Should I adopt a child? Is it necessary to adopt other people's children? Take care of yourself

A childless life seems to many unbearable. Dreams of having their own child, in whom the parent will find joy in old age and whom they can be proud of, are present in the minds of most women. And it’s even more terrible when these dreams are unrealistic. Unfortunately, not all women are able to bear and give birth to a child, and infertility often becomes their curse for life. Even despite modern treatment methods that are improving every day, some women are never destined to hear in the doctor’s office: “You are pregnant!” And they look with envy at the happy mothers, while some other women sign up for another abortion.

And many people have a question about the possible adoption of a child. After all, in the end, so many children in our country are abandoned and dream of a mother, of their own home. It is difficult to imagine a fate more cruel and terrible than childhood spent in an orphanage in our country. Constant poverty, abandonment, lack of qualified personnel, teachers, toys, books, and much more. Wouldn't it be wonderful to save at least one child from this dark place, making both yourself and him happy?

But many people have this way to have children causes a lot of mistrust and all sorts of fears. So, for example, you can often hear about bad. About the fact that in orphanages there are only children of drug addicts, prostitutes and criminals. And, since “you can’t crush genes with your finger,” such a biological parent will definitely grow up to be a drug addict or a criminal. Such reasoning is fueled by stories about how an adopted son eventually drank himself to death by the age of thirty, and an adopted daughter from another story went to the panel when she was not even 16.

Well, of course heredity acting. But, firstly, such stories are still rare, for some reason no one talks about hundreds of other cases when an orphanage child grew into a worthy member of society, of whom the whole family is proud. Secondly, we cannot know whether the fault for these accidents lies with the adoptive parents themselves.

Perhaps they would own Did they raise a natural child to be a drug addict using their parenting methods? It is a fact that kindergarten children, growing up, join the mostly marginal segments of the population. But, if you grew up in our orphanage, by the time you came of age, you would also reach for a bottle, syringe or pistol. And what is some kind of genetic propensity for anything, in comparison with the power of maternal love and care and competent upbringing? It is impossible to rehabilitate an adult criminal; the percentage of people who come to their senses in the process of life and take the path of correction is vanishingly small. But preventing a child from growing up as a criminal is a feasible and noble task.

In addition, we should not forget that not all refuseniks"(children abandoned by their parents in the maternity hospital) are children of marginalized people. Often girls from quite prosperous families abandon their child because they are afraid that they will not be able to raise him, because their father abandoned them or strict parents threaten to disown their daughter, if if she doesn't do this. More than 30% of such refusers are taken home after a month by their parents, having come to their senses. One of the remaining 70% can be taken by you!

Also, many are afraid that in the orphanage they " slipped"a child with some terrible disease. Of course, it is cruel to treat unfortunate children as if they were some kind of commodity, choosing which one is of better quality. But it is also immoral to make any other demands on people who are already doing a good deed by taking a baby from an orphanage. Well, those who are afraid that a medical record will be falsified should first of all think about who in the entire care system might need this, and even so much so that he begins to risk his career (and even freedom) falsifying a document? No, this is more of a phobia than a real danger. But for those who still want to make sure, there is always the opportunity to conduct an independent medical examination. The adoptive parent has every right to do this.

Next myth about child adoption There are rumors that the entire guardianship system diligently puts a spoke in the wheels of potential children, requires a huge number of certificates and conducts dozens of checks. This myth appears to have been perpetuated from simple complaints about bureaucracy. Well, in our country, bureaucratic procedures, unfortunately, are not characterized by coherence and transparency. But no one will deliberately resist your wishes; on the contrary, the guardianship authorities themselves always have compassionate employees who do their best to complete the paperwork on the issue of adoption as quickly as possible.

That is, of course pieces of paper you will have to collect quite a lot. You will definitely have to wait a whole month for a certificate from the Central Internal Affairs Directorate stating that you have no criminal record; its registration usually takes at least this period. But this is understandable; you can’t give children into the hands of someone unknown. In addition, you will even have to write a short autobiography and collect a lot of documents about the financial side of your life, but this, I must say, is not as long and tedious as some unjustly offended by the authorities describe on the forums.

