And make a decision on. How to make major decisions in life

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When we, to some extent, influence our destiny. And, of course, they are interested in making the choice optimal. That is why it is important to use different tools that will help predict the positive and negative consequences of making a particular decision.

Why do people make bad decisions?

This is not such a simple question if you think about it. You can, of course, get away with the banal: “People are stupid.” But even smart, talented, experienced people make bad decisions. That's why:

Lack of time
Relying on a single source of information
Emotional experiences
A large number of thoughts about the problem
Failure to notice alternatives and new opportunities
Lack of knowledge and clarity
Underestimating the amount of time needed to make the right decision
Reassessment of your own skills, knowledge, abilities and resources
Fear of making the wrong decision

All these barriers prevent you from making the right decision. And if they work in tandem, trio or quartet, then the situation gets even worse. How to overcome them?

Practice 360-degree thinking

Thoughts influence emotions, emotions influence decisions, and decisions influence actions. And each link in this chain can be optimally configured.

360-degree thinking consists of three critical components, which are also methods. They can be used to effectively analyze a situation, after which it becomes easier to make the right decision.

These are the components:

A look into the past.
Foresight.
Insight.

By using all three of these thinking methods, you view your life from a 360-degree perspective. That is, they work best together.

A look into the past

Looking into the past (aka retrospective analysis) will help you critically evaluate your past. This allows you to comprehensively understand a situation that has already occurred in order to improve your future decisions.

It is useful because it helps you learn from mistakes, problems, failures and past successes. As a result of this learning experience, you can adjust your course of action to move forward much faster.

If you don't know or have never done self-reflection, then this is a very suitable case. Take time to review the decisions you made yesterday. Ask yourself:

What did I do yesterday?
What decisions did I make?
What problems did you encounter?
How did I deal with these problems?
How did I deal with the problems that arose when I encountered a problem?
How does this make me feel?
From what other point of view can I look at my yesterday's problems?
What can I learn from yesterday's experience?
What could I have done differently?
What do I need to improve to deal with this problem more effectively next time?

Please note, this is not simply scrolling through negative thoughts (which is what you usually do), but self-reflection. You ask yourself the right questions, provide answers, and figure out what you can do better next time. Now you are more aware of what decisions you are making and in what state you are making.

From now on, you will begin to approach your problems and decision-making more consciously, and not on autopilot. Next time there is a greater chance of doing everything right. In other words, you drew the right conclusions from past experience - this is what all successful people do.

It should be remembered that you should not use the past to make decisions in the future. Each situation is unique in its own way. What works today may not work tomorrow. But the process of self-reflection itself is very useful because it forces you to reflect on your thinking, actions and decisions.

Foresight

Foresight is the ability to predict future events, changes, trends and the consequences of one's actions. Moreover, it is the ability to explore alternative scenarios that could potentially unfold.

This mindset is useful because it helps you see and predict what might be ahead. Therefore, you will be better able to identify opportunities and make much less mistakes when making decisions.

Foresight works great in tandem with hindsight. This way, you can use the past as a barometer to predict the future and therefore make better decisions.

Developing foresight requires learning to successfully address potential threats and identify your needs early. This is planning, as well as gathering the necessary resources that will help in the future.

Ask yourself the following questions:

How will this decision affect the future?
How will this decision affect my future decisions?
What are the consequences of making this decision?
What options will I have after making this decision?
What problems will arise?
What if everything goes wrong? How will I react?
What is my plan B and C?
What happens if...?

Foresight is not an exact science. It's more of a game where you try to use a combination of lessons learned from the past and ideas from the present to make the best decision.

By considering these two factors, you can generate possible future scenarios that will help you make better decisions.

Insight

Insight is the ability to discern the true nature of a situation. This is the ability to understand your situation, as well as cause-and-effect relationships. In other words, it is about gaining an accurate understanding of the people, events and circumstances in your life.

Insight is often the catalyst for creativity, innovation and inspiration. This is what brings out those “Eureka!” moments, when all the puzzle pieces suddenly come together into something that makes sense. It's like you've come out of a fog and are now finally seeing things in a whole new way that opens up a world of new possibilities.

However, it is worth saying that the ideas that come to your mind are nothing more than an interpretation of reality based on past experiences, as well as perceptions and expectations of the future. In short, real insight only comes when you have mastered the other two ways of thinking.

The best entrepreneurs and politicians in the world have this skill. To master it, you need to read a lot, understand people and be curious. But even this is not enough. You need to learn to understand your thinking patterns, get rid of cognitive distortions, be in a conscious state and see the essence of things. In a sense, we are talking about intuition.

Start by becoming more observant of what is happening around and within you. Notice the world around you and ask deep questions about yourself, others, and the circumstances in which you find yourself. For example:

Why do I do what I do? Why does this matter to me?
What do others need? Why is this important to them?
What's happening? Why is this happening? What does it mean?
What is the problem? How did this become a problem? Why is it still a problem?
Why are the circumstances the way they are and not others?
How did this happen and why does it matter?
What is the value of knowing this? How does this knowledge change my perspective?
What's another way to look at this situation? Why is it important?
Why did this happen? What led to this? What happened before this? Is there a connection?
How are these two events related? Why are they connected in this way?
How was this done? Who did it? Could it have been different?

