How to increase self-esteem, what is self-esteem. How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for women, men and children

Many articles, magazines, and books on psychology have been written about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. But still, many novice entrepreneurs (and not only) are concerned about this issue. Therefore, at the request of our site readers, we decided to write this detailed article about self-esteem without water and in fact. So, let's go!

Long gone are the old misconceptions that in order to be happy you need:

• believe and obey parents;
• dance around the fire and worship the gods;
• build communism;
• and so on in the same spirit (underline as necessary).

With the development of psychological science, only one thing becomes obvious - only a person himself can make himself happy , excluding, of course, force majeure circumstances.

So, from this article you will learn:

1. What is self-esteem and what functions does it have, etc.;
2. How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem - advice from psychologists and experts;
3. How to become confident and satisfied with your life;
4. Reasons for low self-esteem, tests, videos, etc.

The article tells how to increase self-esteem, what ways to increase it exist, why people have low self-esteem, etc.

Correctly assessing one's own personality is a rather difficult thing. This is the one ship waterline on the high seas, which should not nor rise higher, nor go lower. Before you set off on a long voyage, you need to understand that without adequate self-esteem nothing will come of it. How does this happen?

The human subconscious builds itself based on many factors from the first minutes of life.

In order to understand the mechanism of self-esteem formation, it is necessary to understand that:

• a person is never alone– he is a herd animal and must be in society (sociopaths are a deviation, a disease);
• every word and deed of others towards the individual automatically influences her, forcing her to evaluate herself in one way or another;
• mostly human and builds an opinion about oneself by perceiving oneself through “other people’s eyes”, not having the opportunity and desire to analyze their actions independently and give them a final assessment.

In the end it turns out that self-esteem – This combined information about all assessments of your personality, made independently or based on another opinion, which forms your idea of ​​​​your qualities and shortcomings.

This can be formulated another way: self-esteem – this is the determination of one’s place in the ranking of all people in the world, which is based on one’s own and imposed priorities. It looks different for each person.

For example, a blonde who has never even finished reading a primer in her life may have high self-esteem, since her society tells her only positive information about her personality, her virtues coincide with those that are in use among those around her, and she looks like her society demands it. That is, it is surrounded on all sides positive and a small share negative she just doesn't notice/ignores.

On the other side maybe yesterday's student engineer, who graduated from the university with a secondary education, got a job and, out of fear, has already made a couple of minor mistakes, which were treated quite loyally.

It will seem to him that compared to more experienced colleagues he is insignificant, he will never succeed. Here, too, his mother says that he is a mediocre son, because he forgot to take out the trash in the morning, his father assures that instead of higher education, he should have just gone to the mine, since there “they pay normal money, and you don’t need to think with a stupid head.” Added to all this is the standard appearance and the dream of girls from TV.

All this a typical example of low self-esteem , which is formed by others. The young man himself has nothing to do with her - rather, he simply moves with the flow that shapes his environment.

Without changing anything in his life, he is unlikely to achieve anything in it.

If you don’t pull yourself together, the following problems await you:

• failures at work due to constant nervous tension and self-flagellation from the series “I won’t succeed, others will do it better”;
• lack of career growth due to fear of responsibility, thoughts similar to “I can’t cope, this is not for me, I’m not capable of this”;
• constant fear of losing your job, feeling tired, depressed, possibly alcoholism, the desire to escape reality into an illusory comfortable world;
• the impossibility of adequate relationships with girls, since tightness and complexes will manifest themselves here too, there will be thoughts from the series “she is too beautiful, I don’t earn that much, I’m ugly, I don’t deserve her.”

This is not a complete list of those troubles And life problems , which are born from poor self-esteem and the inability to work with it.

At an older age, these may be problems with raising children and communicating with them. There may also be significant problems with self-realization, the desire to open your own business, and everything in the same spirit.

The young man mentioned is just an example, everyone has a reason to think badly about themselves - no one is perfect. It is important to adequately assess your personality as a whole and from this build connections with the outside world.

It is also necessary to understand that it is not only a matter of money And career.

A person with low self-esteem initially cannot be happy for the following reasons:

• constant fear;
• persistent nervous tension;
• periodic depression;
• aggravated stress when exposed to unfavorable factors;
• impossibility of self-realization;
• constant stiffness, including physical movements;
• lack of confidence in one’s rightness;
• pliability to the outside world, weak character;
• inability to start something new;
• closed, constrained speech;
• constant soul-searching.

These are all signs that you don't have happy future, because no one will come and change your life with the wave of a magic wand.

In order to look confidently into the future, you need to work on yourself and not be afraid to change. Without this, everything will remain in its place, and dreams will turn into failure.

Basic functions of self-esteem

Exists three main functions, which make adequate self-esteem so necessary:

• Protective - strong self-esteem will allow you to be confident in what you think and do, it ensures stability of opinion about yourself, and therefore an even emotional background, less susceptibility to stress;
• Regulatory – helps you make choices regarding your personality as correctly and in a timely manner as possible;
• Developmental - a correct assessment of one’s personality gives a strong impetus to its development.

The ideal situation is considered to be one in which a person absolutely independently evaluates his qualities and capabilities and adequately understands what he is good at and what he is bad at. From this he plans his life - what he will do, what he will study, and so on. Of course it is impossible .

From early childhood to late old age, everything around us tries to influence us, our assessment of ourselves. At the very beginning we are characterized parents, after peers And Friends, then added to this teachers And professors, Colleagues, bosses and so on.

As a result, we do not even evaluate ourselves, but compare the opinions of others about ourselves with the ideals imposed by society. Far from adequate self-esteem, some of the information received does not relate to reality at all!

But only by correctly assessing your abilities can you understand in which direction you need to develop and what you are like in general.

It's bad in this situation any deviation. An inflated opinion of oneself will lead to many painful mistakes in life, although it is more rare. Much more common low self-esteem , which destroys people’s lives, does not allow them to open up and show the maximum of their capabilities. An advanced form of this problem leads to an inferiority complex, and therefore to the destruction of personality.

Essentially this is one of the main reasons that a person cannot earn money. Not confident in himself, he rushes from corner to corner, is afraid to take a step that is risky in his opinion or the thoughts of those around him, as a result he despairs and continues to live from one meager salary to another.

Moreover, in such cases it is impossible to open your own business, because the qualities required for this are: activity, readiness to risk And accept decisions are taken precisely from true, adequate self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence takes away the energy of the individual, fetters his actions, which leads to a terrible state when a person is only able to think or dream about action, and not decisively take on the fulfillment of his desires.

2. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t 💋

Love yourself does not mean become narcissistic. In fact, it has to do with self-esteem. Only a person who is able to evaluate himself and highlight all his strengths and weaknesses can truly treat his personality honestly and fairly.

How to learn to love yourself and increase self-esteem for women and men

So, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?

Having low self-esteem, you will only see everything negative in yourself, which of course will not lead to anything good.

Justified self-love based on your merits and constant work Above shortcomings there is a guarantee that others will treat you well.

It's really hard to love someone who do not appreciate And doesn't respect myself. It's more of a pity than anything more. You can be competitive in business or choosing a spouse, or many other things, only by having high self-esteem And the right attitude towards yourself . Depressed And clogged personality will not be able to realize itself in the modern world.

It's a big mistake to constantly look for flaws in yourself. The more you do this, the more difficult it will be for you to make any decision, even the smallest one.

Self-criticism– this is great, but it must be harmoniously balanced with praise, forgiveness and respect for one’s own personality.

Our psyche has quite specific defense mechanisms against pain, discomfort And various threats. Our consciousness is only the visible part of a huge iceberg that hides the subconscious. It is also not homogeneous and consists of different personalities “living in one body.” Each of them influences the consciousness, constantly expressing its desires and needs on the body.

Suppressing the natural desire to be happy, by developing an inferiority complex, you give the opportunity to crawl out the dark corners of your psyche.

This can lead to various psychological disorders of varying severity. A calm person will be doomed to eternal depression(read the article - “”), and in a sensitive nature, signs of schizophrenia, various manias and other extremely serious diseases. Of course, these are very rare cases, but the risk exists.