Well, the stupidest objection opponents adoption is that the child, they say, will have to lie all his life about the fact that he is not your relative, but sooner or later this always comes up, and this truth can make him hate you. Even without objecting to the harshness of the conclusions about the consequences, I want to ask only one thing: why lie at all? You can explain the whole situation to your child from a very young age; there is nothing wrong with that. Parents do not become parents for children upon presentation of a passport with decoding of the genome - the mother is the one who cares, loves and educates. Well, if children, when they grow up, want to meet their natural parents, then that’s their right - what’s wrong with that?

Adopting a child- this is a serious and responsible step. But there is nothing really dangerous about it. This is an act that can bring happiness to your family and make it complete. Many families adopt children twice, three times, sometimes even having their own children. After all, it is such happiness to realize that you saved someone from a terrible fate - to grow up in an orphanage.

To avoid this, you need to enter information about the newborn in the mother’s passport in the “children” column. This can be done at the passport office by presenting the child’s birth certificate. Difficulties may arise when contacting various authorities. Therefore, you should have with you a complete package of documents that confirms the change of surname by the mother and the fact of the relationship with the child. The following documents are required as confirmation:

1. Child's birth document.
2. Divorce document with a note about the mother's change of surname.
3. Marriage document if the mother got married again and changed her data.
4. A marriage certificate received from the registry office, which confirms the existence of a marriage relationship in the past.

In the case of different surnames of the mother and child, there may be problems when traveling abroad with a minor.

Rules for registering a child at the registry office if the parents are not registered in 2017

The procedure for assigning a surname to a child if the parents have not registered their relationship In the modern world, people are in no hurry to officially register their relationship and often give birth to children in such a union. In this case, the question inevitably arises: is it possible to give the child the father’s surname if we are not registered. Legislation, which is also in force in 2018, allows us to solve this problem.
If at the time of the baby’s birth, mom and dad did not register their relationship, the child can be given the surname of one of them. To make a record of the father, paternity must be officially recognized. To do this, the father must write a corresponding statement.
If the relationship is not registered, the parent is not required to go through the adoption procedure. The father's surname can be assigned to the child on the basis of a written application for recognition of paternity. In this case, the mother must confirm her consent.

How to give a child his father's last name if the father and mother are not registered?

If the parents of a newborn child are not married to each other, then the entry about the child’s mother is made at the request of the mother, and the entry about the child’s father is made at the joint request of the child’s father and mother, or at the request of the child’s father (in some cases), or by court decision (clause 2 of article 51 of the RF IC). Also, the former spouse is recognized as the father without a statement from the child’s father in the following cases: if the child was born within 300 days from the date of divorce, recognition of it as invalid, or from the date of death of the spouse of the child’s mother, unless proven otherwise. The paternity of the spouse of the child’s mother is certified by a record of their marriage (clause
2 tbsp. 48 RF IC).

How to register a child if the parents are not registered or the father has another family?

From a legal point of view, this is a simple cohabitation, which does not entail the emergence of rights and obligations. Therefore, despite certain advantages of civil marriage, citizens participating in it may have problems in the future. One of them is registering a child after birth out of wedlock.
The content of the article

• Adoption Institute
• Should a natural parent adopt a natural child?
  • How is the surname issue resolved?
• How to register a child in the name of the father if he was born out of wedlock
• If one of the parents does not want to carry out the paternity procedure
• Conclusion

Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique.

Should a father adopt his child?

In this connection, a child can receive a double surname, which consists of the surnames of both parents. Last names can be added in any order using a hyphen. Before the changes were made, a child could receive a double surname only if one of the parents had it.