If you start asking these and similar questions, you will become very attentive and observant. Tyrion Lannister, if you like, who often asked himself what others needed and carefully analyzed the events of his life and the world around him.

You will learn to understand why things are the way they are and how they could potentially be different. In fact, you cease to be a passive observer. As a result, you begin to think critically about yourself, about others, and about the circumstances with which you are dealing. All this stimulates the emergence of deeper thoughts, allowing you to draw conclusions in situations that you have never considered before. This opens up new levels of understanding.

There are situations when the solution lies on the surface, you just need to extend your hand. Others are complex and consist of many factors. To make the right decision, you need to use 360-degree thinking, looking at the problem from all sides. It won’t happen right away, but certain results will be visible after the first use of this technique.

Practice step-by-step decision making process

Step One: Get Clear on What You Want

Your first step is to clearly understand your desired outcome and identify the resources needed to achieve that outcome. Ask yourself:

What is my desired outcome?
What exactly would I like to achieve?
What might be required to achieve this result?
How should I prioritize my efforts?

Understanding what result you want to achieve is important because it (understanding) helps direct all efforts towards achieving one goal. Then you will be able to make more effective decisions.

Step Two: Take Action to Achieve Your Desired Results

When you don't quite understand how to get to your desired destination, it's easy to panic. However, the important thing is that you take the first step.

You only need to take one step that will move you a little closer to your desired result. There is likely still a lot of fog ahead, but it is clear that this action is necessary. For example, if you're looking to buy a car and are completely overwhelmed by the number of options, your first step might be to read car-specific forums. By learning to understand the topic, you can make a more informed decision.

In any complex decision, there are always several actions that you can start with. At some point you will make progress and the next steps will become more obvious.

Step Three: Track Your Results

You should always be vigilant about what works and what doesn't work. There is no point in wasting valuable time on ineffective tools.

However, to start measuring progress, you need to understand what exactly you will be measuring. Ask yourself the following questions:

How will I know I'm moving in the right direction?
How exactly will I measure my progress?
How will I know that I have achieved my goal?

The more clarity you have about where you are in the process, the better the decision.

Step Four: Stay Flexible in Your Decision Making

The action plan will always be reworked, because it is impossible to predict all the factors in this absurd world. Therefore, you must be flexible in your decisions and actions at all times. Keep your long-term goals in mind at all times to help you stay on track.

Ask yourself:

What results do I want to achieve?
What am I doing now?
Is my current action getting me closer to results?
Is this the best way to do this?
What should I change to get better results?

Don't lose your temper if things don't go as planned. This is fine. Find out why you veered off course, be curious rather than annoyed. With the curiosity of a scientist, ask yourself questions and look for optimal solutions.

Complete decision making process

The previous point was rather preparatory and theoretical. Here we will talk about the complete decision-making process. It will require significantly more time, which means it needs to be used if the problem facing you is really important.

Step One: Get Clarity

Let's first understand the importance of the decision you are about to make. Ask yourself:

What are the options?
What decision should I ideally make?
Why is this decision so important?
How will it help me?
How important is this decision for my loved ones?
Can it change my life?
Do other people understand the importance of this decision?

It is worth being clear about the importance of the decision you are about to make because it will help determine how much effort and time you will spend.

Step Two: Gather the Facts and Explore Options

Sometimes a decision requires collecting a lot of information. And, if it is important to you, then you need to allocate enough time to it.

Once you've gathered all the information you need, take the time to consider possible ways forward. Ask yourself:

What decision can I make?
What actions can I take?
What options are there?
What will I need?

For one solution you may need money, help from other people and a lot of time. For others - a lot of work and patience. What will be best for you?

It's time to look at the pros and cons of each solution option. Ask yourself:

What are the benefits of this course of action?
What are the disadvantages?
What are the advantages of one option over the other?

As you ask yourself these questions, think about the sacrifices you will have to make in the first and second case. They may not be obvious: sometimes you can ruin relationships with others by making decisions that do not affect them.

It all basically comes down to opportunity cost. Taking one course of action may prevent you from taking another, and there may be advantages and disadvantages to different options.

Step Four: Determine the Worst-Case Scenario

Remember Murphy's Law: “If something bad can happen, it will happen.” Take it into account whenever you make a decision.

Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen if I make this decision. How will I deal with the consequences?

Of course, the worst case scenario may not always happen. But you need to be prepared for it. At least psychologically. After weighing the pros and cons and figuring out what worst-case scenarios await you, make a decision. But remember that it should be flexible so that if something goes wrong, you can quickly rebuild and update your action plan.

Step Five: Learn from Experience

You made a decision and now you either reap the rewards of your efforts or regret your mistakes. In any case, all this is an experience that needs to be appreciated. Ask yourself:

What did I learn from this experience?
What have I learned about how I make decisions?
Was this decision completely in harmony with my personality and my values?
Have I achieved the desired result?
Did I adjust my actions when I encountered problems?

There are many questions you could ask yourself. So please don't limit yourself to just these. Think of others you might ask, especially after mistakes, defeat, or failure.

We wish you good luck!

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Hello! In this article we will tell you how to make the right decision when in doubt.

