How to make yourself happy. How to be happy with yourself

Miracle: monitoring your life IMPORTANT: if you do not regularly monitor the slightest changes in your life, what you expect may not happen in it. Based on this, you should analyze daily how close you are to your desired goal, especially the main one.

But in every joke, as you know... Let’s remember the statistics of depression, the number of alcoholics, drug addicts and other addicts, hundreds of crazy sects, or type into Google a list of prohibited drugs. We will see a huge number of different, more or less harmful drugs used by humans at all times. If people knew how to enjoy life, would they really poison themselves with this rubbish?

Maybe we just don't have enough wisdom to start enjoying life?

Why doesn't wise advice help?

Dance like no one can see you
Sing like no one can hear you
Love as if no one hurt you
Live like it's heaven on earth!

Can you do this? I have no! How many times have we heard wise advice: live for today, rejoice in what you have... And it doesn’t work out. Well, maybe for five minutes, that's all. Then they remember urgent matters, unresolved problems, the political situation in the world, or something equally important and urgent. And to be happy about what you can’t eat. It's impossible to live in the present.

But why? Where to look for the answer to this eternal question?

And we are looking! We are looking for complex explanations, looking for deeply hidden reasons for our eternal mental restlessness.

In fact, the answer lies under our noses, and we know it, but for some reason we don’t want to admit it. Or we don't want to see it.

Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal to you a secret Divine principle, or tell you profound parables about how a person needs nothing but white pants and the energy of the sun. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm just looking for a reasonable explanation for our inability to live for today and be happy with what we have.

Common explanations for lack of peace of mind:

I divided them into two groups, although in many ways they overlap and merge.

1. Explanation one:

The man is missing something!

What are you missing? Love, money, fame and spirituality? Peace or adventure? Respect from others? Authorities?

The famous guru Osho once answered reporters: there are so many rich and famous among my students because they have nothing else to hope for. The poor live in the hope that one day their lives will improve, but the rich no longer have this hope!

Or maybe you lack self-realization, which is fashionable today? Someone very aptly noted: knowing many self-realized people, I would never call them happy!

So what are you missing? And do you really believe that having received this, you will be able to enjoy life today?

2. The second popular explanation: something is bothering the person!

What's stopping you? Environmental pollution? Bad weather? Or maybe the government, secret societies and the wrong world order?

Wars ended, governments changed, living standards rose. Has there been more happiness?

Perhaps psychological trauma, past problems, phobias, and fears are interfering? The inability to enjoy life was attributed to birth traumas, problems of past lives, and incorrect alignment of the stars.

Logic tells us: remove the problem and the person will become happy, but is this so? Psychologists have learned to relieve many acute problems, but has this made their patients joyful and carefree?

Is it all stress?

In recent decades, it has become fashionable to blame everything on stress. Any problem is to blame for the modern way of life, the crazy rhythm, environmental pollution........ Before, the leaves rustled, the birds sang, and people were calm as in paradise.

Two and a half thousand years ago, Buddha stated: Man is always in a state of anxiety!

Not worrying about something, but always worrying!

But in India two and a half thousand years ago there was no news on TV, millions of cars and a crazy modern lifestyle.

But the reason is very simple!

The task of making a person happy was not part of the plan for the creation of the world.

Sigmund Freud.

Of course you know her. And I know her. But I don’t like her, and you probably don’t either. But despite the fact that the reason is obvious, it has not yet become generally accepted, since everyone prefers more romantic explanations. But it is difficult to cure a disease by making an incorrect diagnosis.

And the reason is that the absence of inner peace is our natural state! Man is a complex system, and eternal anxiety is an integral property of this system. Yes, yes, I want to say that the constant feeling that something is missing, something is annoying, something is wrong.... this is the natural state of the system called man!

I call this property:

BUILT-IN DISSATISFACTION.

Rave? Or a long-known, banal truth?

Just think about it for a minute.

