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What is Egoism? And is it possible to re-educate an egoist? What is called selfishness and examples. In this article we will talk about such a character trait as selfishness. I'll answer the question

what is selfishness

, I’ll talk about whether selfishness is a good character trait or a bad one, and is it worth being an egoist, that is, is it worth being ashamed of? I will also tell you who an egoist is, good or bad. What is egoism? If this is your first time on this site, then I want to introduce you to one important rule: before you get an answer from me, first try to answer this question yourself.

What is egoism? If you were asked, how would you answer this question? I do this so that you learn to think for yourself. If you cannot give a complete answer, then read the article further. Selfishness- this is behavior when an individual puts his personal interests above others, that is, he is completely absorbed in thoughts about his own benefit and benefit. The word egoism comes from the Latin word ego -

"I" . Everything has an opposite, and the opposite of selfishness is altruism - selfless help and care for other people. was an altruist. And now a rhetorical question: who is more numerous: egoists or altruists? 100% of egoists are more than altruists. .

Selfishness is perceived in completely different ways by different individuals. What is considered normal for one person may be perceived by another as excessive selfishness. This brings up the next question:

“Who is an egoist?”

Who is an egoist? From the first definition we can understand that an egoist is an individual who cares only about himself, thinks only about himself, worries only about himself. In fact, all people are selfish, just some more and some less. This is the essence of man, where selfishness is inherent in nature. All people seem to look in the mirror and think only about themselves. But as soon as this mirror is removed, a person begins to understand that other people, just like him, also need a lot. The philosophy of the egoist sounds in one word - "Give". That's the main thing: to receive or to give? Well, of course you can get it, and for free. Receiving is the main principle of an egoist. Giving is the main principle of an altruist. Receiving only for yourself is very bad.

Selfishness is not as bad as it might seem at first glance. Many people know how to take care of other people. Other people are usually close people. These are parents, wife, husband, children, grandparents, close friends. We all want them all to live the best life possible. And many people are even willing to break some laws for this. Taking care of someone is also a human need, and there is nothing selfish about it. Agree that it is difficult to live when you only care about yourself. Emptiness arises.

Giving without demanding anything in return is also wrong. There must be a compromise. If I gave you something valuable, then you give me something valuable. There is no egoism in this philosophy. This is the principle by which we must live in our time. Businessmen live by this principle. Just imagine the following picture: a man gives his girlfriend love, gifts, attention, takes care of her, but she gives him nothing in return. What happens next? A man, not receiving energy from her, will sooner or later leave for someone who knows how to give, and that woman will be left alone. This is the law of conservation of energy. It is not possible to receive something without giving something in return. There must always be a compromise. Egoists ignore this law. They are consumers.

Many people are rich because they have created something valuable to society. They thought about others first, and then about themselves. I'm not talking about those rich people who made their fortune through illegal means. All oligarchs are selfish, they don’t care about others.

Why is a person selfish? We are all human and we all have our own needs that need to be met. That is, before you help others, you first need to help yourself. It's hard to help others if you haven't helped yourself yet. Agree that it is difficult to keep focus on someone else when your own problems are flickering in your head that need to be solved. A person becomes selfish because he drowns in the swamp of his needs. If the needs are removed, then attention will be free. This means that nothing will stop a person from starting to think about others. Thinking about yourself is not a bad thing. All the needs that arise within a person make him think about himself, his beloved. This is why a person becomes selfish.

When a person gives, he also receives something for it. Many people love giving gifts because it makes other people happy. I like to surprise those people who like me with something. If they managed to catch my attention, then I will not remain in debt, I will definitely surprise you with something. When a person gives something, he receives in return. Receiving gratitude is very pleasant, it gives strength, energy, and you want to do even more.

For example, when they thank me for this site, write good comments and reviews, I feel so pleased that I want to do more and more for my readers. Receiving is very good, giving is even better, and if there is a compromise between the two, then this is exactly what is needed.

Many people think that everything should be free. For example, training. Just imagine this: you have created a useful information product and are giving it away for free. You have spent a lot of effort, but you get nothing in return, because you are giving away your work for free. People don't value things they didn't pay money for. That is, you do not receive anything and the person to whom you gave something for free does not receive anything either. He will simply take your product and put it in the far corner for later. But if he paid money, then he begins to perceive your product in a completely different way. He gave the money, and this means that this thing now has value for him. And he will not put off studying the information product until later, but will start it immediately. And you will receive money for this, which you can spend on yourself or on others. There is nothing selfish about this. This is the law of energy exchange.

In order not to be selfish, learn to give first and then receive. Now you know what egoism is, who an egoist is, and by what principle it is worth living. Wish you luck.

what is egoism, who is an egoist

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A value orientation in which an individual tends to think only about personal gain and his own needs is called egoism. His interests always come before the interests of others. A selfish person is in love with his own essence, does not recognize others as his equal, considering them unworthy.

Difference between egoism and egocentrism

The difference between egoism and egocentrism lies in the definition of concepts. Selfishness is a stable character trait that manifests itself in behavior. Egocentrism is the belief that one’s own opinion is the only correct one. Such a person believes that other ideas have no right to exist; he establishes his own orders and rules. Egocentrism is more common in children and disappears before the age of 8–12.

The difference between these concepts lies in the different attitude of the carrier to communication. An egoist, although he loves only himself, needs recognition of his merits by others. He needs to share his feelings and experiences. Such an individual craves attention with all his soul. An egocentric person does not suffer at all from misunderstanding and lack of communication with other people. He feels good alone, he enjoys solitude.

Selfishness can be positive and negative, but egocentrism is a completely negative quality.

A selfish person can be self-centered. In such cases, psychologists talk about the impossibility of growing up. The individual is stuck in the events of the past and cannot get out of them.

Narcissist Behavior

A strong, intelligent personality combines different characteristics. Lack or excess of egoism affects the behavioral line in different situations. Women and men with a deficiency cannot communicate normally with others. It is difficult for them to make acquaintances. They reproach themselves for any wrongdoing and always feel guilty.

Excessive egoism also does not allow a person to make acquaintances. Such people tend to consider others unworthy of their attention. They are pleased to refuse help to other people, even if the favor would not be difficult for them. The requests of egoists are fulfilled by others willingly, but over time, narcissists face a wall of indifference. To receive something from others, you need to give, and this character trait is not inherent in egoists.

A critic of an egoist faces aggression on his part.

Such a person will definitely say a few “kind” words in response, slam the door and leave. A selfish personality is spiritually flawed, and this leads a person to degradation.

Signs of a Selfish Personality

Manifestations of male and female egoism are identical. Signs of a selfish person:

• a pronounced tendency to evaluate others critically;
• rejection of criticism in one’s direction, inadequate assessment of it;
• shifting one's blame onto others, which manifests itself constantly;
• the division of people into “friends/strangers”, which always exists in the mind; the desire to always be in the center of attention, disrespect for the opinions of others;
• tendency to energy vampirism, aggressive actions;
• lack of balance in many aspects of life;
• reluctance to change oneself;
• concentration on achieving material wealth at any cost.

The desire to achieve pleasure is inherent in the human essence. The nervous system gives the body impulses so that it can provide itself with everything it needs. The individual lives in society. It is difficult to survive alone, so the individual must strive to interact with others. Accordingly, altruistic motives (the desire to help one’s neighbor) were originally intended as a means to improve adaptive skills. Without interaction with each other, people will die out. Selfishness is a pathological immoral form of nervous disorder, rooted in childhood. Based on selfish motives, a person commits illegal actions that contradict the norms of society. However, sometimes it is required by the individual.

The egoist is conditionally adapted to friendship. He actively takes care of himself, believing that this is how it should be. Seeks unity with a person who has qualities that he himself lacks, while maintaining free choice.

Psychology of egoism

Psychologists distinguish 2 types of egoism:

• primitive;
• reasonable.

The egoism of the human essence is necessary. A person who acts only from altruistic motives, that is, only gives, but receives nothing in return, cannot interact normally with society and develop. Such an individual is used consciously and unconsciously; he himself offers his help.

Pathological sacrifice leads to the collapse of personality, like unhealthy egoism.

Primitive egoism

A person who thinks about his own benefit and achieving a goal at any cost is called selfish. The primitive appearance is immediately noticeable. The person demonstrates a clear disrespect for others. Such natures are characterized by a narcissistic model of behavior. They think that they themselves form a social circle, but this is not so. Friendships with them are made by individuals who are insecure and easily suppressed. Adequate people avoid communicating with egoists.

Primitive egoism is inherent in an intellectually and psychologically immature personality.

A child is born with this character trait. The baby cannot take care of himself or voice his needs, so he must achieve everything by screaming. The child strives to achieve satisfaction of his needs at the expense of others due to his helplessness, not understanding what this looks like from the outside. Until a certain age, a person is forced to think only about his needs; this is inherent at the genetic level. People care only about themselves due to the fact that they are not strong and smart enough to think about others.

As a child grows, his psyche develops. He begins to understand the generally accepted norms of interaction with society. The wrong behavioral line of parents, built on indulgence, exaggeration of capabilities, praising the child’s appearance, gives rise to immorality. The child grows, but does not develop morally, cannot adequately evaluate himself and perceive criticism. Primitive egoism in an adult is a sign of mental underdevelopment. He is dependent on others, but is unable to admit it.

Reasonable selfishness

From a psychological point of view, a person cannot help but take care of himself and his desires. Reasonable egoism is the engine of progress. Without it, a person is not able to achieve success in business. Critical thinking and analysis helps to realize that to achieve a goal you need to interact with society. As the child develops, egoism changes and becomes thoughtful.

Egoism goes through several stages of development, gradually transforming into reasonable. There are 2 types of it:

• sophisticated egoism;
• deliberate altruism.

A person, realizing that he cannot survive alone, makes acquaintances. Draws conclusions by communicating with others. They are more willing to make contact with a sophisticated egoist. It is important to understand that any individual, performing certain actions, pursues his own goals, but this happens in a veiled form. The psyche adapts the body to the conditions and gives possible options for action necessary for survival. People are directly dependent on each other. Understanding this, the individual gains allies and friends who help improve the quality of her life, and she does not remain in debt.

A more mature form of egoism is deliberate altruism. An individual at this stage of development is ready to expand his areas of responsibility, he has grown morally and spiritually, and is prepared to perceive the importance of other aspects. By giving, a person receives more. A talented leader cannot take care only of himself; he needs to do something for society so that it does not die from hunger and disease. He needs to actively interact with other leaders and his community. And from this he himself will receive various kinds of benefits, not only economic ones.

Reasonable egoism reflects the maturity, intelligence, and experience of the individual.

He is cunning, knows how to present himself in society, and gain followers. The individual does not openly express his desires. He achieves his goals in roundabout ways.

The relationship between egoism and altruism

Whether a person wants it or not, he always strives for his own benefit. This is one of the stages of human development that allows us to survive and protect ourselves. For the most part, personal interests are put above public interests. The only difference is how the individual shows it. A person daily encounters people whose interests contradict her own. A spiritually developed, sensible person does not infringe on his neighbor because his values ​​do not correspond to his own motives. He learns to accept and understand them.

At a certain stage of life, an individual comes to realize the importance of taking into account the interests of the society in which he moves, and learns to respond to them. A selfish nature strives to help, but cannot do this, because it itself is not able to take care of itself. Unhealthy altruism, from a psychological point of view, is a type of selfishness.