Every day we make several decisions a day, starting from choosing a menu for breakfast and ending with our social circle. Most of our decisions are harmless and cannot radically change our lives, but there are also those on which our entire future life completely depends. In difficult situations, we often begin to doubt ourselves and the correctness of our decision, rush between several options and waste a lot of time and energy instead of taking action.

How to make the right decision in life

Decision making is a real science. However, there is nothing supernatural in it; every person can quickly and correctly learn to make decisions. It is enough to have courage, take responsibility for your life into your own hands and adhere to several rules and methods.

There are several ways to make decisions:

heuristic(based on feelings and intuition)
algorithm(based on informed decisions, study of information and analysis).

Ideally, there should be harmony between rational thinking and intuition.

In addition, the manner in which you solve problems largely depends on your personality type and temperament. Thus, extroverts prefer not to think for a long time, but to immediately begin to act, while introverts analyze a lot and can “freeze” for a long time before making a decision. Both of these strategies can fail: the extrovert will end up messing things up, and the introvert will remain stuck in the problem and wait for it to resolve itself.

Basic rules for decision making

There are some rules that you should follow if you are in doubt while making a decision.

Remember your life priorities and stick to them strictly. Think about what is really important to you and why you work, study, etc. Often values and priorities are artificially replaced by society.
For example, The principle of “money for money’s sake” is becoming fashionable. When applying for a job, think about what you really value and why are you doing it? If you value your family and communication with your children very much, a highly paid job with constant overtime may simply not be suitable for you. By keeping your attention on the main thing, making decisions becomes much easier.
Try it if possible. You can think endlessly about what would happen if you went and did something, or you can just try and then make a decision.
Eg If you dream of becoming a famous graphic designer, apply for an internship at an advertising agency. By looking at your dream job from the inside, it will be much easier to make a decision.
Limit your options. You should have a choice, but remember that the abundance of options does not help, but, on the contrary, makes it difficult to make a decision.
Come up with an algorithm of actions if a certain situation occurs.
Eg, if you started your own business, but after a year it has not started generating income, you stop investing in an unprofitable enterprise. Such “backup” algorithms allow you to calculate risks and insure yourself in case of an unfavorable course of the situation.
Seek advice from loved ones and more experienced people. It is important to be able to process these tips. Of course, outside opinions and information received are very important. However, do not forget that sometimes people give advice by projecting their own fears and failures onto your life. Be careful and don't be influenced by other people's opinions.
State the problem several times. Seeking advice is useful not so much to hear advice as to talk through the situation. When we repeat our question several times, already at the moment of speaking, new unexpected thoughts and ideas come to us.
Stop thinking and analyzing and just act. Sometimes we have nothing to lose in a given situation, so why waste your time and energy thinking about it? Wherever there are no losses, act immediately and decisively.
Postpone your decision until tomorrow. Sometimes weighing and making a decision is much easier with a fresh mind. In addition, sometimes it is useful to rely on your subconscious and ask yourself an exciting question at night. Perhaps the first thought that comes to mind immediately after waking up will turn out to be the right option.
Limit the time for making a decision. The law of forced efficiency comes into force.
Rely not only on your experience, but also on current changes in the situation.
If you have made decisions, act immediately!

What should you not do?

Don't turn off your intuition. It’s still worth listening to your body and “signs from above.”
Do not delay in making a decision and implementing it. Otherwise, you will remain stuck with the problem.
Never regret the decisions you make. Remember that there is no ideal course of action. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason and is already the most correct decision. Maybe if we had made a different decision, there would have been a lot more problems?
Do not abuse advice and do not ask everyone.
Don't shift responsibility for your life to someone else.
Don't be led by your emotions.

Eliminating emotions

Before making a decision, it is very important to get rid of interfering emotions: fear, nervousness, excitement, etc. Such emotions prevent you from concentrating on the main thing, constantly draw attention to minor details and do not allow you to adequately look at the situation.

Fear

In order to get rid of fear, you need to very vividly imagine the worst case scenario. Of course, it will be greatly exaggerated, but replaying a frightening moment in your imagination will allow you to touch your own fear and prepare for possible problems on the way to your goal.

Breath

No matter how trivial it may be, deep and slow abdominal breathing will help get rid of interfering arousal. You need to breathe deeply with your stomach, while your chest practically does not move. Take 10 slow breaths in and out, holding your breath slightly for 5-7 slow counts.

Wait

Just wait. Momentary impulses and desires are not always worthy of immediate implementation. Sometimes they pass as quickly as they appear in our heads. It’s better to wait until the wave of excitement and emotions subsides than to do something stupid.

Stay focused

Try to be here and now as much as possible at the moment of making a decision. Stop being distracted by external factors and various little things. If necessary, retreat and be alone. Plunge into the problem headlong and concentrate on it.

Rule 10/10/10

To cool down your ardor, sometimes it’s enough to ask yourself three questions:

How will I feel about my decision in 10 minutes?
In 10 months?
After 10 years?

While doing this practice, try to remain as honest with yourself as possible.

Remember this state when a friend turns to us for advice. We clearly see the situation and do not pay attention to various little things. Try to look at your problem from the outside and give yourself adequate advice.

Ideal "I"

Choose the ideal one from the proposed options. Try not to think about what you want. Our desires do not always benefit us.

