What are the reasons for betrayal? Cheating: essence, reasons, price, recognition Constant absence of husband

Arkady Davidovich

Adultery has always been considered a great sin because it causes great pain and suffering to the partner and often leads to the breakdown of the marriage. This often affects children who perceive their parents’ divorce very painfully. In addition, even if the marriage does not break up, betrayal kills the trust of the spouses in each other, which negatively affects their future life together. Therefore, betrayal is condemned in any society. But despite her condemnation, people, both men and women, have both cheated and continue to cheat on each other. We will talk about why this happens and what to do if your partner, in our case a woman, cheated on you, in this article.

Cheating on a woman is always a strong blow to a man’s self-esteem. For most men, after such an act by a woman, self-esteem immediately drops, performance and activity decrease. However, female infidelity has a number of negative consequences for the woman herself, which she often does not think about when she decides to cheat. First of all, this is a very bad reputation that a woman acquires in the eyes of men by cheating on her man, her husband. Also, by her action, she relieves the man of many obligations to her. For example, she relieves a man of the need to be faithful to her and take care of her in the way that he could do if he knew that she was faithful to him. Of course, in different cases, different men have different attitudes towards their woman’s betrayal, but most often this attitude is extremely negative. Therefore, her betrayal can have the most unfavorable effect on a woman’s future life. Meanwhile, I recommend that men who are faced with female infidelity remain calm and look for new opportunities in what happened, which, believe me, will help you greatly change your life for the better. Yes, yes, for the better. So if your wife, girlfriend, or girlfriend cheated on you, you don’t have to suffer or torment yourself. This action has its positive sides, and I will tell you about them.

So, your woman, wife, girlfriend, girlfriend has cheated on you. And now you want to understand what happened? Your thoughts are confused, cats are scratching at your soul, you cannot find a place for yourself, you are overwhelmed by a variety of negative feelings. All this prevents you from looking at what happened with a calm, reasonable eye in order to decide what you should do next. And what happened is what I believe should have happened - your woman showed you what she is capable of. No matter what prompted a woman to cheat, below I will explain why women cheat, what pushes them to it. The important thing is that your woman cannot resist her desire to enjoy a relationship with another man in order to remain faithful to you. And in some cases, she doesn’t even want it. It shows you what kind of woman you are. And it’s time for you to ask yourself: how suitable is it for you? And speaking even more fundamentally, you need to think about whether you deserve more, or do you have the kind of woman you yourself match? I'm not saying that you are a bad man who deserves to be cheated on. In no case. I just encourage you to think about your own strengths and weaknesses and compare them with the strengths and weaknesses of your woman. This will allow you to make a more informed decision on what you should do - forgive a woman for cheating, or abandon her.

In general, I believe that female infidelity should be treated philosophically. If a woman cheated on you, your wife is a reason for you to think about your life, and perhaps change something in it. What you should change in it depends on what you want from life. If your goal is to create a strong, friendly, reliable and prosperous family in which the spouses will be devoted to each other, then in this case, of course, you need a reliable partner - a reliable woman whom you can trust. Therefore, if your wife is not capable of fidelity, you should separate from her. Don't demand from a person what he is not capable of - just replace him. And if your whole life is a constant pursuit of pleasure, if family values ​​are alien to you, and you yourself are prone to cheating, then think about whether you should worry about your wife’s cheating at all? Think about what you want from life, and it may turn out that a woman's devotion is not so important to you. She cheated on you, but you, in turn, can also live a freer and fuller life, without any obligations to her.

Let's now find out why women cheat on men? It's all about feminine nature, which gives birth to a woman's need to be desired by men. A woman needs to be loved, to be given attention, to be admired, to be cared for, and to be wanted. Therefore, a woman strives to be beautiful in order to attract the attention of men. Her task is to choose the best man and give birth to children from him. Therefore, her instinctive desires are aimed at satisfying precisely this need. If a man, by his nature, strives to impregnate as many females as possible in order to ensure the survival of his species, then a woman, in turn, strives to seduce as many men as possible in order to choose the best, most worthy of them. Everything is very simple. It is our nature, our instinctive needs that drive us. And only our upbringing, our beliefs and the culture we adhere to stop some of us from committing adultery. You understand that without condemnation of such actions, society cannot be stable, and our entire civilization will wallow in fornication and debauchery, thereby destroying itself. But at the same time, we should never forget what needs are hidden within us. You can introduce any punishment for treason, even the death penalty, but there will still be treason, because people are prone to it, both men and women. People will cheat on each other if they cannot or do not want to control their instinctual needs.

Therefore, dear men, if your woman, your wife, cheated on you, it means that she simply could not control her nature, she followed her instincts and gave free rein to her desires. This may not be your fault at all, so don’t blame yourself for anything. Yes, there are cases when a man himself pushes a woman to cheat with his behavior, I will not deny. Each case is individual, so I cannot speak for everyone. But you must remember that women always strive to attract the attention of men, especially if they are beautiful, confident, women without complexes. Look how many married women strive to look beautiful, and some - provocatively beautiful, in order to attract the attention of men and thus feel their importance, feel their strength. Do they all have bad husbands? No. Husbands have absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s all about the nature of a woman, who is who she is, if you don’t instill anything in a woman and don’t limit her in anything. As, indeed, men. So women will always be interested in men, even if they have husbands. And men will be interested in women, even if they have wives. Of course, there are instincts, but there is reason, which both women and men should listen to in order not to commit such actions that will cause pain and suffering to their partner. But a person is too weak to constantly control himself in everything. Therefore, in some ways he will definitely give in.