Selfishness must be accepted. It's a part of us. The more a person believes in the sincerity of his actions, the more unhappy he becomes. Selfishness is a person’s healthy desire to be appreciated and receive benefits. In literature and church moral teachings, the sinfulness of selfishness is narrated, altruistic actions and sacrifice are extolled. But all these canons were invented by selfish natures in order to satisfy their own needs and increase demand among the people.

An altruist who does not see the expected reaction from his actions becomes upset and does not feel satisfied. For an egoist pursuing the same goals, the reaction is unimportant. The better a person understands the need to manipulate others, the easier it is for him to cope with contradictions. Healthy egoism allows you to accept the interests of other people. Altruism, promoted as something sublime, makes a person exalt himself above others. But an unhappy person cannot make others happy.

A harmonious personality can achieve success. The survival of the individual and his offspring depends only on him. People who do not make claims to others have an easier life; they are less susceptible to stress due to their inadequacy.

Healthy egoism is a sign of critical thinking, a true attitude towards oneself and others.

Conclusion

Judgments and canons imposed by society and religion lead to people’s incorrect assessment of their essence. Selfishness is a natural state for every individual. Its primitive form is observed in children under a certain age and in adults with an incorrectly formed psyche. The pathological narcissist is not developed morally, spiritually, or mentally. Healthy selfishness helps a person survive and succeed. This character trait allows you to critically evaluate your capabilities, accept society and see your place in it.

negative orientation of the individual, an extreme form of individualism, manifested in the conscious selfish opposition of personal interests and needs to the interests of other people and society as a whole.

Great definition

Incomplete definition ↓

SELFISHNESS

from Latin ego - I), value orientation of the individual, manifested in the conscious opposition of personal interests and needs to the interests of other people, an extreme form of individualism

The feeling of his individuality, his “I”, isolating himself from the world around him and the need to establish himself in it are necessary for the child to develop his personality. These processes begin at the age of about 2 years. The child begins to strive for recognition from others, so he demands attention and praise from them , expressions of love and guarantees of well-being In his claims, he can be intrusive, stubborn and capricious. It depends on the adults who are next to him how the relationship between the child’s self-awareness and the world of the people around him will be formed, whether he will learn to understand other people’s needs and feelings, to empathize them, provide selfless help, or he will get used to perceiving everything and everyone only as a means of satisfying his needs and desires

The development of emotion and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the individual is a consequence of defects in upbringing. If the tactics of family education are objectively aimed at consolidating such manifestations as inflated self-esteem and egocentrism, then the child can develop a strong value orientation, in which only his own interests, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such a concentration on one’s own “ “I”, indifference to the inner world of another person, to social interests can lead to alienation as a person’s experience of loneliness in a world hostile to him.

In some ethical and psychol. concepts, E. is considered as an innate property of a person, thanks to which protection and the greatest benefits are supposedly provided. full respect for his interests. However, neglecting the interests of other people brings only short-term benefits, and in general causes the isolation of a person, the negative attitude of others towards him and, as a result, inevitable emotional and material losses. Therefore, preventing the development of E is an important task in the formation of a mature personality.

Selfish The direction of children's self-awareness is strengthened primarily where parents orient the entire structure of family life towards the needs and comfort of their child. Naib. A common mistake parents make is giving gifts to their children. This contributes to the development of whims and caprices, strengthens the utilitarian-consumer attitude towards others. The habit of parents to demonstratively give the child all the most delicious things, to be the first to serve food at the table, etc., also leads to the same consequences. It is a mistake to try to free the child from any physical activity. effort, from self-care, from participation in work. This is how a dependent is formed. life position. However, the opposite (cold, indifferent, humiliating) attitude towards a child gives rise to emotional dullness, callousness towards others, and an aggressive readiness to defend even the most insignificant personal interests.

Preventing the development of E to a decisive extent depends on parents and educators taking into account the individual characteristics of the child, including him in harmonious social relationships with adults and peers.

Great definition

Incomplete definition ↓

Beginner level

About selfishness (part 1): what is selfishness?

This paper examines the practical side of such a phenomenon as selfishness. What is egoism? How does it manifest itself in the everyday life of the individual and the collective (family, enterprise, nation, race, religious group, etc.)? Is selfishness beneficial? What are its main manifestations in modern society? What effective ways to transform egoism into altruism exist and what difficulties can be encountered along this path? What can be done now to radically change the existing selfish foundations of society to intellectually altruistic ones? You will find answers to the questions listed above in this work.

1. Where does selfishness begin?

3. Is selfishness beneficial?

4. General signs of selfishness

Introduction

Dear reader, the topic of selfishness is very relevant today. After all, the very model of the structure of the current society has a very selfish-consumer orientation. Evidence of this is the numerous facts of manifestations of selfishness in almost all layers of our society - from representatives of the highest echelons of power, large and medium-sized businesses (including show business) to the ordinary average person who is simply trying to survive, adapt to the conditions of this world and provide a decent, by his standards, the existence of his family.

Many already understand a certain one-sidedness, and therefore the inconsistency, of the foundations existing in our world that impede the progressive development of society as a whole. And also that the departure from selfishness and the transformation of society into an altruistic and intellectually developing society is closely related to the changes of each of its members. Indeed, relationships at all levels - be it world politics and economics, intrastate or interpersonal relations - involve individuals who always have their own interests and needs. At the same time, the reality of today's situation is such that it does not matter at all what group of people a person is a representative of: a family, an enterprise, a state or a certain movement - always and everywhere he first of all remembers what is closer to himself, that is, personal interests, and often puts the interests of others in the category of secondary ones, and since we, people, ourselves have created such a society, it means we have to change it.

Quite a lot of pages on the Internet are devoted to the topic of egoism, from which one can glean theoretical information about this phenomenon itself, its varieties and forms of manifestation. In addition, these issues are covered quite extensively in sources on ethics, social psychology, sociology, psychoanalysis and philosophy. But even with such a volume of theoretical information, society has not yet managed to radically change the existing state of affairs in practice. It’s an interesting situation: many people want change, but sometimes they don’t know how one person can influence changes in society as a whole. And those who begin to do something sooner or later give up, faced with difficulties and their own as yet unrealized selfish interests.

Therefore, in this work I want to consider the practical side of this issue. Namely, I will try, together with you, dear reader, to understand how selfishness manifests itself in the everyday life of both an individual and different groups: families, enterprises, nations, races, religious groups, etc. (sections 1, 2 and 4). We will talk about how selfishness is beneficial for the egoist himself. (section 3). We will also consider the main directions of efforts to consistently transform selfish personality tendencies into altruistic ones and possible obstacles on this path (section 5).

Further discussions in this brochure will be built on the basis of the so-called Ayfaar Paradigm, set out in the article "", as well as on the main postulate of Iissiidiology (the newest cosmological concept on which I rely here) - multi-worlds, that is, on the fact of the existence of an infinite number of parallel worlds with completely different conditions and possibilities of human existence, in which different personal interpretations of each person “live”. Moreover, each of these worlds corresponds to a strictly defined personal interpretation of each of us, which has its own individual creative potential. In other words, the quality of the world in which an individual perceives himself - be it a world of aggression, dictatorship and suppression of any initiatives or peaceful existence, mutual cooperation and conditions for revealing the creative potential of each individual - strictly corresponds to his own evolutionary tasks (read - interests) and personal abilities to experience certain mental and sensory experiences. Therefore, any changes in selfish foundations in society will be considered based on the principle "from inside to outside", which can be formulated as follows: the intensity and quality of transformations in an individual’s life beliefs and interests entails corresponding changes not only in his own capabilities and life circumstances, but also in the conditions of existence of society as a whole.

P.S.: For a deeper understanding of the information presented in this brochure, and to avoid the reader from having many additional questions about the material, we recommend that you begin reading it only after reading the above article “ "(by Uxstukkullur).

1. Where does selfishness begin?

First, let's define what we actually mean by the concept of egoism, which we will rely on in further discussions. The most general and widespread definition is the following: “egoism (French egoisme, from Latin ego - I) is behavior entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, preference of one’s interests over the interests of other people, etc.” .

Where does the manifestation of selfishness begin? I'll start answering this question with a visual example. Imagine a sphere - a three-dimensional round figure that expands to infinity. Now imagine that this sphere is an image of our universe, which includes countless forms of self-consciousness of different scales - from huge cosmic objects (universes, galaxies, stars, planets) to much smaller physical creatures living on these cosmic objects (people, animals, plants, minerals, microorganisms and others). If you theoretically imagine yourself in the role of an observer outside this sphere (the universe), then you can see an absolutely holistic and complete picture of the energy-informational (cause-and-effect) relationships that exist between all possible forms of self-consciousness of this universe. But, I repeat: this can only be seen in theory, since, you see, it is quite difficult to realize oneself outside the boundaries of the universe.

What does it mean to be part of the universe? This means being “inside” the sphere, that is, being a direct “participant” of it. If we continue the example of the above visualization, we can imagine that everything energy information the content of the sphere (universe) consists of countless localities of different scales. These local “sites” of energy information are nothing more than “assemblage points” of certain ideas about oneself and the world around us (information), which are reflected in the perception systems of various forms of self-consciousness. In other words, the information content of each such conditional “assemblage point” serves as the basis for the manifestation in the appropriate conditions of the continuum (see below) of a certain form of self-consciousness (energy) - a person, a cat, a dog, a tree, a stone, a microorganism, an atom, a molecule, a planet, universe - with its unique set of ideas, interests and tasks (information). Based on what has been described, the question posed above can be answered this way: to be a participant in the universe means to be aware of oneself as one of its many forms of self-awareness.

Why is it necessary for the existence in the universe of all these many forms of self-consciousness with their inherent interests? In order to ensure that the cosmic entity, which is much larger in its energy-informational content, receives absolutely all possible experience of specific mental states and mental-sensory experiences (joy or sadness, inspiration or despondency, humility or inflexibility, etc.) through the prism of perception of each of forms of its manifestation (see section 3).

If we talk about the forms of self-consciousness that “live” in a particular group of very similar continuums (and there are countless of them in the universe), then it can be argued that each of these forms is at a certain stage of its evolutionary development, which certainly makes it difficult not only interspecific, but also intraspecific communication. That is, a group of continuums is a kind of habitat for life forms of certain species - from forms of self-awareness of elementary particles, microorganisms and people to objects the size of a galaxy or universe - united by certain common and complementary ideas, interests, history. Moreover, each of them develops in its own direction of development, corresponding to its type, and perceives the world exclusively in its own way.

For example, in the current group of continua, the most developed form of self-awareness is considered to be the person who most strives to master these continua through the development of industry and technology, the construction of cities, and the exploration of the subsoil of the planet, oceans, and space. But this does not prevent other forms of self-consciousness - animals, plants, minerals - from existing alongside people and making their own contribution to these continua. And in the case of forms of self-consciousness of atoms and molecules, it can even act as a “building” element for biological organisms of all living things. Moreover, the high degree of conflict-free behavior between the same atomic-molecular structures that make up any organism is orders of magnitude greater than the degree of organization and coordination in work that is now inherent in people. This fact, of course, undermines the existing belief in the superiority of man in terms of his level of development over other forms of life.

When it comes to the universe as a whole, everything is much more complicated. If the continuum represents a certain narrow “slice” (variant) of the psychological and physical states of all forms existing in it, then the universe - as the totality of countless such continua millions of years “in the past” and “in the future” - includes absolutely the entire experience of existence all forms of life “living” in it, in all possible variants of its execution and at all stages of its evolutionary development. This means that any living form that can be observed in the surrounding world (essentially ─ in the continuum), is only a reflection of a certain intermediate stage of its evolutionary development. And besides the interpretation observed by each of us, in the universe there are a huge number of other variants of it, both more and less evolutionarily developed in relation to it within one biological species. They all “live” in parallel continuums and live their lives in their own conditions and circumstances. Thus, the universal principle of many worlds, which was already mentioned above, is realized in the universe.