Decision making methods

Throughout its existence, humanity has come up with many ways to make the right decision. But before you begin to get acquainted with these methods, you need to understand what the correct solution consists of:

Information. These are dry facts without emotional coloring and information distortions.
Selectivity in information. Not all facts should be taken on faith or projected onto your life.
Concentration on the problem and its solution.
Experience. Mostly your own, but the experience of loved ones is also very valuable.
Flexibility and ability to adapt to changing situations.
An adequate assessment of what is happening.
Consistency in decision making and subsequent actions.

Avoid restrictions and boundaries

People tend to choose between two extremes: "Yes" or "No". Should I buy a car on credit or not? Divorce or not? To quit or not? We drive ourselves into the framework of a difficult choice, while the true answer to the question may be hidden in the middle or lie on a different plane altogether.

For example, someone wants to buy a car on credit, but is hesitant because he does not want to go into debt. Perhaps the question should simply be put differently and buy a cheaper car, rent an apartment closer to work, or even find a job near your current place of residence.

Try to think more broadly and avoid yes/no boxes.

Dream Diary

Imagine the goal in all its colors and your future life when you achieve it. Answer the following questions:

How will I feel?
Why do I need this?
Will I become more confident in myself?
What opportunities will open up for me?

Describe your fantasies in detail in a diary, answer questions and re-read the entries every day. At first you won't believe what you read, but over time your subconscious mind will accept the new picture.

In addition, a clear vision of your own dreams and goals helps you make decisions. The main thing is to always remember why you wake up in the morning.

Expand your choice

Don't get attached to the first option you come across. Check out other alternative solutions. What if it turns out that there are much better and more profitable options? However, you should not expand the choice to an unlimited number of options. Remember that this will only make it more difficult to solve the problem.

Disappearance

Imagine that the option you chose suddenly disappeared. What will you do in this case?

This method allows you to get rid of attachment to one specific decision and get out of the dead end of thinking.

Search for information

Study thoroughly everything related to the problem and ways to solve it. Reading reviews on the Internet has become a common ritual before purchasing a product or service. But for some reason, not everyone does the same when choosing a university or a new place of work.

Research the issue on the Internet and, if possible, communicate with those who worked or studied at this institution. This will already half protect you from making the wrong choice.

In addition, you can ask questions directly during the interview. Do not specify what bonuses the company can offer and whether there are additional “goodies” for employees. It’s better to ask who was in this position before, how many people left this vacancy and why, where they are now and how you can contact them. The answers to these questions will already be enough to make an informed decision.

If it is difficult to make a decision, you can use the Descartes square method. To do this, draw a square on a piece of paper and divide it into four more squares with two lines. In the upper left square, write everything that you will get by making this decision, and in the right - everything that you will get by not making it. In the lower squares, respectively, are everything that you will not get if you make this decision, and everything that you will not get if you do not make it.

After you finish writing all the pros and cons of this solution, all that remains is to calculate their ratio and quantity:

Subtract the number of minuses from the number of pluses in the upper right square.
Carry out the same operation with the left column of the square.
Make a decision.

Three Question Method

There is a theory that before making a decision you need to ask yourself three times. The first time the answer will come based on emotions, the second time - on the basis of logic, and the third answer will be the closest to the truth.

Try on different hats

You can also make a decision in a playful way. To do this, imagine that you have seven hats of different colors and each of them can radically change the way you think:

Red- makes you excitable and emotional;
Lilac- allows you to always remain rational;
Blue- includes intuition;
Black- makes you see only the negative and pass everything through the prism of a defeatist attitude;
Pink- makes you overly self-confident and incapable of self-criticism;
Orange— generates impossible projects and makes fantastic plans;
White - gives wisdom.

Try on all the hats and try to derive the average from the entire flow of thoughts and feelings.

Eliminating uninteresting options

You can make a choice from several alternatives using the elimination method. Remove the most unattractive option out there. Then remove another one and another one. Continue eliminating undesirable options until one option remains.

Lesser of evils

Our choices are not always associated with pleasant things. Sometimes, no matter what we choose, the consequences will not be very pleasant. What to do in this case? Accept the situation as it is and try to choose what will be least unpleasant for you.

PMI method

The abbreviation PMI can be deciphered as Plus, Minus, Interesting . Make a table with three columns. In the first, write down all the possible advantages of the decision made, in the second - the disadvantages, and in the third - just all the interesting remarks, nuances and comments that are neither pros nor cons.

This plate will help you visualize all the advantages and disadvantages of the decision made and once again weigh the pros and cons.

Practice five guiding questions

Let's assume you have already chosen a solution for your problem. How to check whether you are moving in the right direction and whether it is worth changing it? The five question method will help you with this:

Do I want this (to become someone/do something/have something)? If the answer is yes, we continue asking questions.
If I do this (become someone/do something/acquire something), will I remain in harmony with myself, the world, the Universe and God (for believers)? If yes, then we continue.
If I do this, will it bring me closer to my dream? Yes? Let's continue.
If I do this, will it violate anyone's rights? If not, then you can ask yourself one last question.
If I do this, will it make me or anyone else better?

If you have reached the last question and the answer is yes, you can safely assume that you are on the right track.

Algorithm for independent decision making

To learn how to make decisions on your own, take a piece of paper and a pen.