So is the betrayal of a woman, a wife, in this case, her mistake? Undoubtedly. If she loses more than she gains by following her instincts, then, of course, her betrayal is a mistake. But, first of all, this is still her weakness. This is how a man, having a wonderful, loving, beautiful wife who respects him, who is ready to do anything for him, for some reason cheats on her with some plain-looking girl, following the lead of his natural, and in everyday language, male instincts, thereby killing trust and self-respect, this is how a woman, without any logic, can follow her female instincts and cheat on her man, completely undermining her trust in herself and often thus destroying her family, and with it her happiness. This is all a manifestation of unconscious, instinctive behavior, so it is useless to look for logic here - it’s all about emotional desires that a person does not control with his mind. Or rather, from the point of view of nature, there is logic here. It lies in the desire of women to attract the attention of men, and in another case, in the desire of men to get as many women as possible. All this meets the interests of nature in terms of the reproduction of the human population. So cheating is a natural act for a person. In some ways it is wrong, immoral, ugly, but natural. If a person is too weak to control his instinctual desires, he will cheat, betray, deceive as soon as circumstances push him to do so.

And in order to understand betrayal and possibly forgive it, you need to pay attention not to others, but to your own weaknesses and secret desires and feel their strength. Perhaps you, as a man, as a highly moral person, cannot imagine sex without love, you have never cheated on your woman and therefore it is difficult for you to understand a person who might decide to cheat. In this case, pay attention to your other weaknesses - those that make you not an ideal person, not an ideal man, not an ideal husband. You have them, right? I'm sure there is. Pay attention to them, feel their power, which influences your behavior and makes it imperfect, beyond the control of your mind. Feel what it’s like to be led by your emotions and feelings, doing something that, from the point of view of common sense, should not be done, but has to be done. And then, imagine that exactly the same forces act on those people who cheat on their spouses. And in particular, women can not cope with these forces and cheat on their man, without any logical reason. This will help you understand them. This will help you understand the reason for cheating, which may not affect how you feel about such acts, but will at least give you a better understanding of why people do them.

There is one more important point in female infidelity that you should know about. It concerns the woman's age and her vision of her future. The older a woman gets, the less attention men begin to pay her, and the woman feels this, and it scares her. Not every woman admits that she is afraid of getting old, not because old age itself is scary, but because she is afraid that men, including her own husband, will stop paying attention to her, will stop being interested in her, will stop want her. But this fear lives in a woman, so she is looking for opportunities to get more love and attention from life at a young age, while the demand from men for her is quite high. All these love affairs, affairs, flirting - they all make a woman’s life interesting and joyful. They make her feel alive, in demand, needed, desired. Often women do not need sex so much as they need relationships with other men, especially when their own husbands pay practically no attention to them. They need the attention of a man, they want to be looked after, to be loved, to be wanted. And sex often occurs on the initiative of a man, because it is they who need it more, while a woman needs emotions and feelings more. And the woman gives in - she cheats because she wants not only to take from a man what she needs, but also to give him something in return. At the same time, she can love her husband and her family, but emotions, feelings, instincts are sometimes very difficult for people to cope with.

I do not justify women who cheated on their husbands, I just want to say that in each individual case, a woman can be understood. Perhaps she cannot be forgiven, and you, dear men, are not obliged to do so. But you can understand a woman. So it is not only the desire to have pleasure, but also fear that pushes a woman to cheat. Put yourself in her place and think about how difficult it is sometimes to realize that today you have attention, but tomorrow it may no longer be there, even from your own husband, who may be interested in younger girls. A woman can understand this, or she can feel it instinctively, so she often faces a choice - to take the opportunity to experience new vivid feelings, or to miss them, remaining faithful to her man. And you know, it’s not always easy for a woman to make this choice, no matter how wonderful a person her man or husband is. The subconscious fear that in the future few people will need you, although this, of course, is not a fact, pushes a woman to do crazy things that are illogical from a man’s point of view. But there is logic in them - you just need to understand how a woman feels when she starts a relationship on the side. And in order to understand a woman’s feelings, without being a woman, it is necessary to bring the woman into a sincere conversation, then she herself will tell you everything about her feelings. And since I have been able to do this many times, I am telling you about what sometimes women themselves cannot talk about, because they are not fully aware of the patterns of their behavior and the nature of their desires and feelings.

I think that understanding that a woman does not always consciously commit adultery, taking into account and evaluating all the consequences of her action, will help you, if not forgive, then at least understand your woman, seeing in her betrayal, first of all, weakness. Is it then possible to blame a man, a woman, for her weakness? It's difficult for me to answer this question. After all, there are many weak people, and everyone has their own weaknesses. We can blame people for greed, cowardice, laziness, envy and other negative qualities that are their weakness, but this will not stop them being part of their nature. And I repeat, we are all weak in some way. Therefore, how can we blame other people for their weakness if we ourselves are not perfect? We may be disappointed that a person does not meet our requirements and does not live up to our hopes, but he is who he is - a woman is who she is. If you can find something better, no one is stopping you from replacing it. If you understand that weakness is common to many people, including you, and you are not going to spend your life looking for exactly the one that will suit you in everything - I think you can accept the imperfection of this world, in the person of a woman who is imperfect in her behavior . But it all depends on your attitude towards yourself. If female infidelity hits your pride hard, if you believe that no woman has the right to cuckold you, then you have only one choice - to leave this woman.

And if you want to stay with the woman who cheated on you, your wife, if you love her and she is dear to you, then accept her for who she is. If she loves you, she will not betray you again, and if she doesn’t love you, then think about why and why you should love her? Maybe you don’t love her, but are simply afraid of losing her, and cannot imagine life without her. In this case, you need the help of a psychologist, because if you are emotionally dependent on a person who causes you suffering, you need to get rid of this dependence. Just don’t put your woman in a “golden cage” and limit her in every possible way, for fear that she will cheat on you again. Think for yourself, will this make your life better and you happier? Hardly. You can take possession of a woman's body, but you cannot take possession of her soul and heart without her desire. Therefore, there can be no talk of any love if a man constantly controls his woman and forbids her everything. Love is born only in freedom, and in captivity fear and hatred are born. Therefore, it is better to give a woman freedom and allow her to live the way she wants, deciding for yourself what in her behavior suits you and what does not. There are many people, many women - we can choose with whom we live. I am sure that you will be able to evaluate all the pros and cons of your woman and make a choice acceptable to you - to forgive her for her betrayal or not. The main thing you must understand is that whatever choice you make, it will be the right one. There is no need to look at other people and their actions in similar situations - they have their own values, their own rules, their own vision of life and their own attitude towards women, so their decisions should not affect yours. Think for yourself - what is best for you - to leave the woman who cheated on you, or to forgive her and stay with her.