Anticipating, dear reader, your logical question: “How is all this connected to the theme of egoism?”, I will answer that the very moment of awareness of oneself as someone - for example, a person - is the moment of dividing the holistic picture of the universe into two parts: what is accessible to the system of perception of a particular person, and that which remains outside the sphere of its perception and under no circumstances can be accessible to it at this stage of its development (for example, information about what is now happening in other universes). In addition, the human perception system is designed in such a way that it immediately divides all the information available to it into two more categories: “I” and “my environment” (or “not I”). It is from the moment this “I” appears, that is, at the moment of realizing oneself as someone, that selfishness begins. Why? Because the whole is divided into parts, the concepts arise: “my interests” and “the interests of others” and the possibility of choosing between them. In other words, the necessary conditions appear for the manifestation of selfishness, namely, satisfying “one’s own interests” and sacrificing the “interests of others.”

So what happens that all of us, people, are selfish?! Yes, we become them due to the limitations of our own perception systems. But, you must agree that each person shows his egoism to varying degrees - from the personal level (satisfying only his own needs) to the collective level (at the level of members of one family, employees of one enterprise, residents of one city, country or even one planet). What determines the degree of egoism of an individual? By which ideas are included in the category of his “I”, and which he classifies as “not I”. Let's take a closer look at this issue.

What does the “I” category include? First of all, everything that defines a person as a person, for example: name, gender, age, character traits, tastes, inclinations, place of residence, marital status, social status, profession and much more. In addition, this category includes his ideas about whose interests, in addition to his own, are just as important to him and for whose sake he is willing to sacrifice something of his own. For example, the needs of members of the parental or own family, a circle of friends or colleagues, members of a club of interests, residents of their country, representatives of the flora and fauna of the planet, humanity as a whole, etc.

The category “not I” includes everything that is not included in the circle of “I”. The human system of perception evaluates everything this way: what does not relate to “me” and is not included in the circle of interests that are important to “me” immediately becomes “alien” for me, and therefore less significant.

Thus, on the border between two conditional categories “I” and “not I”, egoism usually arises, as a consequence of the division of everything around into “mine” and “not mine,” “us” and “strangers,” “important” and “not important." And each person usually knows exactly whose interests from his environment he is ready to sacrifice, and whose interests he will not infringe on under any circumstances.

The wider the circle of people and other beings, whose interests are no less important for the individual than their own (personal), the wider the circle of ideas of his “I”. And the wider the circle of his own “I”, the more he feels his involvement in others and the lower the degree of his egoism. And, conversely, the more a person concentrates on his own (personal) interests and ignores the needs of others, the narrower the circle of his “I” and the higher the degree of his egoism. In order to better understand how selfishness manifests itself to varying degrees, let's look at a few examples.

Example one. Imagine a young girl of about 25 who is rapidly building her own career and devoting most of her time to this activity. She does not have her own family, and she rarely communicates with her parents and friends, since she devotes a lot of time to work. Management has a good impression of her as an executive and responsible employee; she is valued for her skilled work. With employees of equal status, she has exclusively business relations, and sometimes there is even a spirit of competition. She is ready to work hard to achieve a common result, but at the same time she is more busy individually than in a team, that is, she is not a team “player”. She is purposeful, effectively plans and manages her time, fully supports herself financially, and in unexpected situations for her family financially helps her loved ones.

Let's try to assess the degree of selfishness of this girl. First, let’s determine how many people’s interests are important to her. The needs of the family become relevant for her only periodically - when one of her loved ones needs financial assistance. In this way she maintains contact with her parental family. At the same time, she devotes practically no time to the emotional sphere in interactions with them, which means she does not take into account many of their intangible needs - for attention to them, for care, for a trusting relationship on her part.

Since her main interest is to improve in her profession, let's analyze what happens to her at work. At first glance, she tries to do a lot to ensure that the company she works for achieves success. But what is the motivation behind all her efforts? It is likely that she associates the company's success with the possibility of her own achievements, for example, with the opportunity to get a higher position or increase her earnings. Or maybe it is important for her to satisfy the interests of the company’s clients and that is why at her workplace she tries to do everything as best as possible. But still, how important are the interests of her work colleagues with whom she communicates daily? Does she rejoice at their successes and empathize with their difficulties? For example, when the whole team receives an award, what will she be more happy about - her award or the fact that everyone received it, and not just her? Or when a company has a work crunch, will it sympathize with those who have to work after hours (even for extra pay) at the expense of time spent with family or just on vacation, doing their favorite activities or hobbies? I doubt! Since the spirit of competition periodically awakens in her relationships with employees, I think that her personal interests will still be more important than the interests of the people around her.

From the example described above, it becomes obvious that the boundary of this girl’s “I” is at the intersection of her personality and the personalities of the people around her. This means that she is inclined to sacrifice much that is dear to her family and colleagues in order to satisfy her own interests. The level (degree) of such egoism can be defined as personal, that is, limited to a person’s own interests and practically not taking into account the needs of others.

Example two. Imagine a family: the husband is 35 years old, the wife is 30. They have a five-year-old child. The three of them live separately from their grandparents, maintaining close relationships with them: they often talk on the phone and stay up to date with their current affairs, visit them from time to time and spend holidays together. This young family also has a circle of friends with whom they have common interests - they all often meet and communicate. For example, they regularly visit the pool or yoga classes, periodically have dinner together or go on vacation. My husband has his own business, which brings him a decent income and allows him to provide for his family. At work, he makes a lot of efforts to ensure that good and trusting relationships develop between the employees of his enterprise: he introduces a reward system that does not provoke excessive competition, but, on the contrary, strengthens the spirit of cooperation, organizes off-site family corporate events, etc. At the same time, he is a good family man, a caring husband and father. The wife is more involved with the home and family, and devotes her free time to working in a charitable organization, with the employees of which she has a fairly trusting relationship, and her work itself presupposes concern for others.

Let's try to figure out what is included in the “I” category of the husband and wife in this example and what is the degree of their selfishness. It is obvious that for them personal needs are not more important than the interests of others (members of their own family, their parents’ family, friends, colleagues) and they know how to organize their time in such a way as to pay enough attention to themselves, each other and people close to them. The circle of “I” of each of them includes the interests of a much larger number of people than the girl in the first example. This means that the degree of their personal egoism is much lower. At the same time, it cannot be said that selfishness is generally unusual for them. Rather, it manifests itself on a different level and is not noticeable at first glance, but we will talk about this later.

As you can see, in the examples discussed above, each person has his own life values, priorities and corresponding lifestyle. Each of them has their own ideas about the boundary between “I” and “not I”, on the basis of which they form relationships with others. Those who limit their circle of “I” only to personal interests usually think very limitedly and one-sidedly, showing a high degree of isolation, selfishness and distrust of them in their relationships with others. They tend to perceive the world around them as hostile and unkind, spending a lot of energy and time defending themselves from others. Those whose boundaries of “I” go beyond their own personalities have much less opportunity to do something exclusively for themselves, that is, to show gross selfish tendencies. With those who are included in their circle of “I” (with “their own”), they are ready to compromise and make decisions that will satisfy everyone who is interested in them. Their inherent need to care for loved ones opens up endless possibilities for them to go beyond the perception of the world, limited only by their own interests, and encourages them to act for the benefit of others.

To summarize what has been written in this section, we can say that egoism is characteristic of each form of self-awareness, but is demonstrated by everyone in different ways. The condition for its manifestation is the moment of awareness of oneself as someone and, as a consequence, the emergence of an artificially created system of perception of the boundary between “I” and “not I”, “us” and “strangers”, what is “important” and “not important” . The more people with their interests and needs are not indifferent to a person, the lower the degree of his egoism. And vice versa: excessive concentration on personal interests leads to the manifestation of only gross selfish inclinations and tendencies.

2. How does selfishness manifest itself among “friends”?

In the previous section, I indicated that egoism arises on the border of dividing everyone around into “us” (or “I”) and “strangers” (or “not I”). For the sake of the well-being of the former, a person is usually ready to sacrifice a lot, and is neutral or even indifferent to the fate of the latter. Moreover, such a boundary is formed not somewhere outside, but exclusively in the self-awareness of the person himself, and it is individual for everyone.

What prompts a person to distinguish “their own” from those around them? It is obvious that he has some interest in this. After all, if he were not personally interested in this, he would treat everyone equally, equally love and care for both close and good acquaintances and people unknown to him. But for most of us, such acts of complicity in the lives of “strangers” are rare. This means that in the circle of “ours” we first of all include those from whom we expect to receive something. It doesn’t have to be something material, but it may well turn out to be some kind of moral benefit (to feel needed, to raise one’s own self-esteem, to prove something to others, etc.). And, of course, in order to get what we want, we are ready to sacrifice something in favor of those who help us with this. It follows from this that each person is motivated primarily by the expectation of personal benefit, that is, his own egoism.

Perhaps such a conclusion will cause you surprise, dear reader, and you will, quite logically, have questions: “What about a mother who gives everything to her children, what kind of selfishness is there in that?!” or “Where can selfishness be hidden in the relationship between spouses who, by generally accepted standards in society, live in harmony and prosperity?” - and many similar questions...

It often happens that when caring for loved ones - husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, friends - a person unnoticed begins to hope that he will receive something in return from them (gratitude, appreciation, reciprocal help, material support or something else). Over time, these hopes turn into stable expectations that loved ones Must do for him in response to his participation in their lives. For example, children must obey their parents, and they often do this because they provide them financially; There are also many mutual expectations between spouses, ranging from household responsibilities, earning money and ending with interpersonal relationships in the family. And when loved ones do not behave as a person would like, or do not agree with his opinion, then he is inclined to experience extremely unpleasant feelings and emotions towards them - indignation, resentment, rejection, envy and others. Such reactions towards loved ones indicate a lack of selflessness in this person’s actions and a manifestation of powerful selfishness on his part. It turns out that when taking part in the lives of loved ones, people often do not notice hidden selfish motives in their actions, or they notice them, but consider them quite acceptable. Here are some of them: specific demands on another person, ownership of loved ones, confidence in one’s own rightness, the desire to impose one’s opinion and manipulate others, etc. Conflict situations that arise with “one’s own” usually help a person discover his selfishness.

Let's look at a few examples of the manifestations of selfishness described above. Imagine a family in which a woman is very protective of her children. In the eyes of others, she looks like a good mother who cares about her own children. In fact, her overprotectiveness may be caused by the need to control everything. Let's say that she has her own ideas about how her children should develop and who they should become in the future. Under such circumstances, by interfering in the affairs of children and imposing help on them, the mother can justify her intentions and actions with a sense of duty and responsibility for them. Most likely, she simply cannot allow their development to go against her ideas that “it will be better for them.” If the children's behavior does not meet her expectations, then this causes her a lot of negative emotions. And sometimes she can even accuse them of being ungrateful towards her. The children themselves suffer from the obsessive “care” of the mother, because by doing this, she unwittingly suppresses their natural need for self-development and self-determination in life, preventing them from making their own decisions and taking responsibility for them. As a result, such relationships in the family can lead to the development in children of self-doubt, low self-esteem, inability to defend their opinions, and in the long term, develop distrust, hostility and aggression towards the world around them.