Write on a piece of paper exactly what your problem is.
List the reasons why it needs to be addressed.
Describe in detail the desired outcome of events.
Write down all possible solutions to the issue and actions that need to be taken.
Analyze your answers, relate them to current opportunities and start taking action.

How to decide on a job?

As you prepare to leave your job or have multiple jobs to choose from, think about your life priorities and values. If your family is at the forefront of everything, it is wrong to choose a job with long working hours and constant delays at work, even if you get good pay for it.

In this case, it would be a good idea to ask a friend for help. After all, real risks and imaginary fears are always better visible from the outside. If you don't have anyone to ask, try giving yourself advice yourself. Try to turn off your emotions, because changing jobs can change your life for both the worse and the better.

How to decide on divorce?

If family life has cracked and everything is bad, sometimes thoughts of divorce may flash through. Don't rush to cut from the shoulder. Wait until your emotions calm down and your head becomes clear. It may be a good idea to live apart from your spouse for a little while.

Do not rush to turn to loved ones for advice. If you later change your mind and make peace with your husband or wife, your loved ones will condemn him/her, consider him/her an enemy and put a spoke in your wheels. In addition, personal life is one of those areas of life where decisions should remain exclusively yours, so that later you do not bitterly regret that you blindly listened to someone’s advice.

Remember to avoid narrow boundaries and radical solutions. Perhaps the question “To divorce or not?” put incorrectly and there are other solutions, for example: sort out the relationship, work through grievances, have a heart-to-heart talk, improve relationships or contact a family psychologist.

If you understand that you are much better off separately than in an alliance with your partner, and the relationship cannot be restored, perhaps it is worth getting a divorce rather than fighting for a destructive relationship that no one needs.

How can I help you make a decision?

Every person is the master of his own life. Therefore, give others the opportunity to build their own lives, win and make mistakes. If you see that your loved one doubts himself, give him the opportunity to make his own decision and do not interfere with unsolicited advice. Of course, if you are asked for advice, you can express your opinion and say what you would do, but no more. You have no right to make decisions for another person or take responsibility for their life.

What prevents us from making adequate decisions? (Dan Gilbert)

Today I will tell you what methods will allow you make the right decision and learn to make decisions in general. This article will be based not only on my experience, but also on the decision-making methodology outlined in the famous book by Chip Heath and Dean Heath - “. This technique helps you make effective choices in business, in your career and in education. Here I will outline the main points of this technique, and also talk about what helps me personally in finding the right solutions.

Method 1 – Avoid “narrow frames”

Often we fall into the trap of “narrow frames”, when our thinking reduces the whole variety of possible solutions to a problem into only two options: “yes or no”, “to be or not to be”. “Should I divorce my husband or not?” “Should I buy this particular expensive car or take the subway?” “Should I go to the party or stay home?”

When we choose only between “Yes or No,” in fact, we are stuck with only one alternative (eg, breaking up with our husband, making a purchase) and ignoring the others. But maybe there are other options in your relationship besides breaking up with your partner and returning to the status quo. For example, try, discuss problems, go to a family psychologist, etc.

If you decide not to buy an expensive car on credit, that doesn't mean your only remaining alternative will be tedious subway rides. You can probably buy a cheaper car. But perhaps the most correct choice will lie in a different plane of decisions. Maybe it will be more convenient and profitable to rent housing closer to work. Or change your job to one less distant from home.

An alternative to choosing between different breeds of cats or dogs may be for you to go to a kennel and choose the stray pet that you like best.

This seems like an obvious tactic for thinking about choices, but yet many people continue to fall into the same traps. There is always a temptation to reduce the problem to a “Yes” or “No” dichotomy. We instinctively strive for this because it is much easier to view the problem only in black and white, rather than in all its diversity. But it turns out that with this approach we only create difficulties for ourselves.

We also often try to consider a choice between two extremes, although it is possible to find a compromise between them in the middle. Or we don’t notice that both of these extremes can be realized simultaneously and, in fact, it is not at all necessary to choose one of them.

Method 2 – Expand your selection

This method is a development of the previous method. Many of us are familiar with situations when we want to make an important purchase, for example, buying an apartment. We arrive at the first apartment, and we are fascinated by its appearance, and the realtor offers “favorable” terms of the transaction and thereby provokes us to make a quick decision. And we are no longer thinking about “which apartment to choose,” but about “whether to buy this particular apartment or not to buy.”

Do not hurry. It's better to look at five apartments instead of purchasing the first one you come across. Firstly, it will allow you to better navigate the real estate market. Perhaps there are better proposals. Secondly, the time you spend examining the remaining offers will “cool down” your immediate emotions. And momentary emotions always interfere with the right choice. While you are under their influence, you may overlook some obvious shortcomings of the apartments you like, but as time passes, you will be able to see the whole picture more clearly.

We become too attached to the goal to which our thinking is initially tuned. And this creates strong inertia in decision making: we are ready to see only what confirms our decision, and we ignore what contradicts it. For example, you have wanted to enter a certain university since school. A few years later you failed the entrance exams. And now you’re thinking about preparing hard and trying your luck again in a year. You reject all your friends’ arguments in favor of choosing another university, because you are used to thinking that your choice is the best.

But what if in the few years it took you to graduate, the situation has changed and the university you want to go to is no longer the same? Suddenly new promising educational institutions appeared? Don't get too attached to your choice and do some comparative analysis. Expand your choice! Check out the curriculum and faculty at other institutions. What other universities offer a similar program?