In this regard, I do not recommend that you limit yourself in anything - live life to the fullest and use all the opportunities presented to you to make your life more interesting and enjoyable, regardless of your internal attitudes. And if you have a new relationship, don’t give up on it, look at life more broadly and take from it everything you need. There are many women, and the nature of a man, as you remember, encourages him to give as many of them as possible his attention. Therefore, if your woman, your wife, does not appreciate your devotion to her, then she does not need it. Of course, I don’t know what value system you adhere to, but I know that you are a man, and you have certain desires that you can and that you need to realize in order to feel like a happier person. It's better than being heartbroken over a woman's infidelity.

From my point of view, if a woman cheats on a man, then by her action she tells him - I relieve you of the obligation to be faithful to me, because I myself cannot be like that. Take advantage of this opportunity, if, of course, such a life suits you, and then you will feel much happier. But if you see that your woman’s betrayal is just a mistake that she really regrets, think about forgiving her. After all, who knows, perhaps someday you will not be able to restrain yourself from some rash act, following the lead of your instincts, and then you will also regret what you did, counting on forgiveness. And if you want to be forgiven, learn to forgive yourself. And betrayal, despite all its pain, can be forgiven. You know, sometimes such experiences only strengthen the family if people draw the right conclusions from their mistakes.

Female infidelity is a severe blow to pride, lowering a man’s self-esteem and his ability to actively and productively interact with the outside world. Due to the established features of the organization of internal space and evolutionary attitudes, it is female infidelity that has more destructive consequences for a joint union. Most often, men are not able to forgive not only betrayal, but even a hint of it, therefore, this event is usually followed by the destruction of relationships. For the woman herself, this results in a damaged reputation and the annulment of any obligations and debts of the man to her. Despite modernity and universally declared equality, the attitude towards sexual freedom in our world remains quite archaic, which makes adultery accessible and sometimes commendable for a man, but practically impossible for a woman.

But it is worth remembering that female infidelity in marriage is an extremely rare thing and usually occurs when the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Despite the possibility of internal pain from a woman’s betrayal, it is worth abstracting yourself and even thanking her for it. The first positive thing you can rely on after the stormy stage of the experience is that you can really look at your companion and your life - betrayal is sobering, and then it becomes noticeable that all this time you have been living with a stranger, that the emotional connection has already disappeared or that your life is overgrown with moss, and you are confidently sliding into the abyss, and the woman does not want to perish because of your inactivity. Having freed yourself from an outdated relationship or concentrated on improving and rehabilitating your life, after some time you will be grateful to the woman for such a vile act.

But such philosophical reasoning requires time, endurance and the ability to understand both the reasons that prompted a woman to change and her own role in order to draw conclusions and avoid mistakes in the future. And even if thunder has not yet struck in your family personally, it is worth finding out how a woman’s infidelity to her husband begins and looks like, so as not to be a provocateur of her own misfortune.

Reasons for female infidelity

It is incorrect to consider betrayal exclusively the prerogative of men; female betrayal of her husband has the same right to exist, the only difference being that women are guided by others and actually cheat less often (although this is precisely the case when quality exceeds quantity). Since the emotional side of communication is more important for a woman, it is unlikely that she will cheat with the first person she meets at the call of her body (which is more understandable to men). A woman will go for emotional intimacy, spiritual contact, betrayal will be more reminiscent of a second family than a fleeting affair, and it will be almost impossible to catch her in this, because guided by concern for the peace of mind of all participants in the triangle, she will very carefully cover her tracks.

Neither stress relief nor excess alcohol will push a woman to cheat if she loves her man, but when there are no more feelings, and then she unexpectedly falls in love, this is a good reason for the woman herself to destroy her previous relationship. This is the most common reason and the most terrible from the husband’s point of view, since there is practically nothing he can do here; people’s feelings cannot be forcibly corrected and cannot be brought back.

To prevent female infidelity in marriage from happening because of a new love, you will always have to be proactive and support the feelings and interest of your companion. There is no need to stop courting after you put on the ring and put the stamp, because someone else will continue to compliment your woman and help with heavy bags at the entrance. Because of such everyday trifles and men's self-confident relaxation, women cease to feel needed, and having received a simple look of admiration in another place, they will want to return there.

But some women do not act on such romantic convictions, but prefer to have a lover solely to satisfy their intimate needs. Those. you are completely satisfied with her as a partner in life and communication, but something is not going well in the intimate sphere, and most women know how traumatic it is for a man to hear criticism or dissatisfaction addressed to him on the topic of dissatisfaction in bed, so they choose to protect your peace of mind, satisfying your hunger on the side.

You should not discount the fact that women endure grievances for a long time, and if, in her opinion, you have not apologized or repented enough, then betrayal may well act as a weapon of revenge, most often for your betrayal, so that it is equivalent and you can feel the same pain. There is no need to talk about the continuation of such relations; everything will be more like a cold war, without the possibility of returning trusting interaction.

Among the not so frequent, but still occurring reasons that push to betrayal are boredom, the desire to feel the romance of the initial period of a relationship, an example taken from the parental family, the desire to get the desired position or promotion. Frequent or long separations can push you to cheat, but it’s a question of how your communication is organized - some couples, living nose to nose, manage not to give their partner due attention, and some, staying online for months, take the relationship to a new level knowledge and depth.

Still, remembering that feelings and intimacy, and even more so relationships, are practically inseparable for a woman, half of the reasons can be prevented if you do not let the interaction take its course and continue to give your woman a feeling of need and love, and by noticing the immediate signs of impending betrayal (in women it rarely happens spontaneously, just like love) turn on quickly. At the initial stage, any husband is able to beat a new admirer, because he is better aware of the weaknesses and tastes of his beloved.

