his importance and exclusivity.

To do this, such a person always specifically (but not consciously) chooses to be close to those who are able to feed his similar behavior and maintain the status quo. And these are always those who are ready to regularly play one of several roles: the role of defenders, attackers or helmsmen, feeding our hero with importance, attention and care.

And this is always a mutual, unconsciously interested game aimed at feeding both parties’ own conditioning. And this game can only happen to those who are able to play this game, who are interested in it.

Such people are strongly attached to experiences of vivid emotions, the pole of which no one can ever control: sometimes these emotions are pleasant and positive, and sometimes vice versa. A person is drawn, like a drug addict, to the experience of bright things, and the essence of bright emotions is such that it is impossible to control them.

Also, a neurotic disorder is directly related to the inability to experience satisfaction and joy from simple experiences devoid of an emotional component - such experiences are boring and uninteresting to a neurotic.

A neurotic is interested in drama and for this he is ready to dissemble, hold back, wait, be a hypocrite, manipulate, play along, please, be offended, endure, thus continuing his own favorite drama. theater.

A theater in which he is the main character, he is the main director, he is the main spectator, and he is also the main critic. Yes, in such a perception there are many vivid emotions: a lot of pleasure and automatically a lot of suffering. But there is no place left for simple life and simple happiness in such a theater.

Neurotic disorder is directly related to the inability to experience satisfaction and joy from simple experiences: there is no place for simple life and simple happiness in the dramatic theater of a neurotic.

Some people use other strategies instead of open aggression, for example, strategies of subtle manipulation and cunning. These are strategies for a quieter fight against “rivals”, strategies for guerrilla warfare for attention. There seem to be fewer emotions here, but in reality they are exactly the same, very vivid, they are just experienced a little differently - like sneezing “to oneself.”

The sneeze also occurs here and the force of the sneeze is identical to a loud sneeze in the whole mouth, but this is not visible from the outside, because the sound of the sneeze itself was actively suppressed by the sneezer. Therefore, the thirst for attention and approval here is quenched a little differently: it is veiled under care, kindness, and self-sacrifice.

There are other strategies. But that's not the main thing.

In this article I wanted to remind you, to draw your attention for a couple of moments to how a neurotic lives his life. How do you live your life when you don’t feel fulfilled, when you feel the need for attention, approval and praise from others and need constant replenishment of this.

Introduce you to pause for a moment. Right now. And they looked at themselves from the outside. And we thought for a second.

Of course, you can help yourself get out of such virtual swings here. It's not easy, but it's possible. Without help, this happens an order of magnitude slower. Therefore, I consider the opportunity to interact with a good specialist to be more reasonable and constructive.

You need to normalize both the background against which you perceive yourself, and normalize your own image, self-image, deprive it of the highest peaks and deep troughs: “you are not great and not terrible - you are simple and ordinary.”

You need to get used to, reconcile and love your own ordinariness. And I repeat, only a very good specialist, of whom there are not many, can help with this. In answer to a possible silent question, I consider myself to be a good specialist.

Without deep, real humility with one’s simplicity and ordinariness, there is no talk of anything more. This is the very basis - the basis of a simple, harmonious, happy life. Without this, you can’t even begin to look for satisfaction either in money, or in your favorite job, or in family, or in relationships, or in children - everything will pass by, it will literally be doomed to failure, but this will not become clear to you right away.

And without starting right now, you will continue to delay the moment, hoping for a better opportunity, for more favorable circumstances, but essentially waiting for gangrene.

So don't delay. Start with yourself. And decide not tomorrow, but today:
Start paying attention to your psychological health, your own spiritual harmony, either on your own or with the help of a specialist who is right for you. Try to listen to yourself, start working on yourself.