In the case of using a double surname, it is prohibited to use a different order of accession when forming the surname of siblings. Sometimes it happens that the father and mother cannot independently reach agreement on the child’s first and last name. Then the dispute is resolved by the guardianship authorities. In their decision, they must be guided by the interests of the minor and take into account various factors, including the euphony of these data.

If a newborn is left without parents, his last name and first name are given to him by his legal representatives in accordance with the general procedure.

If parents are not scheduled, what problems could there be?

Info

If the child’s father does not want to register his paternity or if the mother does not agree to register paternity, then paternity or the fact of recognition of paternity (if the child’s father has died) can be established in court (Articles 49, 50 of the RF IC). If the father and mother of the child wish to register the birth of the child and establish paternity, we recommend following the following algorithm. Step 1. Obtain the necessary documents for registering the birth and prepare an application for the birth of the child. After the birth of the child, his mother in the maternity hospital will be issued a medical certificate of birth of the child, which will be the basis for registering the birth of the child with the civil registry office.

If the marriage between the child's parents is not concluded, the application for the birth of the child is submitted by the mother.

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered?

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Hello. We are not registered, and at the birth of a child, I want to give him my last name, and the father’s patronymic. After painting, I want to change my last name and the child’s last name to his. Will he have to adopt the child or not? Collapse Victoria Dymova Support employee Pravoved.ru Similar questions have already been considered, try looking here:

• Does a father need to adopt his child born out of wedlock after marrying his mother?
• Does a father need to adopt his child born out of wedlock after marriage to his mother?

Lawyers' answers (2)

• All legal services in Moscow Division of jointly acquired property Moscow from 15,000 rubles. Return of defective goods Moscow from 5000 rubles.

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered?

Attention

RF IC). Step 3. Contact the registry office for state registration. The application for the birth of a child must be made no later than a month from the date of birth of the child. There is no specific deadline for filing an application to establish paternity, since such an application can be submitted both during state registration of the birth of a child and after (clause 6 of article 16, clause 2 of article 50 of Law No. 143-FZ). In practice, the deadline for filing an application for the birth of a child is not significant; there are no sanctions for late submission.

Moreover, state registration of the birth of a child who has reached the age of one year or more is possible, including upon reaching adulthood (Article 21 of Law No. 143-FZ).
The child's name is given by agreement of the parents, the patronymic is assigned according to the father's name. The child's surname is determined by the surname of the parents. If the surnames of the parents are different, the child is assigned the surname of the father or the surname of the mother by agreement of the parents. If there is no agreement between the parents regarding the child’s first and (or) last name, any disagreements that arise are resolved by the guardianship and trusteeship authority;

• The child has the right to receive maintenance from his parents and other family members, including all his personal property rights, that is, to be the owner of any property.
The most important thing is to know that unregistered relationships, divorce, annulment or separation of parents do not affect the rights of the child.

Information about the child's father is entered:

• based on the record of the act of establishing paternity - if paternity is established and registered simultaneously with the state registration of the birth of the child;
• at the request of the child's mother - if paternity has not been established. The surname of the child's father is written down according to the mother's surname, the first and patronymic of the child's father - according to her instructions. The information entered is not an obstacle to resolving the issue of establishing paternity. At the request of the mother, information about the child’s father may not be included in the child’s birth certificate (clause 3 of article 51 of the RF IC; clause 3 of article 17 of the Law of November 15, 1997 N 143-FZ).

Note. Disagreements between parents regarding the choice of the child’s surname or first name are resolved by the guardianship and trusteeship authority (clause 4 of article 58 of the RF IC).

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered 2017

If it does not comply with the law, the registry office may refuse. If a child has a father, he receives a middle name in accordance with his name; it cannot be chosen by the parents. The surname also cannot be assigned to any name; it is determined by the details of the spouses.

General procedure The question of what the child's surname will be if the parents have different surnames most often arises when the relationship between mother and father is not officially registered. In this case, you should act in accordance with the requirements of legislative acts. The surname is given to the child when registering his birth at the registry office.