3. How can you tell if you have low self-esteem?

Here is a list of signs that can be used to determine whether a person has low self-esteem:

• a large amount of criticism addressed to you, both to the point and out of the blue;
• dissatisfaction with any of your actions and results;
• reacting too strongly to outside criticism;
• a painful reaction to an opinion expressed about oneself, even a positive one;
• fear of doing something wrong;
• indecisiveness, taking a long time to think before doing anything;
• unhealthy jealousy;
• strong envy, especially when others have achieved something;
• an obsessive desire to please, to literally crawl in front of others;
• hatred of one’s surroundings, unreasonable anger at others;
• constant excuses;
• the desire to protect yourself from everything in the world;
• enduring pessimism;
• a lot of negativity in everything.

Low self-esteem makes a person suffer much more from failure. Any problem is temporary, especially if you start solving it in time.

If a person is insecure, then he will aggravate the trouble until it becomes unsolvable, will eventually give up and leave everything to gravity, which will bring problems in all areas of life.

This approach on an ongoing basis will aggravate self-esteem, make you feel insignificant, and ultimately hate yourself.

Society is very sensitive to this and as soon as your negative attitude towards yourself becomes noticeable, others will begin to treat you worse. The further, the more, which will ultimately end in alienation and recluse, a deeply unhappy existence, lack of money and personal life, psycho-emotional disorders.

There is an absolute pattern: you will begin to respect yourself, and others will respect you .

Success factors - self-confidence and high self-esteem

4. High self-esteem and self-confidence 👍 are the most important factors for achieving success.

Self love– this is not a lack, not arrogance, and so on. It is worth distinguishing between narcissism and healthy respect for one’s personality.

The most important – relate your opinion to reality. If you are really good at carving wood, love yourself for it, be proud of it, even brag about it.

If you have just started doing this - appreciate yourself for striving for new things, desire to do something with your hands. In every action you can find positive parties and negative . Love yourself for the first and adequately treat the second.

Only in this case will the people who surround you see your positive sides and begin to value And respect. If everything is the other way around, and you look for more and more flaws in your work, those around you will do the same. And believe me, they will find them.

The more you will confident, the more people will reach out to you. Moreover, both those whose level of self-esteem is higher than yours, and those who have it lower. They will want to get closer to each other, start collaborating, or simply talk with an interesting, confident person who is not afraid or embarrassed to say what he considers necessary or do what seems right to him.

Strength of spirit attracts everyone- from small to large, which will make you not only popular, but also more satisfied with your life.

Signs of good, high self-esteem:

• the physical body is not a painful, ugly shell, but a given by nature;
• confidence in yourself, your actions and words;
• mistakes are not obstacles on the way, but a way to learn more;
• criticism is useful information that does not affect self-esteem;
• compliments are pleasant and do not evoke strong emotions;
• speak calmly with all people, do not feel awkward when communicating with strangers;
• every opinion expressed is valuable, but does not fundamentally affect the opinion of the person himself;
• take care of the condition of the body;
• worry about their emotional balance and adjust it if necessary;
• constantly harmonious development, without leaps and unrealistic tasks;
• They finish what they start, achieve success in this and are not afraid of it.

Believe in yourself, respect your own self- this is the basis for achieving any goal, including the fundamental one - be happy. This will help you grow above your current self, forget about those troubles and disgusting feelings that you experienced at the bottom of your own self-esteem.

In the territory of the former Soviet Union, many representatives of the older generation have serious problems with self-esteem. At that time, it was extremely unpopular, since the leading one was the common good, and not the happiness of everyone. Next generation 90s also did not receive enough adequate positive information about themselves from the world due to the difficult situation in the country, lack of money, dangerous criminal situation.

At this time it is time to forget about it and think about own well-being. In order to change your self-esteem you need to work on your personality.

This will be the very qualitative change in life that you have dreamed of so much.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

5. Low self-esteem - 5 main reasons for lack of self-confidence 📑

The mouse race in which a person participates from birth forces him to form a certain opinion about himself. As a result, by the beginning of conscious life we ​​often get unlucky And sad a young man who understands perfectly well that a lot of troubles and the need to work await him and his complexes. Why does this happen?

Reason #1. Family

If you ask yourself where a person gets their opinion about themselves, the first correct answer is family. We receive most of our psychological attitudes at a very young age. This is due to the fact that emotional formation also occurs during physiological development.

In another way, while we are growing up, our parents and environment lay the foundation of our future personality, brick by brick.

It is logical to assume that the opinion about ourselves created during childhood will remain with us for many years, and maybe for the rest of our lives. It’s good if parents understand this and are responsible for what they tell their child and how they do it. However, this does not always happen.

For example, according to parents, a child in kindergarten constantly makes mistakes. The progress of parental humiliation looks like this:

• Built a beautiful house from a construction set? And who will clean it up?
• Defeated the guys from the neighboring yard in a snowball fight? You're all wet, you'll get sick, and we don't have any money anyway!
• Got a 5 in physical education? Where's the math, you idiot?
• What do you mean you liked this girl? Her dad is a gardener, and that’s not prestigious!

So, day after day, parents impose on the child that he cannot do anything right. The baby stops believing that he is able to do something with his hands, have fun, choose a partner, company, etc.

Against this background, self-love cannot arise in any way; who can respect and appreciate such an absurd creature? Then, about twenty years later, parents are surprised to discover that their child is a loser, has achieved nothing in life, is lonely and sad, and they blame him for this... himself, because they put so much effort into him, and he, ungrateful... and everything in the same spirit.

What should a person do in this situation? Of course, work on yourself, increase your self-esteem and strive for happiness. Everything is possible, the main thing is to want it.

Parents should remember that criticism is a dangerous educational tool that can lead to painful consequences. It is worth knowing that you are raising a separate personality, who must be confident in his decisions and actions, have his own opinion, be able to make decisions, and not limply follow you as an extension of your body and mind.

The best situation for the baby is good And affectionate mother who always calm And happy. The father must be demanding, have serious authority and, most importantly, treat the child fairly at any age.

It is also worth paying attention to each child in the family, even if there are a lot of them. So-called " little brother syndrome"When the younger one is reproached for the successes of the older one - worse, what you can think of to build healthy self-esteem.

Because family for a child- the center of the universe, it is worth paying attention to his ego. If you feel that your self-esteem is falling, raise it.

It doesn't take much - just give him fair praise a few times a day and he'll go to bed happier. Encourage him to do what he does best and gently point out his shortcomings rather than criticize him. This way, the child’s self-esteem will inevitably rise and ensure his resilience to life and a happy future.

Reason #2. Failures at an early age

From early childhood, failures come our way. This is inevitable for every person, because we live in a far from ideal world. An adult with a stable psyche usually takes failures quite calmly, can overcome them and extract useful information from them, but this does not always happen with children.

At a very early age, even if you don’t remember the failure, it is possible that it is in the depths of your subconscious and whispers all the time: “ don’t do anything, it won’t work anyway, I’m always behind you" We definitely need to fight this.

Over time, if you work on your personality, these memories will emerge, they will be very painful and unpleasant, but by analyzing them in detail and realizing that your mistake is completely insignificant and should not subsequently affect you in any way, you will get rid of a significant burden on your heart.

From the time you remember very well all your troubles, working with this is much easier. If you rummage around in your mind, you will definitely find a pair dozens moments that have weighed on you since school. Desk neighbor's refusal, teacher's unflattering expression, father's rude comment, failure in competition, bad mark in physics- all these are examples of a heavy load that lowers your self-esteem and takes away positive energy for eternal torment over long-lived problems.

All this from adolescence forms the consciousness of a loser who simply cannot achieve something in life, and this is a lie - after all, everyone is capable of this.

Reason #3. Life passivity

The formation of personality begins in childhood and in the early stages does not require any effort from us. However, the older we get, the more this situation changes.

TO 15 years old our personality will not move forward even an inch if we don’t try for it. That is, over time, more and more willpower will be required from each person in order to at least remain at the original level; for development, more and more will need to be done.

If a child has been depressed since childhood and is not used to working on himself and developing, in adulthood he will belong to the so-called gray mass.