The auxiliary method of “disappearance of options” will help you become less attached to one alternative.

Variant disappearance method

Imagine that the alternative you have chosen cannot be chosen for some reason. For example, let’s say the university you want to enroll in has been closed. Now think about what you would do if this really happened. And start doing it. You'd probably start looking at other options, and perhaps in the process you'd discover how many great options you've missed out on because you were fixated on one alternative.

Method 3 – Get as much information as possible

The authors, Chip and Dean Heath, are surprised that it is common practice for many people to read reviews before buying electronic equipment, booking hotels or choosing hair salons. But at the same time, when it comes to choosing a job or university, fewer people use this wonderful practice, which helps to obtain a lot of valuable information.

Before making a decision about employment in a particular company, you can study the reviews of people who worked in it. This is better than relying only on the information that HR and your future boss provide you.

The Heath brothers suggest asking one interview question to do this.

“Who worked in this position before me? What is his name and how can I contact him?

There is nothing wrong with trying to get information first hand. When I learned about this practice, I was surprised that despite the obvious benefits of this approach, it had never occurred to me to use it during my job search!

You may not always be given contact information for these people. In this case, it will help you to get information practice of leading questions.

This practice is good because it allows you to get information from someone who is reluctant to share it.

During the interview:

Instead of asking what prospects and conditions you offer (you may be promised bright prospects and good working conditions), ask more direct questions:

“How many people have left this position in the last three years? Why did this happen? Where are they now?"
Asking this question will help you get more reliable information about future work.

In the shop:

One study found that when sales consultants, motivated to sell as many products as possible, were asked, “Tell me something about this model of iPod,” only 8% of them reported problems with it. But when they had to answer the question: “What problems does he have?” 90% of all managers were honest about the shortcomings of this model.

Method 4 – Get rid of momentary emotions

As I wrote above, instant emotions can greatly interfere with decision making. They cause you to lose sight of something important and focus on little things that later turn out to be insignificant.

Many of us are faced with the painful results of impulsive and unconscious choices, realizing that at the time of making the decision, we were blinded by emotions and did not see the full picture.

This may concern a quick marriage or impulsive divorce, expensive purchases or employment. How to avoid the influence of these emotions? There are several ways.

The first way to get rid of emotions is 10/10/10

This method allows you to move beyond the narrow perspective that momentary impulses establish. It consists of asking yourself three questions before making a decision:

How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes?
And in 10 months?
What will happen in 10 years?

For example, you fell in love with another man and want to leave your children and leave your husband. If you make this decision, what will you think about it 10 minutes from now? The euphoria of love and new life will probably rage within you! Of course, you won't regret your decision.

But after 10 months, passion and love will subside (this always happens) and perhaps, when the veil of euphoria that has obscured your vision disappears, you will see the shortcomings of the new partner. At the same time, a bitter feeling of losing something dear will begin to appear. You may discover that what you used to take for granted was actually an advantage of your previous relationship. And this is no longer the case in your new relationship.

It is very difficult to predict what will happen in 10 years. But perhaps, after the heat of love has passed, you will realize that you have come to the same thing from which you were running.

Of course, I'm not saying that this will happen for everyone. For many relationships, divorce is the best solution. But, nevertheless, I am sure that many divorces occur impulsively and thoughtlessly. And it’s better to weigh everything carefully and distance yourself from the obsession of euphoria in anticipation of change.

The second way to get rid of emotions is to breathe.

Before making any important choice, give yourself a short time out. Take 10 calm, full and slow inhalations and exhalations of equal duration. For example, 6 slow counts inhale – 6 slow counts exhale. And so 10 cycles.

This will calm you down and cool down your ardor. Well, do you still want to order this expensive trinket you don’t need, just because you saw the same one from a colleague?

This method can be combined with the previous one. Breathe first and then apply 10/10/10.

The third way to get rid of emotions is “Ideal Me”

I came up with this method when I couldn’t make one decision. And he helped me a lot (I wrote about him in more detail in the article ““). Think about what your “ideal self” would do or what the ideal scenario would be like given the existing limitations. For example, you are thinking whether to go out drinking today or stay home with your wife and children. Many factors will compete with each other in making a decision: a sense of duty and a momentary desire to drink, caring for children and health with the need to have fun.

What to do? Think about what would be the ideal option. Just stay realistic. I understand that ideally you would like to split into two, so that one part of you stays at home, and the other part is having a blast at the party, while alcohol would not cause any harm to it and a hangover the next day. But that doesn't happen. Given the given restrictions, the ideal option would be to stay at home because last week you promised yourself to drink less often. You realize that your wife rarely sees you and if you don't go to the party, you'll feel better the next day.

You don't have to think about what you want more. Because, Just because you want something doesn't mean you need it. Desires are fickle and fleeting. Now you want one thing. But tomorrow you may regret that you indulged your instant desire. Think about which option would be correct. What would an ideal husband do?

The fourth way to get rid of emotions - What would you advise a friend?

Imagine that you want to change your job to a more comfortable and highly paid one, but you are afraid of change, afraid of being disappointed, don’t want to let your colleagues down, and worry about what your boss will think of you when you leave. Because of this, you just can’t decide to do it.