If the motives described above are present in the relationship between mother and children, then this indicates manifestations of personal egoism on her part. Because in her actions she still pursues her own interests (to keep everything under control, to realize what she wants through her children) and does not take into account the real needs of her children.

Many examples of selfishness among “friends” can also be found in relationships between spouses. Here's one of them. Spouses who have lived together for a sufficient number of years to know a lot about each other's habits and interests. If they both coincide, then this will help avoid many conflicts in such a family. In most cases, their desires differ significantly and they often have to choose which needs to give preference to. Situations in which their interests collide help to reveal the selfishness of each of them.

For example, spouses have different preferences on how best to spend their weekends. One of them likes active communication with friends and acquaintances, while the other enjoys quietly watching their favorite movie at home. Or it is extremely important for one of them to visit their parents every Sunday, and for the second, a day off is an opportunity to take a break from the hustle and bustle of work in the silence of home or in nature. If each of them spends his free time as he wants and lives according to the principle “you don’t interfere in my affairs, and I don’t interfere in yours,” then they will rarely be able to be together, learn more and understand each other better. It is quite possible that the current situation will cause each of them an ever-increasing feeling of loneliness and will one day lead to a serious crisis in the relationship. This position of “non-interference” in the affairs of a marriage partner may well be caused by the reluctance of both spouses to open up to each other, fear of possible conflicts and unwillingness to resolve them. In this way, they protect themselves from the possible “intrusion” of another, albeit close, person into their personal life, because they know that this will significantly change the course of life familiar to each of them and the realization of personal interests. Such relationships, of course, show the unwillingness of the spouses to compromise, give in to something else, or look for mutual solutions. In other words, they demonstrate their personal egoism.

It also happens that in order to avoid conflicts in a relationship, one agrees to give in to the other, and they spend time together in a way that is interesting to one of them. In the future, the one who gave in may have a claim against the spouse and demand that next time he fulfill his wishes, even if the second one does not agree with this. As you can see, in such a situation, each spouse shows selfishness in their own way. The first made a concession in anticipation of a retaliatory step from the second. This means that he did it not only for the sake of a loved one, but also to get something for himself in the future. The second ignores the needs of his spouse, which also shows a high degree of his personal egoism.

Another example of demonstrating selfishness in the relationship of any couple is the right of ownership of each other. These states are most often accompanied by feelings of jealousy, envy, voicing claims, dictating one’s terms, issuing instructions instead of requests, etc. In other words, this is when one of the partners believes he has the right to demand from the other something that is beneficial for his care and attention to himself personally: reciprocal signs of attention, the fulfillment of any of his desires, agreement with his opinion, etc. And if he does not get what he wants, he is offended and accuses the other of ingratitude, trying to make him feel guilty.

The most obvious evidence of the desire that arises in one of the partners to defend their right of ownership of the other can be observed in situations where one of them betrays the other. How will someone who has been cheated on behave? Will he be able to admit his own guilt and involvement in the current circumstances? Will he be able to overcome his feelings of disappointment and resentment? Will he be able to understand the motives of his partner’s behavior and, by changing something in himself, maintain a good attitude towards him? Or will he put all the blame on the shoulders of another and leave him, “slamming the door loudly”? Obviously, in the latter case, such love and care were due to some kind of personal gain. And when the opportunity to receive what you wanted from another was lost, such relationships immediately lost their meaning. It has become much more convenient for someone who has been cheated on to blame their partner for everything than to find the reason for what happened in themselves. Moreover, such an outcome does not exclude for him the possibility of repeating a similar situation in the future in his relationships with other people.

Of course, the behavior of the one who cheated is no less selfish. And here, too, many facts determine the degree of his selfishness: was this betrayal a momentary hobby or a carefully hidden long-term affair on the side? How did he himself react to the fact that a person close to him found out about the betrayal: he was afraid that his lie had been exposed and he was now in danger of trouble, or he was afraid that their family could collapse, or he was worried that he had hurt someone dear to him to a person? The answers to these questions will make it possible to understand how selfish such an act was.

In any case, such situations usually reveal the selfishness of both partners, and depending on whose interests - their own or their common ones - each of them will defend, and thus the conflict situation in the family will be resolved. The more attention they focus on their personal needs (that is, their selfishness), the more they will blame each other and the more serious and prolonged the conflict between them will be, which can ultimately lead to a break in the relationship. And vice versa, having set the goal of saving the family, they can use the current situation as an opportunity to “reconstruct” their marriage. For example, talking openly with each other and changing each other's habitual patterns can help them reach a new level of interaction.

These examples are just a drop in the ocean of everyday human relationships with loved ones, family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. And surely every reader will be able to remember many other situations from his personal life in which someone’s selfishness was manifested in one way or another.

From everything described above, the conclusion suggests itself that not every act of help, care or attention of a person towards others can be called absolutely selfless. And that in most cases, selfish motives and expectations may in fact be hidden behind such elections.

Thus, we have come to the need to identify a certain criterion for how selfish each of us can be in caring for the circle of “our own.” You can determine this by answering two questions. First: when I do something for others, I am guided by their ideas about what is best for them, or help them in accordance with their interests? In other words, when you are going to help someone with something or do something nice, it is important to try to understand whether you are trying to give a soccer ball to someone who dreams of playing the violin. And the second question: when I care about someone, do I turn this person (whom I care about) into an egoist? In other words, before you do something for others, it is important to understand whether you are doing them a disservice. After all, while uncomplainingly indulging the selfishness of those around them, people rarely think about how their “help” might end up costing them in the end. For example, protecting a person from all kinds of failures and losses and presenting him with everything he wants “on a silver platter”, as a rule, prevents his normal development and independent knowledge of the world around him and himself as they are. Subsequently, he turns into a person dependent on other people and circumstances, unable to live independently in this world.

Let me remind you that in the previous section we came to the conclusion that the expansion of the circle of “I” (or “my own”) leaves a person less and less opportunities for the manifestation of personal egoism. And in this section they concluded that in most of his relationships with “his own” he still pursues some personal interests. This contradiction may have left you confused, my dear reader! Therefore, I will immediately assure you that there is no contradiction here. The point is only that a person can expand the circle of “his own” as much as he wants, but this will not help him transform his egoism. It will simply manifest itself differently, but it will still be selfishness. But only having begun to eradicate his personal egoism in relation to close people (in the circle of “his own”), he will be able to radically change the situation.

Let's try to imagine what will happen to a person who began to expand the circle of “I”, but did not transform his personal egoism in relation to loved ones. That is, he has not learned to understand other people, respect their opinions, make compromises, make mutually beneficial decisions and considers manifestations of his indifference to others, confidence in his own rightness, categoricalness and other similar qualities to be quite normal. It is obvious that he will begin to transfer the projection of personal egoism to the collective level. And with the same zeal with which he previously sought to satisfy personal desires, he will begin to defend the interests of the group to which he himself belongs, at the cost of infringing on the needs of others. It is selfishness at the collective level (be it a family, a work team, a country, a religious group and others) that gives rise to intransigence and enmity between different families, peoples, states, representatives of different religions, races and many other groups of people. And the root of collective (or group) egoism is the personal egoism of each member of such groups.

Therefore, we can safely say that any manifestations of misunderstanding, disagreement and hostility in relations between people at any level of relations - be it enmity between families, fierce competition in business, confrontation between different religious faiths or an international military conflict - are a convincing and natural consequence of the manifestation of personal egoism each of the participants in such relations.

So, we have the following picture: when a person does not care about anyone, he certainly cultivates the highest degree of personal egoism; when he cares about “his own,” he continues to cultivate personal egoism, but on a different level (such egoism is less noticeable and is often disguised as help and care, which are not selfless); and along with it, it manifests selfishness on a collective scale (infringing on the interests of other people and groups). It turns out that most of the time a person is in a vicious circle of his own egoism, which manifests itself differently in every life situation.

How can you get out of this circle?

In the previous section, we determined that egoism arises on the border of dividing everyone around into “us” and “strangers,” which exists only in the self-awareness of the individual and nowhere else. This means that in order to transform a person’s own egoism, it is necessary to somehow “erase” this boundary “within” oneself.

Let's imagine that a person has focused his attention not on expanding the circle of “his own”, but on transforming personal egoism towards loved ones. That is, he continued to take care of them, but stopped expecting something in return from them; began to listen more to their requests, make compromises and express his claims and demands to them less, and impose his opinion; became more understanding and less irritable with them. How will this affect his relationships within his inner circle? Surely the motives for his behavior and actions will change significantly. Close people will become needed not to satisfy his own interests, but so that he can give them something selflessly. Agree that these two motivations for action are completely different. When a person stops expecting something from others and continues to selflessly do something for them, he is freed from being selective towards people. He begins to equally respect and appreciate everyone who surrounds him, and shows patience, tolerance and goodwill towards them. As a result, any division into “us” and “strangers” artificially created by his imagination begins to gradually disappear.

In addition, by transforming his personal egoism in the circle of “his own”, a person thereby avoids the possibility of its manifestation at the collective level. After all, having mastered the practice of interpersonal relationships based on honesty, openness and tolerance, he may well be able to transfer these principles to relations on a domestic and international scale. Imagine how relationships in families, in business, and between different nations would be transformed if everyone began to transform their personal egoism for the sake of the well-being of others. I think that society would change beyond recognition.

Summing up what was discussed in this section, I would like to note that a person’s identification of a circle of “friends” is due to his own egoism, which manifests itself in the form of some of his expectations and demands in relation to the people around him. When a person stops hoping that people around him will act as he does to her this I want to, then she sacrifices her personal egoism and begins to act in the interests of others. This inevitably leads to the blurring of the border between “us” and “strangers” within a person’s consciousness and the expansion of the circle of his “I”.

3. Is selfishness beneficial?

It often happens in practice that to effectively replace selfishness with altruism, just understanding one’s selfish manifestations and the desire to become better is not enough. And a person, finding himself in situations in which he could perform more altruistic actions, continues to lean towards those choices, the benefits of which are obvious to him personally, and therefore towards more selfish ones. He does this because he does not understand the “benefits” of altruism and perceives it only as a need to sacrifice something. As a result, a person cannot formulate deeper and more sustainable motivations for the constant cultivation of altruism and the internal changes accompanying this process. Therefore, this section is devoted to answering the question: “Is selfishness actually beneficial?”

At first glance, the answer is obvious: “Of course it’s beneficial, because if a person always does something for himself, then in the end he will have a lot.” Such a belief, strictly speaking, can be considered a postulate of egoism. And even if the egoist does not speak about it directly, he is probably guided by this conviction in most of his choices. Cases when a person sacrifices some of his personal interests for the benefit of others are more likely a consequence of moral standards of behavior instilled by society and educators with the help of all kinds of fears, than the result of his own understanding of the real disadvantage of selfishness and a conscious choice in favor of altruism.

But let's answer the question posed above about the real benefits of egoism from the position of issiidiology. That is, we will build our thoughts on the basis of the idea that all possible options for ourselves already exist (see section 1). All of them “live” in continuums (worlds) that are different in terms of the degree to which their existence is favorable and receive a comprehensive, multivariate experience of making certain decisions, recognizing themselves in the corresponding experiences (feelings, thoughts, desires, interests).