This substance in society is characterized by the fact that its unit:

• does not want to develop;
• constantly puts off important things until later (procrastinates). Read about that in one of our articles;
• does not dream of more;
• does not take personal responsibility for himself or his family;
• accustomed to poverty/low income;
• does not take care of himself or his appearance;
• believes that everything new is scary and unnecessary in his life;
• does not know how to be satisfied or dissatisfied - emotions are absolutely inert.

There is a saying by a famous physicist that a person without willpower is just a vertical puddle. The gray mass consists of such individuals. This is not an example of poor self-esteem, but a complete lack of it.

No aspirations, no desires, eternal lack of money And lack of any vivid impressions, which are able to dispel the gray reality.

This is a rather sad sight that destroys thousands of lives, including those children who grow up in such families. Raise self-esteem in this case it is vital for women and men.

If this is not done, a happy, bright, emotional life will pass by, leaving behind fragments of poverty and an eternally depressed mood.

Reason #4. Environment

We are all surrounded by a large number of people. Some of them are successful, others not so much, and others don’t even want to be so. If you decide to take everything from life, to make yourself a happy, confident person, you should acquire the appropriate environment.

Signs of an unhealthy society:

• constant baseless philosophizing, verbiage;
• criticism of everything in the world, from the government to neighbors, especially groundless or meaningless;
• inertia and lack of initiative, for example, if you cannot persuade your friends to go to a concert or to the cinema;
• constant gossip, judging others behind their backs;
• planning to “get rich quick” without any action or effort;
• large amounts of alcohol, cigarettes and other bad habits.

The lack of desire to develop, work and generally try in life is quite contagious. In such company you feel no worse than everyone else, but it is relaxing, requires a lot of time and emotions, and pulls you to the bottom. This energy vampirism, which is difficult, even impossible, to fight. If you can, leave such a company or environment completely; if not, just minimize communication.

The best society for those seeking to develop is people who have already achieved something. Don't know how to meet them? Try going to places you have never been to before. Usually this libraries, book the shops, theaters, thematic establishments, seminars, trainings and so on.

Reason #5. Appearance problems

A strong factor, especially in adolescence, is appearance. If she has any defects, then even with the right approach to education from relatives, low self-esteem can be formed based on the opinions of peers, teachers, and so on.

The most common example in this case is excess weight. Offensive nicknames, lack of attention from girls/boys, contemptuous attitude of some adults - all this naturally affects the child’s personality.

If this manifests itself in adulthood, then the person will demonstrate his resentment less clearly, but this will not lessen the pain.

In order to change this, you can try to fix the defect. For example, if this is a diet, then the whole family should be on it so that the child does not feel disadvantaged. If change is impossible, the child needs to be helped to come to terms with this situation and develop in a different direction.

There are many charismatic and attractive fat people in the world and absolutely no one is interested in thin people.

7 ways to increase your self-esteem and become confident

6. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways 📚

Having understood what self-esteem is, why it is needed and what influences its formation, you can begin to figure out how to work with it, namely how to raise it.

It’s not enough to just realize that you don’t evaluate yourself correctly, you also need to be able to change the situation. Listed below are several interesting and effective ways to increase self-esteem and confidence.

Method number 1. Environment

The society you move in determines who you are. It is important for everyone not to be last. In a company where no one has achieved anything, you feel comfortable because everyone is just like you.

Now imagine that you find yourself in a social circle where one bought a new car yesterday, the second opened a new branch of his store, the third recently graduated from university. At the same time, you barely graduated from college, and you can't get a job anywhere.

How will you feel? Of course they are unpleasant. In addition, you will receive a powerful, significant impetus for development, a desire to do something significant for your life and career. You will feel awkward at first, but over time you will realize that you are changing for the better with this company.

In addition, you will get rid of the ever-depressive social circle that pulls you to the bottom and ridicules all your timid endeavors.

A strong and successful person will never become; he laughs at those who are just trying their hand. On the contrary, he will help and advise, even support if necessary.

Look for a suitable social circle that will force you to work on yourself.

Method number 2. Literature, trainings, films

Having dealt with your surroundings, start taking decisive steps, namely, start reading books on working on yourself and increasing your self-esteem. This list will be useful to you:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
• Sharon Wegshida-Cruz "How Much Are You Worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself";
• "The Charm of Femininity" by Helen Andelin;
• Louise Hay Heal Your Life.

Next stage - attending seminars and practices . People who want to change and trainers who can give it to them gather here. This way you change your environment and get the information you want. This is an effective method that allows you to kill two birds with one stone.

Method No. 3. The comfort zone is actually the enemy

No matter how strange it may sound, but for now you comfortable And calmly in the world in which you exist, it is very bad for your personality. The established rules of life will force you ossify And freeze at one place. Only by doing something new can you develop.

In fact, it only seems to you that you already have all the best. There, beyond the confines of your invisible cage, he lives and rages wonderful And amusing a world that is filled not with difficulties and troubles, but with incredible adventures, new stories and acquaintances.

As soon as you throw your fears into the firebox, it will open up to you, instill a sense of self-confidence and show you many bright events that you could not even think about.

What do you need to do to leave your “comfort zone”? Analyze where your time goes. How many hours a week do you watch TV, how much do you drink, play games, and so on. Reduce that time by three hours every seven days and devote them to something new. What you've always wanted: sculpt from clay, sew a new dress, plant a flower, go to the circus/cinema/theater. The more active the better. Over time, the bright life will draw you in, and you will forget about the mediocre chatty box and other garbage items.

Method number 4. Down with self-criticism!

If you stop eating yourself alive unnecessary self-criticism , you can immediately complete three extremely important tasks that would otherwise take you a lot of time and effort.

Firstly, you will get a lot of free energy. All the energy that you spent on self-criticism and searching for reasons for it can be directed to actions that are more pleasant and useful. For example, reading fascinating books with a relaxing plot or writing poetry, knitting, planting flowers, and so on.

Secondly, you will begin to perceive yourself as a holistic person who has his own individuality. Yes, you don’t look like that Vasya, Einstein or Alain Delon. And it is not necessary! Be yourself, and don’t participate in someone else’s eternal competition, in which someone else has already taken first place.

Third, you will begin to notice not only the negative, but also the positive aspects in yourself. Everyone has something good, something they can do. Discover it, highlight it and nurture it, improve it, grow it without wasting time and effort. This is exactly what will be the best investment in yourself!

Whatever painful mistakes you encounter, don’t allow yourself to brood over them for more than an hour. After suffering a little, force yourself to be happy again, and take failure as an experience.

Method No. 5. Physical exercise

Thus, physical activity, which is unloved by many, greatly affects our emotional state. Buying a gym membership can do more to improve self-esteem than many training sessions.

This happens because:

• during sports, a person releases a wonderful hormone, dopamine, which excites our brain and gives pleasant reward; in common parlance it is also called the hormone of joy;
• you bring your body, and therefore your appearance, into complete order, so that over time you can be proud of it and respect yourself for the work done;
• Even the exercises themselves without results are important, because in the process of performing each exercise you overcome laziness, complexes and other troubles;
• improved well-being gives and develops confidence in yourself and your actions, in every step - it’s easier for you to move and feel, it’s easier to persuade yourself to start doing something.

This is a great way to improve the quality of life for people with a sedentary lifestyle and the same job. After spending the whole day in a stuffy office, it’s worth unwinding, but without going to a bar to drink beer. This will most likely have a detrimental effect on you, but sport on the contrary, it will renew and make you more cheerful.

A heavy-moving person with an overweight and unattractive body cannot feel good in the company of slim and healthy people. This is fertile ground for the development of complexes, lowering self-esteem and other troubles.

Among other things, sport will help to start New acquaintances with purposeful people who can help you teach And show by your example that any change is possible, which also has a beneficial effect on your psyche.

Method number 6. Subconscious Programming

You can influence your consciousness with the help of another, no less interesting and effective tool - programming. In psychology this is called affirmation. Think about your computer. You give it a command, it processes it and performs the requested action. It’s the same with our subconscious, only a little more complicated. You can’t just say: “make me happy and confident.”

The code or command is memorized or recorded on a voice recorder. It should sound like a solid, realized fact. For example, “I am confident in myself”, “ girls like me», « I can have what I want without much effort"and everything in the same spirit. There shouldn’t be a lot of such phrases; they should be repeated in a playlist or just to yourself for about two minutes.

