How to learn to better understand and feel people. How to understand a person: psychological life hacks The ability to understand other people

We all know that by nature man is a social creature, which means that he cannot live without communicating with his own kind. However, many in their lives are faced with the fact that they find themselves misunderstood by others, or do not understand them themselves. Why does it happen that some people always and everywhere expect the attention of others, love and respect, while others can only hope for it. The secret is simple - in the first case, people know how to understand others and react correctly to them, but in the second - not. Let's try to figure it out together how to learn to understand people and win their sympathy.

What could be the reason that others do not accept you? First, you may not fit their idea of how you should dress. Evaluate yourself from the outside and try to dress in such a way as to look as simple as possible. At the same time, it is very important to feel the difference between simplicity, bad taste and cheapness.

Another reason could be yours. Surely you have long known the expression “Keep it simple, and people will be drawn to you,” but how often have you tried to use this advice? Try to look into your soul and understand how easy or difficult it is for you to communicate with other people, how often do you experience difficulties and awkwardness during this communication? Try to give yourself an explanation for this state of affairs.

It may well be that you simply cannot admit to yourself that you don’t know something. Instead of finding out this from friends or colleagues, you prefer to remain silent so as not to seem like a stupid person to them.

Of course, no one can forbid you to remain silent, and after the conversation, immediately rush to search for the information you need. Your desire to get a new title can only be assessed as commendable, but there are much more rational and enjoyable methods of acquiring new knowledge. Just ask your interlocutor a question about what you don’t know, and he, if he is an adequate person, will be happy to help you figure it out.

Don't be afraid to talk, even if the topic you propose seems empty or meaningless to you. You should not come up with any complex topics for conversation if you are in the company of friends. Such topics will appear on their own. It is better to start a conversation with some neutral topic than to ask some important question and carry on with further conversation with awkward long pauses.

For those who are thinking about how to learn to understand people, there is a little trick: interlocutors react more favorably to open and cheerful people. It is worth separately emphasizing that it is for the merry, and not for the jesters.

If you learn to express your point of view in conversations, without losing self-confidence, and, on occasion, to defuse the situation with an appropriate joke, then very soon you will be able to become the life of any company. You can verify this by the example of your friends who enjoy a certain authority. They probably don't need to do a headstand or anything like that to get the audience's attention. As a rule, they are the most ordinary people, capable of defending their beliefs, and also showing friendliness and respect for others and their opinions. Try to master those of their techniques, thanks to which such people are able to better understand people.

It happens that no matter how hard you try, you still don’t succeed, while others achieve positive results without making any effort at all. Watch them, it may well turn out that their secret lies in the fact that they behave naturally and at ease. Try to behave the same way: relax and be yourself. To do this, you don’t need to change your views and beliefs, you just need to develop in yourself such a quality as.

The most important secret of how to learn to understand people is that you need to be able to put yourself in the shoes of another person in order to understand all his feelings, experiences and thoughts.

Understanding psychology originated at the end of the 19th century. Explaining the mental life of a person has become the main task of psychological research in this branch of science. This development was proposed by the German philosopher Dilthey; he argued that we can explain nature, but we must understand mental life.

How to understand a man

Very different from women's. This is understandable. From birth, boys and girls are raised according to different programs. Girls are future wives and mothers, keepers of the home. Boys are future men, the breadwinners of the family. Therefore, when girls play with dolls and sew clothes for them, boys help daddy repair the car, play football or go fishing.

After a while, the opposite sex begins to be attracted to each other, and it turns out that she does not like fishing and football, and he hates shopping. As a result, more and more often girls are asking the question: how to understand a guy? Psychology can give a lot of advice, but girls just have to use it correctly.

Many beauties try to take the guy’s place, try to think like him. We can say right away: this is not true. A girl can never think like a man because she is a girl. And it’s unlikely that a guy will be pleased to see next to him a beautiful soul mate with boyish habits.