After this, a birth certificate is issued containing this information. If the legislation of the subject does not provide for a different procedure for obtaining a surname, then the baby is given the surname of either the mother or the father. It is worth noting that in 2017, changes were made to the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered 2016

You should contact the registry office with passports, applications, a receipt for payment of the state fee for registration of paternity, as well as for making changes and issuing a new birth certificate if paternity is established later than the state registration of birth. An application for the birth of a child and a joint application for establishing paternity can be sent to the civil registry office in the form of an electronic document via the Internet (clause 1.1 of article 50, clause 1 of article 16 of Law N 143-FZ). Note! There is no state fee to register the birth of a child. If changes are made later about the child’s father, the state fee will be 650 rubles. For state registration of paternity establishment, it is necessary to pay a state fee in the amount of 350 rubles. (clauses 3, 5, clause 1, article 333.26, clause 1, article 333.39 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). You can choose your registration location.

This form of placement of children means the transfer of a minor to a new family with the emergence of legal relations between him and its members that correspond to the legal relations between the child and his blood parents. When a baby is born out of wedlock, he is automatically registered with the mother, and the latter is assigned single status. A natural question arises: if a child is born out of wedlock, is it necessary to adopt him? Should a natural parent adopt a natural child? When a child is born in a marriage, it is automatically registered in the name of both parents: the initials of the spouse are written in the “father” column, and the spouses’ initials in the “mother” column. However, if a child is born out of wedlock, complications arise. In this case, instead of an entry in the paternity column, a dash is placed, which is why the blood father is not considered such in the face of the state.

Rules for registering a child at the registry office if the parents are not registered in 2017

In such a situation, you should also carry documents with you that confirm the existence of a relationship. To avoid additional difficulties, you need to have an official translation of the child’s birth certificate.

This can be done at the consulate of the country you plan to visit. Thus, if parents have different surnames, then the child can receive the surname of either mom or dad.

If at the time of the birth of the child the mother and father are not in an officially registered marriage, then the newborn can be given the father’s surname. To do this, the father must write a statement of paternity, on the basis of which information about him will be included in the child’s birth document.

If a parent does not recognize his paternity, this can be done in court, in which case the child can also receive the father's surname.

How to give a child his father's last name if the father and mother are not registered?

Father” is marked with a dash, which does not affect his rights in any way. Chapter 11 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation lists and discloses in detail all the fundamental rights of the child, including:

1. The right to live and be raised in a family, including the right to know one’s parents, the right to their care, the right to live together with them and ensure one’s interests, comprehensive development, respect for one’s human dignity;
2. The child’s right to communicate with both parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and other relatives;
3. The child’s right to protection, both from his parents and from the guardianship and trusteeship authorities;
4. The child’s right to express his opinion when deciding in the family any issue affecting his interests;
5. The child’s right to a first name, patronymic and last name.

How to register a child if the parents are not registered or the father has another family?

The application must be accompanied by a birth certificate, a document establishing paternity, marriage or divorce, as well as documents that justify the need and possibility of changing the surname and patronymic. When a child reaches 14 years of age, he can change his data according to his application.

In addition, the child’s last name can be changed upon adoption. The court determines the adoption of the child and changes in his data.

New data is entered into the registration record based on a court decision. After this, you can change your last name or first name only by obtaining permission from the guardianship and trusteeship authorities.

Important

Possible problems if mother and child have different last names If the child and mother have different last names, difficulties may arise after a divorce or death of the father. First of all, the problems will be related to the obviousness of the family connection.

Should a father adopt his child?

The termination of a marriage or its recognition as invalid is not a basis for changing the child's surname. To do this, both parents must give their agreement, and also, if the child is 10 years old, his consent will also be required, but also the permission of the guardianship authorities.
Changing a child’s data without the consent of the other parent is possible if:

1. The second parent died.
2. The minor's mother or father has been deprived of parental rights.
3. The location of the second parent cannot be determined.
4. The parent does not participate in raising the child and avoids paying child support.
5. At the time of the child's birth, the parents' relationship was not registered.