These affirmations and will be the same setting in the subconscious, a command for the computer that will convince your subconscious of what you need. Do you want to become confident– please convince the hidden sides of your brain of this and it will independently remake the entire conscious part so that you become completely independent and can easily make decisions.

There is one rule here - you need to do this regularly, even after you feel the changes. Continue until you are surprised to discover that the affirmations you are listening to have already come true.

Remember that these words should have an exclusively positive impact on your personality, not create ambiguity and not raise doubts. What you convince yourself of should only have benefits, without negative effects, because “convincing” the subconscious back will not be easy.

Method No. 7. Remember your victories

You should never neglect what has already been done. This is important for your consciousness, for the subconscious and for a good mood. There is always something to praise yourself for, and if this is not enough, you will begin to subconsciously strive to do something good for the sake of it. Even if you praise yourself.

To operate this mechanism, keep a notebook of victories. You need to write down everything that you consider to be a good deed, a useful action, and so on. Any little things or minor victories - all this is very important for your self-esteem, the feeling of being needed in the world.

It might look like this, for example:

• had breakfast on time;
• picked up laundry from the laundry;
• bought my beloved wife several roses;
• pleased his daughter with a game of tag;
• earned an award thanks to a well-written report;
• went to the gym three times in a week;
• lost 300 grams.

As you can see, achievements can be anything as long as they bring joy to someone or moral satisfaction to you. In just a few months you can amass an impressive collection that will warm your soul on cold evenings.

Write this down in your personal notebook and in difficult moments when you cannot find the strength within yourself complete some difficult task or go up to an after-hours meeting At work, re-read a few pages of your diary.

Your mood is guaranteed to rise, you will remember how many positive emotions your efforts brought to you and your loved ones, and this is a powerful push to overcome all the troubles in the world.

Using these methods to increase self-esteem requires regularity And attentiveness. Carefully monitor your state and thoughts, try to highlight the most successful ones, and observe how you change.

This will help you get to know yourself better, learn to communicate with your inner self, and control your life.

Training to develop and increase self-confidence - by overcoming public opinion

7. Self-confidence training - overcoming the opinions of society 📝

The society that surrounds us, as we have already understood, seriously affects our self-esteem. If you attach too much importance to it, it is quite capable of destroying your personality.

Of course, criticism is important. Our loved ones point out to us our mistakes, show us the moments in which, in their opinion, we did wrong and this is good. It is called healthy relationships .

However, letting it completely define your personality Badly. Each person must independently decide what is good in his life and what is not, and how he will ultimately act in a given situation.

Don't worry about what others will say about you first. First, decide what you think about it, and try to perceive the rest of the information as background, secondary.

Try to make society’s opinion depend on yours, and not vice versa. There are several interesting exercises for this.

A little circus. This simple physical exercise will require serious psychological strength from you. Look in your closet for something ridiculous - an old long tie, funny pants, anything that seems funny to you. Now put this on and feel free to hit the streets. Go shopping, go to the cinema and so on. You shouldn't do that at work- may be misunderstood, otherwise - complete freedom. However, do not overdo it, first take less provocative things and over time put on something more fun, so as not to immediately injure your psyche.

This exercise works like this:. Your subconscious retains a lot of complexes that are associated with its appearance. The more you leave your comfort zone, that is, dress differently, the more your subconscious will independently destroy established complexes and make your consciousness, and therefore your life, freer.

More public. This exercise is simple. The more you speak in public, the more honed this skill will become. Speaking in front of a large number of people requires concentration, quality preparation, and willpower.

This will help you learn to concentrate and complete a task quickly, while being responsible for the result. In addition, this will raise you in the eyes of your superiors and will give you a great reputation among a large audience.

Do these two exercises and be firm in your opinion.

8. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem 📋

Much has already been said about self-esteem. It may be difficult for you to immediately perceive and implement the entire situation received.

For this there is 5 golden rules, which are worth printing out and hanging on the refrigerator. Constantly reminding and reading them will do the work for you. On a subconscious level, your brain will perceive them as instructions for action and will facilitate the period of transformation into a successful personality.

• No need to compare yourself and others!
• There is no need to scold yourself for mistakes!
• Surround yourself with positivity!
• Learn to love what you do!
• Prefer action over passivity!

Everyone unique And worthy happiness. It is imperative to unlock your unlimited potential to get everything out of life.

This requires constant work on yourself and a mandatory increase in self-esteem. But the results will not be long in coming, which will benefit both you and your surroundings.

9. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today 📄

The first practical task on the path to increasing self-esteem is determining its level. To do this, there is a very simple self-esteem test of ten questions.

It's very easy to complete - read each point and answer " Yes" or " No". Every time you answer" Yes"- remember.

1. Do you criticize yourself sharply when you make mistakes?
2. Is gossip one of your favorite pastimes?
3. Don't have clear guidelines?
4. Don't you exercise physically?
5. Do you often worry about little things?
6. In unfamiliar company, do you prefer not to be noticed?
7. Does criticism make you feel stressed?
8. Does envy and criticism of others happen often?
9. Does the opposite sex remain a mystery and scare you?
10. Can an accidentally thrown word offend you?

Now you need to remember how many “Yes” you said. If less three– your self-esteem is at a normal level. If more three- you need work on it.

10. Conclusion + video on the topic

Having a sincere desire to change and change your life can achieve a lot. Raising and normalizing self-esteem is one of the first, fairly simple steps that ultimately allows you to achieve success, happiness And money.

Spare no effort, do not take care of yourself until better times. Develop now, gain invaluable experience and build your future at a new level!

Hello! In this article we will talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence!

Each person is individual. It consists of a large number of advantages and disadvantages. But all people treat themselves differently. It's all about self-esteem. For most people, it is very low, and this becomes the main cause of many problems. Let's look together at what the concept of “self-esteem” means, why it can be low, what this problem can lead to, and how to increase self-confidence.

What is self-esteem? Her levels

There are several definitions for this concept, but the simplest and easiest to understand is the following.

Self-esteem is a person's attitude towards himself. It can be overestimated, normal and underestimated.

Inflated self-esteem people suffer who extol their skills, human qualities, talents, physical capabilities, etc. Most often, these are “narcissists” who do not have outstanding capabilities. They simply cannot adequately evaluate themselves, so they consider themselves better than others.

Adequate self-esteem It occurs among people who realistically assess their strengths and skills. They understand that in addition to their advantages, they also have disadvantages. But they do not focus on failures, but confidently go through life, achieving their goals.

Low self-esteem not uncommon in modern society. People with such self-esteem cannot adequately assess all their abilities and consider themselves worse than others, constantly creating complexes and fears for themselves. These are pessimists who do not believe in their abilities, constantly complain about life and do not know how to overcome self-doubt.

Self-esteem tests

In order to find out what level your self-esteem is, we suggest taking several simple tests.

Self-esteem test No. 1

Try to quickly answer the following questions without thinking. Answer only “Yes” or “No”. Then count the total number of positive and negative answers.

1. Do you often scold yourself for mistakes you have made?
2. Do you gossip with your friends by talking about others?
3. Do you lack clear goals and plans for your life?
4. Do you not go to the gym and neglect physical activity?
5. Do you often worry about trifles?
6. When you find yourself in an unfamiliar company, do you try not to stand out and be invisible?
7. When you meet a person of the opposite sex, do you know how to carry on a conversation?
8. Is criticism towards you causing depression?
9. Do you envy the success of others?
10. Are you hurt by careless words spoken to you?

Test result:

If you answered “Yes” 1 to 3 times, then you have normal self-esteem.

If you answered “Yes” more than 3 times, this indicates that you are a person with low self-esteem.

Self-esteem test No. 2

When answering each question, count the number of points earned. After passing the test, add up all the numbers obtained and compare them with the results.

1. Do you often think and reproach yourself for certain actions or statements?

Often – 1 point;

Sometimes – 3 points .