Every time we feel internal discomfort, we ask ourselves - what’s wrong? and looking for the reason. But there is nothing to look for, just dissatisfaction, this is the normal state of our brain, body, soul or whatever you believe in. All those who want our soul and wallet are pressing on this pain point. Listen to the lecture of our guru, believe in our prophet, buy a new iPhone and you will immediately feel good!

Of course it won’t, we know that, but hope dies last. Hope to get rid of constant inner anxiety and find happiness!

Of course, everyone is lucky in their own way, depending on heredity, upbringing and other factors that are taken into account in such cases. The lucky ones experience only a slight itch (something I'm missing), while for others this eternal feeling of anxiety and DISSATISFACTION leads to alcoholism, depression and even suicide.

In fact, everything is not so gloomy at all, and being in a good mood, it seems to us that it has always been this way and will always be so!! But the way our brain works is that the opposite is also true. When we feel bad, we feel bad...! And it seems that there will be no light.

Often, looking back, we cannot understand why some nonsense excited us so much, and why we had to waste so much nerve. And of course, this won’t stop us from being nervous and worried again and again tomorrow, for a variety of reasons.

Our rational thinking is never ready to admit this eternal anxiety as unreasonable and always finds reasonable explanations for it. But this anxiety, this DISSATISFACTION is the state in which we are doomed to find ourselves very, very often. Because this is how we are structured and this is a property of the system!

Without special reasons for joy, a dose of alcohol or drugs, it will be difficult for you to beg your wonderful brain for a little peace and serenity.

Fortunately, there are always traffic jams on the road.
Sergey Fedin

Logic tells us that if everything is in order in life, then you should rejoice and be happy. But this is our human logic, who said that it is correct? Who said that people should be happy? We are perfectly adapted to survive in the most difficult situations, to fight for distant ideas, to deny ourselves everything for the sake of a mythical future, but not to enjoy life today! This property is not built into us, it is not adapted.

Of course I don't know why. But I will give a few hypotheses as an example.

Did the one who created us care about our happiness?

The darkness of low truths is dearer to me than the deception that elevates us.

A.S. Pushkin

1. So the first hypothesis: Divine!

As some believers explain, Almighty God specifically created us so spiritually and physically imperfect, so that we could work on ourselves, learn to enjoy life, and thank Him for everything, and so on... Those who are seriously ill or just at least Once I experienced the torment of causeless and senseless depression, this explanation is not very comforting, but are we able to understand Divine logic? Also among some believers, the idea is popular that this world is specially created for suffering in order to deserve bliss in the next world.

Well, who likes what.

2. Hypothesis two: alien

The Bible Lands Museum in Jerusalem displays ancient Sumerian tablets. One of the tablets describes how the Gods descended from heaven and were forced to work hard. They soon got tired of it, rebelled and created people for hard work. According to one version, they bred us by mixing their genes with the genes of monkeys living on earth. In the image and likeness. In many cultures from the Hindus to the Aztecs, there are myths about Gods descending from heaven on chariots of fire. So, during experiments with our genes, these alien gods obviously did not care much about our peace of mind. They were creating a workforce and human happiness was the last thing on their mind.

3. Hypothesis three: blind evolution

As we know, the fittest survive, and the ability to enjoy life from morning to night was obviously not necessary for the survival of our species. Therefore, blind selection simply rejected this ability. While overly cheerful tribes danced carefree around the fire, our neurotic ancestors killed and froze the next mammoth in the glacier, in reserve, just in case. They carved more stone spears and built traps for predators. So we became what we became, and others died out without a care. And after that you complain of nervousness and anxiety?

Perhaps in the future, scientists will come to the conclusion that this eternal dissatisfaction was one of the main reasons for the transformation of our ape-like ancestors into modern people. Once upon a time, somewhere in the African savannah, a group of mutants appeared - monkeys who were always dissatisfied with everything. Instead of living like normal animals, they constantly grumbled, quarreled, found no place for themselves, and gradually deteriorated to the point of loss of fur, walking upright, and that unintelligible muttering that we call speech.