First, let’s figure out who actually needs this experience and why? And how is experience exchanged between all options (interpretations), for example, of one person? Let's look at this using the following figurative example. Imagine a set of nesting dolls nested inside each other: small nesting dolls are nested in medium ones, and medium ones are nested in large ones. And there are a huge number of such nesting dolls. In this example, each of the nesting dolls is an analogue of a person’s personal interpretation (option), which “lives” in one of the parallel worlds (continuums). The smallest nesting doll is the least developed version of the personality, that is, the one whose way of thinking is limited by very narrow personality-oriented ideas about oneself and the world around him and who demonstrates through his behavior powerful egocentrism.

He does this because the connection with his more developed interpretations is very weak, so he is not able to listen to his intuition and use his own experience of more thoughtful and conflict-free decisions. As a result, he is forced to independently live the experience in difficult life situations and relationships and transmit it to other (more developed) versions of himself. The largest nesting doll is the most developed version of the same person who exists in the universe and who is characterized by all the best human qualities and manifestations. His decisions and choices are largely based on the knowledge of what to do better and what not to do, thanks to which he can experience himself in much more harmonious and favorable life circumstances.

The exchange of experience between different interpretations of a person occurs according to the principle of nesting smaller nesting dolls into larger ones. That is, underdeveloped personality variants live in continuums that are more destructive in terms of the conditions of existence, receive the necessary experience of experiences and life conflicts there, and serve as a kind of base of negative experience for more developed interpretations of the personality. The latter not only use the experience of the former, they also convey to slightly less developed versions of themselves their positive experience of making more harmonious and balanced decisions in a given situation. If a person, in his intentions and desires, is oriented towards a more evolutionarily developed version of himself, that is, he strives to acquire the positive qualities inherent in that, then in his self-awareness there is a close intuitive connection with that self who, due to his more selfless motives, succeeded in achieving laws and provisions for the possible consequences of one or another choice to avoid such life situations..

From the example described above, the following is obvious: any form of self-consciousness (including man) that exists in the universe is at some intermediate stage of its evolutionary development (within its species) and is a kind of “assembly point” of experience, both less and less and more developed versions of ourselves. The ability to intuitively perceive the experience of his more developed interpretations and prevent many dramatic and unfavorable circumstances in his life appears in a person only when his goals and daily choices are aimed at becoming the self that is more evolutionarily developed as a person.

Now let’s answer the question posed above: who needs experience and why? We need experience as the most developed versions of ourselves in our universe, who live in much more favorable continuums for them and have “projected” ourselves into a whole host of less prosperous and even destructive versions of the worlds in order to know ourselves in the corresponding life situations and experiences. We need all this in order to provide ourselves in each situation with information about all possible options for the negative and positive consequences of a particular decision and thanks to this, know which actions contribute to the most effective resolution of a particular life situation.

Therefore, if you find yourself in some unfavorable circumstances for you personally, dear reader, remember that the most effective way to overcome them will be to consciously, positively, without looking for the guilty, experience the destructive experience that is missing for you personally and draw conclusions from it on how to prevent similar situations in future. Only after this can you take this experience into account in the future. In those cases when you clearly feel that something is not worth doing, but something, on the contrary, must be done immediately in order to avoid some negative consequences, then these premonitions indicate the existence of a close connection between the “current” and more developed “variants” of yourself. The latter realize themselves in much more favorable conditions of existence, because they have absorbed the entire cumulative experience of the (negative and positive) consequences of specific situations and know which of all possible actions led them to this particular (much more favorable) group of continuums.

But intuition can be different and not always all intuitive insights of a person contribute to its evolutionary development as a person. Therefore, here is the time to introduce criteria by which one can determine the level of development of each of his personal interpretations within the framework of his biological species. For a person, there are two criteria: the degree of his altruism and the degree of his rationality. The more altruistic (selfless) and at the same time reasonable (not causing harm to anyone) actions a human person performs in his daily activities, the more developed he is, but only within the framework of his biological species (!). And vice versa: the higher the degree of ignorance and selfishness underlies the ideas, values ​​and interests of an individual, the less evolutionarily developed it is (I repeat again: within its species). From all this the conclusion follows: the higher the degree of altruism and rationality is present in the decisions that our intuition tells us, the greater the likelihood that these decisions are translated by more evolutionarily developed “variants” of ourselves - precisely as people. As a rule, such decisions come into conflict with some of our personally oriented selfish expectations. But the implementation of these very choices can most open the “door” to worlds that are much more conducive to human existence.

As you can see, the degree of selfishness and ignorance of an individual is directly proportional to the level of its development as a person. From which it follows that the degree of egoism of an individual is the determining factor in what particular circumstances and life conditions (worlds, continua) he perceives himself. Any positive internal changes in a person naturally lead to a change from one continuum to a qualitatively different one, which is perceived by him as unexpected changes in circumstances, the emergence of new opportunities, changes in the people around him and relationships with them. Moreover, for the real manifestation of more favorable life scenarios, it is important to back up your declarative statements of intentions with a series of specific choices that confirm these aspirations in practice.

And a person’s choices are not only his words and actions, but also thoughts, feelings, experiences that he allows to manifest in his own consciousness. Each of his choices determines his true interests - more selfish or altruistic, more reasonable or ignorant - and “fixes” him in those life scenarios in which there are the most favorable opportunities for their implementation and gaining the necessary experience.

Let's look at the above with a couple of examples. Imagine a person who is accustomed to satisfying his own interests first and neglecting the needs of others. What future worlds and life circumstances do you think he predetermines for himself with this behavior? Of course, those in which such selfishness is the norm of life and relationships in society. Imagine such a world: in it, most people live according to selfish principles and their existence turns into an endless struggle for survival, insatiable consumption and concern only for their own pleasure and comfort. In such realities, the strongest survive, that is, those who have more strength and power. This means that in these worlds there is a strict hierarchy, dictatorship, aggression, mistrust and competition, everywhere fueling conflicts and wars at all levels of relationships.

Now try to imagine how our future continuums and living conditions could change if we begin to eradicate ignorance and selfishness in ourselves and more and more cultivate altruism (self-sacrifice, generosity) and rationality (consciousness, logic). That is, let’s stop thinking exclusively about ourselves and start caring more about those around us, let’s stop expecting something in return from others; let's start sharing all the best that we have and working with our shortcomings; Let's stop blaming someone for our troubles and take responsibility for our lives. If we can within at least several years If we maintain such dynamics of change in our own consciousness, then over time we will certainly notice significant positive changes in life scenarios and in relationships with our immediate environment. We will be given more and more opportunities to do what really matters to us, and issues of survival will be resolved in a miraculous way for us. We will increasingly begin to show kindness, understanding, sincerity, generosity in the people around us, and much less often - coldness, irritability, secrecy, greed, jealousy.

In order for such changes to spread to a more global (social, political, economic, cultural) level, we will be required to first of all, verify from your own experience the effectiveness of the approach described above to solving various negative life circumstances. That is, build relationships with others in which love and harmony reign on any everyday issue. A after Before we ourselves manage to master the practice of conflict-free existence (unconditional positivism and goodwill, the ability to understand any person), it will be necessary to make maximum efforts, time and resources so that through individual and collective creativity (creating videos, writing articles, blogging, webinars and trainings) to inspire as many people as possible to make similar changes in their ideas, values, habits and lifestyle.

Only thanks to such activities can we one day find ourselves in a world where most people live according to principles similar to ours (in those worlds). Surely, living conditions, laws, and relationships in such a society will maximally contribute to the unity of all people and the revelation of the creative potential of each of them. After all, they (in fact, more developed versions of us as people) already have information about all the destructive experiences of the existence of human society, divided into classes and living on the principle of the “strong” subordinating the “weaker”. Realizing the ineffectiveness of such approaches on the path of progressive development of the human community, they deliberately did not introduce into all areas of their lives those principles and laws that encourage people to cultivate selfishness and ignorance.

Let's now answer the question posed at the beginning of this section: is egoism actually beneficial for a person? It is obvious that selfishness is beneficial only when assessing short-term benefits “here and now” and is completely unprofitable in the long term. Because its cultivation sooner or later leads to scenarios in which people around him act in the same way towards the egoist, and in his life there appear many unfavorable consequences for him - conflicts, financial difficulties, health problems and other things.

It is important to note here that others cannot always observe how troubles and misfortunes overtake an egoist, which creates a certain illusion of the so-called impunity of selfishness. But the whole point here is that each person instantly chooses those of the worlds that are more consistent with his own interests. And if the vital interests of the one who observes the egoist and the egoist himself differ significantly, then over time they already realize themselves in qualitatively different groups of continuums, which means they observe completely different consequences of both their own choices and the decisions of others. Understanding this helps to free ourselves from the idea that “selfish people get away with everything,” and also to quickly realize the following: the sooner a person manages to interrupt the endless cycle of manifestations of his own selfishness, the faster he can direct the development of his life scenarios in the direction of a favorable future for both yourself and for society as a whole.

The path of transforming egoism into altruism is quite difficult, but evolutionarily necessary for us as people. On this path, everyone one day (sooner or later) comes to the understanding that he himself is the creator of his own destiny, and forms within himself a stable state of personal responsibility for each of his choices. Understanding the essence of what is described above usually helps a person to consistently follow this path, maintaining in his own self-awareness a continuous interest in self-improvement and developing altruistic tendencies in himself, striving in every situation to make a choice at least a little more altruistic than his previous decisions.

4. General signs of selfishness

In the previous sections, some examples of the manifestation of egoism were described, clearly showing that most people are almost constantly in a vicious circle of its manifestation either at the personal or at the collective (group) level. Let me remind you that under personal egoism This implies expectations and demands in relation to others, which are aimed at satisfying the interests of the egoist at the expense of infringing on the needs of other people. A collective egoism defined as the direction of the interests and goals of a certain group against the interests and goals of individuals, other groups or society as a whole.

It was also concluded that the manifestation of selfishness at the collective level (the division of society into different classes, nations, races, competing firms, organizations fighting for someone’s rights, etc.) is a natural consequence of the gross personality-oriented selfishness inherent in each of the members such groups. From which it follows that the process of identifying and transforming (converting) egoism into altruism, it is important to start with yourself, that is, in relationships with your loved ones, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Of course, this process has its own intermediate stages: egoism first transforms from a rougher one into a less personally oriented one (that is, some self-interest continues to be present in elections), but this path opens up the opportunity for a person to simultaneously cultivate elementary altruism in himself; Having gained sufficient experience of such altruism, the individual gradually comes to the need to perform more selfless acts. How exactly this can be done is described in the fifth section.

In the same section, I examined the main signs of the manifestation of gross personal egoism, highlighted among all their diversity. The presence in a person’s consciousness (his way of thinking, feeling and behavior) of the tendencies described below, as a rule, prevents a person from developing such a quality as humanity. That is, goodwill and openness, a positive attitude towards oneself, other people and any manifestations of life, a deep understanding of the processes taking place around and one’s role in this, concern and a sense of belonging to others, a willingness to sacrifice one’s own selfish interests for the benefit of others, the ability to negotiate and cooperate with others to achieve common goals, etc.

By observing and analyzing their thoughts, feelings, desires, ideas and actions, everyone can use these criteria to determine to what extent any of the manifestations described below are still characteristic of them, and therefore, to what extent their intentions, words or actions are selfish.

These are the signs:

• the need for pleasure, rather than the joy of participation in the manifestation of something good in others;
• obtaining personal (sometimes unconscious) benefits at the expense of others;
• manifestation of negative reactions and searching for those to blame for one’s problems;
• feeling of disconnection from others.

Let's talk in more detail about each of them and those internal reasons that prompt a person to such manifestations.