Signs of female infidelity

Doubts about cheating can creep in out of nowhere, driven by a man’s own insecurities, but there are situations when a woman’s behavior changes and makes her think. If the betrayal was a one-time affair under the influence of the moment, then nothing will change in your companion, but if the situation takes on serious turns and a stormy serious romance begins to develop behind your back, then it will have its own peculiar external manifestations.

If previously your lady could absolutely calmly ask to read a message that came to her phone, because her hands were full, she was sitting calmly behind the open chat window when you approached from behind, but now the situation has changed. Passwords appear on communication devices, screens turn off when you are nearby, and when you try to look for yourself, a scandal begins - eloquently indicate the emergence of a secret, and it would be nice if this is a surprise in honor of your anniversary, but it is unlikely.

Changes in appearance for the better are a signal that a woman wants to be liked. The jeans are abandoned, but new stockings have appeared, the makeup is always perfect, and she began to work on her figure for several days in the gym. If there hasn’t been a crisis in her life, even if it’s easy, no one has turned her with a caustic remark towards taking care of herself, and this is done with an alluring sparkle of joy in her eyes, then this is for the sake of someone. Do not rush to draw conclusions from such indirect things; perhaps your wife is trying to return the spark of passion to your relationship, and all ideas of seduction are addressed to you.

The appearance of new friends and companies where she is not going to bring you. But she herself regularly spends time there, especially in the evening, often staying late into the night or even staying the night with girlfriends, justifying it by saying that it was late and drunk to go. If this state of affairs is also supported by cooling in intimacy or even withdrawal from intimacy, then the reason is not at all due to poor health or constant lack of sleep.

This may be followed by a nervous withdrawal of your touches, criticism of actions and statements that previously did not cause negativity. Showing disrespect and lack of treatment as a man, humiliating or diminishing comments indicate an extreme degree of irritation and it would be good for you to get lost in the jungle.

The appearance of excessive busyness, which does not allow her to pick up the phone even on the tenth call, obliges her to return home closer to the night, the frequent mention of one of her colleagues - may be a work emergency, but then she will not be against your help, and will not forbid picking her up late From the job.

Complete indifference to you and the manifestations of your life is a natural sign of a more significant man who has appeared. She no longer worries why you are late - this gives more time for romantic communication, she is not affected by your problems - this no longer affects her life, she is indifferent to quarrels and scandals - it does not matter and waste energy on what is no longer relevant in her life she is not going to. Questions disappear from your wife’s speech, and she answers all yours with indifference and indifference, giving you the right to do as you please.

In principle, at first you can even rejoice at such changes - your woman begins to look great, she can’t stand interrogations and requests to show your correspondence, she doesn’t demand anything (neither reports of where she’s been, nor material things), she approves of all your trips and undertakings, she begins to take care of herself. The model of change looks like a list of men's wishes for their companions, but in reality few people like such coldness and detachment, and the induced beauty and attractiveness turns out to be inaccessible. Although such changes can appear without betrayal on the part of the woman, and even if this is so, they signal that the relationship is under great threat.

And among the more direct signs that you can’t hide from, you can list the appearance of expensive jewelry and perfume, new outfits and phones, without an increase in income. This also includes a woman solving her own problems on her own and becoming increasingly immersed in correspondence, while you can watch her face smiling at the screen. She will come home in the same car, smelling of someone else's men's perfume. But these are no longer signs, this is direct provocation and mockery.

Psychology of female infidelity

Female infidelity may look the same as male infidelity, the frequency and quantity may be the same, but the psychological and motivational aspects will be different, which is determined by the difference in gender psychology. If we start from the basic physiological level and analysis laid down in the subcortex, then men are driven to adultery by the desire to impregnate the maximum number of women for procreation and consolidation of their gene code in the phenotype of a given area. A woman does not strive for fertilization by many, because... from the point of view of the evolutionary survival of the species, one strong male is enough for her to take care of her and the children. This is where the mechanism comes into play, aimed at attracting the maximum number of men, in order to then choose the strongest of them. Those. The natural behavior of a woman is to interest a large number of men.

Cheating begins when the previously chosen man no longer shows himself to be the strongest and most reliable option. He may stop taking initiative or care less about the woman, because... his goal has already been achieved. Here the female mechanism is triggered, saying, as it were, “before he cared best of all, but now he doesn’t - the threat of hunger and death,” and there are many men around, showing their strongest sides in all their glory. The problem is that initially all men carry out a similar PR campaign for themselves, but few are able to express themselves in this way constantly.

Among the psychological aspects that are not so involved in evolution, it is worth noting that a woman always has a desire to be liked, and in a boring way of life, all reactions become predictable, the need to talk about the feelings and exclusivity of her partner disappears, and the woman plunges into a nasty feeling of being useless and forgotten. In such circumstances, melt from a man who elevates her to a shining Olympus (for a while, we remember) organic and natural behavior. You need attention and confirmation of your desirability, of course, it’s better from your husband, but if he only looks at the carburetor, then it doesn’t matter where he gets his support and mood from.

Cheating is a serious step for a woman and such things don’t happen without affecting her soul, and if it happened once on a train, then she will tell this story to her friends ten years later. Also important for a woman is the opinion of society, which condemns female infidelity much more than male infidelity, and a married lady in some places may even be persecuted. Therefore, when deciding to have an affair on the side, a woman will not take the initiative, but if everything is very bad in the relationship with her husband, she will not resist her seduction, appearing in the eyes of a strict public court as a victim of her husband’s lack of love, who fell into the hands of the seducer (the men are to blame, and she clean).

The very concept of cheating has different meanings, and your wife can cheat on you without ever touching another man. Turning a blind eye to such an emotional connection has become habitual and many do not consider communication with men bad, but when a woman tells all her secrets to another, when she asks him for advice and asks him how his day went - you have lost her, and the question is when will she physically disappear It's a question of time. At the same time, intimacy with a stranger can cause a surge and indignation in a man, but for a woman it will not mean anything.