You can come up with many more hypotheses, but that’s not the point. In Pelevin, for example, vampires specially bred people to produce a special energy of suffering, while in Lukyanenko, light ones are recharged with positive human emotions, and dark ones with negative ones.

So let's summarize:

People often experience causeless anxiety and a variety of mental discomfort, not because they lack something or because something is bothering them, but because this is a natural property of our brain and/or body and/or soul . When something hurts, all our attention is focused on it. It seems that a tooth or an ear or a heel will pass and life will get better. But it doesn't work. The pain goes away, but peace does not come. At least for a long time. Internal discord is returning. We feel like there's something wrong with us. We begin to look for the reason. But everything is fine with us, and the reason is ourselves, our device. How much paper is wasted to explain to us that we think wrong, behave stupidly and do not understand anything at all. Not true! We all understand, but we can’t do anything about it! And another bestseller with yet another rules for a serene and happy life will not help. Will not help!

Imagine that you bought a car. Her motor is too loud. You go to a car service center and they fill you with new oil - the noise subsides for a week. You drive to another place, they change your gaskets, they knock on the engine, and they dance ritual dances around the car. Everything helps, but not for long. In the end, they tell you the truth - all cars of this model have engines that work this way. This is not a breakdown, this is a property of the system!

But you can change the car, but what do you do with yourself?

Maybe... if he wants!

Is it possible to feel carefree, serenity, lightness, joy, if not constantly, then at least regularly? Without cocaine and its relatives. After all, sometimes we feel this and not necessarily having good reasons for it. Just a beautiful day, a pleasant breeze, and suddenly our nervous system does us a favor and gives us a portion of causeless joy.

But not for long. So as not to get used to it. But she can! Our body can! Why doesn't he want to? Why doesn't our brain give us these sensations more often? This is exactly what I wrote above. Our brains are great at rewarding us for our achievements. Short. For a couple of hours or a couple of days. Somewhere in the head there is a reward mechanism hidden, a kind of hormonal greedy that gives us hormones of joy when, in its opinion, we deserve it. Like an experimenter rewarding a monkey with a drop of sweet syrup for pressing the correct button. And we, dreaming of lasting happiness, are trying to rape this mechanism. It is designed to reward evolutionarily beneficial behavior, to push forward all the time.

But we don’t deserve causeless, long-term joy!

Well, let us again recall the classic words of the famous Russian biologist, breeder Michurin:

We cannot wait for favors from nature; taking them from her is our task!

If hopes for the continued development of modern technologies come true, then in 20-30 years geneticists will be able to improve the future child’s health and level of intelligence, as well as the ability to enjoy life. Or maybe even earlier, when compatible microchips are implanted in our heads, we, using a convenient control panel, will regulate our emotions as we please.

Are the kids losing their minds again? I set the level of indifference to maximum. And now it’s time to get angry, press the button and it’s done. Well, for now this remains in the vague future, we will have to make do with the considerable amount that is already available.

Old, notorious, unoriginal

So we came to the sad but inevitable conclusion that our body itself will not give us lasting joy and carefreeness. Somewhere there is always this hope that things will really get better. But it won't. It won't happen on its own. Just like a six-pack on your stomach and a slender, beautiful figure will not suddenly appear. You'll have to sweat, no matter how cheesy it sounds. I don’t know any wonderful recipes, but I have some thoughts on this matter. Without magic pills and spiritual laws of success. Fortunately, I'm not the first to think about this.

The greatest classic of Sanskrit literature is the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. This work is at least brief, and no more than ninety-five percent of what is written there can be discarded as the delirium of a fevered brain. The rest is gold of the highest standard.

Aleister Crowley

Firstly, we have a useful inheritance inherited from our ancestors. The practices of meditation, yoga, qigong and many others have evolved over thousands of years. And serious research confirms that regular practice of the same yoga significantly improves mental well-being.