An application to change the surname and patronymic must be submitted to the civil registry office at the child’s place of residence.

If parents are not scheduled, what problems could there be?

Attention

Family law How to give a child his father's surname if the father and mother are not registered? In the modern world, the birth of a child in an officially unregistered marriage is not considered uncommon. Such a marriage has no legal force and the spouses can only be called cohabitants.

Popularly, such a union is known as a civil marriage. Since this is a fairly common phenomenon, the question remains relevant whether it is possible to register a child in the father’s surname if the marriage is not registered. After all, the fate of the child and his material well-being may depend on this.
Parental relationships work out differently and fathers are not always conscientious about fulfilling their responsibilities towards their children. From the moment of his birth, any child acquires the right to a surname, first name and patronymic; it is enshrined in both international and Russian legislation.
The child receives a name by agreement of the parents or one of them.

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered?

It is different from adoption. Citizens, if there is mutual agreement, can take one of the following paths:

1. After the minor is born, both parents must appear at the registry office. An application regarding the recognition of the baby is submitted to this institution.

   After all the nuances have been settled, the relevant data will be entered into the birth certificate.

2. You can apply before birth. In this case, both citizens must simultaneously appear at the registration authority and draw up the appropriate document.

Important! If a citizen dies during birth or is declared legally incompetent, the father must contact the guardianship authority.

When contacting the guardianship authority, you will need to provide substantial evidence of the relationship and submit a request to include initials in official documents for the child.

Is it necessary to adopt a child if the parents are not registered?

Some citizens believe that this problem can be solved by initiating an adoption procedure. However, such a judgment is fundamentally incorrect. The citizen from whom the child was born is his blood parent.

Reference! According to the law, the blood father does not have the right to adopt his own son. If the baby was born in cohabitation, a different procedure is required.

In this case, the institution of adoption does not apply. It is necessary to establish the paternity of the baby. To do this, it is enough for citizens to mutually apply to the registry office or, in case of difficulties, to the court. But the blood father cannot adopt his own child. How is the issue of surname resolved? When a child is born into an officially registered family, he is assigned his father's surname (except in cases where there is an agreement between the spouses that affects this parameter).
If a parent does not want to admit the fact of relationship with the baby, this can be done during the trial. Formation of a family relationship leads to the emergence of certain rights and obligations.
In a situation where the father of a newborn dies or the parents are divorced, the child can receive the father's surname if no more than 300 days have passed since the date of death or divorce. During this time, paternity is recognized automatically and can only be revoked by a court. The surname may change if paternity is disputed in court and the plaintiff's claims are satisfied. A single mother has the right to give her child her last name.
The child also receives a first and patronymic at the discretion of the mother. Possibility of changing the surname The laws of Russia provide for the possibility of changing the surname of a child under 14 years of age. This can only be done with the permission of parents and guardianship authorities.
In this case, the signature of the parent who cannot come in person is confirmed by a notary or a person with appropriate authority, including the head of the place of detention (paragraph 2, paragraph 5, article 50 of Law No. 143-FZ). In addition, it is possible to submit a preliminary application to establish paternity while the child’s mother is pregnant. This is possible if there are circumstances that give reason to assume that filing a joint application to establish paternity may turn out to be impossible or difficult after the birth of the child (paragraph 2, paragraph 3, article 48 of the RF IC). It is also possible to establish paternity on the sole application of the father in certain cases (death of the mother, recognition of her as incompetent, impossibility of establishing her whereabouts or deprivation of her parental rights) with the consent of the guardianship and trusteeship authority, in the absence of such consent - by court decision (para.