1. How do you behave when interacting with witty people?

Trying to surpass them in wit - 5 points;

Try to stop communication as quickly as possible – 1 point;

1. Which statement do you prefer?

“Luck is the result of the actions and labors of every person” – 5 points;

“Luck is unpredictable” – 1 point;

“A person should rely only on himself, and not on the gifts of fate” - 3 points.

1. If you were given a cartoon as a gift, what should you do?

You will be delighted with the gift - 3 points;

Be offended – 1 point;

Take this idea and give a friend a similar surprise - 4 points;

1. Are you short of time?

Yes – 1 point;

No – 5 points;

I don’t know – 3 points.

1. When choosing perfumes as a gift you:

1. Have you imagined yourself in the role of another person?

Yes – 1 point;

No – 5 points;

I don’t know – 3 points.

Test results:

If you scored 10-23 points, then you have low self-esteem. You often express dissatisfaction with yourself. You should think about how to improve your self-esteem.

A result of 24-37 points indicates that you are a harmonious person. You know how to praise yourself and treat all your mistakes adequately.

If you scored 38-50 points, this means that you are a confident person, but sometimes you are self-critical.

If, after passing the tests, you want to learn how to love yourself and increase your self-esteem, you need to comprehensively study your psyche.

At first glance, self-esteem is a fairly simple concept that does not imply any difficulties. In fact, self-esteem is the starting point in personality formation. It has a number of functions:

• Protective. A morally stable person who is confident in his strengths and abilities is absolutely not interested in what others think about him. High self-esteem allows you to be stable and independent from the opinions of other people;
• Regulatory. A person with a normal level of self-esteem independently makes personal decisions. He understands that his life depends only on his decisions and actions;
• Developmental. A self-sufficient person is interested in his further development. He thirsts for new knowledge and is constantly improving.

Why low self-esteem needs to be corrected

Perhaps people who have similar problems will not agree that something needs to be changed in life. Of course, it’s easier to sit, do nothing, suffer and blame everyone for the failures in your life.

But people with low self-esteem and self-doubt rarely achieve what they want in life, occupy lower positions, and have a minimum salary. Maybe they dream of earning several times more, of being self-sufficient.

But for this you need to make important decisions, be confident in yourself, have a goal and try to achieve it. An insecure person will never become a leader, and the business he creates is practically doomed to fail.

If you want to become a happy and financially independent person, then you urgently need to correct your psycho-emotional state and learn more about how to love yourself.

Causes of low self-esteem

Our attitude towards ourselves is formed in early childhood. Parents play an important role in this.

If the child is constantly reproached, scolded, told that he is bad, and, for example, Petya is good, then the child feels that he is worse than others. It seems to parents that they are raising their child in this way, but in fact they are crippling his psyche and making him a failure in life.

In addition to parents, the child’s environment leaves its mark on a child’s self-esteem. If a child in kindergarten or school is offended by his peers, he closes down, withdraws into himself and begins to hate everything around him.

Also, the cause of a bad attitude towards oneself can be physical inferiority or developmental defects. For example, if a child wears glasses, he is more likely to be teased by other children. In this case, parents must compensate for this deficiency.

For example, if the child is fat, then you can send him to the wrestling sports section. There he will develop physically, acquire self-defense skills and be able to prove in practice that he is not weak and can stand up for himself.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by many factors. Also, the reasons for low self-esteem may be:

• Improper upbringing;
• Constant failures at an early age;
• Wrong goal setting;
• Unhealthy environment, etc.

A person who lacks self-confidence is very easy to spot. Psychology experts identify several signs of low self-esteem. Such an individual:

• Constantly criticizes himself and expresses dissatisfaction with himself;
• Listens to the opinions and criticism of others, which is why he suffers greatly;
• There is indecision in actions, fear of doing something wrong and making a mistake;
• Unbridled jealousy;
• Feels envious of other people's achievements and successes;
• Tries to please everyone;
• He is hostile towards all the people around him;
• Does not defend his point of view, constantly takes a defensive position and makes excuses;
• Has a pessimistic attitude and perceives reality negatively.

An individual with low self-esteem is constantly looking for problems, blaming everyone and does not know how to enjoy life. This attitude towards oneself can lead to serious mental illness and prolonged depression.

If you have at least three of the above signs, then you should think about how to believe in yourself.

Signs of high self-esteem

People with high or normal self-esteem are more successful, cheerful and optimistic. A person who adequately evaluates himself has the following characteristics:

• Accepts his external and physical appearance as he really is;
• Confident in yourself and your abilities;
• He is not afraid to make mistakes, and perceives any troubles as an important lesson;
• Reacts adequately to criticism and praise;
• Finds a common language with people. Knows how to behave in society;
• Understands that everyone has their own opinion, respects everyone’s choice, but defends his own point of view;
• Controls your physical and emotional state;
• Constantly improving and developing;
• Achieves set goals.

Without believing in yourself, it is impossible to live a full life, enjoy every day and be a successful person. If you set certain goals for yourself and want to change any aspect of your life, then you will have to change your attitude towards yourself.

It is possible and necessary to raise self-esteem. Your future depends on it. If you still doubt this, then you should know that most suicides are carried out by people with low self-esteem. Therefore, do not be lazy, study all the ways to increase self-esteem and start working on yourself.

Learn to set achievable and realistic goals

People who don't believe in themselves most often set unattainable goals. And they throw up their hands and say: “I knew that nothing would work out for me.” You must try to look at things realistically and set realistic goals for yourself.

For example, you want to become a famous fashion designer, but you don’t know how to sew or draw. In this case, it is necessary to break one big dream into several small ones and gradually implement them. Sign up for cutting and sewing courses, and when you finish them, take a drawing course. With minimal knowledge, it will be easier for you to succeed.

Give up criticism

Stop constantly criticizing yourself and listen less to the criticism of others. Do not ask people for their opinion about your actions, the work you have done, etc. If someone decides to express their opinion about you, it is better to politely ask not to do this.

Try to eradicate your dependence on public opinion.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Each person is individual and unique. Some people write poetry but can’t draw, and artists aren’t good at math. Don’t blame yourself for doing something worse than others and stop constantly comparing yourself.

Realize that you are a unique individual with your own set of talents.

Insecure people do not believe that they can do anything good. Therefore, praise can be perceived as mockery or ridicule. Never say that your work is nothing. When you are praised, do not lower your eyes, hold your gaze and simply say “Thank you.”

Don't make excuses

Never make excuses or blame yourself for what happened. What's done is already done. If, for example, some action has negative consequences, it is better to learn a lesson from this and not make similar mistakes in the future.

Learn to ask for help

Many people are afraid and do not dare to ask colleagues, friends or acquaintances for help. They think that their ignorance or inability to do something can cause ridicule and bullying. In fact, no one can know and be able to do everything in the world. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.

Communicate more often with loved ones and people who love you

In case of failures or any troubles, do not keep everything to yourself. Communicate with your relatives more often, because they, more than anyone else, believe in you, approve of most of your actions and always support you.

If you feel blue, don’t withdraw into yourself, just call your parents, and they will find the right words to support you.

Get your things done

Be responsible in every endeavor. Bring everything to completion, even small things. Do not put them off “for later”, because... most likely they will remain unfulfilled.

Learn to love your body

Every person has both advantages and disadvantages. Learn to hide flaws and highlight strengths. For example, if it is necessary to increase the self-esteem and self-confidence of a woman with broad shoulders, it is enough to choose the right cut of clothes and others will not notice this flaw. At the same time, you need to draw the attention of others to your strengths, for example, beautiful legs. Don't focus on negative qualities, rather learn to love yourself for the huge number of advantages.

Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle

Everyone knows that in a healthy body there is a healthy mind. People who care about their health very rarely have low self-esteem. This is due at least to the fact that during sports the joy hormone is produced, you feel satisfied and at ease.

By leading an active lifestyle and eating right, you correct your figure, begin to like yourself, and this helps you love yourself and increase your self-esteem.

Watch your appearance

If a person does not take care of his hairstyle, manicure, condition of clothes, etc., then everyone, and he in particular, feels disgusted with the created image. The sight of a sloppy person is repulsive.

But if you go to the hairdresser, put on ironed clothes and use good perfume, then your shoulders will straighten on their own and you will feel a new confidence.