Female infidelity is detrimental to a man’s self-esteem and to the continuation of a relationship, because... there is no lightness or thoughtlessness in it, it is always a serious event based on strong feelings (love for a new partner or for the old one). This frightening feature, however, gives hope, because the possibility of casual relationships is reduced, and options for prevention at the initial stages or even preventing such a development of events are within the capabilities of the interested spouse. A woman will not look around if her official relationship suits her according to the main points that define her.

Not a bad article.
Unfortunately I went through this.
I just got divorced - my wife has two small children in her arms.
Do you know what I expect? When a woman comes and falls at her feet, because... her pride is hurt and even if something didn’t suit her, then betrayal is not an option. The expectation for treason is that the person will come forward and defend it with his actions.
However, for some reason this almost never happens and the cheating party definitely has a reason for cheating.
For some reason, the cheating party is waiting for you to approach her and pursue her. Where does this nonsense come from in the head of the cheating party? due to the presence of resentment in her for this or that….

My friend, I'm sorry, but your woman is an ordinary whore. Not because I changed, no. But because he continues to sleep with you while in a relationship with another man. You are both cash cows for her and she has no real feelings for either of you. And the fact that this is the norm for her speaks of a complete moral failure. There is nothing worse. Think about whether you need such a woman next to you!? There are a lot of free girls and women around, and sometimes even with a child, who lack a strong shoulder next to them. And who are ready to GIVE you warmth and loyalty and love if you become their beloved and only one. Don’t sully your feelings and don’t let anyone trample on them. Live honestly, in harmony with yourself and with the person who is nearby, only this person should be loved by you and love you. And then the word betrayal or treason will never come between you.

Hello! My name is Andrey, 29 years old. Briefly about myself: a family man, no bad habits, I try to spend all my free time with my wife and daughter. He himself never cheated on his wife and never gave him any reason to do so.
My wife cheated on me, as I found out, it lasted six months. Of course, I noticed the initial stages, but I couldn’t believe it. I naively trusted her. One day I couldn’t resist and went into my wife’s phone (for the record, this is not a characteristic of me). When asked what is this? She began to rely on the fact that these were all jokes, in correspondence, she completely stood her ground. She also yelled at me about what a scoundrel I was and how I was messing with someone else’s phone. A couple of days later I said that I talked to her boyfriend and he said that they had everything (in fact, I didn’t talk to him). Here she has already admitted everything. My state at that moment is difficult to describe in words. But I calmed down, thought it over, and decided to talk to her. We talked almost all night. (She herself is a very uncommunicative and closed person) I learned so much, where I made mistakes, (if I knew all this before), after this conversation I seemed to fall in love with her again. But she clearly doesn’t have mutual feelings for me! I even forgave her, I say, let's start all over again. She says she doesn't want to be with me. And he doesn’t hate me and doesn’t feel love either. I ask her, what do you feel about me? She says indifference, although I understand her actions indicate the opposite. Now she has moved in with her parents, because... the apartment is mine, I didn’t kick her out, it was her decision. She sometimes comes, cooks food for me, helps me with housework, we even have sex. She opens up with me as if she were a friend. In one of the conversations I ask, do you love him? She doesn’t speak openly, but from what she says about him, it’s obvious that she loves him. Although he does not reciprocate her feelings, he is a womanizer by nature, she knows this, but still communicates with him.
p.s. This whole situation has changed me extremely, I have changed for the better. I took care of my appearance and began to play sports even more actively. He became better at intimacy, in her words, almost her ideal. But she doesn’t want to return, I don’t insist or ask her to do so. Although here I am tormented by doubts, maybe I should be more active!?
I don’t know what to do with this relationship anymore!? I want to return it, but I don’t know how and whether the game is worth the candle!? Or maybe start building your life anew, with someone else!?
Please help me figure it out!

• Hello Andrei,

  After reading your story, I found many similarities with mine.

  I have been in a civil marriage for eight years now (the last year I have been divorced)
  All these years, only my husband was man number 1, despite the fact that there were no supernatural feelings from the very beginning. He is not an emotional person, but a good family man, father, homely, caring. But he’s not at all sensitive, not affectionate, and in seven years he’s never once uttered the word “I love you” or anything like that.

  Like your wife, I also fell in love with another man, with whom I first communicated for a very long time because of a common hobby.
  When I realized that something was happening to me and that I would soon be unable to resist everything, I tried to reach out to my common-law husband (in the 7th year!)
  No results. The turning point in everything was when, in response to my direct question, “Do you love me?” he replied “I don’t know”...

  Then I no longer resisted temptations and succumbed to feelings. To be honest, I even hoped that everything would pass soon, everything would cool down and maybe everything would work out with my husband after all.

  But unfortunately he was as if under hypnosis. He did not respond to all my “calls”.

  I told him everything myself, because I couldn’t stand this torment. We went for a consultation with a psychologist.
  Somehow, a couple of weeks later, he even blurted out this “I love you” But nothing else happened.

  He then reevaluated everything and decided that although he had made mistakes, I was to blame for the whole situation. What I subjected our entire family to...

  In general, almost 8 months after my confession, he is now moving out of our shared home.
  And during all this time there was not a single attempt to “bring me back” back.
  And I internally wanted this so much! I wanted him to at least fight for me now!
  I felt so unnecessary, so unloved... And I so wanted to hear: “Nasten!!! Let's try everything again! We can do it! I will try!!! I realized everything, forgive me too!!! Let's! I love you very much and I can’t and don’t want to live without you. I do not want to lose you! We will be happy"

  Instead it was: “I’ve already lost you.” You love someone else. Why bother you? I spent everything I had on us, and now I stand with empty pockets. What will I tell my relatives?...”, etc. In general, by, completely by...

  And since he is not an active person, not proactive, he chose not to do anything, so as not to receive a no in response.

  In general, Andrey, fight for your love, if you really love it more than anything else in the world!!! Speak up, show her this! It is very important for women to know and feel loved, desired, in demand, like air.
  If her feelings have not completely cooled down, or maybe have calmed down for a while (from resentment, from disappointment, because of a new person...), you can rekindle the fire.