4.1. Need for pleasure

What does a person usually feel pleasure from? First of all, from satisfying some of your physiological needs: sleep, food, sex, relief from pain. Secondly, ─ when his other desires are fulfilled, expressed in the acquisition of something: beautiful and fashionable clothes, for example, in maintaining comfortable living conditions, in entertainment, travel, cosmetic procedures and caring for one’s appearance, in the possession of luxury goods, as well as in fame and recognition, in material wealth, achieving your own goals, communicating with people around whom you can feel good, and in many others. The fulfillment of “small” and “big” desires brings a person temporary pleasant sensations. And he quickly becomes attached to what they give him, wanting to receive satisfaction again and again. And when it is saturated, it finds a new source, and this happens continuously.

Science has long known that physiological factors play a significant role in the formation of an individual’s attachments to sources of pleasure. Every time a person’s desire is fulfilled (for example, to eat deliciously, achieve someone’s praise, or communicate with a pleasant person), his brain gives a command to produce so-called “happiness hormones” (dopamine, serotonin, endorphins), which bring gives him positive emotions and pleasant sensations in the body. As a result of this, certain neural circuits are formed in the individual’s brain, reflecting an addiction of the type “getting what you want → pleasant sensations.” The more often a person satisfies a certain need, the more stable those neural chains that are responsible for its actualization become, and the more strongly this desire influences the decisions a person makes.

Thus, in the self-awareness of the individual, various hormonal dependences on something or someone are formed according to the principle “I will be happy, if only I'll get it." When such a dependence exists, then, without achieving what he wants, a person feels bad both physically and psychologically: he may become more irritable or apathetic, begin to blame others for his own failures, become seriously ill, and completely forget about his goals for a while and plans or even lose the meaning of their own existence. In other words, being in a state of hormonal dependence on something or someone, a person makes his internal psychological well-being dependent on some “external” circumstances or people, allowing his “weaknesses” to control his daily choices and life in general.

Since the human desire for pleasure is closely related to the biological processes in his body, this fact makes pleasure one of the instinctive and unconscious needs. Perhaps this is why a person is not able to simply give up everything that brings him a pleasant feeling of satisfaction. In addition, in order to obtain what he wants and the subsequent state of euphoria, as well as to avoid all sorts of unpleasant sensations (when he does not get it), he is sometimes ready to go to great lengths. For example, to take away what interests him from others (steal, steal other people’s husbands/wives), harm someone’s success (slander, put a spoke in their wheels), destroy his relationship with someone or the relationships of other people (cheat, waste money on gambling to the detriment of the family budget and relationships), etc. As you can see, being dependent on some kind of pleasure, a person cares more about his own interests and neglects, albeit unconsciously, the needs of others. Therefore, the desire for pleasure can be safely attributed to manifestations of personal egoism.

But not everyone, and pleasant sensations are always associated only with pleasure. After all, there is also a state of joy for someone, which at first glance is very similar to the above-mentioned state of receiving pleasure. But if you compare the reasons due to which both of these feelings arise, the difference will be obvious. Let's look at a few examples.

What can a person be happy about? To what I purchased to myself something needed; rested like myself dreamed; visited the pool and better myself feels; got a raise his salary; his praised or thanked for something; He ate deliciously or received sexual satisfaction. Or is he more happy about what he gave? to someone something needed; organized a joint vacation For others(family, friends); helped to someone; prepared a delicious dish loved ones; did beloved the person is pleased. Or because at the spouse's the performance for which he had been preparing for a long time was successful; children make progress in their endeavors; with friends business plans are being implemented. Agree, there are different reasons for joy in the examples described above. In the first case, it is truly the delight of fulfilling one’s own desires and the satisfaction that follows, that is, the reason for positivity is a very selfish one. In the second, there is joy from one’s involvement in pleasant events occurring in the lives of other people, which already presupposes the individual’s manifestation of the rudiments of altruism. In the third - the joy that someone else has achieved success, that is, selfless (altruistic) joy.

By the way, a feeling of pleasure and a state of joy are accompanied by the release of various hormones in the human body. In the first case, these are dopamine and serotonin, which satisfy the needs of the ego of the individual, that is, what is recognized as the “I”, as well as endorphin, the function of which is to reduce pain in response to stress, that is, to alleviate the suffering of the individual himself, which also associated with selfishness. In the second case, it is oxytocin, associated with the desire to benefit a common cause, the common good, or sacrifice something for the sake of someone else. And although the mental experiences of pleasure and joy are very similar, their motivational and corresponding hormonal basis is completely different.

The examples described above show that a person is able to experience pleasant sensations of pleasure and joy as a result of the fulfillment of both selfish and altruistic desires. In other words, feeling satisfied not only when myself you get something from life, but also when you share something with others, and when they are executed their desires. Therefore, in order to begin consciously replacing egoism with altruism, it is important for a person to learn to distinguish between these states and consciously choose among his many needs those that are more interesting to him.

How you can replace the dependence like “selfishness → pleasure” with “altruism → joy” is described in.

4.2. Gaining personal benefit at the expense of others

What is "personal gain"? This is the receipt of any - material or intangible - benefit or advantage for oneself personally.

Material benefit refers to any economic benefit in monetary or in-kind form. For example, the desire to make money from another person or to receive some thing from him, the desire for a promotion in order to increase wages, the implementation of financial fraud for the purpose of enrichment, etc. Such benefit, if present in a person’s intentions, is quite simple recognize both himself and the people around him.

Intangible benefit involves receiving any moral reward (public recognition, praise, gratitude, favor, satisfaction from success) or other intangible benefits (gaining influence on others; a sense of belonging to something significant; security, being needed by someone). There are many forms of manifestation of intangible self-interest. Here are some examples: helping someone in the hope of his gratitude; marriage and childbirth motivated by fear of being alone; maintaining a relationship with someone in order to satisfy some of your own needs; establishing connections with people to obtain the necessary information; ensuring your safety with the help of other people; achieving success in something for the sake of one’s own satisfaction and others. As you can see, intangible benefits have many faces, so it is not always possible to immediately recognize it in an individual’s actions.

Often, material and intangible benefits are closely intertwined in a person’s desires and it is impossible to accurately determine which of them guides him more when making decisions. But one thing can be said with certainty: every time, trying to get something exclusively for himself, a person is carried away by some kind of personal gain (or pursues personal interest).

What motivates people to seek benefits of any kind? In most cases, these are their needs for physiological survival and pleasure. Having enough money, a person can provide himself with everything necessary for life (food, clothing, housing) and pay for the desired pleasures (relief from stress, safety, relaxation, entertainment, comfort, and others). Intangible benefits (praise, gratitude, recognition, influence on others, relationships with someone, involvement in something), in turn, can bring people much more pleasure than material ones.

It is important to note here that the uncontrolled manifestation in a person of the instinct of survival and the need for pleasure, prompting him to obtain some benefit for himself from everything, is often the reason for the substitution of motives (selfless - for more selfish ones) of his “good deeds”, imperceptible even to him. " This is when he does something good for others not for the sake of these people, but in the expectation of gaining something for himself from his action. For example, giving gifts to loved ones in anticipation of reciprocal signs of attention from them, helping others to achieve fame, power, or “charity” with the goal of receiving some kind of compensation for this in the future. In such cases, these “good” deeds are not selfless, but turn into acts of a person realizing his own egoism.

At the same time, it cannot be argued that a person is characterized only by the instinctive needs described above (survival and pleasure). Instinctive are those that manifest themselves automatically, against his will, and which he most often implements unconsciously. In addition, a person can also strive to become better, help others or do something useful for society as a whole, which can only be achieved by making a certain effort, showing a certain will and determination. In the implementation of the latter, a person can again find for himself any ─ material or intangible ─ benefit. For example, increasing self-esteem and self-esteem or obtaining more favorable opportunities for realizing what he wants in the future. When he strives to fulfill the above described more for himself than for others, then such desires are still selfish. But such egoism is of a completely different order. On the one hand, it (such egoism) can contribute to the development of destructive tendencies in the character and worldview of an individual, for example, inflated self-esteem based on professional or everyday competence in some matter, which usually leads to increased conflict with others. On the other hand, such egoism can be conducive to personal development and self-improvement in some area of ​​life, the formation of more positive and harmonious relationships with others, and effective cooperation with others. From the above, the conclusion suggests itself that not every human desire to satisfy personal interest (benefit) can be considered grossly selfish.

In what cases is a person’s desire for any benefit a manifestation of gross personal egoism? Only in those cases when he tries to achieve this at the expense of others. In other words, when, in order to fulfill his desires, he uses the resources of other people without asking, without compensating them for their losses, for example: their time, attracting attention to himself without a significant need; their money by borrowing from them and not repaying it in a timely manner; their peace of mind, loading them with their problems and negative experiences; their dignity by showing disrespect, undervaluing others and elevating oneself above them; their achievements, striving at all costs to surpass them in something solely for the sake of rivalry and the desire to bypass them at any cost; their destinies, subordinating their lives to the implementation of their ideas, etc. By doing this, a person, as a rule, neglects the needs of others and acts exclusively in his own interests, and therefore selfishly.

Most often, such an egoist resorts to one of the following ways of obtaining personal gain: to manifest his own superiority over others (the position of a kind of “editor”) or to demonstrate his false incompetence in something (the position of a “victim of circumstances”). Let's take a closer look at them.

A person’s manifestation of his superiority over others is usually due to his competence in some matter, on the basis of which he in everything begins to put himself above others. At the same time, he tries to satisfy his interest through some active (sometimes even aggressive) actions, trying to prove to himself and others his own perfection, importance and indispensability, or to make another person (people) somewhat dependent on himself and his decisions. Among the most common examples of a person demonstrating superiority are the following: imposing his opinion on others, giving “unsolicited” advice, neglecting the opinions of others, publicly criticizing someone or trying to shame him. Superiority can also manifest itself, for example, in overprotection of loved ones (spouse, child, parent), which infringes on their own interests; providing financial support to another person in order to gain influence over him; ambitious desire to take a leadership position as an opportunity to manage other people; Using your position (parent, boss, or government position) to achieve what you want.

A person’s demonstration of false incompetence is usually a consequence of his incompetence in something, which he justifies as a lack of strength, talent or ability. It is false in cases where he can develop the missing qualities and skills, but for some reason does not do this, trying to compensate for them free of charge at the expense of others. In such cases, he most often takes a position of passive inaction (a victim of circumstances), expecting others to solve his problems for him. And sometimes he even tries to shift responsibility for his own life onto them. At the same time, he most often does not openly ask for help from others, but does everything so that they themselves offer it to him. For example, he complains to them about unfavorable circumstances, complains about his sluggishness, or talks about his illnesses, trying to arouse pity among others and encourage them to help him. Or, experiencing fear of something and reluctance to do something, instead of overcoming them in himself, on the contrary, he asks others to do what is necessary for him, arguing his request with life’s difficulties, etc. And another example of the manifestation of a false insolvency: when making important life decisions (choosing your future profession, future spouse, planning your own life, forming relationships in your family, at work, resolving conflict situations with others), a person is based not on his own beliefs and values, but on opinions and the advice of people who are authoritative for him (spouse, parents, children, relatives, friends, colleagues), thus placing himself in a certain degree of dependence on them.

As you can see, in both of the methods described above, a person seeks to extract some kind of personal benefit at the expense of other people. In other words, he expects something from them: in the case of realizing superiority, ─ that others will carry out his will and desires, and in the case of demonstrating false incompetence, ─ that others will solve his problems for him. As a rule, when a person expects others to take some action towards him, he can often resort to dishonest and selfish methods of communicating with them. For example, manipulation, lies, theft, slander, maintaining the spirit of competition where cooperation is necessary, and others.