Studying men on the first date

So, the study of the male essence can begin already on the first date. Unfortunately, they don't take hints at all. And if you lick your lips during a conversation, he will hope to continue the conversation. If during communication he extends his hand with his palm up, then this means his sympathy and desire to communicate. Well, if during a conversation a man has his legs crossed and his hands are in his pockets, this means that he is not in the mood for further communication. A large number of compliments should alert you; most likely, he does not take you seriously. You can also read a guy's intention in his eyes. For example, if a young man looks intently into your eyes or often raises his eyebrows up, this will mean that he likes you. Well, a constantly frowning man means reduced interest in your person. If a guy narrows his eyes and smiles at you, he's probably just flirting. This look invites you to continue without further.

Why don't men like to talk?

If it was successful, and the girl managed to understand the guy’s intentions, other problems appear. For example, many ladies complain that men don’t tell them how their day was and don’t ask their loved ones about it. Women are mistaken when they think that men don't care. They are simply accustomed to receiving condensed information about a problem and looking for a solution. A man is unlikely to be interested in hearing what color your colleague’s bag is or how many centimeters high her heels are. For such topics, it is better to find the free ears of a friend.

Another reason for disagreement is misunderstanding of women's hints. Yes, men need to say everything directly. They don't understand hints!

If you don’t understand why a man should go fishing or go to a bar with friends, then think about whether you can sit at work and not discuss your boss’s new hairstyle or haircut with your co-workers? Men talk about other topics, and they need these conversations just as much as you do. Therefore, there is no need to throw hysterics and scenes of jealousy, because then the guy will leave out of spite and will do this often. It is better to wish him good luck before fishing and give him warm clothes so that he does not freeze at night. He will be pleased by your trust. In the meantime, make good use of this evening. Go to the spa, visit a friend, or read a book.

A huge responsibility falls on women’s shoulders for creating comfort in the home, good relationships, love, and a peaceful life. Unfortunately, not everyone can cope with this, but you must remember that from time immemorial it was the woman who was considered the keeper of the hearth.

How to understand yourself

Psychology has been asking this question for a long time. Many psychologists have written scientific treatises on this topic. But no amount of work or advice will help if the person himself does not want it. So, if you decide to understand yourself, then you need to start small. Try to take 5 minutes for yourself every day. After all, this is quite a bit. It's probably best to meditate before bed. Every day ask yourself questions: why was I born, what do I love, what do I dream about, what will I leave behind? These questions will help you understand your essence, and you will take one step towards your knowledge.

The next step is whether you like what you do. If you are not happy with your job, you need to change it. You may have to change 10 jobs, but in the end you will find what suits you! Work should bring pleasure, not a bunch of negative emotions!

It's not scary to make a mistake - it's scary not to draw conclusions from it!

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Many people, having taken the wrong step, “hug themselves into a corner” and close themselves off. They believe that it is better to sit quietly, and then there will be no mistakes. There is a well-known expression: if you want to avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing and be nothing. From this phrase you can understand that you need to fight. It is necessary to go through all the paths and learn from your mistakes!

Many methods in psychology teach us to know ourselves. One of these is trying something new in your life. You never You don't know how to play billiards? Learn!

And remember, Few people still believe in this, although scientists have long proven the correctness of this statement. Become the writer of your book of life. Describe your dreams and your vision of life every day, and believe me, you yourself will not notice when the book becomes a reality.

Communicating with people: how to understand their intentions

Another question that psychology studies is how to understand a person by gestures and facial expressions. Facial expressions are the movement of facial muscles, with the help of which you can determine a person’s mood.

Anger is manifested by tightly clenched teeth and lips, wrinkles on the forehead and a downcast gaze.

Fear can be identified by eyebrows raised and drawn towards the bridge of the nose.

When a person feels disgust, his nose wrinkles, his lower lip protrudes, and his eyebrows droop.

During sadness, the corners of the lips fall down, the person does not raise his eyes from the floor, and the pupils move very slowly, the eyebrows are drawn together on the bridge of the nose.

Joy is manifested by a smile and slightly. If a person does not squint while smiling, this means that it is fake.

Body position when communicating: what to pay attention to?

Understanding psychology allows you to understand a person's intentions by looking at the position of his head. Thus, a raised head speaks of self-confidence and openness to other people. And if it is tilted to the side, this means that the person is ready to compromise. A head hanging down reveals a weak and weak-willed person.