  At least try! So that you don’t blame yourself and punish yourself later.

  If my husband had immediately taken the bull by the horns, and started to act purposefully and persistently, talk to me about everything, maybe take me to the bottom to spend time with me on an intense level!, then probably everything would not have gone as far as it has now .
  Because at first I also thought that my new chosen one was not a womanizer, but he was not deprived of female attention. But he also fell in love with me like a boy. Now I and he don’t want to cause any harm or pain. Everything is going exactly the way I always wanted. On an emotional level. Time will tell how everything will turn out in everyday life.

  But (so far) nothing else connects me with him except feelings. Neither children, nor housing, nor joint work or business. We have only one wonderful hobby together - and this is not unimportant for the relationship.

  And that is why there is a game going on - who is “stronger”!

  I wish you good luck!!! Happiness and patience! All this is rewarded!!!

  Hello. I don’t know whether my comment will be relevant after a long time, but I want to speak out. I'm very lonely and very stuck on a similar problem. Name is Alexey. About myself: family man, breadwinner, with higher education, no bad habits. In my entire relationship with my wife, I have NEVER cheated or given a reason. I want children, madly... And so in 2008 I met my wife. In 2010, I caught my first betrayal. She was dating my classmate. I accidentally saw the correspondence. They were planning a S..s. in a couple of days. A scandal ensued. She tried to open the veins. I have forgiven. The next attempt at treason was in 2011. The applicant is her sister's friend. I think I made it too. And s..s, it probably didn’t take place. The next attempt crushed me to smithereens. I literally felt the blows of the knives on me. 2015 Cheating with my friend. Lasted for several months. I don’t know whether it was s..s or. We fought a lot at that time. She constantly latched onto the little things. She was very cold. And having another fight, I left home. The next day, I think I’ll sit near her entrance and watch. 40 minutes later I saw my friend Eduard there with flowers. He saw me and ran like a coward. You can't tell me what was going on inside me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I lived separately for a couple of weeks. Scandals, reproaches against me, and complete humiliation of me as a man followed. My friends, a group of about 8 people, turn their backs to me. In this same company, one of the friends was especially important. His name was Slava. I did a lot for him and loved him like a brother. Honestly, as I write, I’m 32 years old... and there are tears in my eyes. I would give a lot for it, just like that. And this Slavik knew about my wife’s betrayal and remained silent. He drank, ate at my house, took my cars, borrowed money, called me BROTHER. - AND WAS SILENT. In this company there was a friend with whom we were not best friends, but he was the only one who supported me. It was he who prevented me from committing terrible acts that crossed my mind. At that time my wife became simply insane. I need to tell you a little about me in this group of friends. Basically, I'm a leader. I always organized everything. I collected everyone. And he helped everyone. In addition to my work, I played around a lot and achieved a lot. My friend Eduard (32 years old) is the complete opposite of me. I am athletic, blond. He is a pear-shaped, balding Jew. He himself is a lack of initiative, lazy person who lives with his mother. What can we say about him... if he had a loan of 500 BUCKS for 2 years at that time. He, the bastard, is having a secret affair with my wife. And he asks me for money to cover the penalty. That's how it is. WHAT AM I? I forgave her once again. Why? Because I love. You know? I was involved in a lot of different businesses, and everyone says that if you are a successful businessman, then you are not a decent person. Maybe this is about me. But in relation to family and friends, I am SINCERE and HONEST. I have never abandoned anyone in difficult times, or refused help... At the end of 2015, after 7 civil marriages, I proposed to my wife. We got married in 2016. Now we live together. I love her too, but there is no trust. Now everything seems to be fine... but! Intimacy is tense. She does it like a robot, but doesn’t bother too much. No children. It's not working yet. But she doesn't work on this. Now, lately, it has become difficult to communicate again. Misunderstandings, confrontations and clashes. Constantly “bites” me. And the same thing, “I’m bored,” she says. You're not a romantic. Yes. I must admit, I am not a romantic. For me, it is much more important to feed her, clothe her, and monitor her health. Go on vacation with her, furnish her apartment, buy her a car. To which she recently said. “You bought me a car so I could earn more...”

Hello! I am 32 years old. Several years ago I dated a married man (he was divorced, but lived with his wife). We separated several times. After each breakup, time passed, he appeared again in my life. He said that he loved me, I left everything and everyone, and met him again. But as soon as I plunged headlong into him again, he said that he could not promise me anything at the moment. I kept hoping for something, waiting. This was repeated three times and lasted for several years. My psyche couldn't stand it. The last breakup was even harder. There was absolute apathy towards everything. I lost faith in men in general. A year after breaking up with him, I met a guy who, it seemed to me, fell in love. We understood each other from half a word to half a glance. I start a sentence, he continues. In general, everything is great. And then the ex appears. He says he left his wife and wants to be with me. I say that I am in a relationship, and I don’t believe him anymore, although somewhere in the subconscious I was expecting actions from him that would get me. No action. I’m getting married and giving birth to a baby (he’s six months old now). Constant quarrels begin with my husband over everything. Not only do we not read each other’s thoughts, but even if we explain it in words, we don’t understand it. We fight constantly. I stopped feeling like a woman with him. We began to communicate less, intimacy is rare, courtship and compliments are zero. I developed an inferiority complex. I decided to go with my child to my parents in another city for a week, and I meet my ex there. Word by word, everything flares up again. A couple of days ago, I slept with him. It turns out that he returned to his wife again, allegedly because of his daughter, and he doesn’t know what we should do now. He says we need to think everything over before taking the decisive step, but for now he suggests just dating. But I catch myself thinking that he deceived me again. Since the moment we met, I have been tormented by the feeling of guilt that I am cheating and betraying my husband (even before sex occurred). The feeling of guilt intensifies, I can’t get it out of my head that I betrayed him. I no longer know which of them I love or whether I love them at all. I would like to continue to stay with the baby with my parents, but I understand that this cannot go on forever and I need to somehow decide what to do next. I have a cry for help!
Please help me find the right solution and understand myself. I feel helpless and confused. Sorry if I presented it too chaotically.