Moreover, it cannot be argued that a person can be characterized by only one of the methods of obtaining benefits described above. Most often, the same person demonstrates both of these tendencies in different situations, compensating for his lack of confidence in one thing with a feeling of superiority over others in something else. In relationships with people who are stronger or more knowledgeable, in his opinion, he tends to take the position of an insecure person. And in relation to those whom he considers weaker or less competent in some area than himself, he often prefers a position of superiority.

Summing up the results of this section, I would like to note that in the pursuit of any personal gain (material or intangible), a person shows selfishness not so much by this aspiration itself, but by the methods by which he achieves what he wants - whether he takes into account the needs of the people around him and does not destroy their “worlds” with their decisions: does it violate their plans; whether he neglects what is important to them; whether their well-being is jeopardized; whether he destroys relationships created by him or someone else, etc. Otherwise, when he behaves exactly the opposite, he shows gross personal egoism, trying to get what he wants at the expense of others. This behavior usually causes various negative experiences in others in the form of misunderstanding, condemnation, resentment, envy, and jealousy. Therefore, if I notice someone’s unkind attitude towards myself, then first of all I think about which of my selfish (selfish) interests I could cause such experiences in another.

About where you can start replacing the above-described type of egoism with altruism is written in.

4.3. Manifesting negative reactions and looking for someone to blame

Perhaps, dear reader, you have the following question: “Why are negative thoughts and feelings (reactions) classified as manifestations of selfishness?” The answer to this will be given a little later. First of all, let's talk about how persistent negative emotions (negativisms) affect the human body and the circumstances of his life.

Try to remember how you usually feel physically when you are upset about something, afraid of something, irritated, feeling offended, angry, condemned, envy, jealousy, guilt or shame? Of course, these feelings manifest themselves differently for everyone. But in general, in many people they are accompanied by rapid heartbeat, internal agitation, increased blood pressure, a feeling of heaviness in the throat or chest, etc. The reason for this is the production of the hormones adrenaline, norepinephrine and cortisol, which put the body in a state of readiness to escape or "battle with the enemy." Thanks to the mechanism for producing the hormones listed above, the human biological body ensures its survival in this world. But with prolonged nervous overload, an excess of these hormones accumulates, which leads to disruption of the normal functioning of all organs and systems of the body, affecting a person’s health and appearance.

From the above, the conclusion follows that the more often and longer a person surrenders to the power of his negative experiences, the greater the disharmony that forms in his body, which over time leads to illness and rapid “wear and tear” of his body. In addition, his life circumstances (scenarios) are becoming less and less favorable for creativity and the formation of friendly relationships with others, and conflict with them increases.

Why is the manifestation of negative thoughts and feelings classified as selfishness? Because each person (like any other form of self-awareness) is not at all a closed energy-information structure, that is, not isolated from his environment, but, on the contrary, is in a continuous process of energy-information exchange and mutual influence with everything that surrounds him - other people , animals, plants, minerals, microorganisms, etc. Thinking about something and feeling something, each of us continuously generates waves of a certain frequency into the world around us, which affect those around us and cause corresponding experiences in them. Consequently, when we ourselves are in negative states, we harm not only ourselves, but also those around us. Because, having entered into resonance, they can be “infected” with a bad mood, which will entail the production of “destructive” hormones in their bodies and all the consequences described above. Moreover, it does not matter whether we openly show our hostility and negativism or are “patiently” silent, while “inside us” everything is “boiling” with indignation or irritation. In both cases, our own negative realization is much more important to us than the well-being and health of those around us. Therefore, any manifestation by a person of his negative thoughts and feelings is attributed to selfishness.

Maybe you, my dear reader, will object that, “in today’s society, negative experiences (reactions) and the stresses that accompany them have become the norm of life for a modern person” or “I wouldn’t mind stopping being angry, offended and quarreling , but the people around me do not allow me to start living differently.” Therefore, let's look at the reasons for all kinds of negativism in people.

Try now to remember at least a few situations that occurred over the past month that caused you negative emotions (dejection, irritation, anger, resentment, anger, and others). Analyze how you yourself interpreted the reasons for your negative manifestations in these situations. For example, like this: “How could he ignore my opinion?!”, “Her words were outrageous!”, “Their ingratitude simply knows no bounds!” Or in another way: “I reacted to his neglect with irritability and indignation; her words aroused indignation and resentment in me; Feeling their ingratitude, I was disappointed.” In the first case, the interpretation of the event is based more on emotions. In such states, a person usually takes the position of a person confident in his own rightness, blaming others for the inconveniences and problems caused, which only aggravates his stay in a state of negativism. When a person is able to state the very fact of an event and his reaction to it - as in the second option - then this approach opens up the opportunity for him to analyze what happened, understand the reasons for what is happening and form a positive attitude towards it.

If we try to generalize many situations that only serve reason for the emergence of negative experiences of their participants, then in most cases they are connected either with their unjustified expectations of other people or life in general, or with their sense of injustice. However, the situations listed above are not reasons at all human negativism!

From the standpoint of Iissiidiology, the more true reason that some situations or actions of others can cause negative reactions in a person - from irritation, disapproval, envy and resentment to open hostility and aggression - lies in absence him experience precisely these experiences. Yes, it's all about experience! No matter how a person tries to convince himself and others that he does not want to be in negativism, his negative mental reactions and internal states usually indicate the opposite.

Remember, in the first section it was already discussed that awareness of oneself as some form of self-awareness (human, animal, plant, mineral, microbe or other) makes it possible for everyone to receive the experience they need. A person’s lack of certain experience creates a certain tension in his self-awareness, which forms his interest - the internal need to experience, feel, and comprehend something. And when certain events occur in his life or people meet, they usually evoke in him exactly those - negative or positive - emotions, thoughts, feelings, experiences that he lacks. That is, life situations and the actions of other people are a kind of objective reality for the individual. Objective - because a person always has the opportunity to perceive and react to them in completely different ways. But his responses to them are very subjective, since they completely depend on his personal experience, ideas and life interests.

Moreover, it is a person’s responses to any events or other people that determine the degree of favorability of the life scenarios (circumstances and opportunities) that follow his experiences. The more often a person reacts negatively to something or someone, the more situations arise in his life that contribute to the fulfillment of just such needs. And, conversely, the more often a person manages to find positive motivation for any personally unpleasant circumstances and actions of people around him, the fewer events happen that can throw him out of mental balance, and the more balanced and harmonious his life becomes.

Agree that such an interpretation can radically change a person’s approach to perceiving his own life and the actions of the people around him. A deep awareness that each person himself, and not other people, is the culprit of any of his successes and failures, helps to become less and less angry, offended and blame others for everything, and more and more often to find the reasons for everything in oneself. This understanding helps you stop feeling powerless in confronting your own negativism and justifying it. And, on the contrary, it makes it possible to develop personal responsibility not only for one’s own words and actions, but also for one’s internal mental states, responses, thoughts, feelings and intentions.

How you can replace your negative reactions with positive ones is described in.

4.4. Feeling disconnected from others

Disconnection is usually understood as absence connections, messages between someone or something.

From the position of issiidiology, it is impossible to say so unequivocally, because all of us (people) are always somehow connected with each other and the forms of self-awareness that surround us. These connections include a person’s personal attitude - positive, neutral or negative - towards everyone and everything that he perceives (sees, hears, touches) in the world around him. The difference in the relationship of each person with others lies only in how much his ideas about himself and the surrounding reality differ from the beliefs and priorities of others. With those with whom a person believes he has a lot in common, it is easy for him to communicate and build trusting relationships. This means we can say that his and their views on life are similar, that is, compatible. And those whose words, actions or way of life cause misunderstanding or rejection in him have ideas of life that are in some way incompatible with his own. Therefore, it is much more difficult for him to find a common language and be on good terms when communicating with such people.

Based on what was described above, we can say that, according to issidiology, disunity between people is a consequence of not absence any connections between them, and availability connections potentially negative character. Potentially because the conditions in which people interact with very different and poorly compatible life values, interests and priorities, are very favorable for the manifestation and justification of a negative attitude towards each other, but this does not always happen.

Any division of people into groups (categories) based on skin color, nationality, religion, gender, profession, material wealth, social status, lifestyle, interests, morality is based on all kinds of incompatible differences in ideas, mentality, traditions and needs. - moral principles. It is much easier for a person to find a common language with those who according to characteristics that are significant to him belongs to the same group as him, and is much more difficult with those who, according to the same criterion, belong to another category. So, if a person is an adherent of any nationalist tendencies, then he will certainly produce conflict in relation to foreigners. If it is important for him to have some common interests or moral principles with his interlocutor, then it is likely that he will easily find a common language even with a foreigner whose worldview is similar to his own, and with his compatriots who live according to completely different principles, will not be able to find common points of interaction. The list of such examples can be continued endlessly.

Now, dear reader, try to remember how you usually treat those whose beliefs, values ​​or lifestyle are significantly different from yours? It would be great if the answer was something like this: “I am always friendly towards such people and try to learn as much as possible about them in order to understand them better.” But what should those for whom this is not the case at all do, that is, those who, when faced with people with a completely different worldview or a different nationality, race, religion, think that “ with them Is there something wrong", " They some are not like that” or openly shows rejection and hostility towards them?

At such moments, a person rarely thinks about the fact that perhaps the problem of his misunderstanding lies within himself. When he does not understand and condemns someone, opposes himself to others, is categorical and irreconcilable in his opinions and decisions, acts as he sees fit, then most likely he is in one of the polarities in his judgments. And as you know, every pole has its opposite. This means that, guided by some extreme (polar) ideas, a person, as a rule, does not take into account the interests and opinions of people with diametrically opposed views. Typically, such tendencies are a consequence of an individual’s inflated self-esteem, which leads her to attempts to impose her ideas on others, manipulate them and demand from them what is beneficial to herself. As a result, the tendencies described above lead to conflicts and separation from others, and can even lead to open confrontation and aggression. When a person behaves in this way, he shows, on his part, gross personal egoism towards others, because he puts his own interests and views on life above the needs and opinions of the people around him.

What determines a person’s ability to understand the worldview and needs of other people? Latitude his views and perception systems. Namely: what variety of life values ​​and interests of the people around him is he able to understand and take into account in his choices. This is especially true for the interests of those people who may be directly affected by his decisions. This does not mean that you need to forget about your own needs and satisfy only the needs of others. Not at all! The point is to always remember that in every situation there is necessarily the most favorable outcome for all interested parties, and each time strive to find the very solution that would satisfy the interests of everyone.

Otherwise, when such an agreement is not reached, then someone is bound to remain in a state of dissatisfaction, feeling misunderstood by others. Those in whose favor the decision is made do not try or cannot understand the latter’s point of view and find an optimal solution for everyone, thereby showing “one-sidedness” (polarity) and short-sightedness of their thinking. Such cases do not have the best effect on the relations of their participants, sowing misunderstanding and discord between them.

Every person encounters the situations described above everywhere - from interpersonal relationships (deciding how to spend a day off with family or a joint vacation with friends; in work negotiations; in interactions with neighbors and others) to multilateral negotiations at the interstate level (on issues of politics, economics, education, ecology and others). They usually involve at least several parties, each with their own interests. They can either coincide with the interests of others or contradict them. The outcome of each of the above situations usually leads either to disunity between its participants, or, conversely, to unity.