Hands can say a lot

In addition to the head, great importance is also attached to the hands. After all, their movements are practically not regulated by our subconscious. So, hands raised palms up is a good sign. The person wants to communicate with you. If a person walks with his hands behind his back, this is a sign of shyness and timidity. A man who puts his hands in his pockets is trying to hide his insecurity. Rubbing hands means satisfaction and positive emotions. Well, if during a conversation a person touches his face with his hands, he is trying to hide the truth from you. In other words, he's just lying.

Understanding psychology is a huge science that deals with man. With its help, people can get to know themselves, understand their interlocutors and loved ones. Understanding psychology will help anyone find the strength within themselves to create their own happiness at work and at home, among colleagues and family. Don't be afraid to make mistakes! Be afraid to remain a nobody!

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“I can’t imagine why he did this”... “I don’t understand your feelings!” Many of us, even if we did not say these words out loud, have felt something similar. Sometimes we really lack the ability to read other people's thoughts and feelings. Some are lucky - and they are gifted with empathy almost from birth. What about the rest? Are they doomed to remain ignorant? Not at all.

The ability to understand other people can be developed. Two simple and fun exercises will help with this. Both are variations on a basic technique called "Doubling" in psychodrama. When there is a desire or need to better understand a person’s condition, you take on the role of an interlocutor for a while, try to think with his head, feel with his body, and pronounce his condition.

Method 1. With strangers

For example, on public transport you can choose one of the passengers to train. Now mentally imagine that you are him. Become one. What do you think about when you are him? How do you feel? What emotions are you experiencing? Be careful to speak in the first person (not “he rejoices,” but “I rejoice”), as if putting yourself in his place.

It is not a fact that you will guess the parameters of the passenger’s condition. And even if you guess right, it’s not always possible to check. But the task here is different - to get used to entering the role of another person, to try on his state on yourself. You can also train in the park or in a cafe. At the end of the exercise, do not forget to “come to your senses,” that is, remind yourself who you are.

Method 2. With friends

Play a guessing game with a friend.

1. Invite a friend to participate in the experiment.

2. Place a chair next to his chair so that you are facing the same direction. A bench or sofa will also work.

3. Ask a friend to sit quietly for a while (15–20 seconds is enough).

4. Imagine that you are him. You can reproduce his pose and try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.

5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the state in the first person. For example: “I’m calm and I like this game” or “I’m feeling a little irritated because you pestered me with this game and I didn’t finish my coffee.”

6. The task of the person being duplicated is to repeat only that part of the message that was guessed. You can’t say “no” or “wrong”. If not a single word of the “understudy” is suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his condition in his own words.

The dialogue might look like this:

Understudy (D): I'm a little tired, so much work has accumulated.

Subject (I): I'm tired because I didn't get enough sleep today.

D: If I got more sleep, I would feel more alert.

AND: I would feel more energetic if this exhausting renovation was over.

D: I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension.

AND: I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension

The exercise lasts on average 2-3 minutes. If you wish, you can switch roles.

How to use

In its pure form, technology is not used in communication. But if you practice it regularly, you will be able to come much closer to understanding the feelings and thoughts of other people than before. This will help you build good relationships and resolve conflicts more easily.

Anton Vorobyov is a clinical psychologist, business coach, psychodrama specialist. On June 10 and 11 he conducts master classes “Work for joy or play at work” and “Guitar Light” at the Moscow Psychodrama Conference. For details, see the website http://pd-conf.ru/.

The great wisdom in life is understanding that you see and perceive the world differently than others perceive it. And the great task in life is to learn to understand people. After all, understanding a person is sometimes not so easy.

How many times in your life, after communicating with someone, have you said to yourself or the people around you: “I can’t believe she said that” or “Why can’t he understand that what he’s doing is wrong?”, and so on, and so on.

Some of us go through life making decisions based on how we think - and no one else. We often act only based on our ideas about exactly how life should happen and how others should act or react to our words and deeds. And when things don’t go “our way,” or the people around us don’t act the way we think, this leads us to disappointment.