You want to adopt or take custody of a child, but you have doubts whether this is the right decision. And even when you have no doubts, it is still necessary for someone to professionally assess your capabilities and motivation to become a foster parent. And in a number of cases, I honestly told you that we need to wait a little while accepting children into the family. The graduate coordinator of the capital's School of Adoptive Parents No. 1, Olesya Starostina, having completed training, did not adopt a child, but did not stay away from the adoptive community. She told the Change One Life foundation in which cases this important decision should be postponed.

“Sometimes people come to the School of Adoptive Parents with the idea of ​​adoption. After it, some of them recover, while for others it turns into a chronic disease,” says Olesya. She considers herself to be among the “recovered”. “There are people who have been trained, figured out their cockroaches and realized that they don’t need it. For example, this happened to me. An important obstacle in my case was also the fact that neither my husband nor my child wanted this,” she explains the reasons for not adopting a child.

When not to adopt or take into foster care

According to Starostina, the problem of rejection by relatives of an adopted child is very important. " In the lessons at SPR they say that if one of your close relatives, and especially your natural children, is against adoption, then you don’t need to do it, or at least don’t rush. It is recommended to come to classes with grandmothers, older children, and nannies so that they have the opportunity to study this issue. Then the family once again decides to take the child.”

She emphasizes that accompanying a young adoptive family is very necessary: ​​it is important that people are not left alone with problems. "B The period of adaptation for older children is certainly difficult, and, in my opinion, the transitional age of adopted children is especially difficult. I watch my 16-year-old daughter, I see what actions she is now committing, and I understand that if this were an adopted child, then I would not be able to accept much, because I would think that this is bad heredity, but objectively this is a manifestation adolescence."

Starostina admits: “On the one hand, adopting a child is very simple: specialists will teach you, explain the procedure, relatives and friends will always give advice.

On the other hand, it is difficult to become family people.

Psychologists say that the adoptive parent has his own specific “hook” that will catch him at a difficult moment in raising a child, and this must be understood.

During classes at SPR, the teacher-psychologist tries to identify and discuss many points. For example, the same stereotype about the manifestation of bad heredity at the gene level. If a person is afraid of this, then sooner or later the parent will encounter such a manifestation. The child commits a bad act or behaves differently than the parent expects, and the adoptive parent immediately thinks: “Exactly, I know: he is like this because his bio-mom is a drug addict or alcoholic.” At such a moment, you should definitely consult with an adoption specialist and understand that it’s not a matter of genes, but of upbringing,” advises Starostina.

Adopting a child is not the solution to your problems

“It’s especially sad to see people with the wrong motivation who have just come to class. For example, parents want to replace a deceased child or relative with an adopted child, to realize themselves as an experienced teacher, teacher, or even, as it happens, to raise a friend or girlfriend for their natural child. Psychologists explain that in such a situation they cannot take the child, since he will not live up to their hopes.

It also happens that when there is trouble in the family, people begin to think: a child will appear and everything will stick together. Nothing like this happens:

An adopted child is not able to solve your existing family problems; moreover, he may bring new ones with him.

You need to understand that your unstable relationship as a couple may not be able to withstand this, which often happens, and, as a rule, the man cannot stand it. It happens that people simply thought that everything was fine with them and that a child was not enough for complete harmony. But in fact, for complete harmony, simply mutual understanding was not enough,” says Olesya.

“I have friends who ask: “Is it possible to take a child and, if something goes wrong, return him?” I tell them right away that it’s better not to take it, or I advise them to take a course at SPR so that they can understand themselves.”

“It happens that some parents in the process of learning begin to have other priorities: we will go on vacation, then do repairs, and that’s it - they leave,” concludes the question about Starostin’s wrong motivation. And that's okay.

But she is glad that more positive examples have passed before her eyes than negative ones. Olesya says: “There are a lot of single women now. When they have adopted children, they blossom and become younger. And children mimic, change their appearance and become like their parents.”

But even if, after passing the SPD, it is not possible to become an adoptive parent or guardian, experienced teachers say that those who have at least once joined the adoptive community will come to this sooner or later, and the knowledge gained at school will be very useful in any case.