Get rid of bad habits

Insecure people often relieve stress with cigarettes and alcohol. Under the influence of alcohol, problems seem not so big, and life is easier. But when the morning comes, you realize that the difficulties have not disappeared and must be overcome.

Don't waste your time on smoking breaks and constant drinking. This is how you ruin your body and put off solving problems. When you give up at least one bad habit, you will definitely gain faith in yourself.

Communicate with optimists and successful people

The circle of people with whom we communicate leaves a big imprint on our psyche and habits. We adopt each other's habits, thereby trying to imitate someone.

If you are surrounded by people who are constantly dissatisfied with everything and have a pessimistic attitude, then sooner or later you will become depressed.

Avoid the company of whiners and try to communicate with cheerful people who will charge you with positivity, instill confidence in yourself and push you to achieve new goals.

Attend psychologists and trainings

If you are sure that you cannot cope with the problem of low self-esteem on your own, then you can seek the advice of a psychologist. A specialist will teach you to love yourself.

In parallel with this, you can attend several trainings aimed at increasing self-esteem. It will be at least interesting and at most useful.

Listen to affirmations

Remember the movie “The Most Charming and Attractive”. There, the main character, standing in front of the mirror, repeated words about how beautiful she is and how much men like her. Thus, she increased her self-esteem by constantly repeating affirmations.

An affirmation is a short text that people repeat or listen to to increase their self-esteem.

Try this too. For example, learn the phrase “I am a successful person. I will achieve all my goals” and repeat it constantly. You can also record it on digital media (flash drive, disk, etc.) and listen to it constantly.

After a while, you will forget what low self-esteem is.

Learn to get out of your “comfort zone”

People who lack self-confidence try to be invisible. It is very difficult for them to carry out new work, assignments, or simply meet unknown people.

If you plan to become a successful person and then start doing things that are unusual for you. Take on tasks that you previously avoided. For example, if you are planning a New Year's corporate party, and no one agrees to play the role of Santa Claus, propose your candidacy. This way, you will get rid of the fear of public speaking and get out of your “comfort zone”.

Read positive literature

Give preference to books with a good ending. After reading another fairy-tale novel, you will believe that sometimes this happens in life.

Find your dream job

Every person has a favorite activity. But more often, citizens of our country choose a profession not according to the call of their hearts, but according to the size of their salary. Therefore, the work performed does not bring the necessary satisfaction, and this can cause low self-esteem.

In order to increase a man’s self-confidence, it is necessary to change his profession, and if this is not possible, then you can try to pay maximum attention to some hobby. Doing what you love gives you faith, because it’s nice to do what you do well.

Learn to give yourself to others

If possible, be sure to help your friends, relatives and little-known people. If they ask for help, it means they believe that you can help. Perhaps their faith will boost your self-esteem.

Live by your wishes

Successful and confident people constantly want more and achieve it. Try it and you will constantly want something and do everything to achieve it. After your desires are achieved, you will realize that everything is working out for you and you can do anything you want.

Envy is not the best quality in a person. It forces us to compare ourselves with others. Never envy anyone, but be happy with what you have.

Don't impose yourself, don't be a hypocrite, and don't be false.

These three qualities prevent a person from having adequate self-esteem. If a colleague does not want to communicate closely with you, you should not impose yourself. Find a lot of benefits in this. Don't ingratiate yourself with people and make yourself inferior to someone else.

Throw away your laziness

When a person is lazy, he easily becomes depressed. Of course, we do not encourage you to work constantly. Just learn to distinguish laziness from rest.

If it’s hard for you to overcome idleness, then against your will, start doing the planned work, and the desire will come to you a little later.

Take action!

The longer you lie on the couch and dream about a bright future, the further it moves away from you. Start changing yourself and your worldview now. There is no need to wait for tomorrow, Monday or the beginning of a new month. Act now!

Techniques and techniques for increasing self-esteem

Psychologists advise using the following exercises for people with low self-esteem.

Make a list of your positive qualities

People with low self-esteem are not used to talking and thinking well about themselves. It is easier for them to find 100 flaws in themselves than several advantages. But every person has a lot of positive qualities.

In order to understand this, take a piece of paper and write down all your advantages. For example, you bake the most delicious pies, you can fix any household item, you have beautiful hair, long eyelashes, a thin waist, etc. During the day, add new advantages to the list, and then attach it to a visible place (for example, on the refrigerator) and review regularly.

Keep a “Success Diary”

This method is very similar to the previous one. Only now you will have to write down your successes and achievements every day in a designated notebook. For example, they gave alms to a needy person, helped a child solve a problem, prepared a very tasty dinner, helped his wife do her shopping, etc.

This method will help increase your level of self-esteem thanks to a visual list of achievements.

Amulet

People have a lot of fears. But everyone has to overcome them every day. If you can't do this, try finding an amulet for yourself. It can be any little thing (for example, a coin, a small toy, etc.). It is unlikely to have magical properties, but you must believe that the amulet will help you and protect you from troubles.

So, overcoming fear and self-doubt, you will achieve your goal, and any achievements have a beneficial effect on the human psyche.

Actor

Even if you don't feel happy, try to play the role of a cheerful and carefree person. Imagine that you are an actor who has been assigned an important role and you need to get into character. Very soon you will notice that you are no longer playing a role, but actually feel more successful and happy.

This method is aimed at overcoming fears. If you are a shy student and don't like speaking in public, ask for an assignment that involves speaking in public. Offer your candidacy as the main character in a theatrical production, or take on writing a report that you will successfully read at an open seminar.

By leaving your “comfort zone,” you get rid of fears, thereby gaining confidence in your own abilities.

Clown

If you feel inferior, are sure that you look bad and try not to attract much attention, then this method is just for you.

Dress very brightly and tastelessly, like a clown. Apply provocative makeup, put on pants and a skirt, attach curlers or a winter hat to your head in the summer and go to the store. Don't pay attention to the surprised looks of passers-by. This is how you leave your “comfort zone”.

Once you reincarnate into your everyday look, you will definitely become confident/confident and increase your self-esteem.

Conclusion

Low self-esteem is a person’s psychological state that requires adjustment. People without self-confidence are unhappy in 99% of cases. They are a gray mass that lives their lives thoughtlessly. Few people want to communicate with this category of people. This is why a person with low self-esteem is withdrawn and has practically no friends.

In order to correct the situation it is necessary:

• Believe in yourself;
• Learn to set goals and achieve them;
• Get out of your “comfort zone”;
• Communicate with successful and cheerful people;
• Develop mental and physical capabilities.

If you use all the tips and do all the exercises, you will definitely achieve great heights in life. And remember the expression that others treat us this way, this is how we treat ourselves.

Without self-confidence, it is difficult to succeed, because business consists entirely of situations in which you have to leave your comfort zone. And all of them, from meetings and negotiations to sales and managing people, go better for you the more confident you are.

Here are 7 tricks to boost your self-confidence.

1. Never forget your strengths and don't be too hard on yourself.

For your personal use only, make a list of your strengths and the things you do really well. Be honest with yourself and avoid false modesty. It is not necessary to look for and write down outstanding qualities in yourself; these are enough: I keep my desk tidy, I finish what I start, I have a good memory, and so on. Re-read this list every week and add new items if possible. There are no ideal people. We all make mistakes. And they do not always happen solely through our fault.

2. Watch your health.

If you are in good shape, you can achieve a lot. Regular physical exercise that you enjoy doing builds strength, perseverance, and increases resistance to stress. Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. Rest breaks, time for relaxation and time for yourself should be as integral a part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth. Enjoy the fact that you look good and try to get the most out of life. People around you will treat you with interest and respect.

3. Stay calm and try to alleviate stress.

Avoid fuss and haste. Develop stress resistance. Simple relaxation and stress management techniques will calm your body and mind and become your lifeline. Find time for relaxation every day - at least five minutes. Practice mindfulness for at least a minute every day. Those few minutes will make a big difference.

4. Remember that you, like any person, have rights.,

which must be observed at work. Here are some of them: you have the right to your own opinion, to be treated with respect and as an equal, not to be insulted, to be listened to. You have the right to make mistakes, to fail and to try again.