Secondly, psychologists, having received fantastically effective reinforcement in the form of fMRI machines, are constantly conducting promising research on the topic of happiness. And much of this is already being applied in practice. Including the concept of “flow states”, which is increasingly used by specialists.

A lot of practical developments and many psychotechniques are available everywhere today. Tens, hundreds. More or less effective. Everyone has heard about them. Many people have read about them. Some were studying.

As always happens, a mountain of useless books with big titles, films, courses, trainings has grown around these techniques... All kinds of sects present these psychotechnics as Divine exclusives with copyright. But the secret is simple: our brain can be trained! Our body, our feelings, our thoughts can be trained!

The problem is that almost no one does this all the time, and it doesn’t work any other way!

Practice

Those who run in the morning die young 10 times less often than everyone else. This is because there are 10 times fewer of them than everyone else!

The famous psychology professor with the unpronounceable surname Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in his classic book “Flow, the Psychology of Optimal Experience,” cites interesting statistics: teenagers who participated in studies received THREE times more pleasure from playing basketball than from watching TV. And these same teenagers spent FOUR times more time watching TV than playing games!!! The same dependence is observed in adults. Paradox?

Have you ever done the exercises suggested by the authors at the end of a chapter or book? I have never!! Even from authors I adore and respect. Well, it doesn’t work out and that’s it. In order to change something you need a coach. Good trainer and constant training. Coach, how fashionable it is to say these days. Which will help fill your life with interesting, important, useful things. And the main thing is to regularly give a kick to make this happen! Without platitudes and clichés about spiritual growth. Where can I find such a trainer? Search, search, search. After going through a dozen useless talkers, in the end you will find someone truly useful.

Life is wonderful if you choose the right antidepressants

For years I bought books without spending money on food or clothes

From the series of tips “Become happy yourself”,
fools who only give vain hope.
All this wisdom only creates bedlam in my head
The secret turned out to be simple:
"Cipralex" ten milligrams per day.

Today, residents of most countries have access to the wonders of pharmacology. Billions of dollars spent over decades of research provide the inhabitants of the 21st century with a huge selection of mood-correcting drugs, for almost every taste and with minimal side effects. It is only important to find a good specialist who will help you choose the drug that is right for you. Antidepressants will not turn you into an absolutely happy person, but they will significantly reduce the severity of the problem. And according to research, the most effective is a combination of psychotherapy and medications.

There are many more methods, techniques and research that can significantly improve the mental well-being of sapiens exhausted by senseless neuroses. Danish Hygge, Indian Tantra deserve close study, and in any culture there is certainly something to learn. Only all this information is completely useless for ordinary users, like any wisdom that we conveniently forget the next day after reading. There has long been a need to organize coach-psychotherapists, whose specialization will be helping to improve the emotional quality of life. Not a solution to psychological problems, but rather training skills for a more interesting and joyful life. A kind of mental sport. Individually and in groups, and even via Skype. Their task will be to study everything that can be useful in this area, organize it into a clear system and hammer these skills into the everyday life of their careless students.

To sum it up:

If you eat everything and don't exercise, you will become fat.

If you live as you live and do nothing, you become depressed.

Of course, I want to solve the problem of the joy of life once and for all - to find a unique technique, a magic pill. But the trouble is that our dissatisfaction is not a problem for which there is a specific solution.

This is a property of the system!

With constant effort and an experienced coach, you can greatly improve your ability to enjoy life, but try to stop exercising and the results will disappear faster than a six-pack!

On June 1/14, the Church honors the memory of the holy righteous John of Kronstadt - the All-Russian priest beloved by the people, who showed the beauty of life with Christ and in Christ in the years when many turned away from Christ and His Church. Human happiness then, at the turn of the 19th-20th centuries, was seen in the establishment of an exclusively earthly, materially abundant life, and Father John never tired of reminding us of something else: happiness is in Christ, in fulfilling His commandments. We will not forget about this today, in the 21st century.

Peace is wholeness, health of the soul; the loss of peace is the loss of mental health.