We didn’t choose a child - I can’t imagine how to “choose”, it’s not a rabbit on the market. We didn’t go to the regional orphanage. They didn’t wait for “healthy and pretty.” They took it without looking, and there was nothing to look at. Hypotrophically tiny anemic boy; with a hydrocephalically enlarged head, completely without hair, covered with a venous network; with a huge (over the entire upper part of the head) swollen fontanel; PEP (posthypoxic perinatal encephalopathy); dysplasia (subluxation and underdevelopment of the hip joints); terrible flatulence; suffered chlamydia pneumonia. It’s right that they didn’t give us all the diagnoses at once (they would definitely have been scared), but they informed us gradually - after we nursed him, they took him out for walks. At 4 months and 10 days, the child not only couldn’t roll over, he couldn’t even hold his head up on his own. He was greatly retarded in weight and height. But EYES! Smart eyes and smile! He smiled at the nurses, but was wary of us. I was forced to put on a white robe - even the sight of a light dress scared him.

Seryozha went through the stages from Pugolovochka (in Ukrainian “pugolovka” is a tadpole; he began to eat well, his tummy began to grow against the backdrop of very thin legs) and Squeaky Mouse to Plush Hamster (hairs began to grow), Toothy Squirrel, Noisy Butterfly (meaning a chick) , Murchika (when he carries Murochka on his mother all night). We were in no hurry, we didn’t push his development - after all, he was so weak. At six months Seryozha sat down on his own. At seven months he was 250 grams short of normal weight, at one year he was already an “extra” kilogram, at 1 year 4 months he weighed 14.2 kg with no signs of excess weight. At eight months old he walked on his own - he walked, holding along the sofa, let go of his hand and walked on his own. When his height did not allow him to see the objects on the desk, the boy pulled himself up with his arms. At one year old, he easily climbed (and dismounted) onto a sofa that was higher than his waist; put his legs (and went down) onto the side of the outside of the wooden playpen, height above his knees. When he was one year old, he was taken off the register by a pulmonologist and an orthopedist. Neurological problems remain. Takes medications daily.

Psychophysical development is normal. Now Little Bunny is 1 year 7.5 months old. A smart, affectionate, energetic child, not prone to hysterics (he should not be nervous or cry - we avoid conflict situations by “switching” attention) child. The fontanelle has not yet healed. At night he wakes up 3-9 times, but without a heart-rending scream. Speech is slightly delayed - sentences consist of one word, often abbreviated. But how I laughed on Saturday when Seryozha tried to take (and did!) four boiled eggs from the kitchen at once is hardly possible to describe in words. I didn’t protest when he picked up a box of matches and poured them out on the floor; I didn’t expect the nimble guy to light the first match (and I wasn’t afraid). And how the boy dances!!! For each melody there are certain virtuoso movements (thanks to television). They love classics and pop. He started dancing while still sitting. In response to our stories, acquaintances remained skeptically silent until they witnessed Gray’s “solo” performances on Primorskaya Square in the summer - the audience turned their backs to the stage to watch our Sonechko dance. And how he sings! Especially under Kornelyuk. A bright, clean ray of light in our lives!!! A gift for us.

My conclusions

1. Take the child into custody first, then adopt. We collected the guardianship documents within a week and immediately took the baby home. While we were waiting for the court hearing and the court decision on adoption to come into force, the boy was already living with the family. I am so sorry for those 4 months the child spent in the hospital (now he is terribly afraid of medical institutions and examinations, nervous tremors begin to shake him already at the threshold of the clinic; for a long time he was afraid of children’s crying, he even reacted to children’s voices - how scared and lonely he is was in the hospital); It’s a pity that the first summer passed PAST the child (Seryozha is April, and we took him in August).