But what if this choice is not in front of you, but in front of your friend. What advice would you give him? Surely, if he shared with you his concerns about disappointments and the boss’s opinion, you would answer him: “Stop thinking about all this nonsense! Do what's best for you."

Surely many of you have noticed that you can give good and reasonable advice to your friends on how to solve certain situations, but at the same time, you yourself behave unreasonably in similar situations. Why? Because when we think about another person's decision, we look only at the essentials. But when it comes to ourselves, a bunch of little things immediately pop up to which we attach exaggerated importance. So, to get rid of the influence of these unimportant things on your decision, think about what you would advise your friend if he found himself in a similar situation.

The fifth way to get rid of emotions is just wait.

Remember, a quick decision is often a bad decision because it can be made under the influence of emotions. You don't have to listen to impulsive desires every time. In some cases, it makes sense to simply wait and not make a spontaneous choice. Impulsive desires, on the one hand, are quite intense and can be difficult to cope with. On the other hand, they are fleeting and you just have to wait a while and this desire will disappear. You will realize that what seemed like a basic necessity a couple of hours ago, you actually don’t need.

Personally, I like to let some decision “mature” in my head, give it time, provided that I am in no hurry. This doesn't mean I think about him all the time. I can be busy doing something, and suddenly a decision appears on its own. It even happens that I make a decision instantly, but am in no hurry to implement it if it concerns important and long-term things.

Over the course of a few days, details may pop up in my head that could change my choice. Or vice versa, I will understand that the first thought was the right thought, only now will I be sure of it.

The sixth way to get rid of emotions is to stay focused.

This method is suitable in situations where you need to make quick decisions while under psychological pressure, for example, during an interview.

As a poker fan, I know how important it is to stay focused so as not to give in to immediate emotions. Poker is fundamentally a game of decision making. I have noticed that when my mind wanders somewhere far from the game between hands, I make irrational and emotional actions when it is my turn to bet. But if I am focused on the game, even when I am not in the hand, for example, just watching my opponents, this allows my mind to be alert, constantly monitor everything around me and myself, think only about the game and not let unnecessary thoughts and emotions into brain.

Therefore, during an interview, for example, keep your attention on this process. Listen to everything they tell you. Don’t let extraneous thoughts enter your head, like: “What did they think of me?”, “Did I say too much?” Think about it later. But for now, be here now. This will help you make the right choice.

Method 10 – When not to use all these methods

If you look at all these methods, it seems that decision making is a very complex process. In fact, these methods are designed to help you make choices in which each alternative is defined by a set of advantages and disadvantages. But what if there are no shortcomings? What if you have nothing to lose if you choose one option?

Then forget about all these tips, act and see what happens.

For example, you saw a pretty girl on the street, you are single and are just looking for a mate. Stop going over the pros and cons in your head. You won't lose anything if you come up and get to know each other. This is an absolutely simple solution.

Such situations are the exception. The more you think about them and weigh decisions, the more uncertainty grows and the chances of missing an opportunity grow. Therefore, where the choice does not cost you anything, think less and act!

Conclusion – A little about intuition

The methods I've talked about are attempts to formalize decision making. Give precision and clarity to this process. But I don’t want to downplay the role of intuition.

These methods should not confuse you, instilling in you the illusory confidence that any decisions are amenable to reason and dry analysis. This is wrong. Often the choice is characterized by a lack of complete information and you will have to come to terms with the fact that in many situations it is impossible to know in advance with 100% certainty which decision will be better. Sometimes you just need to choose something, and then it will be clear whether you made the right choice or not.

Therefore, you need to use intuition, instead of waiting until your methods give you an unambiguous forecast of the correctness of this or that alternative. But at the same time, one cannot overestimate its role and rely too much on one’s “guts.” For this purpose, there is a formalized approach, which is designed to adjust the balance between your mind and feelings, logic and intuition. Finding the right balance between these things is the art of decision making!

All our lives we choose something, that is, we make decisions. It’s not difficult to make simple everyday decisions - personal experience or tips come to the rescue. It is more difficult to decide on vital decisions on which a lot depends.

Every day a person makes some decisions - simple, insignificant ones relating to everyday life and very serious ones, sometimes even global ones, which can significantly change the usual established course of life.

Simple solutions are given absolutely easily, quickly and with virtually no stress. But if there is a very serious issue on the agenda, then it is really very difficult to make the right choice.

Indeed, in this case, the right decision can lead to colossal success or, on the contrary, become the only reason for serious failure. This is why it is really important to know how the right decision is made.

How to do it right

1. Limit yourself to a strict time frame for making the right decision.

This is necessary because such a limitation “helps” you choose the most effective option in a particular case, and is explained by the so-called law of forced efficiency.

2. Try to collect the maximum amount of useful information

From a large number of facts, it is much easier to choose the only one that suits you, and besides, this will help you take a more objective look at the specific situation at hand.

3. Turn off your emotions

In this case, they seriously interfere with making the right decision, because while they are gushing, you are not able to reason soberly, detachedly and sufficiently objectively. It is much more useful to wait until all feelings have calmed down, and only then start thinking, otherwise it is so easy to make not the best decision in the heat of the moment.