• • Good afternoon Thanks for the answer and interesting articles! You write, do not support quarrels. But I no longer know how to communicate with my husband. When I try to tell him something, that I don’t have enough of his attention, I need help, I want communication, etc., he doesn’t take hints. I repeat again after a while, again no results. As a result, I break down and start telling him off, and he tells me that you can’t say it normally, you’re just nagging me. When I propose to discuss the problem and find a solution together, he again perceives all my statements as accusations and reproaches. Therefore, I no longer know how to discuss something painful with him, because in any case I will remain guilty. How to communicate so as not to hear that I’m a chainsaw, but also to solve the problem? I am with my child all day and I want to communicate with him. We used to be able to chat until the middle of the night, but now he comes and clicks the TV remote and says he's tired. But he doesn’t see that I’m tired. I tried to praise him, show how important it is that he is with me, how good I feel with him, but all this is unilateral. He himself will never praise me, he won’t notice that I’m tired. It scares me that our communication is coming to naught. I start digging into myself, what’s wrong with me? How to find a compromise with your husband?

    • Vika, do you want to improve your relationship with your husband? Start “feeding” him emotionally - adding positive emotional strokes, without demanding anything for yourself in return. Start giving compliments yourself, giving smiles, helping, praising, saying words that emphasize the importance of this person. This is the only way you will achieve your goal of being desired. Breaking down and expressing painful things is a losing tactic.
      “I’m with my child all day and I want to communicate with him. We used to talk until the middle of the night." – Men are designed in such a way that their talkativeness manifests itself during the period of courtship or when a woman is interesting to him. Expand your social circle, don’t focus only on your spouse.

Male infidelity hardly surprises anyone, and in some cultures polygamy is even considered acceptable. Fewer and fewer representatives of the weaker half of humanity believe in the devotion of their spouses. Society treats female infidelity in a completely different way, and yet today this phenomenon is gaining momentum. Why do wives cheat on their husbands? We will look at the reasons for this in this article.

Sex and love

So why do wives cheat on their husbands, what makes them commit such immoral acts? There are two main reasons for this: new love and the desire to take revenge on the husband. Moreover, in most cases, female infidelities occur in dysfunctional families, while men tend to “go to the left” even when they consider their marriage to be quite successful. For a man, love and sex are not the same thing, but for the fair sex these concepts are inseparable.

By and large, women cannot imagine sex without love and commitment. Married ladies, all the more, will not behave inappropriately, unless they have a sufficiently compelling reason for it. Sex for a woman is not just a process of intercourse, but something very significant, one might even say spiritual.

What is cheating for a woman?

Female infidelity rarely occurs spontaneously. Most often, ladies decide to do this only after they have carefully thought and weighed everything. At the same time, we can say that cheating on her husband for a representative of the fairer sex is in some sense a desperate step. Usually, only when family well-being is not visible and there is no faith in a happy marriage, a woman is able to decide to cheat. This is why wives cheat, because sometimes this scenario seems to be the only way out of the current situation for a woman.

And if a man who has acted in the same way can return home to his family as if nothing had happened, then for a woman, as a rule, there is no turning back. From the moment of betrayal, she is seized by new feelings, and there may no longer be room in her heart for her once beloved husband. The world she is used to is collapsing, everything becomes different, different - for real.

Lack of attention from husband

The answer to the question of why wives begin to cheat on their husbands can be found in the depths of female psychology. One of the reasons for unsuccessful marriages may be cooling in the relationship between the spouses. This often happens when over time they get tired of each other and begin to move away. When a husband does not pay enough attention to his wife, she feels abandoned, unhappy and unloved.

Loss of mutual interest, reluctance to give in, or find a compromise - these are not all the possible options for the deterioration of relations in a couple. Over time, in such a family the situation may become tense, the spouses will quarrel and conflict over various trifles. Eventually, the husband becomes so distant from his wife that he simply stops noticing her. He does not pay attention to her, spends more and more time with friends, prefers to work on his car or play computer games. Unfortunately, a man simply ceases to be interested in his wife as a woman. It’s understandable why wives cheat in such an environment.

Is it the woman's fault?

Many women, when they get married, forget about their belonging to the fair half of humanity. Previously, they tried to be beautiful and charming, but now, when the marriage has already taken place, they turn into nondescript housewives, and their outfits are aprons and dressing gowns. However, there is nothing wrong with this, especially since family life requires its sacrifices, but nevertheless, a man may be little attracted to the curlers on the head of his chosen one. As a result, a woman becomes less desirable to her man, which leads to many disagreements that occur in married couples.

In fact, all of the above, rather, may be the reason for male betrayal or even leaving the family. But if you are looking for an answer to the question of why wives cheat on their husbands, these factors should also be considered. The prerequisites for such female behavior lie precisely in the lack of attention of husbands to their other halves.

Constant absence of husband

Sometimes it happens that a woman seems to take care of herself and looks quite attractive, and her man loves her and idolizes her. But even in such families, not everything always goes smoothly. So why do wives cheat on their husbands, what is the reason for this behavior? In this case, a woman may lack the attention of her beloved husband due to the fact that he is constantly absent from home. He tries to provide for his family, earns a living and is often forced to go on business trips, attend business negotiations, or simply stay late at work. The woman understands that this is necessary and appreciates her caring husband, but she still feels lonely.

At such moments, another man may appear in a woman’s life, one who can be nearby, who will be able to give what she lacks: warmth, care and love. Cheating occurs because this other man is nearby and with him the woman feels needed by someone.

Revenge on husband for cheating

In the modern world, women quite often betray their husbands in retaliation for the betrayal they committed. They act on the principle of “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” thinking that this is the best way to punish a traitor. It often happens that an offended lady can cheat on her husband with the first man she comes across.