And from a purely psychological point of view: When you fall from fatigue on sleepless nights, and in the morning you have to go to work (we are not one of the “new” ones, we both work at a serious industrial enterprise, but with one father’s salary you cannot provide your child with good quality nutrition, treatment, consultations, procedures, osteopath, massage and at home - they hired a nanny), doubts arise about the correctness of the action - but you can also refuse. And then you realize that you need your child much more than he needs you. Well, if your heart really doesn’t belong to the child, giving up guardianship is not as troublesome and shameful as giving up guardianship (it’s better to give up than to raise an unloved, extra child).

2. Both to give birth and to adopt, everyone wants to be handsome and healthy, and to look like mom and dad at the same time. But even in prosperous families, desired children are now often born not entirely healthy; many diseases can be cured without a trace or significantly alleviated. And how similar our adopted son is to his older brother (our blood son) - facial features, figure, hair, facial expressions, habits. Siblings are often less similar - and we didn’t choose. True, they wanted to take a girl so as not to compare children in the future, but there were only boys in the ward at that time.

3. Will an adopted child become your own? This question tormented me - I did not wear it, did not expect the moment of birth. But you also need to get to know and love your own child. When Seryozha was suspected of having epilepsy and my husband was scared, to my horror I realized that if I had to choose between a “stranger’s” child and my “native” husband, with whom I had lived for 16 years, I would choose my adopted son. Imagine my feelings when my husband, who is not prone to sentimentality, said: “I know what happiness smells like - a child’s body, milk and pussies.”

4. Public opinion IN PRINCIPLE approves of adoption, but only IN PRINCIPLE. It was unexpected. At any age, with any health condition - only your blood, at least half. Bad genes are nonsense! Be prepared for this.

5. To tell or not to tell a child that he is adopted? Two families with adopted children live next door. An elderly woman adopted a girl in infancy after the death of her twenty-year-old son. The girl is already 11 years old, her mother is very worried, mentally preparing arguments with which she will prove to her daughter that evil people are lying if anyone tells the girl the truth. Second family - parents are over 30, married for 10 years. The “birth” of an adopted son was arranged according to a carefully developed scenario. The boy is already 4 years old, his parents firmly believe that they deceived everyone, but for some reason everyone around him knows the truth. It's a ticking time bomb! Yes, my son is adopted, but SO darling! And there is no need to make distinctions. I think I can tell him about the first time I saw him, his first day at home; to make him feel needed. And I don’t have to lie - he is truly loved, dear, desired, the best!

6. How to prepare for adoption? Don't know. Probably like birth. We had no opportunity to prepare; everything happened unexpectedly. Our only 14-year-old son died. A bright personality, the “darling of the squad”, a headache for teachers, the meaning of our whole life. Dima loved water so much, he swam like a fish - but the sea took him away. He jumped from the yacht club pier, hit his head on the rocks, lost consciousness and choked. Those around him did not pay attention, they thought that he was swimming with a mask. And then it was too late. We were at work, my grandmother was sunbathing there on the beach. We had no reason to live, we were afraid to return home, there was no point in going to work - the one for whom we earned money, for whom we cared, for whom we were happy, whom we loved, was no longer there... And we, unexpectedly for ourselves, grabbed hold of the abandoned child. No, Seryozha is not a replacement for Dimochka, he is his continuation - I can’t explain. Seryozha is a unique personality. Yes, it’s nice for me to compare my sons - it’s nice when Seryozha is like Dimulya, it’s nice to see their differences. It's nice to know that they lived on this earth at the same time, even though they never met. A day after the birth of the unknown Seryozha, Dimochka took second place for the first time in interregional kickboxing competitions in the 84 kg weight category. Even the difference in the brothers' birthdays is only 10 days. I am pleased to admire my youngest son while remembering my eldest.

Personal experience

Natasha Vitenko

Comment on the article "How we adopted a child"

What can I say, well done!

Natalya I admire you!
God bless you!

05/27/2008 12:59:33, Irina

Vera, so little time has passed for you! These are the “vagaries” of adaptation. Come to the conference “Adopted Child” - they will definitely help you cope with the situation!

Total 30 messages .

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