4. Find the right algorithm

If the search for the correct algorithm of actions is directly related to work, then the implementation of this issue can simply be delegated to someone else. This way you can significantly save your own time.

And remember that if you complete a task at least once, then, most likely, you will subsequently do it constantly. Such additional employment without any benefits and dividends in the future is absolutely useless. Therefore, a rational approach in the form of delegation of authority is an excellent way to properly organize your own work schedule.

5. Learn to correctly prioritize your thoughts.

Try to structure your thoughts according to the principle of greatest importance. This skill will more than once allow you to find the most correct way out of absolutely any situation. This skill will allow you not to get confused in your own reasoning when analyzing complex problems.

6. Try to get rid of such feelings as fear of possible failure.

It really makes it difficult to choose and make the right decision. Because of this conflicting feeling, many actually suffer serious defeat. In order for obsessive fear to recede and not interfere with you, you need to analyze in detail all the possible consequences that may sometimes arise as a result of various choices, and only after that you can begin to act.

7. Try to make decisions in a calm environment with a sense of inner balance

If you are such a suspicious person whose imagination simply knows no bounds, then try to calm down and relax by resting a little, listening to pleasant music, drinking tea or simply taking a sedative.

8. Be as objective and honest with yourself as possible.

There is absolutely no need to exaggerate or embellish certain facts, which may have unnecessary influence and subsequently lead to the wrong choice.

9. Learn to set priorities correctly and correctly

This is very important when developing different options for action. Decide what is truly most important to you: children, family, career, work, money or anything else. Always be aware of possible costs, because they can have a fairly large impact on the correctness and effectiveness of a particular decision.

How to make a really good decision

How often do many subsequently sincerely regret what they did, because they are sure that the choice in the current situation was absolutely wrong. If we approach the issue more globally and sensibly, we can draw the unexpected conclusion that, in essence, there are no right or wrong decisions.

If you are serious about achieving a specific goal, which is extremely important and priority for you, then all your further actions that you periodically take in its direction will be exclusively correct. But in essence, choosing a true solution is an exclusively subjective concept, so do it yourself.

Sometimes the current situation does not require an immediate decision, and the choice can be postponed for some time until the nuances are clarified. But very often new facts can make the decision-making process even more difficult.

This paradox is explained by the fact that in some cases, the more persistence and effort expended to obtain a result, the much worse everything turns out. Or in other words, the longer you solve a problem, the more incomprehensible facts unexpectedly emerge in this difficult matter.

This is why we need a certain time frame for making a decision. It is time that significantly limits the ability to analyze a lot of options.

In other cases, a hasty decision leads to a colossal collapse. In such situations, on the contrary, it is much more productive to wait some time so that it is possible to objectively assess the problem. But indecision and artificial delay in making a decision can lead to someone else getting ahead of you or the situation itself becoming more acute. Then you will regret that you did not hurry up with your choice.

"Helpers" in making the right decision

If the problem is truly serious, then it does not have to be solved solely by one person. Seek help and advice from your friends or family. Psychologists say that if you voice the problem several times, the situation will become clearer, and you will be able to find such a simple, but truly ingenious way out of it.

And an outside perspective can be really insightful. But you shouldn’t get hung up on the problem and tell everyone you meet about it. This way you will only waste a lot of time complaining and lamenting, and this will in no way bring the possibility of solving it any closer.

If before you very rarely made decisions on your own, and almost always consulted with someone, then in a situation where the issue needs to be resolved quickly, just imagine what you would be advised to do. This kind of internal dialogue can be really very productive and incredibly useful.

Try to analyze the situation from the point of view of the availability of alternative possibilities. Do not choose only one option, believing in its absolute correctness.

Come up with several of them so that you can compare something else with your first option. Play out the situation in your head as if that original idea simply did not exist, how would you act in this case? you are sure to discover several alternatives that will help you in your difficult choice.

Remember the old saying that the morning is much wiser than the evening? This is true. You need to “go to sleep” with the problem, and in the morning you may come up with a simple, but truly ingenious solution. There is a rational explanation for this: our brain and our subconscious already know the maximum number of all possible ways out of this current situation. During the night's rest, the analysis process does not stop or stop for a minute, and in the morning you get the best option.

In the complex process of making the right decision, your own intuition plays an important role, so you should not completely ignore it. Listen to your own feelings more often, and if you feel some discomfort, then look at other options. Believe me, your inner voice is sometimes much less likely to make mistakes than your mind.

Making the right decision is only half the battle

It is much more important to follow it (see “”). That's why:

start acting immediately and without delay, because various hitches and delays significantly reduce the chances of achieving success;
try not to change your decision after half the path to the goal has already been completed - this is ineffective;
remain true to your initial views - this will give you confidence in the exceptional correctness of the decisions made and the speedy achievement of success;
if, after the first steps, you suddenly realize that your path is wrong, then you need to abandon it as soon as possible; find your balance between perseverance and flexibility - this will allow you to move towards your goal quite persistently, but if you really need to quickly change your plan of action without significant losses for yourself.

In making the right decisions, your own experience will provide you with invaluable help, which is the most devoted and faithful adviser in difficult situations.

When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often cite the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.

But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, by the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.

One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?

By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of making an important decision.

Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.

The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.

Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?

Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”

Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”

Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?

Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."

Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.

What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.

This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.

It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?

What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?

As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.