Sometimes, after completing something, we feel not satisfied, but quite the opposite - oppressed and depressed. Sometimes things don't go the way we expect, and there can be many reasons for this. And yet one of the most important ones is unrealistic expectations.
They can come from anywhere. But most often they come from the outside - from other people, for example. This prevents us from adequately perceiving the results of our activities, and therefore enjoying them. How you can avoid this, read on:

1. Focus on actions, not results.
Focusing only on results is the surest way to get depressed. After all, the results are something that you and I cannot influence in any way.
You need to focus primarily on your actions, because this is something that only you and no one else controls.
Instead of worrying about the results, think about what you did wrong and why the results were not what you imagined. Only this should not be simply self-blame: “If only I had done this…”, but a competent, reasonable analysis.

2. Don't take things too seriously
We often bring ourselves to such a state that all things begin to upset us, we worry that something is not working out, and we become depressed. Treat all your actions, both achievements and failures, lightly, with a bit of humor. This is just a moment in your life, and soon it will disappear into eternity. To escalate the atmosphere means to get bogged down more and more in a negative situation, to cut off your exits. Just be free, imagine these circumstances as a game from which you can always exit; Another way is to find pleasure in what you do. Feel how easy it is to breathe deeply.

3. Don't compare yourself to others
Recent research has shown that most people don't care as much about how much they earn as they do about how much they earn compared to others and how they appear to others. It is in human psychology to compare oneself with others. Matching usually develops in only two scenarios:
You punish yourself for being worse than someone else.
You assert yourself at the expense of someone who is worse than you. The danger here is that the fall will be even more painful.
Don't compare yourself to others, but learn from them, set your goals and take your actions.

4. Focus on pleasing yourself, not others.
Another major cause of stress is constantly worrying about what others think of us. Trying to meet other people's expectations, we live someone else's life. While ours is irrevocably gone.
Follow your ideals, do only what you want, and it doesn’t matter how others look at it.

5. Cultivate an abundance mentality
A scarcity mentality is when you believe that opportunities and chances are limited, and someone else's luck is a minus chance for you. The more lucky and successful people around you, the worse you feel. An abundance mentality believes that opportunities are unlimited, resources are inexhaustible, and there is a place for everyone. Then other people's successes will no longer be losses for you.

6. Make failure your friend
Failure is a normal part of a successful life. In fact, it is a friend of successful people. Does it sound strange?
Firstly, failures do not happen to those who do nothing, namely, to passive, amorphous people. The more you do, the more failures, refusals, breakdowns, emergency situations. And all this is your invaluable experience.

7. Looking back
Moving forward is a good position, but sometimes looking back is also useful. This is an opportunity to evaluate your achievements, realize your successes, and take into account your mistakes. And feel how far you've come.

8. Cultivate enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is the main thing that drives us in life. It can be difficult to maintain it, but the more difficult the task, the more you want to solve it. Catch this passion, don’t let it go, don’t let obstacles extinguish it.

9. Service.
If a person works only for money, his goal is only his own well-being. This goal does not bring him joy, it robs his life. By investing service to humanity - a mission - in our activities, we become better and richer in all respects, expanding our borders.

10. Idea.
Your own cool idea is drive, intrigue, great interest and exciting uncertainty. How will I cope? How will I get out? What can I come up with? What will be the result?

11. Persistence. Finish what you start.
Overcome failures, mistakes, disbelief, condemnation, snide remarks, pressure. Break through any obstacles. Be it the opinions of others or a dung heap. Be persistent.

12. Stagedness.
Remember, both the long and short path starts with a single step - step No. 1. It needs to be done. And then... Anything can happen along the way. Bad mood, negative emotions. Our task is to overcome the path step by step, regardless of the weather and state of mind. “Eat the elephant in small portions.” Regularly. Daily.

13. Labor. Any result is the result of invested effort, emotions, and time.
We know that nothing comes easily, without effort. Success is work, sometimes hard work. This is not a call to become a workaholic. And a call to hard work.