Imagine what your life would be like if you could accept or understand someone else's point of view. As a rule, in most cases we consider ourselves to be right in any situation. Sometimes we can still see another point of view, but for the most part, we still have the last word.

Here are some tips to help you understand the other person's point of view.

Understand that the other person firmly believes that he is doing everything right (even though we may think that he is just crazy). This is already a big step forward, which will help you look at the situation from a different angle. There is nothing wrong with realizing that everyone else is right in their own heads too.

Accept that other people have their own opinions and their own way of doing things. Instead of thinking that only your path is right and that everyone else is wrong, recognize that others have their own path.

Don't take it personally. This is very, very difficult, especially when we sort things out with our loved ones and family. The hardest thing to overcome is when someone around you seems to be intentionally hurting your feelings. You have to realize that this is their reality and they may not really know how they make you feel.

So, don't assume that other people know how you feel. They don't know this. We can only guess what others think about how their words or actions affect us.

The way you see the world may be different from the way others perceive it. We are all people with different views on the world. Understand that others have their own thoughts, feelings and ideas about situations that are different from ours.

What if you spent a week just observing what's happening around you? Just become an observer of other people and their lives. It sounds simple, but it's an interesting practice that will help you understand people better.

Building relationships with others and understanding people is one of the most difficult tasks in life. It's not easy. Look at it this way - we are all part of a big family. We are all completely different, and that makes life very interesting. Would you be interested in life if you were surrounded only by your doubles?

If you can accept that we are all unique and we all have differences, that will be the first step towards your personal freedom. This is not an easy task, but if you listen and try to understand people every day, you will be on the path to a happy life.

Is it easy for you to understand people?

Ask questions as the conversation progresses. Additional questions during a conversation help to better understand the point of view of the interlocutor. Questions also indirectly demonstrate your respect for the speaker's thoughts and feelings. Openness to the perception of information from your interlocutor is a sign of the ability to empathize.

The questions you ask should be open-ended so that the person can decide for himself how to answer them. Leading questions, or questions that try to convince the other person that your point of view is correct, show disrespect for his feelings.
If you ask questions that cannot be answered simply with “yes” or “no,” be sure to give the other person time to provide a detailed answer if they need to explain something further to you.

Choose the best way to express your feelings. It is very important to give vent to your own emotions, however, in order not to offend the feelings of the interlocutor, you must watch how you do this. Using phrases with the pronoun “I” will help you explain your feelings to the other person without demonstrating a judgmental attitude.

For example, you shouldn’t say, “You’re wrong, I was in high school and this happened to me.” It's much more polite to say, “I'm upset by what you just said because it reminds me of my own experience in high school...”
If you sympathize with your interlocutor, then he will probably treat you with sympathy.

Be sure to highlight something positive when you give criticism. If you need to express criticism, be sure to balance your phrase with an equal or even greater emphasis on what the person does well. Absolutely freely choose those moments for which you can sincerely praise the person, and observe moderation in criticism (but at the same time be straightforward).

Refrain from hackneyed phrases and clichés. If a person is going through a difficult time, try not to say something like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or, “I know exactly how you feel.” You may have good intentions, but trying to tell a person that “every cloud has a silver lining” will only show them your indifference.

Try to focus on understanding what is being said. The interlocutor will appreciate your use of phrases like the following: “I’m sorry that this happened. What you have been through and will still have to go through seems truly difficult to bear.”
It is also quite normal to let the other person know that you do not have similar experience. And if you have such experience, know that it may differ somewhat from the situation in which your interlocutor finds himself.

Show respect through body language. Signals of nonverbal communication may be even more important to the interlocutor than your words. Although specific body language may vary from culture to culture, the following signals generally show the other person your respect.

Maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to. This way the person will see that you sincerely want honest communication. However, visual contact should not be continuous for a long time, otherwise it may be interpreted as a threat.
Lean towards your interlocutor when talking to him.
Periodic light touches on the other person's arm can serve to convey friendliness and support. Prolonged physical contact is discouraged because it can be perceived as a threat or flirtation. Before touching a person, it is wise to ask their permission. Respect the answer received in this case.
Do not cross your arms over your chest, keep them relaxed.
Relax your facial muscles and smile if you feel like it.