Let us summarize the above in the following conclusions: when a person is not able to understand and accept the actions of other people, he is absolutely convinced of his own rightness and the wrongness of others; is guided only by his own ideas about what is “good” and “right” and what is “bad” and “wrong”, thus showing self-centeredness, intolerance and a desire for separation from others. The reason for such limited personality is the result imperfections her same perceptual systems, and not at all the narrow-mindedness of others.

4.5. Conclusions on the section

Summing up this section, I would like to recall the four signs of personal egoism discussed above. This is − need for pleasure, obtaining personal gain at the expense of others, displaying negative reactions and looking for someone to blame, feeling disconnected from others. Agree that for most people at least one of these criteria is still the norm in their lives and relationships with loved ones and acquaintances and is quite naturally transferred by them from the interpersonal level of relationships to the collective level. This explains the fact why in today’s society selfish foundations and norms of relationships are quite firmly rooted in almost all spheres of life. After all, it cannot be otherwise: if many people are still characterized to some extent by crude selfish tendencies and needs, then the society formed by them will have the same characteristics.

If a person wants to somehow change the existing state of affairs or relationship with someone in a more favorable direction, first of all he needs to understand, based on the signs described above, which of his usual patterns of thinking and behavior are selfish. And begin to gradually replace selfishness with altruism, which over time will naturally lead to significant changes in his own life, relationships with others and in society as a whole. I talked about how, in my opinion, you can gradually cultivate altruism in yourself in the next, fifth, section of the article.

Egocentrism is the inability or unwillingness of an individual to consider a point of view other than his own as worthy of attention.

Intolerance - intolerance to a different worldview, lifestyle, behavior and customs; the opposite of tolerance.

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What is egoism? Types of egoism and its manifestation.
EGOISM (from the Latin ego - I) is the behavior, point of view and position of a person almost completely revolving around his “I” and based on his own good and pleasure, bringing to its owner the desired benefit, happiness and success.

The highest good from the point of view of the egoist is the satisfaction of personal interests. The complete opposite of selfishness is altruism. The extreme degree of egoism is egocentrism.
Egoism easily manifests itself in situations that force a person to make a decision - to satisfy personal interests or to act to the detriment of it, for the benefit of another person. Egoism should be distinguished from normal self-love, that is, a feeling of goodwill towards oneself and natural self-preservation.

Self-love includes possible concern not only for one’s own good, but also does not contradict the good of other people, being combined with their desire, thus being the goal of the common good, in accordance with the motto: “the well-being of each depends on the unity of the whole.”

It is also necessary to separate egoism and individualism (Latin individum - individual, individual), that is, such a position or principle of a person that is a priority relative to the collective interest, and his personal good, freedom and development are the highest goal, for the achievement of which social groups and institutions as a means or condition for its achievement.

Throughout the spectrum of human relationships, selfishness can manifest itself in different ways:

1. Dictatorial egoism.

This type of egoism is expressed in the individual's deep conviction that everyone around him should serve his interests.

2. Selfishness of one’s own exclusivity and uniqueness.

This type takes as its basis the rule that says: “everyone around should follow moral standards and principles, except for my beloved, if this does not bring me any benefit.”

3. Anarchic egoism.

According to this view: “everyone has the right to pursue their own interests, in accordance with their moral principles,” that is, there are no rules.

Moreover, the first two types contradict the basic requirements of morality, in which, without any doubt, the principles of reciprocity and equality are violated. Treating yourself as the only value, and treating other people as a means of achieving your own goals, represents that extreme degree of egoism, called egocentrism, and is a common quality of manipulative people.

As for the third formula, it may well be accepted from a moral point of view, with minor amendments: “... if one’s own interests do not violate the interests of others.” Whatever the individual’s behavior in this case, the main thing is that it complies with the golden rule of doctors: “Do no harm.”

The role of egoism as a quality inherent in a person in particular and society as a whole has more than once attracted the attention of philosophers and writers, having been considered by them in their works to the point of contradictory views, for example, when a person’s altruistic behavior is part of his personal interest. This phenomenon is called “altruistic egoism.”

Since selfishness threatens common and public interests, humanity has developed various social and cultural restrictions that serve as a counterbalance to selfishness, such as etiquette and morality. Also a factor limiting individual egoism is the norm of intragroup behavior. However, caring for the interests of the group can lead to such a phenomenon as “group egoism.”

However, apart from moral values ​​and norms, there are no means to limit selfishness, especially in modern society, where the principle of mercy has long been an atrophied organ of society. This rule is especially true for the upper echelons of power, where the individual with his insignificant interests represents only a means to achieve the goals of the group of those in power.

Selfishness is sick and healthy.
Due to the fact that in childhood we were taught that it is bad to be an egoist, we learned to competently manipulate this term, saying to another person who does not take into account our interests: “You are an egoist! You consider your interests above mine!” , thereby showing his own selfishness, but without noticing it.
However, selfishness is a normal quality of a mentally healthy person with normal self-esteem. Selfishness cannot be primitively divided into a “bad” or “good” character trait; it can simply be developed to a greater or lesser extent. Therefore, it is stupid and absurd to condemn someone for having their own ego; one can only condemn the degree of manifestation of egoism.

The extreme degrees of manifestation of egoism include super-egoism (everyone around is gay, and I am D'Artagnan), self-deprecation egoism (I am nothing, look at the insignificance), and normal, healthy egoism, which is the average between extremes (understanding and perception of one's own and others' needs and their mutual satisfaction).

By analogy with hypervitaminosis, hypovitaminosis, and vitamin deficiency, let's divide egoism into hyper-, hypo-, and anegoism, and consider unhealthy forms of egoism.

Hyperegoism.
This degree of manifestation of egoism can be called superegoism. This degree of egoism in most cases is combined with narcissism, overshadowing the individual’s consciousness with his own apparent perfection so much that he is not able to realize that the planet does not revolve around him and not only for him.

The reasons for the formation of superegoism can be different - from an excess of attention to the child and indulging all his whims, to self-doubt caused by a lack of love and attention. Here is a great example from an animation about what excessive custody of a child can lead to. This cartoon is called “About Vova Sidorov.”

You can pay attention to those people with whom you have to deal every day. Take a closer look at the motives for their actions if they meet the following criteria:
he doesn’t take on anything other than the things he needs to do
expects concessions from others, but is not ready to find a compromise
any topic of conversation eventually turns to one’s own personality
does not admit his own mistakes, but persistently looks for the shortcomings of other people
corresponds to the saying: “There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one”
seeks benefits in any of his actions, or demands
gets out of difficult situations on “someone else’s hump”
does only what will benefit him in the near future
indifferent to everything except his own precious person

Consequences of Selfishness
Some people believe that selfish people have a great time in modern society. This is far from true. The laws of human relations cannot have a positive effect on those people who do not lift a finger without personal gain.

These laws mean the principles: “Do good,” “Evil begets even greater evil,” “An eye for an eye,” and the like. As the saying goes: “No one likes a cunning person,” and hyperegoism falls under this nickname.

At least the superegoist will sooner or later feel the reverse effect of the laws of relations between people. Alienation of others will be the price to pay for the abuse of one’s own “I”.

It is his close people who suffer first from the behavior of a superegoist, since they deal with him more often than other people. And if the disappointed other halves can pack up their things and leave, having spent a certain time of their lives on a super-egoist successfully hiding under the guise of an attentive spouse, then the crippled psyche of the children of a hyper-egoist in adulthood will remind them of being raised by such a parent with various complexes and psychological traumas.

How to treat an egoist?

Fighting the selfishness of others is an unworthy and useless activity. The easiest way is to try to avoid communicating with a hyperegoist, trying not to let him into your life and not allow him to influence you. Forced treatment cannot be used here, since treatment requires recognition of the presence of a problem, and in the case of hyperegoism, such a person “does not notice the beam in his own eye.”

The situation can only be changed by extreme stress, which will force a person to think about his behavior and his own values. This process is similar to the disease of chemical dependency, where the addict can begin treatment only after reaching the very bottom of his life, or experiencing severe fear in the form of a threat to his life.

So, if you strike in the form of completely ignoring the interests of the egoist in areas that are important to him, then he will certainly feel a threat to his comfortable existence. If you don’t want to tear up all relationships with an egoist, then you can try to come to an agreement with him. At the same time, express what does not suit you, and put forward a counter-proposal in the form of either a complete severance of relations, or an agreement that includes respect for mutual rights and obligations. The realization that in the event of a breakup the egoist may lose more than he gains can force him to change his own behavior.

Hypoegoism.

People who put other people's interests above their own are “loved” in large groups. After all, he will always help if you put your problems on his shoulders, he will listen if necessary, pushing his own interests deep into his soul. However, such people are not valued at all as individuals. It is a cesspool where people dump their own problems and troubles. thus freeing oneself from negative emotions.

Such people may seem like good-natured people who sympathize with everyone, but often under the mask of an altruist there hides a pathologically insecure loser, wholly and completely dependent on the opinions of others about his own person, trying to please others to raise self-esteem. At the same time, they may feel hostility towards others for their own time spent on them and unfulfilled desires. It all depends on which team such a person ends up in. If his surroundings are grateful, then they will be able to take care of him, considering an impractical good-natured person, and if this is a group of overegoists, then, excuse me: “a good sucker is worth his weight in gold.”

Consequences of hypoegoism.

For a hypoegoist who is sensitive, inferior to everyone in everything, and unable to defend his own opinion in a timely manner, life is often disappointing. Due to unfulfilled desires and the undeservedly unfair attitude of others towards him, he can fall into severe depression. By the way, parents deprived of egoism often grow up children who are their complete opposite, becoming hyper-egoists. This is how nature restores balance, but as usual, children suffer more, experiencing all the hardships of superegoism.

Treatment of lack of egoism.

In this case, you need a “magic push” - someone’s push from the outside, which will enable a person to understand his own value and significance. As soon as the former victim understands that living for one’s own pleasure and for one’s own sake is not a sin, he will hear many dissatisfied statements addressed to him that: “You have changed a lot, not for the better.” So the environment does not want to let go of the victim of his own opinion and manipulation of him.

In this case, it is important not to be afraid of alienation and oblivion by others, and not to succumb to their demands to “stay the same as before.” We need to make it clear to them that the past cannot be undone. As they said in ancient China: “The greatest possible obstacle on the path of life is neglect of one’s own self.”

Complete absence of selfishness

Lack of egoism (anegoism) refers to severe mental illness or the realm of fantasy. There are no mentally healthy people who do not take care of themselves at all. And this kind of mental illness is the competence of psychiatrists, where you shouldn’t meddle with independent treatment.

We can conclude from all of the above that it is very difficult to live without healthy egoism. After all, the main advantage of a person with healthy egoism is the ability to “live oneself and give others the opportunity to live”, having competently built one’s system of priorities.

Finally, your selfishness is completely healthy if you:
know how to defend your own opinion, refusing something if you think that it could cause you harm;
pay attention to your own goals first, but understand that others have the right to their own interests;
are able to compromise, trying to do things that are beneficial to you, while trying not to harm others;
have your own opinion and are not afraid to express it, even if it differs from someone else’s;
you can resort to any means of protection if you or your loved ones are in danger;
do not be afraid to criticize others without becoming rude;
you try not to obey anyone, but also do not seek to control others;
have respect for your partner’s wishes, but do not overstep your desires and principles;
Having made a choice in your own favor, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt;

Take care of yourself and your healthy selfishness! Good luck to you in life!