5. Plan, prioritize and be organized

You need to know where you are now, where you want to go and how you plan to get there. Know exactly what you want. Weigh everything carefully and plan. Decide what your first step will be and take it. Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed. Whatever task you face, prepare for it. If possible, rehearse your actions, such as giving a presentation, in advance. Pay attention to this and you will not only prepare for the upcoming event, but also increase your confidence and self-esteem.

6. Body language.

Move and speak with confidence and you will not only look like it, but you will actually feel like it. Raise your head, relax your shoulders and body, establish visual contact with the interlocutor. Show calm and confidence when you open the door and enter the room. An open posture, a firm handshake, and a calm voice will show your interlocutor that you are happy to see him and communicate with him. Your speech should be clear, rhythmic, and infect with enthusiasm. Show your genuine interest and you can prove yourself to be a charismatic speaker!

7. Visualize.

Imagine chewing a slice of lemon... Your mouth is probably filled with saliva. So? The thing is that the human brain is not very good at distinguishing between what happens in the imagination and in the real world. That is why one of the simplest and most effective ways to strengthen willpower is visualization.

All you need to do is imagine a situation in which you want to feel more confident. Try to get a detailed image, then for a few minutes, step by step, work through the situation presented in your mind, coping with any difficulties that you think may arise. The task probably sounds strange, but it is easy to complete and the technique works.

You will succeed!

Even more about how to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem in the book

The world around us is a mirror for every person, reflecting his own inner world. This means that your vision of the world depends on your own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and attitude. Another important component of relationships in society is a person’s self-image, his own assessment of his personality.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by various factors, among which are upbringing, social environment, and characteristics of professional activity. Oscar Wilde said that self-love means a lifelong romance. And this is true, because an individual feeling of happiness, peace and well-being of a person is possible only with an adequate assessment of oneself as a significant person and acceptance of one’s individuality. To learn how to increase your self-esteem and find specific ways to increase your self-esteem, listen to the advice of a psychologist and try doing exercises aimed at increasing your self-esteem.

How we evaluate ourselves

American psychotherapist K. Rogers, the author of the famous client-centered psychotherapy, believed that the main component of the personality structure is the “Self-concept” - a person’s idea of ​​himself, which is formed in the process of socialization, in other words, in his interaction with society. This process involves the internalization mechanism—the acceptance of other people’s assessments of one’s personality as one’s own—as well as the identification mechanism—the ability to put oneself in the place of another person and thus evaluate one’s personality.

Each person at birth has a personal phenomenal field - an empty space of life experience. In the process of individual development, this field is filled, the person’s personal “I” begins to appear, and his “I-concept” is formed. Rogers believed that the final point of personal development is self-actualization - the realization of all potential possibilities.

Self-esteem is a central component of the “I-concept”, because it is a person’s rational assessment of himself, his capabilities and qualities that provides a real opportunity to achieve his goals. Self-esteem performs a protective and regulatory function, influences relationships with other people, behavior and human development. Self-criticism and demands on oneself depend on it. Self-esteem is the basis of a person’s attitude towards his successes and failures, the choice of goals of a certain level of complexity, which characterizes the level of a person’s aspirations.

We can distinguish specific types of self-esteem, based on its individual characteristics:

• Reality: adequate and inadequate self-esteem (low or high). Adequate self-esteem allows a person to be critical of himself and correctly assess his strengths and capabilities. Inadequate self-esteem manifests itself in overestimating or underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.
• Time: retrospective, current and prognostic. The first characterizes a person’s assessment of his past experience, the second characterizes his current capabilities, and the last characterizes a person’s opinion about his possible successes or failures.
• Level: high, medium and low. The level of self-esteem itself is not so important, because in different situations and areas of activity self-esteem can be both low and high. For example, a person is competent in the field of finance and has a high level of self-esteem in this area, but he does not know how to manage household chores and rates himself rather low in this matter. A high or low level of self-esteem does not play a key role; first of all, it must be adequate.

The famous American psychologist W. James proposed determining the level of self-esteem using the formula:

Self-esteem = Success/Level of aspirations

Level of aspiration- this is the upper limit of a person’s achievements to which he strives. This may include different types of success: career, personal life, social status, material well-being.

Success is a specific accomplished fact, specific achievements from the list of aspirations of an individual.

Obviously, psychology offers two ways to increase self-esteem:

• reduce the level of claims;
• or increase the efficiency and effectiveness of your own actions.

The level of aspirations is influenced by various successes and failures in a person’s life. If the level of aspirations is adequate, a person sets realistically achievable goals. A person with a high adequate level of aspirations is able to set fairly high goals, knowing that he is able to successfully achieve them. A moderate or average level of aspiration means that a person is able to cope well with tasks of an average level of complexity and does not want to increase his results. A low and even low level of aspirations is typical for a person who is not too ambitious and who sets fairly simple goals. This choice is explained either by low self-esteem or by “social cunning.” Psychology explains the latter as a conscious avoidance of complex tasks and responsible decisions.

Self-esteem is formed in childhood, when a person’s capabilities are in a state of development. It is for this reason that an adult’s self-esteem is often underestimated when actual capabilities are much higher than personal ideas about them. Having understood the features of the formation of self-esteem and its types, it becomes obvious that working with this component of personality means precisely raising self-esteem to an adequate level.

Raising self-esteem is not an easy process, but there are no limits to a person’s capabilities. You will be given effective advice from a psychologist on how to raise your self-esteem, among which you will also find effective exercises.

Tip #1. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people. There will always be people around you who will be worse or better than you in various aspects. Constant comparison will simply lead you into a blind corner, where over time you can not only develop low self-esteem, but also completely lose self-confidence. Remember, you are a unique individual, find your strengths and weaknesses and learn to use them depending on the situation.

Exercises: Write a list of your goals and the positive qualities that will help you achieve those goals. Also create a list of qualities that are a barrier to achieving your goals. This way you will understand that your failures are a consequence of your actions, and your personality has nothing to do with it.

Tip #2. Stop looking for flaws in yourself and scolding yourself. All great people have achieved heights in their field by learning from their own mistakes. The main principle is that a mistake forces you to choose a new strategy of action, increase efficiency, and not give up.

Exercises: Take a piece of paper, colored pencils and draw yourself the way you want to see yourself, with all the attributes of success. You can also come up with and depict a personal symbol of success. Drawing will help you better express your desires and increase your confidence.

Tip #3. Always accept other people's compliments with gratitude. Instead of “no need”, answer “thank you”. With this response, human psychology accepts this assessment of one’s personality, and it becomes its integral attribute.

Exercises: try using special statements (affirmations). Several times during the course of the day (at the beginning of the day, it is necessary) clearly and thoughtfully pronounce the phrases “I am a unique, unique person,” “I can achieve this goal,” “I have all the necessary qualities.”

Tip #4. Change your social circle. Our social environment has a key influence on lowering or increasing self-esteem. Positive people who are able to give constructive criticism, adequately assess your abilities and increase your confidence should become your constant companions. Try to constantly expand your social circle and meet new people.

Tip #5. Live according to your own desires. People who constantly do what others ask of them will never learn how to improve their self-esteem. They are used to following other people's goals, living a life that is not their own. Do what you enjoy. Work where you feel respected and where you can realize your abilities. Try to travel more, make your old dreams come true, don’t be afraid to take risks and experiment.

Exercises: Make a list of your desires and make them realistic goals. Write down step by step what you need to do to achieve these goals and start moving in the chosen direction. You can also create a route for your next trip, make it unusual. If you usually go to the sea, then this time go hiking in the mountains. You may not even be aware of your own capabilities because you have never tried to leave your “comfort zone.”

Have you ever wondered why people who once started out in the same conditions have different lives? Why have you been marking time for years, suffering failure after failure, while your peers are succeeding in all areas?

Why do you waste yourself on work you don’t like, empty conversations with uninteresting people, but you have neither time nor energy left for what is truly valuable? Life seems gray and meaningless to you, you fall into depression over every trifle, but someone feels like a favorite of fortune and confidently walks through life?

Is there a way out? There is always a way out of any, even the most hopeless situation, and there is far more than one. But in order to radically change the course of events for the better, it is necessary to study the essence of the problem in detail. The reason for your failures often lies in understating your merits.