Revenge is a dish best served chilled. But why do wives cheat on their husbands in response to their betrayal, if by doing so they only aggravate the situation and, in addition to their spouses, also harm themselves? Of course, not everyone will take such a step, because a man is able to forgive his soulmate anything, but not betrayal. Even if he says that everything is fine, or does not find out about the betrayal at all, the woman will no longer be able to remain the same. She will always remember her betrayal, for which she will blame her husband, and will also despise both him and herself for this.

Looking for new sensations

Unfortunately, the relationships of many married couples eventually reach a dead end and become somewhat gray and monotonous. Both men and women may lack drive, that feeling that captured them at the very beginning, when they first met and realized that they loved each other. But each new day becomes more and more similar to the previous one, and the fire of their feelings gradually fades away. Such a family is held together by children; the spouses are already accustomed to each other and are even sure that their love is mutual. But something is missing.

A woman who knows her husband like the back of her hand, when her husband becomes predictable, seeks new sensations. This is the answer to the question of why wives cheat. Scientists' opinions on this matter boil down to elementary physiology. As feelings weaken, the body's production of certain hormones, the presence of which makes a person happy and content, also decreases. Sometimes, in search of thrills, a woman can cheat on her husband.

Sexual dissatisfaction

Often the reason for a woman’s infidelity lies in her husband’s inability to satisfy her sexually. However, the reasons for this may be due to other factors. For example, certain living conditions do not allow spouses to be alone when they want. Also, a similar problem can arise in a large family. In the end, a woman may decide to cheat in order to diversify her sex life and fulfill unrealized sexual fantasies. It’s banal, but this happens too.

What's the point of looking for someone to blame in such cases? It is more correct to think not about why wives cheat, but about how to prevent it. If a married couple has any difficulties sexually, then they need to look for ways to solve them, because cheating will not solve these problems, but will only aggravate them and add new ones.

A woman who believes she deserves better

This reason for betrayal is perhaps the most inexplicable. However, here, rather, all of the above factors are at play - a little of everything. These are cases in which a woman is not satisfied with the marriage for various reasons, but she is also not ready to get a divorce. A woman may have a psychological attitude that she deserves better, consider herself in some sense free, so she provides herself with almost unlimited opportunities for maneuver. For her, marriage is just a social status. When trying to understand why wives cheat on their husbands on vacation or on a business trip, you should not lose sight of this factor.

Having cheated, such a woman does not feel guilty and even considers her behavior to be completely natural. Such an emotional attitude is initially dangerous, because a man, feeling that he is not appreciated, can also begin to behave accordingly.

Why wives cheat on their husbands. Scientists' opinions

Finally, it is worth citing here a few excerpts from the results of various studies on the topic of betrayal. Thus, it is quite obvious that women who are unhappy in marriage cheat more often - compared to prosperous families, in such couples, affairs on the side occur 2.6 times more often. The likelihood that a sexually unsatisfied wife will betray her husband increases by 2.9 times. From these statistics it is clear why wives cheat on their husbands, the reasons are always the same. And here are the statistics about those men with whom unfaithful wives have affairs:

• 12% - a guy who made advances in a public place;
• 20% - old friend;
• 13% - former;
• 10% - colleague;
• 1% - one of her man's friends;
• 44% - someone else.

British scientists surprised us by saying that women cheat more often than men. However, representatives of the fairer sex value their reputation as a “good wife” and also prefer not to brag about their adventures. They are much more careful and sophisticated both in the betrayals themselves and in hiding their tracks.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, people face all sorts of difficulties in their family life. Both husbands and their significant other cheat. But if everything is more or less clear with men, then why do wives cheat? The psychology of human relationships, which has been formed over the centuries, has established a woman as a faithful guardian of the family hearth. Betrayal itself contradicts her essence, because by betraying her husband, she betrays her family, her children and even herself.

After cheating, there is no turning back for a woman. She will always remember her action and is unlikely to be able to look her husband in the eyes as before. Obviously, both men and women need to work on marriage and relationships. Married couples should solve all problems and difficulties that arise together, together, and then, perhaps, no one will have a reason to cheat.

Instructions

The most common reason for going left is boredom. After several years of family life, everything repeats itself, every day is similar to the previous one. There are no longer bright feelings, they have dulled, there are no surprises, since everything about the partner is familiar. And this causes a feeling of hopelessness. In such a family, both a man and a woman can change. Often they do not seek to destroy the union, but simply want to brighten up their lives a little. Cheating sometimes even helps to unite the family, because after this the partner feels guilty and shows more love for loved ones.

Lack of love is the second most popular reason for divorce. This can manifest itself in different ways, for example, a life partner is too keen on work or children, he does not have enough strength for his loved one when he really needs support and understanding. If there is no mutual pastime, and declarations of love have replaced reproaches and demands, the likelihood of adultery increases greatly. And often these are not casual affairs, but serious romances that can lead to unpredictable consequences.

Cheating can be an accident. Representatives of the stronger sex often find themselves in such situations, when alcohol and a pleasant atmosphere simply encourage relaxation. And if at this moment a beautiful stranger appears, he may succumb to her charms. The next day, even her face will become a mystery to him, but the fact of betrayal will remain. This is called an accident due to external circumstances. Usually they don't tell anyone about such things.

Refusal of intimacy by one spouse can also push the other to cheat. Some women try to manipulate their partner by denying him intimate contact. At first this can be very effective, but after a while the spouse will begin to look at other women. It turns out that the wife herself pushes him into her arms. Of course, it also happens the other way around, when a man refuses to fulfill his marital duties, and his companion seeks pleasure, but such options happen much less frequently.

Treason for revenge is also a common occurrence. If one spouse begins to cheat, the other may also decide to try a similar method of relaxation. This is how they take revenge for insults, for the inability to get what they want, or for mutual reproaches. Each act on the side becomes a moment of revenge, which, perhaps, no one will know about, but the inner pride will be satisfied.

And then there are people who simply cannot live with just one partner. They always need variety, experiments and unusual sensations. They never stop looking for something new, and the passion for love adventures is in their blood. When meeting such a person, it is already clear that you should not expect fidelity, so in a relationship with him you will have to turn a blind eye to many things.