14. Focus. Choose one thing, focus, concentrate on it.
Targeted actions are faster, more reliable, more effective. Why spray?

How many people can affirmatively say that they are satisfied and happy? Probably quite a bit. Everyday everyday life absorbs, and there is very little time left for awareness of existence. In order to complete the planned work, you have to burden yourself and even force yourself, promising to compensate the body for the energy spent with a pleasant rest on the weekend. Instead of pleasure, work brings exhaustion and negativity. Have you noticed how much more freely and joyfully children perceive any changes that happen in life? They are not afraid to look funny because they love everything they touch and every move is based on learning, understanding and being satisfied.

As they grow up, their interest and excitement for new things gradually fades away. Standard excuses appear about responsibilities, financial and moral debt to loved ones. They stop becoming satisfied, happy, satisfied. At what stage spontaneity and pleasure are lost, no one notices and a noticeable period of time passes, after which a feeling of dissatisfaction appears. How to truly be happy, positive, satisfied with your life, energizing those around you, loved ones and family?

First steps

Here are some first steps to help you think differently about common challenges:

• Try to appreciate every moment, have fun and live in the present day;
• Thank fate for the trust to be in the thick of things in the circle of close people, among members of a friendly team and understanding neighbors;
• Pay attention to any little things: a bright ray of sunlight breaking through a thick curtain, a satisfied look from a husband or wife agreeing to an adventure and much more;
• Take a few minutes of time to think about the unfavorable situation that has arisen and the elements of dissatisfaction with life;
• Stop complaining about circumstances, the world will not change and the sun will not shine brighter, but a satisfied person is always desired by loved ones and others;
• Take note that you are an individual, do not compare yourself with others, get positivity and pleasure from uniqueness;
• Your financial situation will not change your internal state, learn to be satisfied with the minimum;
• Empathize with other people and new interesting acquaintances will help you avoid loneliness, dispel the surging sadness and sad thoughts;
• Choose what you like best. Put away the judgment, smirks and mistrust.

Tangible Actions

Little secrets of big achievements

It all starts with trying to be simple and organic. Something you like becomes like a child's game, attracted by awe and novelty. Plunging headlong into an unusual activity, remain satisfied with any outcome, without demanding the ideal option.
Working for money leads to moral exhaustion. Let go and try to put your desire to serve others first. By receiving pleasure and strength from a completed mission, you set an example of inspiration and purity.
Come up with new ideas that guide you along the path of the unknown, mystery and endurance. The secret path will entice you with sharp turns, sharp cliffs and unexpected results. Never be afraid to make mistakes, be happy with difficulties, facing failures one on one.
Try to be content with life and be patient. Without noticing the mistrust, caustic remarks, persistently go towards the desired goal, so as not to leave any doubt about the lost chance. Gradually, your undertakings will turn into high-quality abilities, you will be satisfied, and those around you will be delighted with the hidden possibilities.
Every day achieve a new level, be happy with what is happening and go to the top. Do not be distracted by a bad mood or negative emotions. Sadness and joy always go together. This is not at all a reason to abandon big plans.
Don't spread yourself thin on too many things. Choose one that brings pleasure and suits your energy and inner state. By focusing on specific and reasonable premises, complete the goal, and then move on to something else. The brain loves completeness.
Mastering knowledge will help improve your professional level, be competent and literate. The acquired new skills will be confirmed by practical actions, you will be happy and well-read. Don't stop there. Constantly improve your abilities and be able to find a connection with reality.

Afterword

To call yourself content and happy, you don’t need to have unsurpassed skill. Simple little joys in a close family circle, having a favorite activity and achievable goals compare with the life of great travelers exploring other countries and peoples. Emotion and mood are fickle quantities. How to measure the pleasure of a life limited by financial limits, human obligations and everyday problems? Remain content with small opportunities, love loved ones, and remember that nothing is more valuable than life itself.