Everything could have turned out differently if you knew what to do and how to find the path that will lead to success and help you believe in your new result. How to raise your level? For what reasons did he suddenly fall? After all, you once studied well, were bright, talented, and showed great promise. What happened?

Why don't you value yourself? 4 main reasons

Reason one: improper upbringing

Remember the already tired phrase: “We all come from childhood”? No matter how banal it may sound, our vision of ourselves is laid down in childhood. Many parents do not even suspect how much harm they are doing to their child by constantly criticizing him, comparing him with others, praising other people's successes and emphasizing his failures.

Such parents and teachers believe that this model of upbringing will spur the child on, stimulate him to high achievements, without thinking at all about how the child really feels. It turns out the opposite effect: they instill in a small person a complex of the so-called “excellent student syndrome.” Can you guess what this could lead to in the future? That's right - only to the fact that the child will not love himself.

Throughout his life he will be haunted by the fear of making a mistake. Because of this, he will miss opportunity after opportunity, refuse to implement interesting ideas, for fear of doing something wrong. As a result, he will not be able to realize himself and will consider himself a failure. And it’s good if one day he comes across the right person, a wise book or a film that will make him understand the essence of the problem and think about his future life.

Reason two: ridicule from peers

Children, sometimes unknowingly, can be very cruel. And trouble is for those who cannot stand up for themselves. Often timid, shy children become objects of ridicule and bullying from their more confident peers. Trifling events are transformed by a child's consciousness into universal meanings.

Well, just think, you made a mistake at the blackboard or knocked over something from the teacher’s table with an awkward movement. The class laughed and forgot about the incident after a couple of minutes.

And children who are unsure of themselves will worry about the incident for a long time, feel like losers and guilty, thereby creating the ground for new ridicule from their peers. And the task of adults is not to let the situation take its course, to be puzzled by how to help the child accept and love himself, to calm, encourage and protect him.

Reason three: negative environment

A person is able to adequately evaluate himself when he is surrounded by interesting, purposeful people who serve as role models for him, stimulate his development as a person, and encourage good endeavors and aspirations.

In such an environment, they are not puzzled by the fact that a person cannot accept himself, because these people know their capabilities, set ambitious goals for themselves and successfully achieve them. If you live surrounded by gray townsfolk who can only talk about a better life without doing anything, then this norm of behavior will gradually become habitual for you.

Any manifestation of initiative and thoughts about how to overcome self-doubt will only cause condemnation and grins here. These people will wash the bones of others and complain about life, taking away your energy. Think about it: is it worth spending time on them?

Reason four: physical disabilities

Unattractive appearance can really become a serious problem for a person. Since childhood, many have experienced mocking ridicule from peers and short-sighted adults about excess weight, poor eyesight, short stature, and who knows what else.

Often, an inferiority complex associated with appearance is far-fetched, especially in adolescence, when children are extremely self-critical. If all the media promote strict standards of beauty, into which you do not fit in any way. How can you not get depressed?

There are also serious health problems that, unfortunately, a person cannot influence. But even in these cases, there are always ways to accept yourself and feel confident, despite your physical illness. So, we figured out what the root of “evil” is. Now let's look for a way out - ways to overcome uncertainty. In fact, there may be a lot of them, let’s look at at least 10 main ones, which have long been tried and tested.

10 ways to raise your standards

• Method 1: change your environment

Being a social creature, a person is at least half at the mercy of his environment. Do you want to be rich, self-sufficient and self-confident? Surround yourself with such people! Each of them at one time thought about how to advantageously present themselves and become confident, and started somewhere.

Successful people, consciously or intuitively following karmic laws, as a rule, turn out to be much simpler and more benevolent than they think.

Having reached heights themselves, they will gladly meet you halfway, charge you with positive energy, and help you become better and more successful. You will have new goals and opportunities. Your life will sparkle with new colors and gain meaning. Believe me, it works!

• Method 2: load your brain, never stop learning

Remember yourself when you were young. Many of you were confident, full of hope and ambition. Everything was easy for you, you grasped everything literally on the fly! Why is it not like this now? Why does any need to learn at least something new now cause you complete rejection and drive you into depression?

Yes, because then your brain worked hard, every day you gained new knowledge. What is stopping you from doing this now? Read useful books, watch wise films, start learning a foreign language, a new computer program, master a new profession, finally.

Load up your brain, let it work at full capacity, and then you will have no problems with how to become self-confident. You will be fully occupied, and you simply physically will not have time for depressive conclusions.

If you are not satisfied with your job and want to start doing what you love, then now there are plenty of opportunities to get almost any profession remotely via the Internet, even if you are already of advanced age or live in a small town or village where there are no educational institutions.

• Method 3: Don't compare yourself to others

If you are truly confused about how to love yourself, stop comparing yourself to other people. Each person is interesting and unique in their own way. There will always be someone who is smarter, more beautiful, more influential or richer than you.

Although, no matter what we say, a person is by nature inclined to compare himself with others. In this case, turn this fact to your advantage: let someone else’s success serve as an example and incentive for your own development, and not as a reason for envy and despondency.

• Method 4: love yourself

No one can love you and appreciate you until you do it yourself. Believe me, everyone has shortcomings. It’s just that someone skillfully hides them, and someone gets fixated on them, and then doesn’t know how to get out of it.

Better pay attention to your strengths. It can't be that you don't have them. Find something to praise yourself for, what are your strengths. Make a list of your accomplishments and post it in a visible place. Concentrate on them, cultivate them, develop them in yourself.

• Method 5: pamper yourself

Allow yourself to pamper yourself from time to time. And it doesn’t matter at all what: a fashionable gadget, a beautiful new thing, a trip to the theater or something delicious. Stop fulfilling only the whims of your relatives. In the end, you deserve better too. And this is another great technique for starting to value yourself.

• Method 6: Learn to accept compliments

When people give you compliments, accept them with joy and gratitude. After all, if you respond with “not worth it,” “nothing special,” you not only lower your self-esteem, but thereby offend people who say nice things to you completely sincerely. Therefore, if you don’t know how to love and accept yourself, where to start, first of all, reconsider your attitude towards yourself.

• Method 7: work on your shortcomings

The easiest way is to complain about fate without doing anything to change your life for the better. Are you unhappy with your excess weight? Work on it: go to the gym, to the pool, do yoga, start eating right. There are many ways to get in shape and improve your physical condition, it’s not for me to teach you. Then your thoughts will come into complete order.

Anyone can achieve serious heights and universal recognition, even people with serious health problems. Take the Paralympians or think about Nick Vujicic. They teach and inspire completely healthy people how to cope with their problems and accept themselves. You just need to have a great desire and an iron will. Make a decision for yourself once and for all and start acting.

• Method 8: Do what you love

Doing what you love is another way to yourself. Find time in your life for this, and it doesn’t matter at all what your status is, whether it’s your main job or hobby. After all, only by doing what we love, we get the opportunity to express and realize ourselves to the fullest.

Are you not hired for an interesting job because you lack knowledge? Yes, unfortunately, life does not stand still, and what you were once taught in college or university is no longer relevant for a long time. Take courses, attend master classes, find yourself a tutor, or take training online.

• Method 9: Be honest

Very often people are forced to behave insincerely; they cannot honestly and openly speak out about everything that does not suit them. Because they are either too dependent on other people, or they are afraid of offending someone. And this hurts their self-esteem. How to stop being afraid?

It's very simple - always be sincere. Believe me, people will appreciate this quality and will be grateful to you. Even if you feel hostility towards someone, it is better to express it openly and try to resolve the conflict than to pretend to be friends all your life, while holding a stone in your bosom.

• Method 10: take action!

This is perhaps the surest tactic on the path to how to love yourself and accept your qualities. If you continue to sit with your hands folded and silently endure all the blows of fate, you will finally stop respecting yourself. What then can you expect from others? Don't hesitate, take your first step into a new life right now.

Conclusion

If you have read this article to the end, then most likely you are also thinking about how to come to yourself, love and respect yourself, and also make positive changes in your life. Believe me, this can be done at any age, at any level of training, if there is a desire. You are quite capable of achieving recognition and increasing your income.